Hey Jjong..

It's been another month. It's been 3 months, in fact.

Many times within the past month, I have been thinking that I'm over this. I thought that I am in peace. Few days ago it just suddenly came in a gush of waves once again. Adding up with my own personal problems, it's been hard on me.

Jjong-ah, I still can't believe that you're gone. I'm still slowly accepting reality and I know I will fully accept it one day. It's bound to happen, but the sadness will definitely be lingering, no matter how much or how little it is.

You must be happy now, aren't you? I'm happy for you, really I am. I'm not happy for myself, however. It's been a rocky month and everyone around me everywhere had problems which somehow became my own.

Jjong-ah, I'm distracting myself from my problems pretty well up till now. Are you proud? kkk I'm watching your sunbaes on Super TV.. these hyungs of yours are real dorks, I must say.

I realised that "me" time is really important. It's important to let myself go.. pull myself away from social media and just focus on what I do in life. I think that's the true meaning of living, right? I focus on graphics, I focus on music.

Music. We both love it so much, I'm sure everyone does too. This art, can never compare to others.

I'm learning how to play End of The Day on piano.. it's one of my favourite songs of yours.. and it has true meaning to it. 

I'll cherish it.

I had despicable thoughts, but I'm doing my best to get rid of them. I pray to God that He will help me in this tough journey, and I pray that you will be there to watch me grow away from these negativity.

I feel love many times, from the people I want to be loved with. Sometimes, though, it just doesn't feel right. It feels like there's an obstacle that I have to clear. What would you do if you were in my shoes right at this moment?

I need a path. I do have paths. I just don't know which one to take. I'm not courageous enough for my own good, and I'm sick of that.

Thank you for being my diary. Thank you for being my source of strength. I hope it's never too late to ever thank you enough. My letters may not seem as long and meaningful as they were before, but trust me, if there's anyone I can talk to besides God, it's gotta be you. It's this never changing love that you have taught me to plant in myself. 

I hope you're watching over me, guardian angel. 

You know? Now that I think of it.. if I were to have a brother, I would go to the end of the world to have you as my own. If I were to have a brother like you, how blessed would life be? It would be so nice to know I have a protective brother ahead of me, one who's so loving and kind. One who can talk to me about any problems I have. An angel.

Maybe, I'll talk on that soon.

That's it for now. 

Rest in peace, Jjong oppa.

Love, 

J.