The Civil Wars - Poison & Wine

  I pretend to not see Daheyun the moment he walks into biology and tries to wave at me. I'm still upset. He did text me an apology, but I didn't accept it. I need time to think and by ignoring him, it'll help me possibly forgive him in the future.

  Himchan notices my actions and leans over to ask, "Lovers quarrel?"

  I'm ready to hit him. I don't because it really isn't worth it and simply glare.

  He gets the message and throws up his hands. "Alright, alright, so it's not a lover's quarrel, but what did he do to upset you? Did something happen at the party? I saw him taking you to one of the guest bedroom."

  I glare. "It's a long story, and nothing happened between us in the bedroom if that's what you're thinking.."

  "Okay, fine. Then just tell me the main stuff."

  I didn't want to talk about it especially to him, but I have no one else to release all this stress that's building up in me. "Long story short, I'm upset with Daehyun about something that I can't explain. He acts one way towards me but then another way to someone else. And then, he doesn't say anything when I ask."

  "Hm." Himchan scratches his chin. "Sounds like you're jealous."

  "What? I'm not jealous!" That's definitely not it. Why would I be jealous? There's nothing to be jealous about. Plus, my main issue is too hard to explain. There's so much more to the story. Even I don't know how much I'm missing.

  "Sure. I'll let you believe that."

  "I'm not! I'm not jealous at all. Here, let me put it simply. Dae-"

  "Ah!" Himchan interrupts and holds out a finger towards my lips to stop me from explaining. "It's bad to deny it. If you keep doing that, you'll be mad at Daehyun for a long time."

  "But it's really not li-"

  He gives me a look. 

  I shut my mouth. There's no winning with him. 

  "Whatever it is, it looks like he feels bad about it because he keeps looking over here." Himchan nods his head towards Daehyun's direction.

  I dare not to peek. If I do, then all sorts of emotions will come flying out and I will feel compelled to talk to him later today. If he really does feel sorry, then he better give me a good explanation as to why he's hiding so many secrets. I mean, I am, too, but he's also dragging Jaebum into this and it doesn't make sense. A part of me believes Daehyun is being too harsh on him. The more I got to know Jaebum, the more I question why Daehyun has bitter feelings towards him.

  "Are you positive that it's not a lovers quarrel?" Himchan leans towards me.

  I sneer at him.

  He sits back on his chair and shifts. Clearing his throat, he scratches the back of his head and says, "Okay. Okay. If you don't want to talk about it, fine. I'm just curious because you two were getting along."

  Yes, we were getting along. I just find it unfair with how he's treating Jaebum. I need an explanation. That's all. Then, maybe I'll consider forgiving him. As our professor walks in and begins the lesson, I decide to text Jaebum.

  I get my reply almost immediately.

  There's so many questions I want to ask and I hope Jaebum will be able to answer them for me. Even if he doesn't tell me everything, I at least have an idea of what is going on. The moment I read Jaebum's reply, I stuff my phone in my pocket and do my best to listen to the lecture. I tell myself not to check on Daehyun, but I can't help but glance at him and the infinity symbol above his head. I've done some research, but I still can't come up with a conclusion. Just what exactly is he?

  I manage to ignore Daehyun for the rest of the day. It was especially hard during my literature class since he sits in front of me. He would try to talk to me, but I would just dip my head and write stuff on my notebook to appear like I was writing notes. I didn't even wait for him when class ended and make my way to the science building to meet with Jaebum.

  Jaebum and I decide to eat at a fast-food place since (1) we're broke college students and (2) I didn't have a big appetite.

  As I take a bite off of my burger, I begin thinking of ways to start the conversation. I chew slowly as I stare off into space.

  "Are you alright?" Jaebum asks as he unwraps his burger.

  I jump. "Oh. Yeah."

  He doesn't take a bite and places his food on the tray. His eyes look into mine, clearly with concern. "You shouldn't be so harsh on Daehyun. It's not his fault."

  "What do you mean by that?" Nothing is making sense.

  There's a moment of silence as his eyes trail to the side and his fingers tap against the table. Is it really necessary to keep these many secrets? After some time, he begins to speak, "There are things that need to be kept a secret, so I can only tell you what you need to know. Daehyun and I were friends before. We were close, and by being with him, I can be myself. You see, I have a strict... family, and they like to limit the kinds of friends I make and the amount of friends I hang out with." He pauses, trying to find the right words to explain. "Long story short, I kept secrets from him. Secrets that if they ever surfaced, he wouldn't forgive me. Daehyun found out these secrets and ever since then, our relationship isn't the same."

