I knocked on Doc's door. 

"Come in." he said from inside his study. Aunt Tiffany had cleared out one of the empty rooms in the house once Doc moved in, for it to be his personal study. It was a bit cramped unlike the study he owned in Larson House, so it usually became a place for him to read and not do research. As expected, he was engrossed in one of his novels - I believe it was a biography of Stephen Hawking. No surprise. 

"Hey Doc," I said as I approached him slowly. "I need to talk to you, it's bothering me a lot."

He looked up, put down his book and got in his signature pose whenever I said I needed to 'talk' to him. "Sure Mark, have a seat." he said. "What's the problem? I kind of knew something was off since the past few days."

I sighed, "It's me and Donghyuck..." and I started telling him the whole story of how we got into a fight that pretty much severed our bond. Riley and me, what she told me about myself...

After listening, Doc grunted. "I see," he sighed. "This is a first for you two."

"I know, and I don't know what to do. All he ever does right now is ignore me or sound me off before walking away. Doc, I know I made some mistakes and I shouldn't blame him for everything that went wrong - but what am I supposed to do?"

He looked at me real good, "Mark, you might know Donghyuck better than anyone else. If you really did anything wrong before, even if it was only a small error, what would be the first thing to do if it was you?"

"I guess saying sorry is the least I can do?" I blurted.

"There you have it." he said. "Maybe apologizing is the best thing to do."

"Doc, this isn't like any other problem. I think he's actually mad at me."

"Every problem is because both parties don't want to surrender. Mark, are you refusing to back down?"

"No."

"Then what's so unimportant with saying sorry?" he continued. "Are you really going to think Donghyuck would never forgive you, even if whatever you did hurt his feelings? After all you two have been through? Is making it up for him that hard to do?" he broke into a comforting smile. "How much he means to you - is equal to how much you mean to him, remember that."

I knew looking into Doc for advice was always the right step, he made everything seem so much easier to understand and that everything was going to be alright. Most of all, it gave me hope Donghyuck would give me another chance. 

I waited in the living room, purposely clicking through channels as I waited for him to come downstairs on the way out as he always did for the past two weeks. He would have his earphones plugges as he went to who knows where? I knew for sure he wasn't completely honest about his school project, he'd never be so on time for stuff like that.

I heard his footsteps trampling the stairs, I got up. 

"Hey Donghyuck." I said just as he was about to open the door. "I need to talk to you." I blurted.

He cocked his head then checked his wristwatch, "Er, kinda running late. But yeah, come again?" he took out one of the earbuds. 

I swallowed, "I said, I need to talk to you." his hand was still on the door knob. "Close the door, this'll just take a minute." I assured.

He arched his eyebrow before closing the door, then returning his hands into his pockets. "Okay, I'm all ears."

"I know this is long overdue but," I rubbed my hands nervously. "I just wanted to say sorry for what happened that night. This whole time actually."

He wore a poker face, "What are you sorry about?"

"Everything. From making you feel invisible, ignoring you when I shouldn't have - getting carried away with spending time with Riley and just fussing over her expectations...until I completely forgot about you. I admit it, I was a complete jerk for making you feel that way; and that you have every right to be mad at me. But please Donghyuck, I really am sorry for everything I did. I hope you'll forgive me, because I can't stand us not talking to each other."

He pursed his lips, "Then what do you want, Mark Lee?" he asked wonderingly.

"I-I want us to be like we used to, I don't care if anything else changes - I just don't want us to change."

He was silent for so long, I hoped he'd accept my apology quickly...like he always did. I was half expecting him to say 'That was all I needed from you' or 'All you had to do was say sorry', perhaps a simple 'I forgive you'.

"I-I have to go, see you at dinner." he blurted before reopening the door as he left without another word. This wasn't how it was supposed to go, not like that. 

I thought maybe a present would make him change his mind.

I had the willpower to push forward, in order for him to forgive me. I thought maybe a new mp3 would do the trick, to make up for the one that I broke. I regretted doing that, honest to heart - the second I threw it to the ground, a little piece of my heart broke. I didn't tell him that, but I felt that crack as much as he did. I regretted trashing something I clung onto, all because of some stupid anger problem.

As I walked down the street, the one where the diner we usually went was situated - I passed it, then backtracked a few steps. I've seen that face before.

From outside the window, I saw Riley inside. She was talking to someone whose back was facing me, she probably didn't notice me from outside either. I squinted my eyes, trying to recall the unknown person based on their shirt. I swore I saw that red polo shirt before-

Donghyuck was wearing a red polo shirt.

The hard hitting realization hit me like a puff of wind, it really was him inside. I recognized him even without him showing his face, the silhouette of his back, the background of his hair...

