Discussion of non-consensual touching at the end. If this might trigger or disturb you, please stop reading after 'they might really be okay.'  Otherwise, enjoy!

Taeyong’s starting to regret promising Mark anything.

“Hey, it’s going to be alright.” Jaehyun’s voice is soft as Taeyong paces holes into their bedroom floor. The blonde’s slumped over on Taeyong’s bed, features almost serene. Taeyong wishes he were that calm. “We did whatever we could, so now we’ve just got to wait.”

“How can we?” Taeyong demands sharply, whirling around; he falters when he realizes Jaehyun’s looking at him with a mildly discomfited expression, and immediately regrets his cold tone. “I… I’m sorry, I’m just really worried.”

“Hey, all of us are.” Jaehyun holds out an arm, and Taeyong hesitates, before reluctantly stepping into the offered Hugging Space. “Look, we’ve done all we could.”

“You already said that.” Taeyong points out wryly, though he can’t help but sag a little when Jaehyun’s hands press into his hips.

“I know.” Jaehyun says with a soft squeeze, “But that’s all I can really say. You know that better than anyone else.”

Taeyong breathes in deeply, lets himself fall forward to rest his head on Jaehyun’s shoulder. He knows how tense he must be, with everything going on, and feels, not for the first time, the bitter sting of regret poke its way into his gut. If only he’d kept his mouth shut…

No. It’s a good thing. Else, Mark would’ve suffered for so much longer. And… maybe Taeyong, too.

“You’re right.” Taeyong admits with a sigh, letting his arms lope around Jaehyun’s waist as he shifts uncomfortably on his knees. He’s lucky the bed’s soft, else they’d be bruised. “It’s just – I promised Mark—”

“Mark knows it’s going to take time.” Jaehyun interrupts, making Taeyong’s lips press together. “And you know I’m right.”

“I did just say that, didn’t I?” Taeyong lets out reluctantly, though a tiny smile pulls at his lips when Jaehyun beams brilliantly at him. “I can’t help it though.”

“I know.” Jaehyun nuzzles into his neck, making Taeyong crane his head painfully to get away from the ticklish brush of his nose against his skin. “But let’s just forget it for a bit and cuddle, please?”

“How can I –alright, fine, just stop—YAH, JAEHYUN!” He smacks the blonde’s shoulder vigorously as his finger’s run teasingly up his sides, “You kn-know I’m t-ticklish—AGH, STOP!”

“Too late!” Jaehyun laughs delightedly, knocking him flat on his back to tickle him properly, and Taeyong can’t stop the helpless giggles escaping from him as he struggles to gasp in enough air. “Agree to forget about this, and I might stop!”

“Alright, alright!” Taeyong feels light-headed, unable to register anything save for Jaehyun’s fingers speedily working their magic into his sides, “I w-will so just—stop!”

Mercifully, he does, and Taeyong manages to push himself up by his elbows, huffing out a breath—not that he has much to spare, anyway.

“Okay, now cuddle.” Jaehyun raises an eyebrow at him, but it’s not a question. Taeyong smirks at him.

“Nope.”

“What? But you promised!” Jaehyun whines playfully, tugging at Taeyong’s shirt, making chuckle softly. “Hyung!”

“Hey, I said I’d stop worrying, not that I’d cuddle.” Taeyong points, lips still turned up. “Besides, I have to make dinner.”

Jaehyun’s eyes turn sad and oh no, Taeyong can’t ever stand the sight of that; especially not now that the blonde’s eyes are finally starting to clear up.

“Please?” Jaehyun asks softly, words almost fragile as they hang in the air. The giddiness from before starts to drain from Taeyong’s body at how uncertain his boyfriend looks. “We haven’t…it’s been so long, please.”

“Yeah.” Taeyong breathes out before he even fully registers the words, quickly drawing close to Jaehyun. The fact that he had to ask so – so carefully makes Taeyong feel a whole new level of jerkish and he hates it. “Yeah, of course Jae, you didn’t –I mean, I get it—”

Jaehyun cuts him off, by simply pulling him close, and Taeyong automatically winds his arms around his waist, making him breathe out heavily. And it occurs to him, then.

“It was hard on you, wasn’t it?” He asks with certainty, and Jaehyun almost stops breathing, air stuttering its way out of his chest; and that, in itself, is answer enough for Taeyong. “I’m sorry, I didn’t even think about how you’d feel about… all of this.”

“No.” Jaehyun rasps out, and Taeyong doesn’t even need to look to know that he’s probably wearing that fake, plastic smile that absolutely no one can stand. “No, of course not, I completely understand—”

“Jaehyun.” Taeyong interrupts, gut burning with the desire to make this right, never to shove aside anyone’s feelings, not when doing that to himself got them into this mess. “You always tell me to be honest and –and open with you so. Please. Tell me?”

