We had to help Doc at Larson House over the weekend, preparations for Christmas at the place - and he needed to send over all the presents, one hundred and ten in total. We kind of envied all of them, with ridiculously pricey gifts ranging from a launchpad to a one whole set of Lord of the Rings. I had started to wonder where did Doc actually get all that money to buy these things.

"Geez, I wonder what you'll get me this Christmas Doc," I commented sarcastically while I was sitting at the back of his car. Aunt Tiffany had taken the front seat, so by logic Donghyuck ended up sitting in the backseat with me. It was undeniable family dynamic we had adapted over the past year, and we ended up in the stereotypical 'Asian family with one Caucasian member in it' (okay, maybe it wasn't that accurate of an epitome since Aunt Tiffany wasn't my biological mother, neither was Doc Donghyuck's biological parent, and that made us adopted stepbrothers and yet not...you get what I mean.) 

"I'll bet twenty bucks I'm getting another one of your historical biographies this year - pretty much anything not half as expensive as the ones in the back of the car." I said.

"What can I say? P.T Barnum's life blew me away and I hoped it would to you, besides I thought you liked reading." he protested.

I rolled my eyes, "Specified genres, Doc - specified genres."

"Don't worry, you're getting something different this year."

"Oh yeah? What?"

"You can't know, or else it wouldn't be a surprise." Aunt Tiffany cut in as she turned to look at the back. "Any expectations for Christmas this year, Donghyuck?"

He didn't seem to be listening half of the time, and he blinked, "Er, pretty much nothing I guess. Just like I always do."

"Or a better present from Doc than last year," I suggested. "Personally I think my present was the best, right Donghyuck?"

He was caught off guard, "R-right."

I knew he didn't expect me to get him this involved in our conversation. I did this on purpose.

"Hey!" I embraced Brook as soon as I saw him as he came downstairs to help us unload the presents. He looked better than ever, the permanent frown he used to have was now replaced with an easygoing grin. He was wearing an early Christmas sweater, paired with a striped scarf. 

"I thought you'd never make it," he replied as he patted my back. "So, how's school?"

"Pretty good, finishing up my senior year." I said. "How about you? You seem pretty optimistic."

"Yeah," he let out a relieved happy breath. "I'm getting discharged after Christmas - I could leave earlier than that but," he gazed at Larson House behind him. "I'd like to spend one last Christmas here, just so I don't forget."

"Forget about?"

"Everything." he answered. "It's not always that one gets sent to a sickhouse over the holidays." and he laughed, meaning it as a joke. "Though it was about time you and Donghyuck dropped by to visit, trust me a lot of us missed you two around. Speaking about Donghyuck, what's going on with him? He's seems a bit quiet." Brook watched him solemnly carry the rest of the presents into the house.

I sighed, "It's complicated, but I'm planning on talking him out of it later - at the hill." I assured.

"Where you two sweared your sacred friendship?"

"Oh come on, you're over-exaggerating it." I rolled my eyes. "It's just a really special to us, to me in particular. It was where I really got to know him after all."

Brook nodded, "I understand, by the way I heard your Aunt rave about how you got yourself a girlfriend," he nudged me playfully. "Don't mind sharing some info about that?"

"We, uh, are kind of 'on-and-off' at the moment. God, I really don't know what are we now - it doesn't matter that much yet anyway." then I realized I was rambling. "Er, forget what I said Brook. It's nothing."

He shrugged, "Suits you, Mark. And you're still not gonna tell me what's up with Donghyuck?"

"It's not the right time yet, you'll know in time," I looked at him. "That was what she told me anyway."

He looked at me as if I was crazy.

Donghyuck was reluctant when I first asked. After helping Doc, I secretly asked him if Donghyuck and I could have a walk around on our own then I pulled Donghyuck out of the house to the point that he refused to budge.

"Where are you taking me, Mark?" he demanded, slightly annoyed. 

