“I’m sorry.”

Those were the words she used the moment Ji Hoo confessed his love for her. Seo Hyun’s heart ached while she thought of the look of pain and heartbreak that crossed Ji Hoo’s face. When they were children what she remembers most was just that. There was always a look of pain and heartbreak on Ji Hoo’s face. Never once did Seo Hyun see Ji Hoo smile.

 

Whether Ji Hoo was with his F4 friends or his grandfather there was never happiness on this face. Seo Hyun understood, Ji Hoo’s parents had died when he was so young. She had been brought in as a playmate for Ji Hoo. The quiet, docile violinist. Seo Hyun remembers spending afternoons with Ji Hoo at the Goo mansion. Often time what she remembers is trying to get Ji Hoo to play with her. Most of the time what he liked to do was be by himself.

 

It was moments like those that reinforced Seo Hyun’s thoughts when it came to her and Ji Hoo. She could never make him happy. She could never make him smile.

 

“What are you doing here?” Seo Hyun questioned Ji Hoo, while he stood outside of her Paris apartment.

“I wanted to come see you. I want to be with you.”

His words, while they caused her heart to clench in pain, maybe more Seo Hyun stopped herself from feelings she had restricted herself from ever having.

“You shouldn’t be here.”
“Why?”

“Seo Hyun.”

 

It was at that moment that her fiancé Valentin chose to come over, to her apartment.

“Hi. Is there something you need?” He questioned Ji Hoo after walking over to Seo Hyun and kissing her cheek. Ji Hoo’s expression was that of pain. This caused Seo Hyun to look away unable to maintain her composure.

“Valentin. This is my childhood friend Ji Hoo.”
“It’s nice to meet you.” Valentin spoke to Ji Hoo offering him his hand to shake though Ji Hoo remained only looking at Seo Hyun.

 

Forcing herself to smile at Ji Hoo, Seo Hyun continued,

“Ji Hoo. This is Valentin my fiancé”

The look of pain which crossed Ji Hoo’s face was something that knocked the wind out of Seo Hyun. Before she could say anything to him Ji Hoo was already walking away. Before she could stop herself Seo Hyun was already running after Ji Hoo.

“Wait!” She called out to him causing him to stop, though he did not turn to look at her.

 

She could feel it in her heart that this would be it. Their last goodbye. Wrapping her arms around his waist and pressing herself against his back she spoke.

“I’m sorry.”

Ji Hoo didn’t say anything instead he untangled himself from her embrace and just like that, he walked away leaving her crying and in pain.

Seo Hyun did not believe that she would ever see Ji Hoo again. She would be lying if she said she did not love Valentin. He was a good man, loving, caring of her. They had a lot of things in common. He was a giving man and like she, he liked giving to charities. Together, they’d given a lot of money to build schools in third world countries, children living in poverty.

 

They’d met while working together building schools and she loved spending time with him. Together time was at times too fast and it didn’t take long for her to fall for him. But that did not mean that there was still not a soft spot for Ji Hoo.

 

Seo Hyun did not know what would happen with Ji Hoo. Whenever she would talk to Jae Hee she wouldn’t mention Ji Hoo much. For that, Seo Hyun was glad. Months would go by and while she thought she would be happiest beside Valentin, there was still that lingering feeling in her heart.

They’d been happy, so long as they were working on something together. Alone, it was like the magic had gone. Valentin was busy with work mostly. He was a great lawyer and he would bury himself in his cases giving it his all. Sometimes Seo Hyun thought she was only good for cooking and cleaning for him.

 

He would not look at her nor would he speak more than two words to her. It was as if she was living with a stranger. The things they once would talk about became nonexistent. She was so lonely, feeling so unloved. It was during times like these that she missed Korea, missed her family, missed her friends… she missed Ji Hoo.

 

Seo Hyun found herself living in her past, looking through memories. Looking at a photograph of Ji Hoo which she hid in the bottom of her drawer. Each night she would look at it and that was when she made her decision. Valentin had come home and had taken that photograph in his hands. There was rage and sadness in his eyes as he spoke

“You don’t love me Seo Hyun. You care for me but. I don’t have your entire heart.”
 

For Seo Hyun who felt so out of touch with her husband all she wanted was to go home, to someone who she knew was waiting for her.

“This isn’t working anymore. You don’t care for me. You don’t love me. I want a divorce.” With those words in mind Seo Hyun packed her things and left.

 

Thinking back now, Seo Hyun realized she had been so immature at that time, and naïve. She’d seen Ji Hoo as a last resort and a doormat. For that, she feels guilty. But of course when she arrived back in Korea after running away what she had not anticipated was Ariel.

