: Review for empirical
by luvkookietae > Title: Blind
> author: empirical Jungkook lost his eyesight in a car accident. He lost his brother a few days later. His life was miserable for the whole year. Since those events took place in his life, he thought that nobody could save him from misery so he tried various kinds of ways to take his own life. Score: 59%
> Title: 7/10
> Description: 6/10
> Plot: 15/20
> Characterization: 17/20
> Grammar: 14/20
> enjoyment: 5/10  : The review 1. Title : 7/10

Okay, here goes nothing. First off, your title is something I would actually check out, as it hints at what the story would talk about and what it was themed around. But the reason I cut off points here is that Chinese word there. I'm a native Chinese speaker, so it doesn't really make a difference to me. But then some others might not understand it, and that will make people think your story is somehow connected to chinese language and maybe some people will lose interest. It's all a matter of perspective, but I'd suggest you cut the word out. 2. Description : 6/10

This might be a little harsh, but what that description makes me feel is that there is no finesse. I mean, your description is the second thing people see right after the title, so you could at least make it fancy, put some uncommon wording in to intrigue people. ANd those sentences are way too short. add a comma here and there, put in some conjunctions, some complicated words and people might be interested to see how well your story plays out, just 'cause your description sounds great already. 3. Plot : 15/20

Okay, this is a little hard to sum up, actually. You see, Jungkook is this kid who had a pretty normal life, and then he suddenly loses his eyesight and then his brother. The angst is there, and I'll admit you did a pretty good job of making readers cry for Kookie. But then, somehow there are a few illogical points, like how does he live alone with no parents and no brother and nobody? How does he live alone? WHo pays for his food, his schooling, everything? ANd how did he even get to school? How does he walk when he's blind and can't see a thing? How do you even disguise blindness with a pair of glasses? And who sends him to school if he doesn't go by himself? How does he even use his phone when he can't see a thing? Plotholes, you see. I'd reccomend you reread the whole thing and patch up these.

The whole story is like "God planned this, so I have to go