Epilogue

Weeks Later

It was dark; then it was blindingly bright again. Trees and posts zoomed past the window at a dizzying speed. Scene after scene, view after view, changed after lapses of darkness, as the train passed through tunnel after tunnel in a few minutes’ time frame. If anyone looked at life through this fast-forward motion it would all surely be one big headache. One moment skyscrapers draped the city screen, the next it was a scenic mountain view with little civilization in sight. Rice fields stretching miles after miles would quickly pass, and before anyone knew, another city with huge signboards and tall institutions and running cars sprouted out of nowhere.

Baby Chick: “Traitors!!! You’re both leaving me at the same time ㅜㅜㅜㅜㅜㅜ”

 Joohyun pursed her lips looking down her phone screen.

Squirtle Yerm: “I thought we talked about this. No more crying.”

Baby Chick: “As usual, you’re the coldblooded creature that you really are.”

After Joohyun’s first semester in Seoul had finally ended, and before Yeri had to leave for London, the trio (well, it would feel a little strange to call them the “new” triad so…) had one last hang out together at Han River. It did not seem much of a hang out to Joohyun as it seemed more like a babysitting-slash-counselling activity for children still coping with grief, but it was a time well spent.

“Guys,” Yeri spoke up while sitting on the grass, eating a corndog. “When I leave for London, no crying, okay? I’m not dying or anything. Well, hopefully not.”

“If you’re suggesting you’ll be in a plane crash, it’s not funny, Yeri.” Soo-Young had become a lot more sensitive about comments like that since she was rescued.

“I didn’t say that, gosh, get a grip.”

“Okay, okay, that is enough,” said the eldest, breaking them off with her arms like a boxing referee. “Next topic!”

“No, look, you guys.” Yeri was not finished yet. “I really want to start over when I move to London. Sure, I’ll miss you both, but it likely won’t hurt as much as… you know…”

“Yes, we know.” Joohyun nodded with a hint of melancholy in her eyes. 

“Yeah…,” she tried to say as placidly as she could to keep her voice from breaking, yet the sorrow was just impossible to hide. “Just like what Wendy Unnie told me, I won’t really lose you guys either. I’ll always remember you both too. And besides, we’ll keep in touch. So... we’ll see each other again, okay? No crying?”

Then there were soft sounds of sniffing in Soo-Young’s corner of their little triangle. The other two turned their attention to her, catching her wipe a stray tear that had trickled down her nose. “Wow, Yerim, is that really you talking? Aww, baby Yeri is finally growing up!” The cousin unnie then flung her long arms at her and gave her a tight squeeze.

While the cousins were being all touchy-feely with each other, Joohyun awkwardly cleared . “And uh, I haven’t really told you guys this, but I’m going back to Daegu on the day Yeri leaves for London too.”

“What?!” That high-pitched burst of pure shock pierced through their eardrums. Soo-Young’s big round eyes looked fiery, like she was suddenly shot with betrayal. Even the eldest was intimidated.

“I’m just staying in Daegu for a month or so to visit my family. Don’t freak out too much.”

“But still…” Soo-Young puckered her lips and pulled out strands of grass in frustration. “You’re saying I have to stay here and attend ‘special summer make-up class’ and I don’t even get to see you? It’s bad enough I don’t have Yeri and the other two unnies…”

“I’m sorry, Soo-Young, but I have a family too and they’re waiting for me,” Joohyun frowned as she patted the girl’s back. “I’ll come back though, and we can see each other as often as you want next semester. I won’t be gone for too long. I’ll send you messages as often as I can.”

And now, just as she said, Joohyun was in a train bound for Daegu, watching the two cousins’ exchange in their new chatroom. There she found herself in tears again. This semester had been one hell of a ride. Thinking back, it had all passed too quickly. Nevertheless, this rollercoaster-ride of a season had been the most unforgettable season of her life. At the end of it, Yeri ended up leaving for London, Soo-Young attended specialized summer classes for the survivours of the Eunhasoo Tragedy, and Joohyun headed back to Daegu to be with her family.

Meanwhile, the very person who insisted in “no crying” began to tear up as soon as her bottom touched the cold economy seat of their booked airline. Out the window, Yeri pretended to be fascinated by the airport crew tossing boxes and luggage after luggage from a carrier truck onto a conveyor-belt ramp—loading aircraft cargo into a different plane. The truth was, she just did not want her mother to notice her wet eyes. She made sure her face was completely turned to the window. When the final moments before the deafening high-speed take-off began, she held onto her Squirtle plushie (the one Seulgi had given her) tightly and closed her eyes. Goodbye, Korea. See you again someday.

