Regina Spektor - The Call

   After that kiss something strange happened the next day and the days that followed. I didn't see Daehyun in class, at the library, or at the coffee shop. I haven't even heard from him. What's weird is no one seems to have noticed, not even Himchan, considering how he always teases me about him. I mean, he did confront me for the first two days, but it's been four days total and he hasn't said a word. I guess he just got tired of asking?

  It's now been five days. I want to see him before class starts, but I realize he never told me where he lived. I pace back and forth in my room. He's not even picking up his phone. Did he get caught by those men again? Wouldn't Jaebum have told me if he did? I check my phone again, thinking he will be calling or texting me any moment now. Nothing. All I see are email notifications, a text from my mom asking when I will be coming back, and the time. I need to get to biology because our professor will be giving us a review, or at least giving us the main topics that will be covered in the final. "Daehyun, where are you?" I mutter to myself.

  Why did he disappear the day after we kissed? I glance at the jar filled with lucky stars. Isn't our love eternal, so why is he ignoring me now? Something must have happened. Daehyun would never leave me alone like this. Maybe I should've listened to myself that day and said something. I did have a bad feeling. I should've stopped him and asked for him to stay just one more night if I had known he wouldn't be here. It's too late now. I need to know where he is and what he is doing. If only I had been more attentive.

  Ugh. These thoughts are taking over me and repeat in my head. As I touch my necklace, I relax. "I need to get to class." I leave my apartment, but as I walk, my mind is still thinking about Daehyun.

  Upon entering Biology I notice a few numbers are missing above people's heads. I rub my eyes and blink a couple of times for my eyes to adjust. The scene doesn't change. Some students who used to have high numbers don't have a number at all. They can't all die soon unless some catastrophic event happens, but even then they will have a zero above their heads. I spot Himchan at his seat. He still has his number. At least something hasn't changed.

  I come up and sit. More and more students enter the classroom and there are a few more students without a number. What is going on? I wait, thinking Daehyun will walk through those doors eventually, but as soon as the clock struck 9:05, all the students take their seats and my professor begins the lecture. I purse my lips and tap my pencil on my notebook. Something is very wrong.

  "Hey, Himchan," I whisper as my professor explains the format of the final, "Have you seen Daehyun or heard anything about what might have happened to him?"

  He gives me a confused look. "Who?"

  "Daehyun. Jung Daehyun. The guy who used to sit in that seat." I point at the empty seat up front where I will always see the back of Daehyun's head.

  Himchan's eyebrows furrow. "I don't know who you're talking about."

  "Very funny. I know he's been gone a long time, but you don't have to pretend that he never existed."

  "I'm serious, Youngjae. I don't know who you're talking about. That seat's been empty throughout the whole semester."

  "What?" I'm trying to wrap my head around the whole situation. Daehyun is gone for five days and now Himchan doesn't know who Daehyun is? "What do you mean that seat's been empty? Don't you remember me always going ahead that way I can avoid him? Don't you remember always teasing about him and how I liked him?"

  "No. I always thought you were in a rush because you had to get to your next class and I always tease you that you need a girlfriend or a boyfriend because you always look so cranky."

  I don't believe this. What is going on? Is this what Jaebum warned me about? Did Daehyun get taken away by those Retrievers, and his punishment is he'll be forgotten. Does that mean I will forget him, too? No. I don't want that. I don't want to forget him. My mind is all jumble up. I can't listen to anything else except my own voice repeating the words, "Is Daehyun gone? Am I going to forget him?"

  I can't stay in the classroom for the whoe fifty minutes. I want to get out, but where will I go anyways? Getting up, I leave the classroom and take a short walk. I pull out my phone and text Jaebum.

  I get an answer immediately

  I pace back and forth as I bite my nails. There's something wrong - something very wrong. I just don't know what Daehyun would hide this from me. I don't know how long I walk the same path when Jaebum arrives. I  just know I need answers. "What is going on? Daehyun hasn't showed up for days and when I asked Himchan if he knew or knew someone who knew where Daehyun was, he told me that he didn't know Daehyun. He even said that the seat where he sat was always empty this whole semester. You remember who Daehyun is, right?"

  Jaebum pulls me to the side as to not block the hallway and the talk to me in hushed tones. "Yeah, I know who Daehyun is."

  "So then why does Himchan not know?" I'm choking on my words and tears are making their way out of my eyes. How many more secrets do I need to uncover?

  "Youngjae," he calls out softly. Even his voice is almost lost. "Daehyun- Daehyun went back to the spirit relm."

