18/12/18 

One year ago today, I woke up to the news that changed my life forever. 

It was the news that broke my heart, it was the news that turned me to who I am today. I dont blame you. No, I never thought of blaming you. 

I just hoped that during that moment, you were not blaming yourself. 

I blamed the world. Not you. But them. 

They turned their backs against you. And I couldn't do anything about it. I'm sorry. 

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365 days has gone by. I'm surprised to even last for that long, despite the many thoughts of finally following you — but I know you wouldn't want that. Instead, you want me to stay for your brothers, right? To guide them, to support them, to continue filling this page with them for you. To continue to walk the path that you left behind. 

365 days has gone by and a lot has happened. But everyday does not seem to get any better, but instead it gets harder, harder because as time passes by it only means that we're getting nearer to the day you left us. And when will this end? The people that loved you, the people that still loves you, yearns for you, prays for you everyday. 

I am one of them. Words cannot express how much I have loved you, and still loves you. You were my knight in shining armour, you saved me from my lowly life. And now, you turned to be my moon, the one that shines the most in the night sky, the one that lights up my dark room, the one that gives me comfort as I cry in my sleep. 

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How are you today my love? I hope you're happy wherever you are. I hope you finally found the peace that you're yearning for. You are shining more than ever last night my love, your shine has reached my bedroom window — were you comforting me then? Did you witness the tears that ran down my cheeks? I felt you after that, the shine from the moon was gone and a gush of wind suddenly passed by my frame, and with that instant I stopped crying. Was that you? I believed so. 

Thank you for last night, you have put my heart at ease and my mind calm. 

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There is no such thing as 'Farewell' nor 'Goodbye' but a 'See you soon.' yes, I will see you very soon, maybe then you can finally give me the closure Im looking for — then I will tell you all the wondrous things that happened, I will tell you how much I missed you. Most of all, I will tell you how much I am proud of you, and how people loved you so much, I hope you know that right? I will tell you that you did more than well my love. 

There are more things I want to tell you, but that can all wait, wait until we see each other again. 

Remember the promise that I made back in 2008, "I will never leave these boys." I still hold onto that promise, after all that we've gone through — why would I leave now when we know that the future that is ahead of us shines brighter than before? 

And I will send you that promise, the words that you have left behind — the words that we will continue to write, our page is not yet finish, we have a long way to go. More trials and more blessings. And we will encounter them all as we hold each other's hands. 

We will encounter them all with you by our side. 

Until then, 

Until we meet again my love. 

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I miss you, but I know this wont last long — as we start another 365 days without you by our side, the more we get closer to have you once again by our side. 

My love for you will last for eternity.