Riley was smiling as they talked, chuckling as if she were talking to a good friend, somethin even more. I couldn't see his face, but judging by his body language he was certainly enjoying his time with her. They both were enjoying themselves.

Was I seeing things? This was the last thing I expected to see, the person another hated - talking to each other as if they were the the closest pair. I kept on watching them, then I saw Riley reaching out to touch Donghyuck's hand. She smiled even brighter when Donghyuck was shaking with laughter, as what I could see from outside the diner. 

This could not be happening...

My insides went numb, I turned away and continued walking down the street. It was not long that I started running.

By the time I got home, I slammed the door, walked up the stairs where Doc was coming down with his cup of coffee. "Mark, are you okay?" he asked when he saw me.

"I-I'm fine." I murmured while returning to my room. By the time I got in, I slumped onto the floor as I leaned againstt he door. I was trying to collect my thoughts, attempt to process everything I witnessed. 

Riley and...Donghyuck? Was all this possible? She told me herself, that she didn't like being around him - then why was she hanging out with him now? And she didn't even tell me about it. Maybe she didn't want me to know ; about what then? That she was seeing someone else, someone closest to me? Was all this true?

And Donghyuck, was that really him? After everything he did to make me realize being with Riley might take some time...all so that he could spend time with her himself. Was that his plan all along? Perhaps I was imagining things. 

But why?

There had to be a reason, I thought feverishly. Maybe there was more to my belief that Donghyuck felt ignored, he might have had feelings for Riley from the start - even before I did (he was so good at hiding his feelings, after all) and I was the one to confess first; he really was jealous because he liked Riley first. 

Thinking about it, Donghyuck had a natural charm for grabbing people's attention - with his rebel-without-a-cause personality, his habit of acting like he didn't care, the trademark way he doesn't give any nod towards the world but the music he has on...He was the perfect bad boy to fall for, that was so easy to figure out. 

Even Riley could fall for him.

And the more I considered it, the more I felt like I should be the one giving him a chance at striking happiness - after all that he'd been through (it was much more than I had been through actually) and he deserved every bit of happiness the world could offer him.

Like what Doc said, Donghyuck deserved so much better - and I agreed with his words, so letting Riley go for her to make him happy, it was the least I could do. It was painful to think about, but doing it for someone else that I cared for immensely didn't make it as hurtful as I thought it would be. 

All that mattered was for him to be happy.

"Hi Mark," Riley greeted as soon as she opened the door, her sunshine smile making me feel even more pained. This was all because she didn't know I was aware of her secrets, not that I was really mad at her. Then when I realized I had gave her my poetry for referrence again and that it was due the next day, I had no choice but to pick it up (she told me to come over, or else she'd have to explain to Miss Bennet again. She said that.) "Come on in, have a drink a first while I get your book." she offered.

I stepped inside, "Er, no thanks. I'll just get my book and get back."

She didn't find my reaction any different, "Um, if you say so." and she ran up to her room. I assumed her parents were not at home as the house was eerily quiet, with faint sounds coming from the radio and TV. I didn't feel comfortable sitting down on the couch, I started walking around the living room. Besides the shelf of books, there were pictures of the family, some indivually taken and a few were on holiday occasions. I noticed one particular one of their family, Riley looked a few years younger in it - she was standing next to a boy, with the the exact brown in his hair along with that familiar smile of Riley's. 

"Here you go." she said as she ascended from the stairs. "I'm so sorry I'm giving it to you this late."

"It's fine," I said and pointed at the picture. "Who's that? I've never seen him around in your house before, even when we had dinner."

"Oh," she answered. It might have been my imagination, but I could hear her voice faltering as I asked that question. "That's Rayyan, my brother. He's studying in Australia now so he's rarely around, he comes back on holidays though."

"That means he's coming back soon for Christmas, right?" I remembered that me and Donghyuck's favorite holiday was closing in. That one miracle in December that changed our lives for the better, it was unforgetable. 

She glanced sideways before answering me, "Yeah, I miss having him around to annoy me. You should cherish having your brother around too, Mark, before we all go to college for good next year. Trust me, you'll miss him more than you know of."

Everytime she mentioned him, the pain was doubled with every word. She had no idea how I felt about her mentioning it, absolutely no idea. 

You said we were only going to take a break.

That didn't mean she wasn't allowed to meet other people...

You promised. Just a break.

It's for him, it's fine.

 Why?

"You better make him happy." I blurted suddenly. 

She blinked, "What?"

I sighed and looked at her, she needed to know that I already knew the truth. "I'm talking about Donghyuck."

"What are you talking about?"

It made me frustrated. "Don't act like you don't know what I'm talking about. You've been seeing him for a while, without me knowing - and he didn't tell me." And she started to register that her little secret had been discovered, but she didn't seem flustered. I clenched my fists to keep calm and not shake, I needed to set things straight. "The thing between you and Donghyuck, I know about it."

