Birdy - Skinny Love

  I’m frozen on the spot when he mentions the name Mi Sun. That is the name I heard in my dreams recently. "Mi Sun?" I stumble my way to the living room. My knees are weak. Am I really prepared to listen to all this. Yes, I have to be. I need to know to understand why all this is happening. I take a seat.

  Daehyun follows me and sits on the other side of the same couch as me. There's a moment where he simply sits there while biting his bottom lip. Another sigh escapes his lips and he burries his head in his hands. "Mi Sun was you at another time." He pauses, "But for now, I need to start at the beginning - before I met you."

  I shift in my seat. Whatever he says, I must keep quiet and save my questions later. No matter what he says, I need to remain calm until the end because I don't want to miss anything. "Go on."

  A small smile appears on his lips and he scoffs. "You may not believe it, but I am not a full human."

  I had a hunch.

  "In fact, I’m not even part of this world. Before, I only arrive here on Earth to collect the souls that need guidance to the next world."

  My eyes widen. Wait, is he what I think he is?

  He chuckles, noticing my expression. "Yes, I was what you call a grim reaper. There are many of us and I don't know where we came from or how we came to be. All I know is we were chosen after our deaths but are never to remember our past life.

  “Before I met you as Mi Sun, I had been a grim reaper for over 300 years. When you live that long with a job like mine, you forget yourself. You watch how people die – some justified, some not – and you can’t do anything to stop them.” He fiddles with his fingers. “You can call me out for being so cliché, but I fell in love with your past self. It was taboo because we were dead and were not allowed to tamper with the human world, but there was just something in your eyes that I saw when I laid eyes on you."

  It was strange to be part of a story when someone else's name is being used. Mi Sun. That's who I was and that's who Daehyun claims to fall in love with. Is that why he's so clingy towards me?

  "You were assigned to me," Daehyun continues, "Back then, I was bored as I had been doing the same job for 3 centuries and decided to watch over you a month before your death despite the warnings I received from my assistant. That was my biggest mistake, but I don’t have regrets. There is a reason why we, grim reapers, are detached from your world. We were once humans, so the closer we are or the longer we stay in the human world, the more we return to our human self. I didn’t think that was true for me considering I shut out my emotions for so long.

  "Your attitude was what amused me the most. I watched through all your hardships and saw how you overcame them. I watched through all your happy days and saw how you smiled and laughed. Everything about you grew on me, and I didn't know what these feelings were at first until I had to carry on my duty.

  "On the day of your death, I was simply to watch and wait, but I couldn't. The heart that was taken from me was beating again and ached as death approached you. At exactly 8:42, it was going to be a hit and run by a drunk driver. You were a senior and would be graduating soon. With each passing minute, I got anxious. This was certainly not a feeling I've experienced before. I could ignore it, but this, this I couldn't ignore." He takes in a shaky breath. "I remember as the car approached you, all I could think about was the tragedy that would befall on everyone you knew. Your family loved you. Your friends loved you. You had such a bright future ahead of you, but all that would be gone in an instant because of someone else's reckless behavior. My mind was conflicted, but my body was set.

  "Before the car reached you, I committed a sin that no reaper should ever do: I saved you. I saved you by pushing you back. Humans couldn’t see us, so you never knew it was me who saved you, but either way you wouldn't even have recognized me. I, as a grim reaper, had no face, no figure, nothing really. We just appear as how the humans perceived us when we arrive.

  "I knew the moment I saved you, I would be punished for it, but I ran away before they could.” He pauses and bites his bottom lip. It’s so much to take in, but I let him continue, “In order for us to become human, we had to steal a body that is already dead. I know what you're thinking. This body is old, but because of who I am, I do not age. I took this boy's body because he was an orphan. He died due to pneumonia, and since I knew no one was looking for him, he became the best host."

  I watch Daehyun carefully as he tells the story. His eyebrows are furrowed and his hands are clasped tightly together. This is a difficult story to tell and to listen. I try my best to comprehend everything, but it's just so much. Not only that, but the Daehyun sitting next to me is actually someone else's body? Does that mean he took his name, too?

  Daehyun clicks his tongue. "Moving forward, I did get to meet you and even entered school. Don't ask me how. I have my ways, but it's not so easy. Even now I'm having difficulty forging papers so I can work and go to school. I tried to get closer to you, and it was successful. We were friends for some time and then lovers."

  My heart skips a beat. I mean, what did I expect? He did say that he fell in love with me.

  "However, even with all those happy times, I couldn't forget about where I came from. Everyone from my old life knew where and who I was, but no one came after me. I didn't know why until one of my previous assistant came and visited me. He told me that They already decided a punishment for me, and it was to live an eternal life as a human. I will experience the pain they felt, the hardships they encounter, and the emotions that would follow. I knew this was an appropriate punishment, but I didn't know how painful it was until I lost you." His hands tremble and a tear slips down his cheek.

