Day twenty-six

“Love! You’re here early.”

Yixing blushed a little. He scratched his nape. “Good morning, baobei… I had nothing better to do,” he lied because other things required his attention like continuing practicing the ‘Waltz of the Flowers’ since he wasn’t pleased with the outcome so far, or filming his new ASMR video, or mowing the yard. Yet here he was, standing outside Joonmyeon’s house, one hour before they were supposed to meet.

“Well, I’m not complaining, love. I’m happy to have you here. Come on in.”

He stepped inside Joonmyeon’s house, proceeding to remove his shoes. “I bought some chocolate bars and other snacks,” Yixing said, holding up the plastic bag. Joonmyeon smiled saying it wasn’t necessary but took them anyway. They walk together to the living room.

Joonmyeon put the bag on the table. “Get yourself comfortable, Xing-Xing. I’m gonna go change. I’ll be right back so we can watch the last movie. Okay, love?”

Yixing nodded. He chuckled at little seeing Joonmyeon sprinting out of the living room. He also felt somewhat guilty. He had indeed come way too early. Although, it was ten o’clock and Joonmyeon was still wearing his pajamas and had a messy yet good looking bedhead. Then again, he would probably be doing the same if he were at home. He thought it would be practical if everything were ready once Joonmyeon came back. Getting bowls to pour the chips and microwaving the popcorn should be done by then. He stood up, taking the plastic bag with him. As Yixing was reaching the kitchen, he heard a voice coming from the inside. It was Joonmyeon’s mom who was talking to someone on the phone apparently. Yixing wasn’t some eavesdropper, he knew it was impolite, and this wasn’t his house, but what Mrs. Kim had said caught his attention. ‘He didn’t go to that acting camp this year,’ that was what she had said. So, Yixing stayed outside, hiding and listening.

“Yes, the night before, when we had everything ready to go drop him off, he gets home and says, ‘Mom, dad, I wanna stay.’”

She laughed, while Yixing started thinking why Joonmyeon had done that.

“We were so surprised too. Usually, he takes his acting so seriously and never misses such an opportunity.”

Then why did he do it know? Yixing asked himself.

“Oh, I’m suspecting it might have something to do with his boyfriend.”

Yixing dropped the bag. He cursed inwardly, but Mrs. Kim didn’t seem to have heard him.

“Yes, he does! I’m telling you, Joon can be so unpredictable sometimes. Just two days after not going to camp, he comes home with his boyfriend. Can you believe that?”

Yixing gasped. It felt as if things were falling into place somehow.

“We had no idea he was dating someone, but they’re very cute together. He even asked if they could go with me to my uncles’ thirtieth wedding anniversary party. I felt a little embarrassed having to say that I would take with me two extra guests just two weeks before the party! But when my aunt heard Joonmyeon was coming, she was thrilled.”

And that was everything Yixing heard. Nervously, he walked back to the living room. He paced back and forth, thinking, doubting and wondering many things. So, Joonmyeon had ditched acting camp this year because of him? Or was it because he had seen the chance to act one of his challenging roles? What was the real reason behind his motives? And then there was the fact that Joonmyeon had lied to him. His father was never going to attend that party, Yixing hadn’t been a last-minute replacement. Joonmyeon had decided they’ll go together, two weeks before the date. This was too much, Yixing needed answers now. He needed to stop overthinking this.

Decidedly, Yixing strode towards Joonmyeon’s room. He knocked on the door, and not so long, Joonmyeon opened it. He almost lost his breath. Joonmyeon had a towel around his shoulders while water drops fell from his wet hair.

Joonmyeon grinned, “Is everything alright, love? I was just about to go down.”

Yixing had to force himself to not get distracted by the beautiful boy standing in front of him, even if it seemed he would have preferred to look at Joonmyeon. He blinked a few times, took some deep breaths, and then he talked, going straight to the point. “Joonmyeon, why didn’t you go to that acting camp this year? Was it because of… Me? Or because of this thing we’re doing? And why did you say your dad couldn’t 'suddenly’ go to your uncle’s anniversary party when he wasn’t going in the first place? It was just going to be your mom, right? But you asked her two weeks prior if we two could go with her. Why did you lie?” Yixing took in another deep breath after uttering all those questions.

