Day twelve

After much debate with himself, Yixing concluded that no, there wasn’t any hidden motive behind Joonmyeon’s actions, it was all a performance. They had rarely spoken before, and Joonmyeon had never treated him any differently than as a classmate. So, Yixing was overthinking a bunch of nonsense. Instead, he decided to be a better performer and help Joonmyeon improve his romantic acting skills. It was only fair since Joonmyeon was helping him getting distracted by his heartache. So, as a thank you for the romantic dinner, and because he was Joonmyeon’s ‘boyfriend,’ Yixing thought of doing something for him in return.

However, he couldn’t come up with anything as astounding as what Joonmyeon had done. It felt as if none of his ideas could top that. Yixing’s modest solution was to cook a meal for him. He was proud to say he could prepare a pretty great home-made pizza. Hopefully, Joonmyeon would agree, and perhaps even appreciate his not-so-amazing-and-romantic gesture.

Today was the perfect opportunity to do it. Yixing’s parents and Baekhyun were in the city to renovate his little brother’s passport. Usually, they would have returned the same day, but since it was the summer break and tomorrow was the weekend, they decided to stay over. Yixing had declined the offer to follow with them. He didn’t feel like abandoning Joonmyeon for three days. Plus, it meant he could have privacy for when he prepared dinner for Joonmyeon.

This morning, when Yixing had invited Joonmyeon over, his ‘boyfriend’ had been gleeful, almost excited to hear Yixing’s simple plan. Then again, Joonmyeon was an actor, so Yixing wasn’t sure if he really was happy or just acting. That was always puzzling, but most likely it was only acting. Still, Yixing could finally put into actions his idea. They had decided to meet at the grocery store in the evening.

Right now, they were searching in the aisles for the necessary ingredients. When Joonmyeon had grabbed a can of tomato sauce, he walked to stand in front of Yixing. “Listen, love,” Joonmyeon said. He raised the can next to Yixing’s ear and began tapping it rapidly, moving it to Yixing’s other ear after a while. At first, Yixing had no idea what he was doing, but then he realized it, ASMR. Joonmyeon was mimicking one of Yixing’s old ASMR video. Yixing burst out laughing then.

“You watched it?” Yixing asked.

Joonmyeon nodded proudly, putting the can in the shopping basket. “Of course I did!”

It was embarrassing, but Yixing was still curious about what Joonmyeon had to say. Baekhyun had only told Yixing he was weird for liking to tap stuff. “So?” Yixing raised an eyebrow.

“I was mostly distracted by your beautiful hands.”

Did he just compliment his hands? Yixing found it odd, yet endearing because his goddam cheeks turned rather red. Swiftly, he averted his eyes from Joonmyeon, finding the sales in chicken soup more interesting.

“But I hadn’t expected to feel anything. And then I really felt it. Like these unknown tingles on my neck, head, ears and back? Man, it was a strange sensation, like quivers but not exactly, more pleasant and relaxing?”

Yixing smiled, finally daring to look at Joonmyeon. “Yeah, I know. That’s the point. But it’s great, isn’t it?”

Joonmyeon smiled back. “It is. Too bad I don’t seem to feel anything now.”

“What? You don’t feel tingles anymore?”

“Nothing. It’s still relaxing though. And I don’t mind seeing half of your gorgeous face with the adorable dimples, and your beautiful hands, Mr. Sleepy Sheep ASMR,” Joonmyeon winked at him, smirking.

Yixing decided to ignore that embarrassing comment, looking away from Joonmyeon yet again. He smiled inwards for himself though. After paying for the groceries, Joonmyeon took the bag from Yixing, saying he could carry it. Yixing just rolled his eyes.

While they walked toward Yixing’s home, holding hands, Yixing thought about Joonmyeon’s tingle problem. It wasn’t unusual that people no longer felt them at some point. But perhaps Yixing could help him with it. Like… A visit to the hair salon! That was it. Yixing loved the calming and tingly sensation when someone washed his hair before a haircut. And that action was also one his favorites ASMR roleplay videos. He had never filmed ASMR roleplay videos because well, he was awkward and terrible at improvising. Most of his videos were of him tapping, scratching, cutting, or pouring stuff, playing with slime and the occasional greeting and goodbye whispering. But Yixing had seen enough roleplay videos from other ASMRtist to have a basic idea, and he knew how to wash people’s hair after sometimes helping his mom. He could do this for Joonmyeon, The boy had done so much for him.