"Mark, you wouldn't-"

"You think I wouldn't understand?" I let out a low laugh. "In fact, I do understand - and it's okay. He must really like you, and you like him a lot too so what's not to be happy about? I'm happy if he's happy, and if you're the person that can give him the happiness he deserves, he should get what makes him happy." I blinked back my tears. I was not going to break down in front of her, when I meant to do otherwise. "Why are you keeping all this a secret? It's completely fine by me."

After a long silence, she her lips. "Mark, you really think that way?" Miraculously she shook her head. "It's not like that, I don't like Donghyuck in that way. Not like that. This isn't what it seems, that's not why I'm hanging out with him. We're just friends."

"That's what we told ourselves until we weren't just friends, how different is this?"

She continued shaking her head, "It's not like that, not at all." Then she took my arm and looked at me seriously. "Mark, do you really think Donghyuck would do such a thing?"

I was not convinced, but I listened. "Then what else could it be?"

"Have you ever sat down and talked to him? Asked him what he was thinking before you assumed it?" she shot me with a series of questions. "That's right, you didn't. You don't know the whole story, don't make it seem like you do. I didn't tell you because it was supposed to be a secret, no one was supposed to know until it was time to tell."

The way she spoke made it very clear there was more I didn't know, then I remembered what Donghyuck said to me - the same cycle of it anyway. 

"Riley," I said sternly. "What are you not telling me? What is Donghyuck hiding from me?"

She smiled sympathetically, "I shouldn't be the one to tell you that. He'll tell you when he feels like it."

I was so lost. "That's the problem, he's not talking to me right now because he's mad at me!"

"No, Mark," she said. "From what I can see, he's not mad at you. He's scared of you."

"Scared of me?" I exclaimed in disbelief. "Why would he be scared of me?"

"Okay, maybe not you - but he's scared of the thought of you knowing something you've never known before." she suggested. "Secrets are fears in disguise, Mark."

That was impossible, we knew everything about each other. We had nothing to hide. 

"Trust me, I knew about it even before he told me," she said. "He refused to believe it, much less would he tell you. Think about it Mark, what were the obvious signs that showed he was uncomfortable around you? Why was he uncomfortable, when did this start, those are questions you should ask yourself." then she glanced at the picture of her and her family. "You asked me why Rayyan wasn't around at home, and yes it's because he's overseas - but about him coming back for the holidays, I'm not so sure if he'll come back. He hasn't since the last three years." her voice started to crack.

I frowned, "Why?"

"My parents couldn't accept him,,,for who he is even though he did everything to be the best son," she swallowed. "I still talk to him but he deserved so much better."

"What did he do?"

"He didn't do anything wrong. But I guess my parents thought differently when he came out."

A sudden silence hung in the air, the hard hitting truth that struck me. I knew there were parents who were homophobic even towards their own children, but to know about one up close and personal - it was vivid. Especially Riley's parents, they seemed so open minded and kind...

"What about now after all those years?" I asked cautiously.

"Whenever he comes back, they try to act like it never happened and thought he'd get over that 'phase' they said teenagers go through - they're ignoring the fact that it's torturing for their son, my brother. They still can't understand that being closeted is not some stupid teenage phase." she wiped the tears that were about to fall out, before turning back to me. "And that's why I've been trying to help your brother before the same thing happens."

I couldn't believe my ears, Donghyuck being....

"How did you know?" I murmured. "When he lives with me, and I knew from you?" Honestly, I felt a little betrayed that an outsider knew this before I did, that Donghyuck didn't tell me first.

"That night when you two were fighting, I followed you guys in a taxi," she revealed. "When you got to the park, I wasn't sure if interfering would be right so I hid behind a tree. I saw everything, and I realized how similar his words were to Rayyan when he told me. He was already unknowingly dropping hints for you, Mark. Then at school when he bumped into another guy, his body language gave it away - I know because that was what my brother went through. And worst of it all is that he didn't have anyone to talk to about it, he was confused and scared - so I did the best I could to help him."

Everything she was saying felt like painful stabs, because there were so many things I didn't know about. I was lost in the truth as well, there was so much about him that he hid - I almost felt like a stranger. I felt helpless because I wasn't there when he needed me to, when he had so many chances to tell me. 

"But he should know better than anyone that he could talk to me about it, not bottle it in like that. Why didn't he come to me first?" my tone was harsh, but Riley could only sigh and squeeze my hand.

"Believe me, Mark - I'm not in the position to tell you that. And, maybe the best way to get him to open up to you, is for you to open up to him first. Tell him that you'll listen, and that you'll understand."