Warning : You guys know how homophobic some Korean elderlies are, so I hope no one is offended later.

It was hard, very hard. Being the eldest son in the Kwon family had placed the burden in my shoulders to always meet Appa's demands and wishes. His every words are a must for me to obey, because I don't want to disappoint him, ever. Even if I was ordered to keep a distance from my own brother..

Me and Youngbae, my brother, were very close when we were kids until we got into elementary school. Those days were very heartwarming everytime they came flashing back in my mind like an old film. However, that was all in the past. Our sibling bond were good, even though we were different in some ways. 

Youngbae, he always gets what he wants. Since he was a cute chubby baby, he had always demanded that everything has to be the way he wants, and my parents will entertain his needs with no qualms. He does whatever he wants to, and go wherever he wants to go.

As for me, I was too obedient, too pliant to voice out my wants and wishes. I had always lived my life based on Appa's instructions. What to wear, how to behave at any social events, how to smile, the school I'd be studying at, and practically the way I breathe was based on my Appa's guidance. I felt like a robot, but that was who I had always been since little.. Since that one day when I was five when Appa had called me out to the garden and told me my responsibilities as his first son and his big expectations for me.

Youngbae was oblivious to my internal sufferings, because when I'm with him, I was always the doting big brother whom he adored with all his heart. There wasn't any kind of adventure that I didn't have with him. We swam across the poisoned sea, we flew across a mile of active volcanos, and once in a while we'll save Prince Pooh from the bad guys.. 

We played together, went to school together, and even slept together -- tangled under the same duvet until I reached thirteen. It all changed that year after the arrival of what my Appa would call a 'pest' in the form of a tall mannequin with chiseled jaw.

It was the first day of school, and there was a new student in my class. The only empty seat was the one beside me, but being a timid person, I dared not make any eye contact when I heard the class teacher instructed him to sit beside me. I could hear his footsteps approaching, and suddenly my nose was being flicked.

I looked up, surprised, and blinked twice as I looked at my attacker. The new boy was (very) good-looking, and if the teacher hadn't introduced him as the new student from America just now, I would have thought that he was some model or an actor. He stretched out a hand to offer a handshake, and I slowly took out my hand and shook his firm hand.

"You know, you should stop staring right now.. You're not exactly my type.."

I flushed at the sudden blunt comment and pulled my hand away from him. Staring accusingly at him, he only shrugged as he sat on his chair and took out his text book. Gulping, I hesitantly spoke to defend myself, "I wasn't staring, is it wrong if a guy appreciates another guy's look..?"

He looked at me skeptically, smirking, "Just admit that you were attracted to me, I won't be mad.."

Okay.. This was absurd.. "Why would I be attracted to you..? I'm not ga--" Somehow, I couldn't find it in me to continue.

Seemingly understanding my problem, he helpfully supplied, "What..? You're not gay..?"

I unsurely shook my head. Though, was it true..? I was never interested in any girl before, and I had reasoned out on my seemed-to-be extremely high standards for that. But.. There were undeniably some occasions where I was captivated by some boys' masculine features and tough bodies. I thought I was envying them, wanting to grow up and be like them.

Could I have been wrong all this time..?

Somebody patted my shoulder, returning me back to the real world where the class is still going on -- it was the new kid, my new deskmate. I faced him, and he smiled at me, "So you're one of those who's still having uality issues..?"

What the hell-- uality issues..??!

Of course the answer would be 'No...!'  ......  

Or perhaps a 'Yes..?' ....

....

Can I leave the answer space blank..? Because truthfully, I DON'T KNOW!!

He held out his hand again, and this time I only stared at it, not making any move to accept the gesture. "The name's Seunghyun,"  I watched as the new boy -- Seunghyun -- smiled and opened his mouth to continue.

"I was just like you not too long ago, so I understand the doubts. We can be friends, and I'll help you find the real you.. How does that sound..?"

So.. Seunghyun is a homoual..? And he's thinking that I was just like him..? Pfft.. That was just so ridiculous--

But why do I feel like he's kind of.. right..?

He was still waiting for my response, and I bit my lips -- a habit of mine when I'm nervous or doubtful -- as I unsurely looked at his confident face.

"Friends..?" He tried again, and this time with a little confidence I took his hand and gave him a small smile, "Friends,"

It was two weeks later, we have been hanging out together for awhile, and on that day we were lying around under a big oak tree, when Seunghyun shared with me his stories when he was still living in the States. Apparently, he returned to Korea after his parents sent him to live with his grandparents, because he's too wild for his age. He told me he befriended with boys who were much much older than him and frequently did he hangout with them and saw them smoking weeds, drinking alcohols and all. But Seunghyun swore he had never tried any of them, not like anyone trusted him anyway.

When I had interrupted him, timidly saying that I do believe in him, he smiled and side-hugged me. I wasn't surprised that the hug didn't cause any flip on my heart, because I don't feel any kind of a