Day twenty-two

When Yixing saw their meeting spot, the bridge, within sight, he noticed Joonmyeon, who was already standing there waiting for him while scrolling through his phone. He smiled. As always you arrive before the settled time, Yixing thought. He sauntered, mostly to give himself more time to adore the view of Joonmyeon’s features. That boy seemed to have captivated him, and the realization of that thought had also been scary. What if back in school Yixing was still unable to take his eyes off Joonmyeon?

The moment Joonmyeon saw him, his ‘boyfriend’s’ lips curved into a wide beam, the type that Yixing instantly returned while feeling how this heartening sensation emanated from within him. Joonmyeon put away his phone and walked a couple of steps to meet Yixing. “Love,” he said, holding up his hand for Yixing to take.

Yixing grabbed Joonmyeon’s hand, finding it thrilling, calm. “Baobei.”

“Are you ready for tonight’s date?”

Even though he still didn’t know what it would be, Yixing nodded, butterflies flying with anticipation in his belly.

“Then, let’s go, honey.” Joonmyeon began walking, taking Yixing with him away from the bridge. They didn’t follow the main road but strode towards the pathway that led to the forest.

“So, we’re going to hike?” Yixing knew that pathway extended for kilometers in a route that drove deep into the forest. They had hiked there together weeks ago. It was an accessible path, one he had taken many times before. But right now, as the sun would start to settle soon, perhaps it didn’t seem like the wisest idea to follow. “At this hour?”

“No, love. I’m taking you to my favorite spot!” Joonmyeon exclaimed. “It’s a few minutes away. But I also have flashlights with me for when it gets dark. So, you don’t have to about a thing, Xing-Xing. I got everything we need.”

Well, that explained the backpack Joonmyeon was carrying. Knowing his ‘boyfriend,’ Yixing was sure Joonmyeon had planned yet another beautiful evening to celebrate their third-week anniversary. This time, after the lighthouse and violin incidents they had agreed not to gift each other more things. But that boy always came up with the perfect ideas, well most of the time, that could be considered precious gifts, the kind of gifts that Yixing would treasure as fond memories, even if they weren't authentic.

Not letting go of their hands, they walked past swooshing trees. The last rays of sunshine light up their path. A chorus of birds sang for the last time that day, and crickets chirped in a competition. Yet it was Joonmyeon’s silvery voice, talking to him, that Yixing heard the most almost as if the other sounds filtered away. After minutes of walking, Yixing noticed they were beginning to leave the pathway, heading into the lush forest instead.

“Eh, baobei, are you sure we should leave the trail? You know what they say...”

Joonmyeon nodded, confidently. “I know the way, love. Trust me.”

Well, that Yixing did. And unlike the last time Joonmyeon had said it, no one was there to bother them. The only problem was maybe getting lost in the wild, but Joonmyeon’s confidence over this eased Yixing’s disquiet.

They walked through the trunks of trees, shrubs and other green herbaceous plants until Yixing caught sight of a clearing. There, in the middle of the woods, the vegetation opened into a small meadow. By the time they had arrived, the sun was setting, and the orange light gave the glade an ethereal, dreamlike look. Yixing gasped. “I can see why this is your favorite spot, baobei. How did you find this?” Even after living there for so many years, Yixing had never explored the entire forest. It was enormous, and things like this often went unseen. Neither did Yixing spent all his days wandering in the woods.

Joonmyeon laughed. “That is an old story. But first, let’s get ready for the stargazing.”

And there Yixing fell into realization. That was indeed a great, maybe even a tad romantic, spot to stargaze. While Yixing had never been interested in astronomy and constellations like Minseok was, he did think it was fun to contemplate the stars in the night sky. One time he had even seen a shooting star. Although that specific wish hadn’t come true, he felt that with Joonmyeon parts of the intention had come about, and it had been much better.

They found a spot in the middle of the meadow. Joonmyeon prepared everything, he did have all they needed like blankets to lay on, water, flashlights, snacks, insect repellent. Then they both sat down as the sky above them was already a gradient of blue tones overtaking the orange shades.