  "But why do you put up with him if all he does is treat you like you're some dangerous person?"

  Jaebum half smiles and pokes at the bun. "He's just confused. I would be if I found out who I was. We were friends, so I'm sure he felt betrayed. I put up with him because I know how he feels and he actually doesn't want me to leave. He's lonely, so, Youngjae, don't be mad at him for too long. It's just going to hurt him."

  Hearing Jaebum's words makes me feel a little guilty, but at the same time, I need this space. It helps me think more clearly. "I still need some time, and I need to hear Daehyun's side of the story. I just want to understand him, and if he at least gives me some sort of explanation, then that'll be enough."

  Jaebum smiles and ruffles my hair.

  I'm taken aback.

  "You really haven't changed."

  I give him a questioning look. What does he mean by that? I don't ask as Jaebum is eating his burger with a huge smile on his face. "There are things that need to be kept a secret." I repeat those words in my head. I touch my pendant. Just what exactly are these secrets and do they have anything to do with me?

  After lunch, I head back home. Jaebum and I didn't talk about Daehyun while we were eating. We simply talked like normal friends and complained about our college experience while realizing that we're getting closer and closer to adulthood. As I'm walking, my mind drifts and I find myself staring up at the sky. It's a clear day with only a few clouds dotting the sky. The sun is up high and almost blinds me. I wrap my hand around the paper airplane and try to remember how I got it. I find myself hearing the same words over and over again: "Do you believe in guardian angels?" I shake my head. No, that can't be it. Daehyun can't be that.

  I approach my apartment and spot Daehyun waiting for me outside my door. I want to escape, but before I can, he spots me. "Hey, Youngjae," he calls out softly.

  I'm still not ready to face him. "What is it?"

  "I'm sorry."

  This draws my attention.

  "I know I acted childish yesterday, and I want to make it up to you somehow." He has nothing in his hands, but I see him gripping his backpack strap tightly.

  "Then, tell me what your relationship is with Jaebum. What happened to you two?" I have a vague description from Jaebum, so now I want to know what Daehyun will say. Will he tell the truth or make up a lie to avoid the topic?

  "I can't tell you that."

  This gets me upset. I shove past him and take out my keys to unlock the door. As I have my hand on my handle, Daehyun takes my shoulder. I jerk away from him. "If you're not going to tell me, I don't want to listen." I manage to get the door unlocked and push it open.

  "Youngjae."

  "I don't want to hear it!" I shout. My cheeks are burning and my eyes are watery. Why am I getting so emotional? This isn't anything serious, but still dont like the idea that he's hiding something from me. Through my blurry vision, I can see that Daehyun is hurt. The pain in my heart hits me harder, but I shake it off. I need to get away from him. I rush inside and shut the door behind me without looking back.

  My knees are weak. I lean against the door and take in a shakey breath. What is wrong with me? It hurts. It hurts so much, but I don't know why. 

  I'm lying on back while being in someone's arms. My body is cold and I'm numb on my abdomen. I can feel warm liquid seeping through my fingertips as I clutch my stomach. My breathing is ragged. I stare up at the man who is holding me. Again, his face is a shadow, but tears drip down along my cheeks.

  "Mi Sun. I'm here. Just hang on." He tries to carry me in his arms, but fails to do so and falls on his knees.

  I groan in pain. "It's too late."

  "No. It's not." His voice is desperate. "I'm not going to let you die." Again, he attempts to lift me up, but his body is weak. He screams in frustration and lifts his head to the sky. "Damn it!" the man brings me close to him and take me in a warm embrace. "Mi Sun, you don't deserve this. I'm the one that's supposed to suffer on my own, but I dragged you into this. I'm sorry."

  I- No. Mi Sun reaches a bloodied hand out to the man and cups his face. The tears continually fall, but Mi Sun gives a trembling smile. Her heart hurts more than the wound. With all the strength she can muster, she does her best to lift herself up. "I love you," she whispers against his lips before pressing them gently on his.

  I wake up, slightly confused of my surroundings. I check the time on my wall clock and see that it's still early. Just as I'm about to go back to sleep, a figure appears in my peripheral. As I try to see what or who it is, my vision is obscured and I nearly suffocate with the sack over my head. I attempt to swing at whoever this was, but strong hands grip onto my arms and place them behind my back where they are tied. I want to scream and so I do.

  In an instant, someone strikes me at the back of my head and I black out.