I rubbed the back of my neck, "I, er, thought maybe we could visit the hill again - the one where we found the time capsule." 

His expression softened, just slightly before looking sideways, "W-why would you want to go there?" he said awkwardly.

"Because it's an important place to me," I answered swiftly before taking his hand. "Come on, Aunt Tiffany still wants us to be back before dinner." and without asking, I dragged him away.

He didn't object after that, and solemnly followed by my side. We took the exact same road that we came across so long ago, where it was scattered with leaves but now covered with a carpet of snow; the lake was frozen and the little island looked slightly out of place in all of that frost against the orange sunlight. I couldn't help but stop and stare. 

"Can't imagine that - that island used to be the place where we almost died." I remarked. 

Donghyuck let out a laugh, "You think any of the racoons would find our corpses appetizing if we did?" That happened so long ago we now found it comfortable to talk about, without feeling uneasy. I was genuinely glad he was okay with talking about it, something I thought would traumatize him for life - in which he wasn't, and it made me rethink of how much more stronger he was than I expected.

"Are you okay - standing here and looking at it?" I asked, beckoning towards the island.

Miraculously, he smiled a little. With his hands in his pockets, "Do I look like I might get a seizure, Lee?" he said and grinned when he saw me giving him the lazy eye. "Nah, I don't feel anything much now. I was actually worried at first, but surprisingly I feel fine looking at it now. Turns out Doc's long treatments didn't go to waste after all." he switched to his snarky tone again. 

"You don't have to always do that, you know." I commented. "Whenever we get serious and you switch it into something for a joke when it's not supposed to be a joke, there's no need for that."

"Why are you taking this as such a big deal?" he questioned. "It's not like it's something that matters that much-"

"It matters to me," I answered. "Because I should be the one you come and talk to first when it comes to serious stuff, not just someone you can joke around with." I slipped my tongue, but it was what I had felt. "You tend to forget that I, in fact, am not oblivious to everything. It's clear you've been avoiding me lately, because you don't want to talk it out." I stopped thereafter.

He approached me with weary eyes, "Is that why you brought me out here? Just so you could interrogate me?"

I waved his questions, "As good of a liar you are, I still can figure you out Lee Donghyuck. You've been meeting Riley for the past few weeks, and you expect me to not find that strange?" I pursed my lips. "Really though?"

His eyes widened, "You've been following me?"

"-and the worst part of it, out of everyone else, you could tell your problem to some outsider and not me." the words hung in the air like a ringing of a bell. I couldn't believe it either, I had said it out loud. 

Donghyuck turned pale, I figured I needed to finish where I started. "I hope you didn't forget our promise, that we were never going to keep secrets from each other, but I haven't forgotten about it yet." I spoke gently. "I just want you to treat me like I'm your best friend, that's all."

Then out of nowhere he started to cry with his head down, "That's the point, you are and you're so much more than that - and I'm terrified." he whispered.

We were standing so close to each other, I could feel him shaking and the sight of his tears falling to the ground was vivid. Upon instinct, I looked at him closely - so close that my fingers went to wipe off his tears. The moment felt so intimate and delicate it felt like it would break if I wasn't careful.

"You told her already, so you must have some practice by now," I chuckled. "Hey," he reluctantly looked at me. Good. "Not afraid to admit it but I kind of know by now, but I just want hear you say it to me. It's going to be okay, just say it."

I gave him the time he needed because I knew he needed to be ready to say it out loud, and sometimes telling the truth can be scary even to admit to yourself. Maybe coming out a second time would still be just as haunting as the first. Finally he his lips.

"I'm gay." he said it so quick and swift, yet the words lingered in the air. It might have seemed like an echo to him. 

I nodded, "Go on." I told him.

"I'm gay," he said again, this time tears flowing again - but I caught him smiling bit by bit. "I'm gay." and immediately I pulled him into a hug. We just stood there in the winter woods, embracing and relieved that there were no longer secrets between us. It felt like we were back to where we had started, nothing but an honest expression.