For a while, Soo-Young’s life had sort of reverted back to the same old boring summer of her first days in Ansan. She stayed in her house all alone with no one to talk to, just staring out the window to the neighbour’s house, listening to nature’s lively summer track. It was boring and rather depressing, but she learned to get by.

When the school had finally reopened for the surviving students, it was one significant, melancholic event. Students had walked in a procession into the school gates to be greeted by hundreds of parents embracing them into their arms. It was disheartening to see only a few had remained, and all the other friends they used to greet upon coming in to school were now gone. And though not all had been completely wiped out by the ocean waters, the remaining faces were far from smiling. Needless to say, it was another tearful event. The days after were spent studying in a gradual pace, with plenty of help from psychological therapists dealing with trauma and tragedies. 

In Daegu, Joohyun found that her father’s neurological condition had gotten better through physical therapy. Now he was able to communicate with her by slurring in simple terms. One day, while she was telling him stories of this past semester and all the burden-filled hardships and heart-wrenching pain she had faced, her father had looked her in the eyes and slowly, yet successfully, uttered, “You worked hard (수고했어).” And it was true. She did work hard. To hear her father unexpectedly say it with all the effort he could muster—nothing could have been more touching. She got through a difficult time. She should be more proud of herself.

As time passed, everyone slowly learned to get by, despite the glaring changes. It still wasn’t easy though, especially when a certain object, a certain view, a certain sound or song would trigger vivid memories back to life. And the empty spaces that those friends used to fill... they still left a gaping hole in people’s broken hearts. The distraught nation was not completely over the disaster. The Eunhasoo would still appear in the news from time to time as other missing bodies continue to be found and more details of the sinking were uncovered. The ghost of a tragedy this big and controversial would most likely loom over a heartbroken generation for a long time. Like keeping dusty memorabilia in the back of cupboards, they would take it out for dusting and admire it for a second before keeping it back in its little corner. And so for a long time, they do remember, or at least they try. 

*

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10 Years Later

“Thank you, enjoy the book.”

Bae Joohyun had been signing around 50 or so books for almost 2 hours now. Her neck had turned a little stiff and her hips were slightly numb from sitting straight on the chair the bookstore had provided, yet the friendly greeting of book-buyers went on. She had received a few comments from readers, saying “I was moved to tears,” and “Thank you very much for writing this.” And she was truly grateful. Truly grateful. It was the first book she had ever published—a book with a story that she held close to her heart.

In the final minutes of her book-signing, fewer people had come to her desk. While there were no more customers, she relaxed a bit on her chair and closed her eyes. Bending her neck to the left and then to the right never felt so good. Before she could open her eyes, a loud slam on her desk induced a sudden squeak to escape from her very surprised reflexes. Some people browsing through the shelves briefly turned their attention to her.

Looking up at the towering customer, she breathed a sigh of relief. Then, with a threatening glare, she said in a low whisper, “Soo-Young, you scared me!”

Park Soo-Young—now somehow even taller than before, with longer dark hair, lips painted a bright red, and a gorgeously fit and curvy body—was still annoyingly as mischievous as she had always been. Upon seeing the priceless expression of shock on Joohyun’s face, she let out that “witch-like psychotic laugh” that poor Seulgi used to fear. “Miss Bae Joohyun Author-nim (작가님), I’m here to get my copy signed.”

The pissed off Joohyun could not really give the girl the punishment she deserved right at this moment, so on the flyleaf page, she wrote, “You’ll pay for that later Park Soo-Young.” Then she drew her signature below it and a drawing of an angry face.

When Soo-Young read the note, she chortled once more. “I actually already paid.” She held up a receipt. “Though I probably won't read this, I’ll support you by buying anyway! Maybe someday I'll eventually get to it. I don't know."

Joohyun rolled her eyes. “Thanks… take your time.”

"You surely took your time. Took you 10 whole years to get this done," Soo-Young sneered.

"It's not easy when you have a whole career to build and a bunch of crappy jobs. Don't even get me started on publishers..."

Soo-Young stayed in the bookstore with Joohyun until the signing was over. After wrapping up, Joohyun went to the basement carpark with her younger friend. Unlocking her sleek, black sedan, the two of them opened the doors and settled themselves in.

“So how’s Yeri?” Joohyun asked as she slipped off her pointy black heels and slipped on a comfy pair of furry purple slides. “She just arrived from London yesterday, didn’t she? She’s staying at your house?”

“Yeah, and she went out to meet her friends the first thing this morning. She’s only staying for the rest of the summer so she’ll have a few weeks or so here. She just arrived and she’s been itching to do a lot of things already. I don’t know where she gets the energy.”

Joohyun switched on the engine and began to drive out of the carpark.