  "What?" My voice comes a little louder than I anticipated. "He just left me? So, he has the guts to tell me how much he loves me and just disappear like that? Don't you think that's unfair?" Just when I find myself opening up to someone again, they break me just like that.

  "There's a reason."

  "What is the reason? You have to tell me everything because I'm tired of not knowing everything. I thought I could live without knowing everything about grim reapers and their rules about loving a human and Retrievers which, by the way, sounds like the freaking dog breed." I take a deep breath. The more I talk, the less I can think about my words. "Jaebum. What is going on?"

  "I-" He stutters and avoids my gaze. He takes my arm and squeezes it. "Daehyun is not the only one being punished for his sins. That day when he saved you in your past life was actually the biggest misfortune for you. Fate ordered for your death, but Daehyun prevented that, so as punishment he was to watch his love one die a sudden and painful death."

  "That's unfair." The tears that I held back are now streaming down my face. Why am I being punished also? I knew my life will be rough when I can see people's lifespans above their head, but I didn't think it will end tragically.

  "I'm sorry, Youngjae. Daehyun is doing everything he can to prevent that. That's why he isn't here."

  "Then why are people slowly forgetting who he is?"

  Jaebum bites his tongue.

  "Tell me. Did something happen to him?" I need to know. I need to know what is going to happen to him. "He'll be able to come back eventually, right? Like, if he's just serving his sentence back in spirit relm, he can come and see me someday, right?"

  Again, he avoids me.

  "Jaebum!"

  "I don't know! All I know is he told me to watch over you while you're away."

  My knees feel weak and fall to the ground. The tears wouldn't stop falling and I find myself burying my head into my hands to prevent others from looking at me. Jaebum rests his hand on my shoulder to comfort me, but I jerk away. "When am I supposed to die?"

  His eyes widen. He says nothing.

  "Jaebum. Tell me. You have to tell me. When am I supposed to die?" I repeat. Is that why Daehyun has been extra close to me? Is that why he gave me those lucky charms? Is that why he kissed me twice that day? He knew my death was approaching and wanted to say his final goodbyes. Why didn't he just tell me? I mean, I can at least extend my time by being extra careful, right?

  "Today," he utters, "You are supposed to die today. I don't know what time or how, but from what I've heard from my boss, you are supposed to die today. Daehyun returned to the spirit relm in hopes of saving you. I don't know if he succeeded, but I heard he returned two days ago and after that, he became MIA."

  I'm losing my breath. Just thinking about him being gone and leaving me to die without seeing him already kills a part of me. How can he do that? I mean, he is trying to save me, but if he did come back, he could at least see me one more time. I touch my necklace. If I'm to die today, what if he's waiting for me at my apartment? What if he's going to say his final goodbyes now? "I-I need to go." I stand.

  "Where are you going? You still have class."

  "I don't want to be here right now." Sure, I don't have all my things, but I just can't stay here any longer. I need to at least go somewhere quiet and where I can be alone. And that place is my apartment. "I need to be alone."

  "You shouldn't be going anywhere. Just wait until you're done with all your classes. Just wait a little longer."

  "I can't." I walk past him and block him out. I need to wrap my head around this. The world around me blurs as I'm walking through campus. Students swarm the place, yet I manage to avoid them. Bikes zoom past me, yet I don't flinch. My mind is too occupied with all the things I learned today. Daehyun is gone and left without a word. That's the one thing that's stuck in my mind. He could at least say goodbye. That's all he needed to do. At least, even with a painful goodbye, I can get over it eventually, but with things ending this way, I will forever be hurt. Can he be that insensitive? No. He must have a reason. I just don't know it yet.

  I don't stop and I continue to think. The world around me swirls. My dreams are returning and are fitting like a piece of a puzzle. Mi Sun is my past life who Daehyun fell in love with. They, at least, got a chance for a happy relationship, but it ends tragically after she was shot by unknown reasons. Then, in a new lifetime, Daehyun finds me as a child and hopes to rekindle that relationship when I get older. For me not to forget about him, he gives me the necklace he gave Mi Sun when she was alive.

  My feet keep moving and mind keeps running. The world around me is muffled. I can still imagine his smile, his eyes, and his laugh. They are all ingrained in me. I didn't think I would fall for someone like him, but with those little moments with him, I know I will be happy if we ever got a chance to actually date. Everything was just beginning and in an instant, all that potential is crumbling down.

  With each step, the more I don't know what to think. There's a loud sound ringing in my ears, but before I can recognize where it is coming from, the world around me turns black.