: Review for ejacyeolation
by amkora > Title: set my midnight sorrow free (i will give you all of me)
> author: ejacyeolation He can tell the difference between black and white, night and day, right and wrong, but Baekhyun thinks he's fine with anything as long as Chanyeol holds him. Score: 68%
> Title: 8/10
> Description: 8/10
> Plot: 18/20
> characterization: 14/20
> Grammar: 20/20
> enjoyment: 9/10  : The review 1. Title : 8/10

Yo my heart stopped for a moment when i saw the title. I’d shorten it to “Set My Midnight Sorrow Free” or “Midnight Sorrow” if I were you though. I understand they are song lyrics,but the title is a crucial point. You need something with impact and easy to remember which is why I myself as a reader gravitate to short 2 or 3 word titles. You want your readers to remember your story title as well and not just the characters or the plot. Just a personal opinion though because the title is still bomb even if you don't change it no doubt. 2. Description : 8/10

Your description is straight to the point! You get brownie points for taking a paragraph from the story itself to describe your story. I’d do a few edits however, because it felt as if Chanyeol was really actually Baekhyun’s lover and they were going through some conflicts together and not against each other.

Firstly, you’ll have to somehow insert that Baekhyun and Chanyeol were not meant for each other. Secondly, add in Kyungsoo and Jongin’s role in the story as well even though Baekhyun and Chanyeol are the main characters, Jongin and Kyungsoo do serve important roles. At the same time you have to figure out a way on how to insert the relationships between the four characters too. Readers need to have a clear idea of your story which is essentially; infidelity. Good luck! (PM me if you need suggestions, i’ll gladly help out)

If it hadn’t been for the tags you put on the story, i wouldn't have noticed the infidelity plot at all. I only caught on halfway through the first chapter.

I understand the foreword is a lengthened ver. of the introduction? If it is, it really sets the mood of the story itself; angsty, dramatic and whatnot. Good job! Forewords are meant for this purpose, I believe. So brownie points again!

3. Plot : 18/20

 4. Characterization : 14/20

I have many many things to comment. So first off, please do not take my comments personally. You actually requested for the reviewer to focus on the realism of your plot which I will do so now based on only my personal opinion and experience.

First off, cheating happens only due to one reason. The relationship is unhealthy.

There are relationships where both Person A and Person b know that the other is openly cheating and does it merely to hurt the other person. Both person A and B cheat.

There are other instances where Person A is cheating behind Person B’s back in secret which is Baekyeol’s case.

Establish the reason why Chanyeol kissed Baekhyun. I get the feeling that you’re trying to imply that he’s not satisfied with how Kyungsoo is always a giver and not taker so he turns to baekhyun. Chanyeol is definitely more satisfied with baekhyun’s desperate behaviour and taking whatever he can from chanyeol; like a beggar. This makes Chanyeol feel more dominant and powerful. However in this case, there is no way chanyeol can still be in love with kyungsoo with no emotional changes. With , especially with a person you’ve known for awhile(whether it’s kyungsoo or chanyeol) emotions will sway. People change.

You need to restabilize Chanyeol’s reactions because it seems that his emotions remain constant throughout the whole cheating period. He still loves Kyungsoo but he’s ing Baekhyun for...his own self-indulgent reasons? Does he choose one or both? If both, establish why? One for love and one for lust? Chanyeol’s character itself feels like an incomplete circle. I would recommend showing what happened to his relationships with kyungsoo and baekhyun afterwards. Even if you want to leave it as an open ending and let your r