“How old is she again?”

“She’s 23 now.”

“Wow.” The driving unnie came to a turn and was eventually out of the underground parking. Squinting after being greeted by the bright summer sun, she pulled down the sunshield above her. “When I first met her, she was totally a kid. Now she’s 23?”

“Yeah, she just graduated university, I'm working now… and you’re now a lot older.”

“Thirty-one isn’t old!”

“Well, you’re older than you once were. Plus, you’re now a journalist and a somewhat known book author. But most importantly, you no longer have that funny accent.”

With a full Daegu accent, she exclaimed, “You thought my accent was funny?!”

“Never mind. It’s still there…”

When they arrived at their destination, the two walked down a familiar street—a street they knew all too well. Down a little further, they saw the familiar bakery with the red sign—but with a different name. Little Wendy’s Red Bakeshop. (Chef Taeyeon had decided to change the name years ago in dedication to the little employee with big dreams. Now at least, one of those lost dreams were fulfilled.)

“It still feels surreal every time I look at this,” Soo-Young remarked, staring up the signboard before entering the same glass door from before.

“Yeah,” Joohyun exhaled.

When they entered the shop, the design and layout had changed a little, replaced by more modern displays and a framed photograph of Chef Taeyeon with none other than Wendy Son. The caption directly below states, “Future Baker.” The shop had hired new employees as well; Joohyun was no longer standing behind the counter. Looking toward the small dining area still located by the airy glass window, they found a girl with blonde-dyed hair of about high school age already eating some brownies.

“There’s Yeri,” Soo-Young pointed, in case Joohyun would not recognize her. The older girl hadn’t seen the kid in years (except maybe in photographs and video chat). “My gosh, she just came yesterday and now she dyed her hair already?”

“Oh, hey!” The teenage girl stood up from her seat with brownie crumbs still trailing her lips. She then met Joohyun halfway, giving her a big, warm hug. “Joohyun Unnie! I missed you SO much! Why is it everytime I'm back in Korea, you look exactly the same? Still very pretty!”

“Not true, this old granny got a few lines around her eyes right here.” Soo-Young pointed to the sides of her eyes while leaning down closer to look at Joohyun’s face.

“What?! No, I did not! And who’re you calling granny?!” Joohyun retorted in outrage.

“Just kidding,” Soo-Young mischievously giggled.

Yeri also stared at the eldest’s face. “Seriously though, you look exactly the same. Black hair and pale pretty face and all. It’s so nice to see you again!”

“Yes, it’s great to see you again too. And um… you’ve grown… taller,” Joohyun muttered the last part, seeing that the once shorter girl was now around the same height as her—maybe even slightly taller (and she sure hoped not!).

After grabbing some bread and paying at the counter, the two older girls sat with Yeri at the small dining area. There on the table, the writer laid a copy of her book with an illustration of a blue umbrella. Then she pushed it to the younger girl across her. “It’s my welcome back gift.”

“Ooooh, a book! One Rainy Spring Day by Bae Joohyun—a totally unknown author,” Yeri teased. Joohyun rolled her eyes again. With a nasal snicker, the teen added, “It’s signed too. Nice. I’ll read it well!”

“I know you would.”

“Of course, I would,” Yeri said, already flipping through the pages. “This is about them, right?”

“Yes.”

Then she read through one of the first pages, “Dedicated to Baby Bear, Baker Queen, Baby Chick, and Little Squirtle; all their friends and family; and all the lost stars out in the sea…” Yeri suddenly froze; her eyes shot to Joohyun. “You’re not going to make me cry with this one, are you?”

“That’s exactly why I won’t read it,” Soo-Young said after swallowing a mouthful of her red velvet cupcake. “I still get triggered sometimes. But I probably will try to read it someday when I’m ready. Will I ever be ready though?”

“Psh… don’t believe that liar; she never reads books whether it’s triggering her or not,” Yeri scoffed.

“Not true! You don’t know what it’s like for me! I—”

Before Soo-Young could fully retaliate, Joohyun already stopped her like a referee again. “Okay… let’s not start that again. Try to be a little more sensitive, Yeri.” It was like they were never separated for four years.

An hour and a half flew by without even being noticed. The three girls talk on and on, catching up, reminiscing, and even throwing impish jabs at each other with their words. Joohyun smiled seeing them like this. It was the closest she ever got to reliving those final moments of spring four years ago—the days when the season was about to transition to summer—before the waterworks all came crashing down. The nostalgia felt surreal.

“I heard in the news that the ferry was finally raised last year,” Yeri said on a more serious note.