“It’s not—”

“Jaehyun.”

Then, Jaehyun inhales sharply, grip on Taeyong’s arms growing tighter, till he can feel the grooves of Jaehyun’s nails pressing into his skin.

“It’s just been so long since you’ve been yourself.” Jaehyun admits softly, voice beginning to grow thick and no, no Jaehyun, don’t, “I just… I just really missed that.”

Taeyong makes a soft noise, not wanting to say anything that would put Jaehyun off, not when there’s something on his chest that clearly needs to be let off.

“And I was… I was so scared.” Jaehyun’s voice wavers and , he’s definitely crying now, warm drops beginning to wet Taeyong’s shoulder. “Y-You wouldn’t ever tell me anything a-and I didn’t know how to help and—and—!”

“I’m sorry.” Taeyong chokes out, everything hitting him at once as he starts to realize how much Jaehyun must have been hiding from him, because the blonde’s normally easy to read and the fact that Taeyong didn’t see it tells him… a lot. And how could he lose sight of it, how could he…?

“Not your fault.” Trembling fingers come to wipe at Taeyong’s cheeks and oh, he’s crying; he can’t stop, though. “Don’t cry hyung.”

And, even when he’s in tears, Jaehyun puts him first. Jaehyun always puts him first and Taeyong can’t believe it, fists curling into Jaehyun’s shirt like it’ll anchor him back to the shore, let him keep his head afloat.

“You’re not supposed to be comforting me.” He laughs wetly, hand coming up to rest on Jaehyun’s cheek, wiping the moisture away with a gentle thumb. Looking closely at him, he sees his eyes are already puffy—Jaehyun’s always been a visible crier—and reddened. “I’m sorry I worried you so much, I promise—”

Here, he breaks off, breathing harshly through his nose. “I promise, I won’t ever let this happen again, okay? I’ll talk to you, I swear.”

Even if I don’t think I deserve it, Taeyong thinks, hands resting against his boyfriend’s wet cheeks, especially if it means never seeing you like this again. Because Jaehyun is the sun, and if the sun disappears, where would Taeyong be?

Jaehyun’s eyes begin to well up with the tears again, and he buries his face into Taeyong’s shoulder, letting out tears that should never have been there to begin with; tears of fear, of days and days and days of worry, tears that Taeyong could’ve stopped with a little foresight.

And Taeyong takes it all in with open arms and a heavy heart.

“So, update!” Johnny says cheerily, as they all gather in the living room again, a couple of days later.

They’re all huddled on the couches, skin pressing against skin—but no one seems to mind, in fact, pressing closer if they can—as they listen to Johnny with bated breath. Since he and Taeil were the ones to talk to the management in the first place, it was unanimously decided that they’d be the ones to correspond with them, moving into the future.

Both of them, despite the forced cheer in their voice, look tense, tired lines beginning to form on their faces from the stress, undoubtedly. Just the sight of them is enough to send Taeyong’s insides into tangles; guilt sits heavily upon his shoulders even though he knows, objectively, that the both of them want to do this, that they aren’t being forced or anything.

Working through this might be harder than he previously thought.

“Was the manager there with you guys today?” Taeyong asks seriously, voice soft. He doesn’t need for it to be loud anyway, the room deathly quiet in anticipation.

“Yeah.” Taeil sighs, running a hand down his face. “Not that it made a big difference, but…”

He shrugs.

“Please tell me they agreed.” Yuta’s face is uncharacteristically serious as he sits forward, paying rapt attention. Sicheng is draped languidly across his back, but the Japanese boy doesn’t pay it much mind.

“Well…” Johnny hesitates, and Taeyong’s cheeks quickly drain of color as he holds his breath. How they feel about this depends entirely on what Johnny says now, and Taeyong’s so, so afraid.

Johnny’s features quickly lose their seriousness, then, and even Taeil cracks a smile.

“They did.” Johnny says, clearly pleased, and Taeyong’s breath leaves his lungs in stuttering disbelief. “They’ve actually blacklisted that piece of crap.”

“Oh my goodness.” Taeyong slumps over, not even realizing that he was tensed up. “Oh my god.”

“Thank god.” Doyoung sighs with a similar respite, and the room almost exhales with relief. “Someone should let the kids know about this.”

Jaehyun’s hand finds Taeyong’s, and he squeezes it tight in what he hopes is a comforting manner. To be honest, Taeyong might need that assurance too; and, Jaehyun seems to realize it too, because he squeezes back gently.

I’m right here.

“So everything’s going to be okay now?” Sicheng asks shakily, and Taeyong notices he’s actually letting Yuta hold onto him tightly. “We’re good?”