The first thing Yixing did after entering his house was to ask, “Are you hungry, Jo-, baobei?”

“Not so much, honey.” Joonmyeon shook his head. “Why?”

“Do you mind if we do something else before I cook dinner?”

“What?”

“You’ll see.”

Joonmyeon seemed confused at first, but he nodded nonetheless. And Yixing ran to the kitchen to put away the groceries. When he came back to the hallway, he grabbed the key to the hair salon from the key holder. It was the evening, so the other workers in charge had already closed the hair salon. Shortly, they left the house again, and Yixing held Joonmyeon’s hand, dragging him toward their destination.

A while later, Joonmyeon stood in front of the shampoo chair, unsure and nervous, just like he had been the whole time he had seen Yixing unlocking the store and when Yixing had explained what they were doing there. “Are you sure this is okay, love?”

Yixing nodded. “Yeah, I told you, baobei, my mom won’t mind. Just sit down.” He smiled, trying to soothe his ‘boyfriend.’ And Yixing’s mom won’t really mind that he had used some of the shampoo and water to wash Joonmyeon’s hair.

Thankfully, his reassurances worked. Joonmyeon chuckled, and his lips formed a wide smile. “You know, love, your dimples will always convince me. Okay.” He sat down.

There it was again, Yixing’s faint blush on his cheeks. To divert the attention, he asked Joonmyeon if he had any treatment in mind, but Joonmyeon just said he was in his care. Joonmyeon’s hair didn’t seem damaged at all. So, shampooing it was enough. He walked over to the sink behind the chair. He grabbed a towel and put it around Joonmyeon’s shoulders, covering his neck and chest. Joonmyeon leaned against the chair and the sink. And so, the ASMR washing hair session began.

In the first step, Yixing put his hand against Joonmyeon’s forehead and dragged it along the hair. It felt soft and silky. The motion made Joonmyeon close his eyes, and sigh. Yixing couldn’t be more thankful about that. He hadn’t really thought this carefully, but doing this felt rather intimate. Which was strange because he had never thought like that before, but washing Joonmyeon’s hair? ‘It’s just an act, roleplay, Yixing,’ he told himself.

“You have really soft hair, Joonmyeon,” Yixing whispered his first line, breaking the void silence. He saw Joonmyeon slightly smiling. Next, he grabbed a comb and combed Joonmyeon’s hair. Slowly, his ‘boyfriend’ relaxed more, loosening his tension.

After putting away the comb, Yixing grabbed the shower hose. Maneuvering the handle faucet, he regulated the water temperature. The sound of the water pouring down was not only relaxing Joonmyeon, but it also had a slight effect on him too. When he had found an optimal temperature, he moved the shower hose a bit above Joonmyeon’s hair.

“Is the water temperature okay?” Yixing whispered again.

Joonmyeon nodded. And Yixing did too, even if Joonmyeon couldn’t see him. He proceeded to wet the hair, making sure to cover the forehead and the nape, just like he had learned. Meanwhile, Yixing had continued speaking softly, explaining the effects of the shampoo he was going to use. Once Joonmyeon’s hair was ready, Yixing poured down some shampoo in his palms, he carefully lathered it with his hands, placing them near Joonmyeon’s ears. He applied the shampoo to Joonmyeon’s scalp, massaging the soft hair, adding more water if he needed to lather it some more. The noise of the stirring foam had always been one of Yixing’s favorite sound. Unconsciously, he had leaned closer to Joonmyeon’s head.

“You’re very good at it.”

Out of nowhere, Joonmyeon had spoken, also whispering. Yixing’s heart skipped a beat. And an erratic rhythm started in his chest. Yixing quietly muttered, “Thank you.” Nervously he continued shampooing. He felt Joonmyeon’s eyes staring at him the whole time. Joonmyeon must have opened them when he had spoken. When Yixing finally stared at Joonmyeon, only then did he realize how close their faces were. Had Yixing leaned in that much? Joonmyeon’s brown irises looked pleadingly at him. What were they asking for? Yixing paused his hand movements, keeping his hand on Joonmyeon’s hair. He immersed himself in those deep brown eyes, in his lips, his nose, his eyebrows, everything of Joonmyeon’s face had him mesmerized. Had Joonmyeon always been this stunning? Why hadn’t he seen it before? Yixing wondered if the loud thump in his chest could be heard. The burning sensation in his cheeks could definitely be seen.