“So, will you tell me why now?” Yixing asked.

Yet again Joonmyeon chuckled, but he told Yixing. How had he found that place? By chance. One day, around the time Joonmyeon had recently moved to their town, he thought of going for a walk in the forest. Almost having never been this close to nature in the city, he had a curiosity like no other. And being the grown boy, he thought he was, he felt it would be all right and went his way, leaving behind a message telling his parents of his whereabouts. The stroll had been okay, but then Joonmyeon had gotten distracted, he couldn’t remember why now, and had left the trail, ending up in this exact place. He recalled being so enchanted by it that he lost track of time. When the sky became dark, having been used to the light pollution of the city, he had never felt so mesmerized. There were so many stars he couldn’t believe that was what really hid above them. At the same time twelve-year-old boy Joonmyeon was having a moment, his parents were worried sick. They searched for him as much as they could in the woods, but of course, without luck. In the end, his parents had to ask the town for help. And eventually, Joonmyeon was found, still in the same place.

“Wait,” Yixing said, “I remember that. You were the boy who got lost in the forest? My parents helped in that search.”

 “Yeah, I just hadn’t realized it at that time. I was more enthusiastic about the trees, the stars and being here, that it hadn’t even sunk in yet that I didn’t know the way back.”

“So, while everyone was worried to death, you didn’t even know you were lost?”

Timidly, Joonmyeon shook his head. “But I learned my lesson after that! Never wander into the lush unless you mark your way back. That’s why there were some red strings attached to some tree branches on our way here.”

No, Yixing hadn’t even realized that. He had been too distracted by Joonmyeon that he hadn’t paid attention to it. “Right, I noticed it… But even after getting lost, you decided to come back?”

“Yes. I got lost a couple of times but, in the end, I found the way back.” Joonmyeon smiled. “Like I said, it’s my favorite spot. I always come here when I need time on my own, to think or to just lay here and read a book or a script.”

“Then, why did you bring me here?”

“Because I always wanted to bring someone special with me one day.”

Yixing blushed, feeling how his heart skipped a beat, how a tingle in his belly intensified. Could he believe that? “Am I… Special to you?”

“But of course, love! You’re my boyfriend.”

Yixing smiled, breathing in and out. No, he couldn’t believe that. It had just been another one of those comments Joonmyeon’s ‘boyfriend’ role tended to say to make him happy. They worked, but they also made him feel empty afterward when realizing why they had been told in the first place.

“And most importantly, this is the perfect spot to stargaze,” Joonmyeon said, pointing above them. He then laid down on the blankets, Yixing following suit.

Well, living in the countryside meant almost anywhere could be useful to stargaze. But this place, it felt somewhat special. Was it because of the nature surrounding them? Was it because they were in peace and quiet? Or was it because of who Yixing had laying next to him? He didn’t know why, but he did feel it was the perfect spot. Above them, hundreds of white glistening dots stood out in the night sky. Yixing’s eyes went from star to star that twinkled in the firmament. Some were clustered in groups, others were slightly bigger and shone brighter, possibly connecting into a meaningful pattern.

“Wow, it really is the perfect place,” Yixing said.

“Yes, it is.”

Slowly, Joonmyeon dragged his hand across the blanket, until it found Yixing’s hand. He intertwined their fingers into a firm grip.

“Oh! Is that Lyra, baobei?” Yixing asked, raising his free hand to point somewhere in the sky. He thought he recognized the five principal stars of Lyra. Being one of Minseok’s best friend had given him some knowledge about constellations. But he was still unsure and needed help to confirm his suggestions.

Joonmyeon looked at where Yixing was pointing, thoughtful, squinting his eyes and tilting his head a bit to the sides. “I… Have no idea, love.”

Yixing laughed, Joonmyeon joining him in his glee. Given the time Joonmyeon took to answer, Yixing had expected something else. That boy was the smartest student in their class too, Yixing would have anticipated he knew everything. “Are you telling me all those times you came here to stargaze, you don’t really stargaze and look out for constellations?”

