Stretching out on the couch, the empty bowl of soup on the coffee table to his side, Hakyeon watched Jackson curiously as the man felt his forehead with a grimace. Lips pursed tightly together and his eyebrows furrowed, the other man groaned and shook his head, allowing his hand to slowly slide down to cup Hakyeon’s cheek. Whatever his companion was thinking, Hakyeon was sure it wouldn’t be good news, but something about Jackson babying him the way he had been made it hard to care. If Hakyeon was being honest with himself, he wanted to be really sick, he wanted Jackson to stay by his side and take care of him as long as possible… And that absolutely terrified him.

“Jackson?” Gearing up to ask him to leave, Hakyeon froze when the other man stood suddenly and started pacing, phone in hand.

“That brat is taking too long. I need to get you medicine.” Groaning, he turned back to Hakyeon, looking him over for a moment. “You have a fever. If it gets worse I’m taking you to the hospital.”

“Please don’t. I can’t afford that.” Whimpering, Hakyeon shrank back against the couch, pulling the blanket up under his chin. “I’ll just take a cool bath and I’ll be fine.”

“Hakyeon, sweetheart.” The apprehension dropped from Jackson’s voice and his stiff stance softened as he made his way back to the couch, brushing some hair gently from Hakyeon’s face. “If I take you to the hospital it will be with the intention of paying for it myself.”

“But I can’t pay you back…” Sitting up slightly, Hakyeon gave Jackson a concerned look, chewing on his lip nervously. There was absolutely no way he could make something like that up to Jackson.

“How’s this? If I take you to the hospital and I pay for it…” Laying a soft finger against Hakyeon’s lips, he gave him an affectionate smile. “You have to work for my company after you graduate. Paid, of course.”

“How would that be paying you back?” As much as he liked the thought of a steady income for one of the top companies in the country, the idea of taking advantage of the man in front of him was already spiking his anxiety.

“Because I’d rather work with you by my side than one of the soulless drones my father would hire.” Shrugging, Jackson chuckled and ruffled Hakyeon’s hair. “You’d honestly be saving me from a lifetime of wanting to slam my head in a door until my eyes bleed.”

“That sounds like an over reaction, Jackson.” Rolling his eyes, the man crossed his arms over his chest and shook his head. A smile tugged at the corner of his lips and he fought it down, not wanting to fall into the lightening mood when the situation was so serious.

“It’s like working with a robot.” Jackson stuck his tongue out, playfully poking Hakyeon on the tip of his nose, much to Hakyeon’s own feigned annoyance. “I need you, Hakyeon.”

“I…” Despite being a part of Jackson’s teasing, his last sentence had a more sincere tone than the rest of it, stopping Hakyeon’s words in his throat for a moment while he struggled to regain his composure. “B-but I don’t need a hospital.”

”Hakyeon I-” Moving closer, Jackson held his hands in his own, the mood suddenly shifting into something almost suffocating in it’s intimacy. Their eyes met and Hakyeon found himself holding his breath in anticipation, unsure of what he was even waiting for. A knock on the door broke the moment and Jackson released him, a look of both relief and regret crossing his face as he stood. “I will be going to get that.” Practically jogging to the door, Jackson swung it open to reveal, much to Hakyeon’s surprise, Hyuk.

“Hey. Brought Hakyeon’s homework.” Smiling, the man extended a folder and glanced his way, nodding a hello.

“Finally. You took forever.” Sounding exasperated and relieved, Jackson took the folder and sat it on the small table by the door. “Mind doing me another favor?” Watching them, Hakyeon bit his lip and fidgeted in his seat, trying to figure out the meaning behind what had almost transpired before the knock on the door. Was was Jackson going to tell him? Beyond that, what had he been hoping he’d say?

“Depends on what it is…” Looking Jackson over, Hyuk gave him a suspicious look, raising an eyebrow inquisitively. “I’ve got a boyfriend, you know.”

“Ew. Creep. No.” Scoffing, Jackson clutched his chest as though his friend’s words had wounded him, dramatically staggering back a step before recovering with a hearty laugh. “Hakyeon has a fever and I need to run to the store and get him medicine. Do you mind keeping an eye on him? I don’t want him getting worse with nobody here.”

“Yeah. Of course. Just don’t take too long or Hongbin will throw a fit and start asking where I’m at.” Chuckling Hyuk shook his head as Jackson stepped aside to allow him into the apartment. “I really don’t think he’d take “I was with Hakyeon” as a good excuse…” As much as Hakyeon thought Hyuk was a nice guy, the idea of giving Hongbin another reason to torture him didn’t exactly sit well with him.

“Hey.” turning on the couch to better face the two still in the doorway, he frowned. “I don’t need a babysitter. Hyuk should get back to Hongbin before he gets mad.” Jackson and Hyuk both watched him for a long moment before Jackson’s attention returned to his friend.

“... So I’ll be back in about twenty minutes at the most.” Returning to Hakyeon’s side, Jackson rested his hand on the sick man’s cheek, the action somehow soothing his apprehension almost instantly. “I know that you don’t want to feel like a burden and I hate making you do anything you don’t want to do. But I’d feel safer knowing that someone is keeping an eye on you, okay?”