  "While we were in love, I gave you that paper airplane necklace you hold so dear. We have matching pairs, but just in different colors. I took it after your death and searched for your reincarnation for years until I found you. I remember you were only a child when I laid my eyes on you, but I knew you were the reincarnation of Mi Sun because a white butterfly landed on your shoulder for just a second before flying towards me and landing on mine. With that confirmation, I returned your necklace to you and waited until you've grown up. Now, here we are, sitting here like this while I explain everything to you." He scoffs as if it’s the most ridiculous thing he’s ever said.

  "Wow," I say under my breath. That's all I can really say especially since it's so much in one day. It explains so much, but also leaves so many questions. There are still fragments of my past life that he hasn't explained, but for now this is enough. I rub the temples of my forehead. "So, you're saying that we basically had a forbidden love? Did my past self even know who you were?"

  He shakes he head. "I couldn't find the time to tell you."

  "Just say, 'her.' It feels weird when you refer to me that way." What he's saying does tell me why he has an infinity symbol above his head, but why am I seeing these numbers and symbols? Am I also being punished for falling in love with a grim reaper? I mean, Mi Sun didn't even know she was dating a grim reaper. And what about Jaebum? What role does he play? Okay, maybe I do have one more question before he leaves. "If you're a grim reaper, then what is Jaebum? I've noticed he had the same tattoo as the two other men."

  "Jaebum and the two men are also like me, but their upbringing is much different. Well, Jaebum is clearly still alive. He hasn't passed on yet."

  "What do you mean?" He does have a 74 above his head.

"We call them Retrievers. They’re special kind of reapers to keep order in our society. They specifically serve to capture reapers who go rogue. Jaebum is one of the unlucky ones who were chosen before death. He is the eyes on Earth. The ones who haven't completed their first mission will live and die like any normal human, and their soul is transferred to a human body that died as a child. A tattoo is etch on their skin with the symbol in our language that means Life. It’s supposed to allow the original soul to leave the body in order for them to take over. What Jaebum does is quite easy, but horrifying. If a higher up commands them, they can kill a human. Grim reapers, on the other hand, if we kill someone, we will be punished."

  Again, I let everything sink in. It's coming together. Confusing, but together.

  "I can leave you so you have some time to think. I know it's a lot which is why I didn't want to burden you with all this, but it's about time you know since you've seen what Jaebum is."

  Another question pops in my head. "What happened between you and Jaebum?"

  His eye turn sad and he looks off at a distance. He stands. "Well, we can save that for another time.”

  I reach over and grab him. "You've told me this much. You can at least tell me one more thing. After that, I won't ask any more questions."

  Daehyun reluctantly gives in and sits down. This time, he's closer to me and I feel our thighs touching. I stiffen and my body turns hot. After hearing that we were lovers, I'm suddenly thinking too much about this.

  "This was during your past life. I didn't know what Jaebum was before because he was actually the first human friend I made," he starts, "We were very close friends. He was there when I needed him and I almost told him about myself. I didn't, however, because a secret like that should never be shared with a mere human." His eyes shift towards me. "But you're an exception."

  I shift.

  His eyes are constantly darting everywhere as if gathering all the information he wants to tell me. “In short, I discovered he was a Retriever. I was betrayed and ran before he could report me to his boss, but they found me in the end because I couldn’t leave Mi Sun.” Daehyun bites his lips and his voice is trembling as he continues, “He knows everything about me and Mi Sun, so I figured that he will show up soon. I just wasn’t prepared to face him. It also didn’t help that you were talking to him. It was hard pushing him away because he was my friend but also he was the man that is trying to take me away from you. Every time I saw him with you, I couldn't help but feel jealous."

  I don't know what to say. Should I be flattered that he likes me or afraid since he's a bit protective over me. I just can't return his feelings because I don't know him enough to develop them. Plus, the person he is in love with is not me, but the me of the past. I take his hand, "Even if I'm the reincarnation of Mi Sun, don't you think you should treat me as me?"

  He holds my hand tight. "You're right. I'll do a better job at that." Daehyun leans forward and rests his head on my shoulder.

  Well, this isn't a good start. I don't know what to do! I'm tempted to shove his head away from my shoulder, but as I look down on him, I can't bring myself to do so. His eyes are closed. It seems that he didn't get enough sleep and he even got beaten up for me. A bruise is forming on the corner of his mouth. Just this once I'll let him be. We have class today, so he needs to be well rested.

  I continue to stare at him and think, Daehyun, will I be able to return the same love you have for me? I am not Mi Sun. I am me.