Meanwhile, Joonmyeon’s smile had slowly disappeared until his mouth was hanging open. He was flabbergasted, looking at Yixing straight in the eye. Then, he sighed while he pushed his hair backward. Joonmyeon cleared his throat. “Where did you hear that?”

Yixing blushed, his eyes looking at the floor. “You can-can’t answer a question with another question.”

“No, you’re right. But I won’t say anything unless you tell me first where you heard all that.”

Yixing gulped. Joonmyeon’s imperative voice was one Yixing had never heard before, not even in school. It made Yixing feel that Joonmyeon indeed wouldn’t say anything unless Yixing answered his question first. And Joonmyeon’s reluctance to talk only confused Yixing more. He couldn’t understand him, he was tired of overthinking. So, he looked up and said, “I just heard your mom speaking on the phone with someone… She said it.”

Joonmyeon frowned, it was another expression that didn’t give Yixing any good feelings. He scoffed, “So, you were snooping on my mom? Do you always do that?”

“No! I didn’t mean to!” Yixing sighed, “I-I was on my way to the kitchen to prepare the snacks and then… Then I just heard what she was saying. And I couldn’t help myself.”

“Why?”

“Because she was saying all that and I need to understand.”

“What?”

“Everything! And not only what she just said about you. But, why have you done everything so far? Why have you always gone the extra mile for me? The dates, the lighthouse, the romantic dinner, stargazing, the violin, your text messages, your voice when you speak to me. I need to understand why. Why, Joonmyeon?”

Joonmyeon shook his head while he covered his eyes with one hand. He laughed, which seemed completely out of place. But when his laughter subsided, he stared at Yixing with a pained face, hurt and dejected. “How can you not understand it, Yixing?”

“Wha-what?” Yixing said.

Joonmyeon strode forward, slowly. And Yixing walked backward until his back hit the wall, and he stood against it.

“How can you not understand, that this, this is the way the boy you so coldly rejected is trying to make you notice him?”

Yixing blinked in confusion. Now he seriously couldn’t understand anything. Everything seemed too puzzling. He couldn’t recall when he had ‘coldly rejected’ Joonmyeon. They had barely spoken more than a few sentences before, not unless they were working on an assignment together or were on the same team in gym class or any other school-related matter. And during those instances they had talked, Joonmyeon had never mentioned any feelings, let alone feelings towards him.

“You don’t even know, do you?” Joonmyeon asked, with a tone so hurt that it made Yixing feel guilty and desperate to remember when that possibly could have happened. It didn’t help that Joonmyeon gave him a half-smile.

“Maybe I’ve done everything I did because that time I tried to confess my feelings for you, that time I poured all my love into some sentences, you… You didn’t even care. You glanced at it for one second before crumpling it up and throwing it away. And even after Chanyeol had picked it up and read it out loud to you, you didn’t care. You told him to throw it in the trash bin because it was just some ‘lousy and bad prank.’”

Yixing gasped. That letter. That had been Joonmyeon’s? He remembered the letter incident happening a few months ago. One morning before class started he had found a paper on top of his bench. Only by reading the first sentences he had thought it was a prank. After all, it didn’t have a sender’s name, and it was written on a computer. Who uses Comic Sans as a font in a love letter anyway? Yixing had thought his friends were joking with him. They had done the same thing to him a few years ago, and now he didn’t want to be just as gullible. But Yixing hadn’t also cared much about it because… He had only had eyes for Kyungsoo at that time. Why should he have cared about some anonymous love letter, that may or may not have been a prank?

Oh no, Yixing thought. He felt disappointed with himself for having hurt one of the most wonderful people he had met. How could he have been that dumb and cold? If he were to apologize now, could Joonmyeon be able to accept his words?

“Then when we talked at the bridge, it made perfect sense. You were in love with someone else. So, maybe I saw these thirty days as the perfect excuse to have a little taste of happiness I could never have. Because I’ve been in love with you for a while, Yixing, but you’ve never even batted an eyelash at me.”

Suddenly, Joonmyeon strode closer, he rested each arm on the wall, placing them next to Yixing’s head.

“And maybe I also thought that this way you would eventually fall in love with me too.”

Joonmyeon leaned his face closer, so close that his nose tip barely touched Yixing’s nose. Their breathing hit their faces. Their eyes stared at each other. And Yixing felt like melting at that moment. His heart beat so fast. His stomach flipped so hard. His knees trembled. Was he about to get kissed for the first time?