 

When she first came to know of the girl she had meant to go see Ji Hoo. What she wanted was to continue where they had left off... and hopefully Ji Hoo would give her that chance. She had gone to see him at the music center his family owned. They’d spent so much time there together. Seo Hyun remembers watching many of Ji Hoo’s practices. What she had liked about it was the passion which Ji Hoo would play the violin, the piano, and guitar. He was so skilled and expected him to continue with this.

 

When he’d gone to visit him what she had not expected was to hear that voice. Her voice was soft, melodic, calming and… inviting. There was something different about the way Ji Hoo was playing and the song…. The song which Ji Hoo was playing on the piano while it was beautiful and she could recognize it. Seo Hyun thought it was out of the ordinary for Ji Hoo to play anything that was of this century, much less and ost.

 

Seo Hyun’s heart was racing and when the music finally stopped she gained the courage to finally open the door. She wished she hadn’t. Ji Hoo was with someone, Ariel, she would later hear her name from him. She was beautiful, chestnut hair, honey colored eyes and a face that upon first glance was considered, cute and naïve. At that time, she had not wanted to see it and called out to him breaking their moment.

“Seo Hyun.” Ji Hoo spoke in surprise.

 

The girl beside him had simply stayed quiet. Seo Hyun didn’t acknowledge her then simply heading towards Ji Hoo and hugging him tightly. Her mind refused to accept the fact that he was not hugging her back or that his eyes were not looking at her the way they had in the past. She could not see the distress in his eyes and refused to. Smiling at the girl who was in front of her she was about to speak instead the girl stood up from where she was and smiled at her brightly. Ariel bowed to her politely and then turned to Ji Hoo.

“I should let you too talk. I’ll see you later Sempai.”

 

She had left faster than Ji Hoo could react and before long they were alone, just she and Ji Hoo. Silence lingered between them for what felt like hours and Seo Hyun simply smiled. Sitting beside Ji Hoo on the piano and tinkering with the keys.

“We were here so much as children. You were always so good at playing.”
“Why are you here?” JI Hoo finally asked her.

“I’m divorcing.”

 

Her words lingered between them for the longest of times and then she smiled.

“I want to catch up. How have you been?” She questioned.

“I’m fine.” Ji Hoo responded.

“Was she your date?” Seo Hyun questioned wanting to know, though she smiled at Ji Hoo. Once again and as always, his face was stoic.

“No. She’s my friend Ariel. She’s Yi Jeong’s cousin.”
“Baby Ariel.” Seo Hyun thinks.

 

She didn’t know a lot about The Soo’s but she knew enough to know that Yi Jeong at one point could have been raised by and Aunt and Uncle. Nodding she smiled at Ji Hoo.

“Do you mind. Taking me home. I want to see my parents. I haven’t had the courage to go home yet and tell them the news.”

Ji Hoo is quiet for a second before he nods and stands up.

 

It comes to her like breathing, locking her arm with Ji Hoo’s but when she does this she feels him pull away.

“Sorry. I… it’s strange… after all this time.” He tells her. Even so Seo Hyun smiles at him and they go home together.

When she arrives home it’s chaos with her parents but she refuses to back down. Not when Valentin and she have drifted apart. Ji Hoo doesn’t stay for the argument simply drops her off. Seo Hyun isn’t comfortable with speaking to him about her marriage. Ji Hoo doesn’t ask much simply if she’s okay.

 

She asks him out to lunch and she talks to him about their past. They even go see Ji Hoo’s grandfather together. Seo Hyun is glad that she is still treated with kindness at Ji Hoo’s home. Her parents continue to insists that she work things out with Valentin. Seo Hyun is too hurt to pick up his calls.

 

For the next few days she does he best to spend time with Ji Hoo. F4 and the girls receive her with kindness though Seo Hyun can tell that something is definitely different. It’s only when they are at the mall and he see’s the way in which Ji Hoo looks at that girl that she realizes she’s lost him. That night he drives her home without saying anything to her and then Seo Hyun calls Jae Hee.

 

They sit together in Jae Hee’s office who offers her a smile.

“How have you been?” Jae Hee asks.

“Alright.”
“Why are you back?”
“My husband and I… things aren’t working out.”
“And Ji Hoo… you think things will work out with Ji Hoo now? Is he your second option.”
“I…”
“Clear up what you feel first. Don’t hurt Ji Hoo again. Besides… There might be someone else who might see Ji Hoo as more than just comfort.”
“Ariel?” Seo Hyun questioned earning a soft smile from Jae Hee.

“You’ve met her?”
“Briefly. What type of person is she?” Seo Hyun questioned.

“Naïve, Bubbly, Ji Hoo smiles and laughs when he’s around her. Ariel from what I gather is… bullied and isolated at her own school. They both smile a lot when they’re together. They’re good for each other.”

Jae Hee’s words caught Seo Hyun off guard but even so she smiled.