“I… Okay?” Hakyeon’s gave in, his hand finding Jackson’s on his cheek where they lingered together for a moment longer before the other man stepped away and Hyuk took a seat beside him.”

“I’ll be back soon, Hakyeon. Rest, please.” Jackson’s fingers ran through his hair on his way out, leaving him alone with his abuser’s boyfriend.

“Hey Hakyeon…?” After a few moments o awkward silence, Hyuk turned to him, making Hakyeon tense. Hyuk had never been anything but kind to him, yet the memories of what happened every time they met outside of school were loud in his mind, making his lingering bruises ache.

“Y-yeah?” Stuttering out a reply, Hakyeon barely noticed himself bring his knees to his chest, attempting to be as small and protected as possible.

“I am so sorry I let Hongbin do all of this to you. He’s out of control and I hoped it had been just a phase but…” With a heavy, sad sigh, Hyuk looked down at his lap, shaking his head in a way that made Hakyeon’s chest ache. “I’m starting to believe it’s just his personality.”

“You don’t need to apologize for him.” Relaxing slightly, Hakyeon’s anxiety was being replaced with sympathy, only able to imagine the kinds of internal struggles Hyuk had been having between his head and his heart.

“I know. I’m apologizing for being powerless to stop him. I can’t stop him from doing these things. I can only do my best to make up for them…” Looking down at his hands, Hyuk closed them into fists in an attempt to get them to stop shaking. “I just… As awful as he is… As much as I hate what he does… I love him, Hakyeon.”

“I know, Hyuk. It’s okay.” Reaching out slowly, Hakyeon patted Hyuk’s shoulder in a feeble attempt to comfort him, not sure of what he could do to make the situation better for the other male. “I don’t blame you. I never have.”

“Thanks, Hakyeon.” Leaning back against the couch, Hyuk seemed to decompress a bit, resting his head against the back on the couch as he gazed up at the ceiling with an expression of a man that had been tired for a really long time. “I guess we wont be sleeping together anymore.”

“I… I guess not…” The thought had crossed Hakyeon’s mind a few times since the fight had happened, but hearing the words out loud from someone else shook him. They were a big source of his income and without it, he wasn’t sure he’d be able to afford even his cheap, dilapidated apartment.

“So Jackson says you’re tutoring him?” Hyuk’s words cut through his oncoming panic attack, turning his attention back to him instead of his impending downfall.

“I am.” Nodding, Hakyeon looked toward the folder by the door. “We started doing it yesterday. Why?”

“Do you mind doing the same for me?” Surprised by the suggest, Hakyeon wasn’t sure he had heard him properly. Tutor Hyuk? But wouldn’t that only cause the man more problems with his boyfriend? Hakyeon wanted to have a roof over his head but he didn’t want to break up a couple…

“What?” Searching for clarity, he leaned in slightly, gauging Hyuk’s expressions for any sign that he had misheard him.

“I am absolute at science.” Shrugging, Hyuk smiled a little, holding his hands up as though in defeat. “I’ll pay you daily, double Jackson’s rate because it’ll be more of a pain in the . Please? It’d be doing me a huge favor.”

“O-okay… But…” Leaning back against the arm of the couch, Hakyeon thought hard, trying to find an out for Hyuk, to preserve the man’s relationship. “What about Hongbin?”

“Yeah that’s the catch. He wont let me see you for normal tutor sessions so we’d have to text any time I had a question, day or night. All hours.” Hyuk ran his hand through his own hair, giving Hakyeon a sheepish look, reminding his of a child that had been caught doing something strange. “I failed the last test and my dad cut my allowance in half. But he’ll double it if I actually make an effort to improve my grades. What do you say?”

“Y-yeah. Of course.” Unable to think of any more excuses, Hakyeon gave in, grateful for the continued income.

“Cool.” Silence fell between them, not completely uncomfortable, as they waited for Jackson to return.

Unaware that he had managed to doze off, Hakyeon was startled by a hand his hair. Jerking awake in shock, he struck out, his fist colliding with something solid, heart racing in fear. Slowly his vision cleared of sleep and he found himself looking at a doubled over Jackson as he laughed and held his stomach.

“Damn, Hakyeon. I’m glad Hyuk wasn’t around to see that. I’d never live it down.” Righting himself, he sat beside Hakyeon, allowing the sick man to lay his legs across his lap. “That was a decent punch. I’m sorry I scared. Are you okay?”

“I’m fine.” Blushing slightly at the absentminded way Jackson played with his toes while they spoke, Hakyeon was at ease quickly. “How long have you been back?”

“Long enough to make you tea. I brought you medicine for your fever and for the flu.” Handing Hakyeon a mug, Jackson began to take out a dose of each medication. “Take it and you can get some more sleep. I’ll help you to bed.”