"Thank god I told you." he murmured. 

I patted his back, "Me too, buddy, me too."

We sat on the hill - and talked. 

"How long did you know?" I asked him. 

He sighed, "I kind of always knew in a way, like whenever I closed my eyes there was this picture in my head. You know those gender signs in front of washrooms, and I'd always imagine a big red cross on the male sign then a bright green tick on the female sign - I didn't know why I did it. This was even when my mom was still around..." he trailed off. "But I didn't think much of it, I kind of pushed it to the back of my mind.Then when I ended up in Larson House I really stopped thinking about it since it was the least of my problems." he glanced at me. "Then you came."

I arched my eyebrows, "U-huh?"

He swallowed, "Then everything just played out great, with me coming to stay with you guys. It was like getting another shot at a normal life, you know? Then that one doubt I had ignored started coming back, everything made me so comfortable that my mind had space to agonize about something else again. I mean I built a wall so that I'd feel nothing, then all of a sudden it started crumbling and I felt all these weird feelings in me. I was scared of myself most of all."

"And Riley?"

He groaned, "I know I'm a douche for holding some stupid grudge, I didn't even know why I did that. I guess she saw through me, with what happened to her brother and all, and the first thing she did was tell me to meet her so we could talk it out. She really knows how to get the truth out of people, I'm still kind of shocked that I told her it all after just two weeks." he remarked. 

"So now you two are like, what? Best friends?"

He laughed, "Kind of, maybe? I don't know. It's complicated since she's the first person I came out to."

I frowned, "But why would you hold a grudge against her? It's not that you liked me or something-" I caught him glaring at me. "Oh. Ohh..." I realized another truth, and swallowed. This had gone down another twisting road. We sat there in silence, I was still digesting the truth. "You - like - me? Me?"

He groaned even louder, "Goddamn it, I don't know anymore!" he put his head in his hands. "Maybe I did for the first few months, now I'm just not sure. I started thinking it over since you're technically my stepbrother and whether liking you was considered ," he looked up to the sky hopelessly. "Was it ? Is it ? For 's sake, I don't know!" he threw his hands up in the air.

I pursed my lips, "Okay then, do you still like me now?"

"I. Don't. Know."

I let out an exasperated breath and stood up, then I pulled him up as well. "Okay then, so we might as settle this here and now." I brushed the snow off my clothes.

"Kiss me." I said.

His eyes widened, unsure if he heard correctly. "What? WHAT?!"

I rolled my eyes, "Good lord, Lee Donghyuck - I'm offering to answer this question you've been pondering about for ages. It's just a kiss."

He looked at me as if I was nuts, "Y-you don't mean that."

"Why wouldn't I mean it?" 

"Because," he sputtered. "-because you're straight, probably the straightest person I know."

"Exactly." I said, and leaned forward, and kissed him. Straight on the lips.

The kiss lasted for approximately five seconds before Donghyuck pulled forcefully away, stumbling after pushing me off of him. Surprisingly, he looked as though he could throw up any minute. He wiped his mouth ferociously, "Oh my god, don't you ever do that to me again!" he was still recovering from it.

"Oh yeah?" I grinned. "Was it that bad?"

He shivered, "It was like..." he shook his head in disgust. "It felt weird."

"Because what? That it's your first time kissing a boy?"

"No," he said surely. "It's because I'm kissing you. It's like kissing...my brother." a look of horror filled his eyes. 

"So I guess it's all cleared up then? That you don't like me after all?" I joked, even though I wasn't.

He crossed his arms, as if to protect himself in case I would attack him with another kiss. "Y-yeah, it's all cleared up." he said fervently. "Just don't ever kiss me again, Mark Lee."

"But what about kissing other boys?"

"Other boys, that I can handle." he finished. "Anyone - but you."