Sufjan Stevens - Mystery of Love 

  I wake up with Daehyun lying next to me. I nearly gasp since I forgot I told him to stay with me for the night, but I clasp my mouth. His face is much closer than I had expected and his arm is wrapped around my waist. A part of me is ready to kick him off, and another part doesn't mind the close proximity. Seeing Daehyun calm and not being the loud-mouth he is, is a nice change. I don't want to wake him up for the fear of ruining his peace. I continue to stare at him. He may be my age, but he appears younger when he's like this. His eye bags are not so prominent and the crease between his eyebrows are not there. His eyelashes are longer than I expect and I'm tempted to brush my finger along them.

  I don't.

  He shifts as his eyes remain closed.

  I return to my senses and raise my head to check the time. It's still early and I have nothing to do today, but I didn't want to just lay here and wait for him to wake up. Carefully and trying not to wake him, I slide his hand off my waist and move backwards while keeping my eyes on him to make sure he's still asleep. I hear him groan and pause. He rolls over, so his back is to me.

  I let out a sigh of relief and climb out of my bed. I take my necklace and wear it before heading to the bathroom to wash my face and brush my teeth, considering I didn't get to last night. I should make breakfast while he's here. I don't usually eat breakfast because I'm always in a rush to get to class, but since it's a Sunday, I can definitely have a proper breakfast.

  There's a few dishes in my sink, but I'll just wash them when I'm done cooking. First, I make rice in the rice cooker that way it'll be done by the time Daehyun wakes up. Scrambled eggs and meat sounds like a good combination today, so that's exactly what I choose to make. I hum to myself. For some reason I'm in a good mood, probably because I had a good nights sleep. I blush. Did I sleep well because I had Daehyun by my side? No. That can't be it. I'm sure I was just tired last night because I was having a headavhe and I just wanted to rest. Yes, that must be it.

  In the middle of cooking my eggs, I feel Daehyun's breath on my neck. I jump as the warm air tickles me. "Daehyun!" I screech as I turn around.

  His eyebrows are raised and his eyes are wide. "Yes?"

  I blink a couple of times as I realized I overreacted. Embarrassed, I clear my throat and change my attention to the eggs. "Nothing. I just didn't expect you to be awake."

  Daehyun chuckles and pulls out a chair from my small dining table. "I didn't mean to scare you, but I could smell the rice boiling from your room and got hungry." He pauses, "Also I could hear you humming. You have a nice voice."

  I stiffen. So does that mean he's been awake for a long time and didn't get out until now? I place the scrambled eggs on a plate and start cooking the meat. Ah, this is so embarrassing. I don't even know how to respond. "Uhm. Thanks."

  "Do you usually cook?"

  "Only when I have the time. This is one of the rare moments where I actually cook for someone. Normally, I would just order something and have it delivered if I have a guest or something back at my hometown. You're actually the first person that's been here other than my family." The oil pops, so I turn down the heat.

  "Are you sure I'm not someone special?"

  If I wasn't so worried about burning the food, then I would've gone up to Daehyun and hit him with my spatula. I didn't answer and just utter, "Shut up."

  He laughs. "Do you have any plans for today?"

  "No. I usually preserve my Sundays for laying in bed and watching series in the mornings and afternoons, and then at night, I save that for my last minute studying. Why?"

  "I was thinking we could spend a day together."

  "With Jaebum?" A part of me regrets mentioning him. I know Daehyun doesn't have a good relationship with him and they did seem to have a small argument last night, but he's also a friend of mine. I can't just exclude him after agreeing to myself that he'll be one of the few people I will hang out with. 

  "No. Just the two of us."

  My heart skips a beat. This isn't the first time we're out in public with just the two of us, but for some reason after last night, I'm a bit nervous. Why? Because these strange emotions are crawling out of me, and I don't know what they are and why. I just know I'm afraid of what comes next if I let them out. "What do you want to do?" I ask. My voice shakes, but I can't tell if he noticed.

  "Hm. That's a good question. I don't know. I don't want to go home, but I also don't want to just sit around here. Your apartment is comfortable, but we have a long day ahead of us. Maybe we can walk around the park."

  "Don't you need to go home first and change?" Daehyun is still wearing my clothes that surprisingly fits him. At this point, the meat is done and I place it in a bowl. As I bring the two items to the table, Daehyun gets up to grab the plates and silverware. Before I can even tell him where they are, he opens the correct cabinet and drawer and brings them to the table. Huh. Lucky guess, I suppose.

  I take the plates and get rice. As we settle down on our seats, Daehyun continues, "Can't I borrow your clothes? I really don't want to go home since I'm already here."

  Of course, I can easily tell him to just go home and we'll meet up later, but he did take me home. I should at least be considerate and return the favor by keeping him comfortable. "Fine. You can wear whatever you want. Just choose something from my closet this time."

  He grins. "Thanks."

  "Whatever." Why is my heart beating so quickly right now?