“Yeah. After it was raised, Seulgi’s parents went to see it. Though I didn’t go myself, it was an emotional experience just seeing it on TV. Though last year, I went to a memorial service in at Jindo commemorating the sad event, and I just started bawling while looking out to the ocean.” And just now, her eyes were welling up with tears again. “I’m sorry. I still get all emotional when I remember. When I remember, the most painful memories are still very crystal clear too.”

“Well, about remembering…” Joohyun glanced over at her phone. “We all know the plan today. We should probably head on out. Soo-Young, you got the stuff, right?”

“It’s here in my bag,” Soo-Young answered while fanning her face with her hands after that emotional rush.

“Okay, let’s go.”

Back on the road during the slowest moments of rush hour, Yeri began playing a shuffled playlist of her new favorite girl group in Joohyun’s car through Bluetooth.

“Gosh… I just love this song…” Soo-Young said, trying not to fall apart again, but obviously failing.

“Who is this group?” Just like a grandma, Joohyun absolutely had no idea whose B-side track this song was.

“It’s Red Velvet, you old hag.”

“Oh, yeah... They’re pretty hot nowadays, right?”

“Maybe you should get back at being an intern in a radio station again and refresh your knowledge in pop culture,” Yeri chuckled.

A bunch of detours and a good long hour and a half later, they were finally nearing their destination. Stepping out of the car, the three of them breathed the dewy evening air. Out here away from the city, a soft symphony of chirping crickets, buzzing cicadas, and rustling leaves provided a soothing effect to the even more soothing evening view. Just like that summer day four years ago, the greens were lush, and the air was warm. But unlike that day, a line of puffy orange clouds mingled with the deep blue sky as the sun was getting ready to leave for the horizon.

Joohyun pressed the button on her car key, locking the car. “Let’s go.”

The trio headed into the enclosed grassy park, where they had to keep walking before reaching their ultimate destination. Deep into the special memorial park with names and dates engraved on stones. Flowers—and others even candles and letters—lay on the flat stones, left by the loved ones of the distraught.

“Wow. It's been forever,” Yeri said. Her voice had turned sombre and a lot lower due to the sudden discomfort rising in . With no warning, memories came rushing back like it was all yesterday, flooding her very eyes. That day four years ago, when everyone wore black on the sunniest of days... yeah, she could picture it all so clearly in her head.

“We try to visit as often as we can,” Joohyun told her as she held the younger girl closer with her arm over her shoulder. “They’re not very far from here.”

A few more steps and finally, before them were two familiar names side by side. They were surrounded by flowers too, just like the others. It’s been a while, Seulgi and Wendy. The trio stood there to greet their two old friends. Then Joohyun turned to Soo-Young and cocked a brow.

“Right…” The tallest opened up her handbag, took out two pieces of chocolate bonbons, and gave one to Seulgi and one to Wendy just like the good old days.

Joohyun also took out another signed copy of her book and placed it on the little space between them. “This is for you,” she breathed. “I wrote it all for you both. And for me and everyone else too.”

“You know, for the first time, it’s just like there’s five of us again,” Yeri said in a low whisper, her wide-eyed gaze not leaving the two rectangular stones.

“Yeah…”

What would they both have become today? Joohyun wondered. Would Seulgi have successfully passed her college entrance exams and study hard in university like she so desired? Then she chuckled to herself. No doubt. The girl always had great determination and a lot of potential. And of course, we all know Wendy would still be working hard at perfecting her baking skills.

I... truly miss them. The girls of my youth, the girls that held me close and loved and cherished me even more than the most precious of diamonds... Though our time was short, nothing could compare.

In Soo-Young’s corner, sniffs and sobs were heard once more. “I really miss you guys!” And before they knew it, all of them poured out their tears together as five once again like the sudden passing of a summer rain shower. Though time passed and seasons changed, their cherished memories brighter than the rising sun; and precious friendship held more dearly than any sparkling gem; will remain in their hearts always and forevermore—never to be forgotten.

~끝~

Author's Note 2018

It's finally done! Personally, I'm glad this is finally over, but I will definitely miss the whole writing process. It was fun and painful at the same time.

Like I said in the Foreword, this story is very near and dear to my heart, because a lot of the scenes are fictional twists of stuff that happened to me in real life.

Anyways, I know I probably said thank you so many times already, but really, thank you for reading all the way to the end of this fic. It's my first after 3 years of hiatus from this site. I'm glad there are people out there who actually enjoyed this and followed this until the end, when originally, this entire story is just me ranting and being dramatic/emotional over random crap haha. And those who upvote and comment, I do appreciate all of you, truly. *finger hearts*

That's it. Goodbye for now. :P

Please remember the victims of Sewol and pray for those who lost their loved ones in the tragedy. ㅠㅠ