“Seo Hyun. Listen to me.” Jae Hee spoke gently.
“I know it’s hard right now. Your husband is always busy and that might seem like the end of the world to you. But it’s your first year as husband and wife. You both need to adjust and you being away for a couple of days will do both of you some good.”
“I…”
“Have you talked to your husband?”
“He’s been trying to reach me.”
“But you want him to come after you. Don’t you?” Jae Hee spoke.

 

In her heart Seo Hyun knew that what Jae Hee was telling her was the truth. However, she was confused as far as Ji Hoo.

“Why did you reject Ji Hoo?” Jae Hee questioned.

“From my understanding he chased after you and you shot him down.”
“I did… I loved Valentin and Ji Hoo he… we would never work out I”
“Then you are falling back on him. Please. Call Valentin back. You don’t want to cling on to this and then regret your marriage.”

 

When she arrives home that night it’s Ji Hoo that is waiting for her.

“Can we talk?” He asks.
She can feel it, just like she had before when she walked away from him. This was a good bye.

They stayed outside, just outside her porch. Ji Hoo wouldn’t speak for what felt like hours and then he looked at her.

“Do you know…. I thought we would be together some day. I kept hoping and wishing you’d come back like you are now.”
“Ji Hoo.”
“Let me finish.. please.” Ji Hoo said to Seo Hyun.

“I never imagined myself falling in love with anyone else. Or loving someone that wasn’t you…. Then I realized I can be happy…I don’t know why you’re back and I wouldn’t want to think that it’s because of me… I know you’re facing problems and I’ll listen to you if that’s what you want. I realized after all this time that what I felt was simply friendship and I’d grown accustomed to being around you.”
“Do you love her? Does she make you happy?” Seo Hyun questioned.

“She makes me happy. Do I love her?... I won’t tell you that until she’s heard me say it first… I’m sorry.” With those words Ji Hoo walked away and while Seo Hyun stood there thinking about what he had said she smiled.

 

It was as if a weight had been lifted off her shoulders. She would always have a soft spot for Ji Hoo. She would always love him, but she would always love him as her friend. Walking in to her house she was shocked to see her husband. He stood there tall, handsome, his dark hair disheveled and a look of distress in his blue eyes.

“I’m sorry. Please. Come home and We’ll fix things…”
 

Thinking back Seo Hyun smiled to herself. She’d been so childish back then. She was not use to difficulties of any magnitude. Valentin and she had taken some much needed vacation time, they’d compromised and put more effort into their relationship. She didn’t have to think about what it was she liked about him. She got rid of Ji Hoo’s picture. She explained to Valentin about him and she’d given up thinking of the past when he future was bright beside her husband. She loved him and being with him every single day made her fall more in love with him.

 

They’d been invited to Jae Hee’s wedding with Il Hyun. Seo Hyun was happy for her friend. She knew she would be seeing Ji Hoo after five years when she did. She observed both Ariel and Ji Hoo from a distance. Ji Hoo was with F4. As always he was stoic then Ariel walked over to him. There was a smile on his face as they spoke to one another. The rest o f the girls joined and stood beside their respective other, but it was the way Ji Hoo looked at Ariel and the way she looked back at him, both smiling, both close to one another, that told Seo Hyun they were in love. She watched them dance throughout the night and it was only when Ariel briefly walked away from Ji Hoo that she had the courage to go up to him.

“Hi.” She greeted and was met with a smile, something that was never given to her by Ji Hoo.

“Hi.”
“How have you been?” She questioned.

“Happy. Very happy. I hope you are as well.”
“I am. My husband and I we’re expecting. We’ve yet to tell anyone so please.” Seo Hyun spoke to Ji Hoo who nodded in understanding. Valentin at that moment, was speaking to Il Hyun but even so when he looked at her he offered a smile, to which she did the same.

“Hi.” Ariel spoke bowing politely at Seo Hyun and smiling brightly and genuinely.

“Hello.” Seo Hyun spoke.

“I’ve seen some of your work. From my understanding. You’ll be working for Shinwaa.” Seo Hyun spoke.

“Yes. Goo Jun Pyo offered a job and… he made it really hard not to say no” Ariel spoke with a smile.

 

She had seen Ariel’s work simply because her family did some business with Shinwaa which had included a campaign of hers. Ariel’s name was among those that could lead her campaign but Seo Hyun had turned it down. She was afraid of the impression she had made with Ariel the previous time. She was just glad Ariel was not informed of this as she was still not officially working for Shinwaa then.

“She still does things on her own too. She has an exhibit soon.” Ji Hoo spoke with a smile.

“I’m glad.” Seo Hyun spoke. Looking at Ji Hoo Seo Hyun smiled to herself. She was glad for him. She could never get him to smile, she could not give him love or happiness. But while he looked at Ji Hoo now beside Ariel she realized there was someone that could and had done so, for that she was grateful.