“Okay.” Sipping the hot tea and taking the medicine Jackson offered him obediently, Hakyeon closed his eyes and sighed happily before a thought crossed his mind. “Jackson. Before Hyuk showed up… You were going to say something… It seemed important.”

“Oh, that?” Voice unsure for a moment, Jackson looked away from him and Hakyeon felt as though a fist were gripping his chest. He hadn’t expected a reaction like that.

“Jackson…” Swinging his legs off Jackson’s lap, Hakyeon knelt on the couch, reaching out to hold his companion’s cheeks, gently making the other man look at him. “Did I do something wrong? I’ll go to the hospital if you want me to. Just… Just please don’t be mad at me…”

“Hakyeon, I’m mad at myself because I know what I wanted to say was selfish and I don’t want to put that kind of pressure on you.” Jackson’s eyes flickered back and forth, unable to meet Hakyeon’s gaze. “Just forget about it…” Taking a deep breath, Hakyeon released Jackson’s cheeks, allowing his arms to wrap around the other man’s neck, their chest touching in a tight embrace.

“Tell me, Jackson… I…” Hiding his face against Jackson’s neck, Hakyeon tried to sort out his own tangled emotions as he spoke. “I don’t want you to hide things from me…”

“Hakyeon…” Pulling away, Jackson met his eyes and Hakyeon felt nervousness setting in again, a suffocating expectation for the unknown. Hand on Hakyeon’s shoulder’s Jackson seemed to struggle with his words for a moment before they came out in a whisper, barely loud enough for him to hear. “I’m in love with you, Hakyeon…”

“You… You are?” Tear prickled at the corner of his eyes and Hakyeon had to fight the overwhelming urge to cry. It wasn’t fair. It wasn’t fair to Jackson to love someone as disgusting and broken and he was… And as much as Hakyeon wanted to feel the same, as much as he did feel the same, If he let himself… Then his would would fall apart…

“Yes…” Letting Hakyeon go, Jackson stood, clearly agitated with the situation as he began to pace. With each step the other man made, Hakyeon found it harder to breath and his eyes filling further with tears until he was shaking from the effort to hold in his sobs.

“I… Jackson I…” Opening his mouth to speak broke his control and he covered his face as he began to noisily cry. “I’m sorry… I’m sorry…”

“Hakyeon. Hey no.” Jackson’s arms were around him quickly, rocking him gently against his chest. “I’m the one that needs to be sorry. I know how hard this all is for you. I know my feelings will only complicated things that are already too much. I’m just weak. I’m sorry.”

“I… I’m not good enough for you… I’m garbage and… and what if…” Gripping Jackson’s shirt, he desperately tried to hold himself together, to reverse his breakdown. “What if I’m so broken, so starved for love, that I only love you back because you’ve been kind to me?”

“If that were the case, Hakyeon, I’d take it. I’d stay by your side until you decided you didn’t love me anymore and it would be enough.” Jackson’s fingertips running through his hair, his heartbeat in his ears, were slowly bringing Hakyeon back from his emotional collapse. “And if you don’t love me, if you don’t want to be with me, then I’ll still be here, still be your friend. All I want is for you to be happy.”

“Jackson…” As the other man stood, helping Hakyeon to his feet, Hakyeon couldn’t help but think about what his life would be like if he gave in to his feelings for Jackson. But he couldn’t let himself ruin someone who deserves as much as Jackson did.

“Come on. It’s okay. Let’s get you to bed.” Supporting Hakyeon in his arms, Jackson almost half carried the other man all the way to the bedroom, gently helping him into bed.

“Jackson…” Reaching out for his wrist, Hakyeon caught him before he could walk away, biting his lip nervously. While he didn’t exactly know how he felt or even if he could allow himself to feel that way, all he knew for sure what the he didn’t want his companion to walk away.

“It’s okay, Hakyeon. You don’t have to say anything until you’re ready.” Smoothing his hand over Hakyeon’s head, Jackson gave him a sad smile, bending down to brush his lips across his forehead. “Even if that day never comes. I wont bring it up again. I wont act on it. I didn’t say it to force you to make a choice. So don’t think you have to. Please.”

“I… Will you sleep in bed with me? I… I don’t want to be alone…” Tugging gently on Jackson’s wrist, Hakyeon dropped his gaze, feeling selfish for even suggesting it.

“Of course, Hakyeon.” There was no hesitation as Jackson slid into bed beside him, keeping a respectful distance between them.

“Thank you.” Slowly, Hakyeon moved his hand across the bed, reaching out to lace his fingers with his friend’s. Jackson gave his hand a reassuring squeeze, holding on despite the fact that Hakyeon thought he didn’t deserve it. Unsure of what the morning would bring, Hakyeon knew he’d be coming up on a cross road very soon and he’d have to choose his heart or his survival.

“Goodnight, Hakyeon.” With another soft, comforting squeeze of his hand, Jackson went quiet and the two began to unwind and allow slumber to seep in. A mixture of illness and a drain on his emotions had almost completely depleted Hakyeon’s on energy and he found himself falling asleep before he could even wish Jackson a good night in return.