I’m taken by utmost surprise the next day when my doorbell rings and I find none other than my supposed boyfriend standing at my door. As my gaze flickers down to the flowers he holds in his grasp and what seems to be a white box cradled underneath his other arm, I look back up in his eyes with a look of curiosity.

“What are you doing here?” I ask, not really in the mood for talk specially since I haven’t been able to sleep because of my muddled thoughts and ed up feelings. I’ve been tossing and turning all night, unable to come to conclusions and trying to deny myself of the fact. The conclusion I had conjured in my head is because I’m not in a stable position to think rationally, and that a few days from now everything will go back to normal and Namjoon will be the Namjoon i know again.

“Yehwa,” Jin gently presses the flowers into my hands, “I know I haven’t been the best boyfriend these past few weeks.” He gulps, “I came to say sorry.”

His eyes are swimming with so much raw emotion it’s impossible for me to draw any negative conclusions from this. My jaw clenches as I look down at the flowers-- roses, alternating white and red and yellow-- wondering where he has managed to get roses when it’s practically minus degrees outside. He probably must’ve paid so much for these, and guilt swims within the pit of my stomach.

Had I been too harsh on him? Maybe. Maybe I had wanted to be misunderstood, maybe it had been a small sadistic part of myself that had wanted this fight because I felt like he wasn’t responding to me like I wanted him to.

Jin isn’t someone that confronts people in situations and I’m the complete opposite. That small detail alone is enough to rile me up and leave me unsatisfied for days whenever we get involved in a fight.

“Can we talk this over?” It’s only when Jin’s voice reaches my ear once more that I realize I’ve been standing in the doorway without saying anything. Wordlessly, I let him in and proceed to the couch in the living room, dropping the flowers into a nearby vase on the way. Jin follows me, placing the white box on the coffee table as I watch him with even more curiosity.

“What’s in there?” I ask, unable to restrain myself. It does seem fishy for him to be bringing a white box out of nowhere. But Jin chuckles, surprisingly amused by my reaction as he quickly undoes the bow and opens up the box.

The scent of chocolate instantly fills the air, the aroma of freshly baked cake filling my nostrils. I pitch forward to marvel at the beautiful slice of cake, moist and dark, with alternating layers of chocolate and cream with two strawberries on the side as a decoration. He must’ve paid a lot for this, I think to myself, wallowing in even more guilt. And what had I been doing all this time?

Thinking of stupid thoughts concerning my best friend.

“My way of saying sorry.” Jin murmurs, “I didn’t know what else I could do for you to forgive me. I don’t want us to fight anymore.” As I turn to him with pursed lips, he bites the inside of his cheek before searching my eyes for trace of relention, “I’m tired of fighting, Yehwa.”

“I’m tired of fighting, too.” I say.

“So, can we talk over our issues without you calling me out for every single mistake I made?” He half jokes about it, but the underlying seriousness is present in his voice. I know that no matter how much I try to explain this to him, he still stands by his word and that is that he does not believe that he’s in the wrong. Maybe I’m in the wrong, maybe I’m too immature to understand where he’s coming from. But I want to move on from this and there’s so much I can do. If we have our differences, then the only thing we can do is to be adults about this and try to overlook the small things.

He listens to my side attentively, providing soft comforting caresses as I tell him how much it’s been hurting me that he hasn’t seemed all that invested in the relationship these past few weeks. And then it’s my turn to listen to him as he apologizes and says that he didn’t realize how much that had affected me, that if he had known he wouldn’t have done it in the first place.

For the first time since forever, the knot that’s been tied up in the middle of my chest eases a little and I ignore the small nagging feeling at the back of my head as I accept Jin’s apology a little bit more eagerly than I should’ve. Thing is, I don’t know if it’s because of the sudden realization that my thoughts about Namjoon aren’t exactly of the typical kind, and because that stresses me out, I decided to just block them out. I don’t know if I was relieved at the fact that me and Jin made up, or the fact that I had someone else to focus my affections on rather than Namjoon.

It’s bad of me to think this way, but in the spur of the moment, I got confused and forgiving Jin seemed to be the easy way out of this whole mess. Because I thought that maybe if I forgave Jin, that meant that this weird fluttery feelings for Namjoon would go away.

I made up with Jin, is what I text Namjoon after Jin leaves. It’s practically two in the morning and it wouldn’t surprise me if my best friend’s still asleep. But to my utmost surprise, a message pops up on my screen as soon as I set my phone down.

How?

He came over, I text him, fingers a blurry motion over the keyboard, and we talked it out. All’s good.

Are you sure?

A flicker of irritation flares up in me. What does he mean by that? Doesn’t he trust my judgement? Why is he always questioning my decisions?

Uh yeah. Why wouldn’t I be?

His answer is short and curt. I can feel the annoyance from miles away. You just told me yesterday that you wanted to end everything. So I’m asking you out of concern: are you sure about this?

Yes I’m sure. And it’d be nice that you stop doubting me.

I’m trying to help.
 

Well you’re not being helpful.

I toss my phone on my bed and decide that’s enough for tonight unless I want to get riled up again. Who is he to decide what’s good and what’s bad for me? I huff to myself, turning on my stomach as I pillow my chin with my arms and try to refocus my thoughts on everything that’s been going on in my life. I come to the conclusion that because of Jin’s neglect, I’ve stumbled upon weird emotions about Namjoon because I’ve transferred my affections from my boyfriend to my bestfriend. It seems pretty logical, considering that things had been rocky with Jin and Namjoon had been there to help me out when things didn’t go as they should be. He was my stone when things got rough and maybe that gratefulness was actually me being thankful for his friendship.

So there’s nothing weird going on here.

There’s just been a mild confusion and that’s all there is to it.

---------

Namjoon has been feeling weird.

No, he isn’t sick. He is one of the healthiest individuals alive on this earth and there’s no chance possible of him falling sick. Physically, he’s practically the walking definition of health.

It’s more intrinsic, more complicated than that. Him and Haeryung have made up and their relationship is now stable with no more issues or problems coming in between them. But these few weeks have grown to weigh onto his shoulders as he worked his way through his internship. He keeps thinking of someone other than his girlfriend whenever he has free time in the hospital, and for that he isn’t sure whether it’s a bad sign or whether he’s just going through a temporary phase.

And it probably doesn’t help things to know that the person he’s been thinking about all this time is none other than his best friend.

He keeps thinking of Yehwa’s face, keeps having flashbacks of her hurt expression the night she had broken down into his arms. Every time he thinks of such a scene, his chest would tighten and he’d feel the need to call her just to ensure that she’s doing okay, that she’s not crying again because of that stupid prick.

Namjoon has learnt to tolerate Jin but that doesn’t mean that he likes him. He finds nothing really particular attractive about the guy except that he may be physically handsome. Other than that he finds him to be a real bore and he can’t for the life of him understand how Yehwa deals with him. On the contrary, it seems like Jin is much more engaged with conversations that he has with Haeryung than with his own girlfriend.

Namjoon tries to distract himself and for some time it does. He’s too busy, swept with work and having to study day and night for his finals that he manages to get Yehwa out of his mind for some time. But then he gets a call from Hoseok on the las