He gulped. “I-I should continue,” Yixing whispered, backing away from Joonmyeon’s personal space. Joonmyeon nodded and closed his eyes again.

The rest of the shampooing and the rinse went without any more distractions. Yixing hadn’t been able to whisper much, though, afraid that his voice would continue to dither. To continue with the ASMR treatment, Yixing used a hair dryer with a noise reduction.

“If it’s too hot, please say so,” Yixing whispered before turning on the hairdryer. Joonmyeon didn’t complain, so Yixing continued.

At the end, when Joonmyeon’s hair was fully dry, Yixing took a comb again. Unlike how Joonmyeon usually styled his hair, Yixing just let it fall down, covering parts of his forehead. Somehow the look gave more emphasis to Joonmyeon’s cheekbones. He looked cute. For some unfathomable reason, Yixing wanted to pinch Joonmyeon’s cheek, to feel how soft and plump they were. Fortunately, he hadn’t done something so weird and only backed away when he had finished.

“Done,” Yixing said, walking over to stand in front the chair.

Joonmyeon sat up straight. He let out a long sigh and opened his eyes. “That was incredible. You have magical hands.” He smiled. “I really felt the tingles again, and I almost fell asleep at the end. Thank you, love.”

Yixing’s heart skipped yet another beat. “I’m glad I could help.” He subtly scratched his head. “Ready to go eat?”

“Totally.” Joonmyeon lifted up his hand, asking Yixing to help him stand up, even though he didn’t need to. Yixing still took the hand and helped his ‘boyfriend.’

Yixing and Joonmyeon walked holding hands, conversating about trivial matters. That weird moment back in the hair salon had not been brought up. Yixing had no idea what to say about it either. ‘Why did we stare at each other for so long in silence?’ ‘Why are you so beautiful?’ What kind of questions were these? Oh, no, he was overthinking again! So, Yixing figured to just ignore it.

This summer night was windy, not cold but more refreshing. When Yixing and Joonmyeon turned around a corner, Yixing stopped short. He dropped Joonmyeon’s hand. His mouth was agape. In front of them, Kyungsoo and a tall man were kissing. The tall man was none other than the newcomer, Oh Sehun. Yixing had been right, there had always been something more between Kyungsoo and that Mr. Oh. That awful punctuating feeling in his heart was there again.

When Kyungsoo and Mr. Oh stopped kissing, Kyungsoo looked at his companion while smiling widely, a smile he had never shown Yixing. He told Mr. Oh something, something good probably because Mr. Oh leaned in to kiss him again. Why was Yixing still standing there and seeing that? Why was he stayed frozen in place? Why couldn’t Joonmyeon grab his hand and drag him away, heal his pain, shelter him and his fragile heart?

At last Kyungsoo noticed Joonmyeon’s and Yixing’s presence. He must have let Mr. Oh know, because Mr. Oh let go of the grip on his waist, and Kyungsoo let go of Mr. Oh’s arms. They walked the few steps forward to Yixing and Joonmyeon.

“Yixing, Joonmyeon, hi,” Kyungsoo said. Sehun greeted them too.

“Good night, Mr. Do and Mr. Oh,” Joonmyeon replied politely. Yixing didn’t say anything. He only stared at how Kyungsoo and Mr. Oh had their hands intertwined.

“I apologize you had to see that… It wasn’t proper,” Kyungsoo said embarrassedly.

“But who can resist you, Soo?” Mr. Oh whispered in Kyungsoo’s ear, failing because Yixing heard it. He also heard how Kyungsoo laughed timidly and called him ‘Sehunie, stop.’

Yixing gulped. Even if he already knew the answer he dumbly asked, “So-so you two are together?”

Kyungsoo stared at him. He gave him a smile, an apologetic, awkward smile. “Yes, we are.”