“Have you, Yixing?” Joonmyeon lips whispered closely that even without touching lips Yixing thought he felt them there, caressing his.

When Yixing realized what Joonmyeon had asked him, he widened his eyes. He swallowed. He didn’t know what to say, even if the question only required a simple yes or no. He had mixed feelings. Joonmyeon had confessed to him. Everything they had done together was because Joonmyeon was in love with him. So, the acting that had been too good to be true was indeed real. It made him joyful, happy, glad to know every little thing had meant something. But he still felt guilty for hurting Joonmyeon unknowingly. And then Yixing didn’t know what to answer. What did he feel exactly? Weeks ago, he had been head over heels for Kyungsoo, his whole world seemed to have revolved around Kyungsoo. But now? Could those feelings have vanished right away? Was that possible? Could he have come to love Joonmyeon instead? If that weren’t the case, why couldn’t he deny it? And if it was true, why couldn’t he say just yes? A part of his mind was shouting at him to say yes. Yixing knew he didn’t want to let Joonmyeon go, to end their ‘relationship,’ but what was stopping him from saying yes?

Joonmyeon closed his eyes and let out a deep long sigh, air that hit Yixing’s lips. Swiftly, in mere seconds, Joonmyeon backed away and suddenly stood almost two steps away from Yixing. Unexpectedly, he began laughing again while Yixing remained there silent and with jumbled up thoughts. Joonmyeon brushed away the tears that had formed at the corner of his eyes from all his laughter. “Kidding!” he exclaimed, “Oh, you should see your face right now.”

“Wha-what?”

“Yixing, everything I just said, it was my improvisation of a dramatic monologue. Kind of like a backstory to my character, the one where I’m your ‘boyfriend.’”

“A-are you serious?”

Joonmyeon nodded. “Yes, I was trying to improvise. It’s something I haven’t been able to practice much in front of an audience. And I just saw the chance to do it right now.”

“But-but the letter? How did you know about that?”

“Oh,” Joonmyeon chuckled, “Do you forget that Chanyeol read that letter minutes before our lesson started? More than half our class were already sitting there, Yixing. I was there, I heard it.”

Yixing’s heart dropped little by little. “Then, what about your uncle’s anniversary party? How do you explain that?”

 “I knew I wanted us to go to the city one day, and do something ‘relationship’ related there. I remembered my uncle’s party, and it was the perfect opportunity. I didn’t tell you earlier because I knew you were going to be nervous about it. It seemed the best to do it the day before. Sorry for lying.”

“And acting camp? Why-why didn’t you go?”

Joonmyeon took in a deep breath. He smiled, but Yixing couldn’t smile back. “I didn’t go this year because it’s my last summer before I’ll move away. I guess I just began having second thoughts. I felt I should spend more time with my family… That day we met at the bridge, I was going to my favorite spot to figure out what to do. Then we talked, and you needed help, and I thought, heck I’ll stay. I was going to act anyway.”

“Do-does that means you’ve been acting this whole time?”

“Yeah, this is just… Acting. I told you, I haven’t been quite good with romantic scenes. And being with you like this has helped me improve a bit. I’m more comfortable with it now.”

“So… You’re not in love with me?”

Joonmyeon shook his head.

Yixing swallowed. He had been fooled. He knew he should have never thought of it more than acting, but… “Great,” he said, even though he didn’t feel it the slightest. Who could understand him? He had been glad to know Joonmyeon liked him, but couldn't say anything in return. And now he was distressed because it wasn’t true.

“I’m good at improvising, aren’t I?”

Yixing let out a nervous laugh. “I said it before, and I’ll say it again, you’re gonna be one hell of an actor, Joonmyeon.”

Joonmyeon beamed. “I hope so too. Thank you, Yixing.”

After that strange situation, Yixing waited for Joonmyeon outside his room while Joonmyeon finished fixing himself. When Joonmyeon was ready, they went to the living room and began watching the movie.

However, the entire time, Yixing didn’t even pay attention to the film. He watched but was completely absent-minded. Their earlier talk replayed over and over in his head. Why was he sad? What bothered him so much about what Joonmyeon had said? And most importantly, why couldn’t he have figure out what he felt for the boy who sat next to him, holding his hand so tenderly right now?

What Yixing? He asked himself continuously.

Two chapters left! :3