“Astronomy is not my thing.” Joonmyeon shrugged his shoulders. “But isn’t stargazing literally doing that, gazing stars?”

Joonmyeon did have a point there. “True. I’m not interested in astronomy either, but my best friend Minseok is, and well, I might have picked up a few things.”

“Then let's say it is Lyra. You’re most likely correct, Xing-Xing.”

They continued laying there, holding hands, watching the night above them, Yixing pointing out the constellations he recalled where what Minseok had said. Then, at some point, he felt Joonmyeon had moved a tad closer, so his 'boyfriend’s’ head now barely leaned towards Yixing’s head. Yixing hadn’t dared to look at Joonmyeon, but the volume of that silvery voice seemed louder than before, so he knew Joonmyeon was nearer to him. And sure enough, when Yixing decided to lean towards Joonmyeon too, their heads touched. Yixing felt Joonmyeon squeezing their hands a little tighter for a brief second. In this new position, they continued talking and watching the stars.

“Love, I been wondering… Have you used the violin?”

Yixing took a deep breath. That day Joonmyeon had gifted him the instrument, he had first stared at it in disbelief, trying to hold back the tears that wanted to fall. Once Yixing had calmed down, he reconsidered Joonmyeon’s written words. Just because it was too late to achieve his dream, it shouldn’t mean he couldn’t play for fun. It was that simple. It had always been that simple. However, he had been too disappointed, too angry with himself, dwelling on feelings that made him unable to play. Now, though, even if Yixing still regretted his decisions, he felt different. He thought that yes, he could still play for himself, for his own enjoyment, for the sole purpose of doing what he had used to love. Yixing finally found the encouragement to hold a violin in his hands, feeling that familiar smooth texture for the first time in years. Then, he grabbed one of the bows with his right hand, and with the other, he held the violin’s neck. Yixing placed his jaw above the chin rest. He aligned the bow against the strings and without further ado, he played, a sharp, low, sound resonated in his room. And that had been everything it took for Yixing to know.

“Yes,” Yixing said. Quite a lot actually, to the point Baekhyun often had come to his room and told him to either take a break or get out of the house. He couldn’t blame his little brother; their rooms were next to each other’s after all. But Yixing wouldn’t say anything to Joonmyeon about playing the violin a lot once again. He was practicing playing one of the easiest pieces he could remember. And he would perform it for Joonmyeon as a surprise. “I’ve been trying slowly, but it’s been fun… Thank you again, baobei.”

“I’m glad about it, love.”

Yixing closed his eyes, leaning a little bit closer towards Joonmyeon.

Sometime later, after eating the food Joonmyeon had brought, and because the night seemed to be getting colder, they packed their things and headed back to the town. Joonmyeon guided the way out of the lush, holding a flashlight to find the red strings hanging on the trees. He must remember the way by heart because they got back to the main road without problems.

When they reached the street in the town that forced them to go separate ways home, Joonmyeon let go of their hands.

“I guess I see you tomorrow, Yixing… Let’s make the best use of our remaining eight days,” Joonmyeon said, waving before turning around and walking away quickly.

“By-bye, Joonmyeon,” Yixing barely managed to say. He blinked in surprise as he watched Joonmyeon leaving and probably hadn’t even heard him. But he didn’t know why, what had just happened. That was the third time Joonmyeon had gone out of his ‘boyfriend’ character without Yixing saying something to make him do so. And it was the first time, Joonmyeon hadn’t said goodbye to Yixing with his usual, enthusiastic: ‘I’ll see you soon, love! Dream about me just like I’ll dream about you,’ and a little wink at the end. That goodbye now had felt empty, hollow, and somewhat cold. Maybe because Yixing realized that was true, there were only eight more days until the thirtieth day. He couldn’t remember when he had stopped crossing the days on his calendar. It somehow felt there was still a long way to go. And Yixing couldn’t understand where the wish that they could go on pretending came from.