Oh. Of course, it was the truth. Yixing shouldn’t have asked because now he felt himself getting teary-eyed, even if he didn’t want to feel that way at all. He didn’t want to feel heartbroken anymore. He just wanted to keep playing this pretend game with Joonmyeon and forget everything else. And, as if Joonmyeon had heard his pleas, his ‘boyfriend’ put an arm around his shoulders, bringing them closer. Yixing’s heart skipped a beat for the third time that night.

“We are too,” Joonmyeon said, grinning widely while he stared at Yixing. “Yixing and I are in love too.”

Kyungsoo went wide-eyed momentarily, but then he smiled genially. His doe eyes had turned into crescent behind his frames, his heart-shaped lips curved. “It’s that so? I’m really happy for you,” he said with that voice tone, Yixing knew, was full of sincerity. He was truly glad for him. How stupid had Yixing been? Did he really think that when Kyungsoo saw him with Joonmyeon, he’ll get jealous?

Yixing couldn’t say anything in return. He only nodded as a response, leaning closer to Joonmyeon’s shoulder, trying to minimize his presence.

“Well, have a good night Mr. Do and Mr. Oh,” Joonmyeon said before walking past them, continuing their stroll back to Yixing’s home. Yixing barely managed to hear Kyungsoo and Mr. Oh’s reply.

On the way back, Joonmyeon kept his arm around Yixing’s shoulders. And Yixing didn’t ask him to let go either. The image of Kyungsoo and Mr. Oh was all he seemed to think about, harming his own heart in the process. But he liked the consolation Joonmyeon’s arm gave him. The warmth and protectiveness it brought him. The smell of Joonmyeon’s newly washed hair was pleasant too. No words were uttered as they walked. The only noise was their feet pounding on the ground, the crickets and the rustling of threes. When they reached the doorstep of Yixing’s house, sadly, Joonmyeon finally let go of his grip on Yixing, and he sat down on the steps. Yixing didn’t know why. Still, he sat next to Joonmyeon.

“Are you okay?” Joonmyeon asked after a moment of silence.

“No, not really. Seeing that… Hurt.”

Joonmyeon sighed, averting his gaze from Yixing, and Yixing wondered if he had just said something wrong. Wasn’t that the answer Joonmyeon had expected? Was he disappointed to know Yixing still cared about Kyungsoo? It was confusing. But since that wasn’t the whole truth, Yixing decided to explain further. “He looked really happy with him, honestly the happiest I’ve ever seen him. And I think that’s… Okay, good for him, I really do think that. Even if… It still hurts. I just wished it stopped hurting, you know? I wish I didn’t have any dumbs feelings for Kyu-, Mr. Do.” Yixing sighed. “I never had a chance.” He let out a laugh, shaking his head. “I was really stupid.”

“You’re not stupid for falling in love, Yixing… Just stupid for falling for someone like him when-” Oddly, Joonmyeon didn’t finish his sentence. What was he going to say? Joonmyeon kept quiet until he turned sideways, and smiled brightly at Yixing, his usual smile that caused Yixing to beam back. “I think it’s great you’re okay about Mr. Do and Mr. Oh, and that you’ve accepted that it was really never going to happen. The heartache will pass. And before you realized it, you’ll find someone too, someone who loves and appreciates you like you deserve.”

For some strange, unknown, reason, Yixing had wanted to say: ‘I think I already have it with you.’ He felt Joonmyeon might be the one who loved and appreciated him like he deserved but… It was all an illusion, parts of a very convincing act. Yixing knew that, and he also knew that in eighteen days, Joonmyeon would no longer be there with him. Strangely, that made him feel sad, perhaps even sadder than seeing that kiss. But why? He didn't feel that way for Joonmyeon.

Joonmyeon held out his hand, without words asking Yixing to take it. “Well, love, I think I’m ready for eating that delicious pizza you said. Shall we go in?”

So, they were back at the performance. Eighteen more days, he’ll have the taste of this fake happiness for eighteen more days. Yet it was preferable than glooming over his defeat in love. He might as well enjoy it while it lasted. Yixing smiled, taking the hand Joonmyeon was offering him. “Let’s go, baobei.”