  Somehow Daehyun chooses my favorite casual shirt out of all the shirts he could possibly find in my closet. It's a black and white long-sleeved striped shirt. Sure, it's a common style, but I really like how soft it is. Daehyun doesn't take his car since the park is close enough for us to walk to. We don't say much on the way there and let the sun warm our skin. My mind is running, but I don't think about anything in particular. It just keeps going from one topic to another.

  When we reach the park, Daehyun take in a deep breath. "It's nice out today."

  "Yeah." Honestly, how much time can we spend at a park? Are we going to walk around and talk the whole time? I don't know if I'm capable of holding a conversation for that long. Now that I think about it, did I just kill it by replying with one word?

  "I never would have thought to find you here," he mutters quietly to himself but loud enough for me to hear.

  "What do you mean?"

  Daehyun's eyes glisten and his smile is soft. He bites his lower lip. "I mean, I didn't expect to meet someone like you." These words have a completely different meaning, but I pay little attention to the details.

  "Oh." What does he mean by someone like me? I'm nothing special. Well, despite the fact that I can see people's life spans above their heads, I don't find anything about me that stands out. I'm just a normal college students trying to survive this hectic lifestyle. "I mean, I can say the same thing about you. In fact, I wasn't expecting myself to be making friends in college."

  "I know."

  "Huh?"

  "I can tell." He looks into my eyes. "Something happened to you in the past with someone you cared about, so you're afraid of getting close to another person. From my experience, it's lonely when you have no one by your side. Even though you only get closed to one person, that's better than knowing no one."

  I can't break his gaze. My body is trembling. How does he know? I only told Jaebum a bit about my past, and surely, the two wouldn't have discussed it. I open my mouth to ask, but I shut it as I decide to say something else, "I guess you're right." I touch my pendant. "I thought I could avoid people, but the more I do so, the more I end up attracting them."

  Daehyun brushes his fingers across my cheek.

  I flinch.

  He pulls back and takes a step forward. "Sorry. I know how much you don't like people touching you."

  Again, I try to say something, but no words come out. Surprisingly, I didn't mind him touching me. My body acted on its own as it is a habit. What is going on with me? I can tell I'm changing.

  We walk a little more in silence. My heart is pounding inside my chest and my cheeks flush. It is not because we've walked for thirty minutes and it is not because the heat of the sun. It is because of this awkward silence between us. I want to say something, but I didn't know what. What can I say? Daehyun is beside me, seeming okay with this silence, so why am I so bothered by it? Is it time to ask about the pendant? I clear my throat. "Daehyun, I-"

  "What a coincidence to see you two here!" Someone shouts from behind us.

  We turn and see Jaebum bounding up to us with a huge smile of his face. I'm surprised he didn't get a hangover.

  "Hey, Jaebum," I greet, "What are you doing here?"

  "I needed the fresh air and this was the perfect place to be." He shifts his gaze from me to Daehyun and back to me. "You two are here, but I didn't get an invite?"

  "We just thought you would be sleeping," Daehyun lies. "You don't have a hangover?"

  Jaebum laughs nervously and rubs the back of his neck. "I drank a lot of water before I slept and ate some soup to help with the hangover. I still feel it, but it's not as bad as it could be. What are you two up to?"

  I jump in the conversation, "Just-"

  "We're just walking," Daehyun interrupts. There's some bitterness to his voice.

  Why is he always like that towards Jaebum? He's one of the nicest guys I know. He doesn't deserve this treatment. The way Daehyun is acting is starting to get annoying. "Why are you so mean to Jaebum? He's just asking a simple question. And you don't need to interrupt me."

  Daehyun's eyes wide as if he wasn't expecting me to defend Jaebum.

  Even though they had a rough past, is it really necessary to act that way?

  "You don't understand," he states as he points at Jaebum, "You don't know anything."

  "No, I don't. Neither of you will tell me what happened between you two. And if it was so bad, then why do you even bother hanging out? Is it because of me? I sure hope not because I don't want to be part of this drama." The tears are forcing their way out of my eyes. I try my best to repress them. Why am I getting so upset over something like This? It is frustrating to deal with this, but I can easily walk away and ignore them.

  They say nothing which gets me even more annoyed. If they don't want to tell me, that's fine. I just don't want to be there if they're going to act this way. I've had enough of it.

  I scoff and roll my eyes. "Fine. If neither of you wants to explain what's going on, I'm leaving." I should've stayed at home and have my usual Sunday routine. Then again, why was I getting so worked up? Is it because I do care about these two? They are the closest friends I have and the thought of them constantly bickering does hurt me. I need to get away.

  I attempt to walk away, but Daehyun grabs my wrist. I yank myself away from him. Just when I was having a nice day, it just had to be ruined in an instant.

  He doesn't say anything.

  Am I acting too childish?

  I can't back down now. I've already gone too far and want to get away from here. If I stay any longer, I'll end up crying, and that is something I don't want to do in front of anyone. Why, Daehyun? Why is he making me feel this way? I need to get away. I need some time to think and gather my thoughts. My mind is everywhere ever since the party. I'm not thinking straight. With a, "You can pick up your car from the parking lot later and just give me back my shirt later," I escape from them. I really need to calm myself down.