Taeyong looks around at the faces of all s, seeing the liberation in the curves of their smiles, the slowly brightening room easing the weight on his chest.

“We’re getting there.” His own lips curve up, and he manages to look the Chinese member in the eye when he speaks. “Aren’t we?”

The rest of them chime in with affirming noises, some shouting a big ‘yes!’ as, for the first time in a long time, Taeyong can finally breathe.

Sicheng looks delighted, a grin forming on his face.

“I’m glad.” He says brilliantly, and Taeyong’s grin stretches wide on his face after so long.

“So am I, Win.” He reaches out a hand, gently, rubbing at the boy’s shoulder. “We’ll be alright.”

Jaehyun’s hand finds the small of his back, and Taeyong relaxes quickly, watching in amusement as Doyoung whines when Yuta nearly strangles him in a hug. Phone calls are quickly made to the Dreamies, Mark’s stuttering cries of relief easing the guilt in Taeyong’s chest just a little.

They… they might really be okay.

But, there’s still one thing bothering him.

“What?!” Jaehyun very nearly screeches when Taeyong tells him about it. “Hyung, no, are you – are you out of your mind?”

“I need to know.” He pleads, hands shaking as he lets his arms rest on Jaehyun’s shoulders. They’re in the kitchen, the area silent since the rest of the members are mostly in their rooms. “Please.”

“The last time you spoke to him, you know what happened.” Jaehyun’s gaze is pained, and he bites his lip. “Please, just… just think about this!”

“I did.” Taeyong snaps and, seeing Jaehyun flinch back, deflates, sagging against Jaehyun’s weight as he rests his head along the man’s collarbone. “I just… I need to know.”

“You already said that.” He feels the reverberations of Jaehyun’s sigh along his cheek.

“Already said what?” A third voice suddenly enters the conversation, sending Taeyong reeling back and nearly tripping over his feet. “Ah, sorry, didn’t mean to interrupt your…  moment.”

Taeyong’s cheeks burn even as Jaehyun whines out a quiet ‘Johnny hyung!’ with similarly flushed features. Johnny just laughs at the two of them as he sets his cup back in its shelf.

“Anyway,” Jaehyun quickly diverts, making Taeyong narrow his eyes at him. “Taeyong want to talk to Kim Yeongsu again.”

“What?!” Johnny’s reaction isn’t much unlike Jaehyun’s. And look, Taeyong knows it sounds crazy, stupid even, but… he needs closure. He needs to know why. “Why on earth would you ever want to talk to that jerk again?”

“Exactly my point.” Jaehyun huffs out, pleased, and Taeyong seethes.

“I want to understand why he did it.” He says instead of throwing a hissy fit; he’s not childish, and even though he hasn’t been that way for a while, he’s actually quite level-headed. “Why he… said the things he did.”

Taeyong doesn’t like remembering them, though they echo in his mind.

Johnny’s eyes are narrowed on him, and he seems more thoughtful than appalled, now. Jaehyun sees the change in expression, face quickly losing color.

“No.” He says softly, almost disbelievingly. “No, you can’t seriously be considering this—”

“Look,” Taeyong cuts in curtly, but not disrespectfully. Seeing the open concern in Jaehyun’s eyes, his tone softens, “I understand that you’re worried, but I’m an adult and I can make my own decisions… surprisingly.”

Jaehyun gives a tiny snort at that, and pats at Taeyong’s shoulder. Johnny’s still staring, so he takes the hint, and sighs.

“The both of you can come along, if it makes you feel any better.” He offers, and their expressions clear considerably. “Is that better?”

“Much.” Johnny agrees easily, and Jaehyun exhales heavily.

“I’d rather we not go at all…” He says sullenly. “But fine. I’ve always got your back.”

“I know.” Fondness wells in his chest, and Johnny makes a face when they smile at each other.

“Ugh, feelings.” He chucks a paper towel and Jaehyun. “Go away.”

“Stop!” Jaehyun giggles, and Taeyong shakes his head with familiar helpless amusement. “We’ll go tomorrow, then?”

Taeyong smiles, though it’s not cheerful.

“Yeah.” He says, and it’s decided.

They actually end up going to his house, and Taeyong’s breaking in his nails, chewing nervously on his cuticles as he paces outside the door.

“Hey, if you don’t want to do this, we can go back.” Johnny’s voice screams of concern, and Taeyong quickly shakes his head.

“Are you sure?” Jaehyun’s eyes are impossibly soft, and Taeyong wants to know what he’s done to deserve someone so perfect, really.

“I’m alright.” He says as reassuringly as he can, before stopping short and finally shaking his head. Be honest. “…No, I’m not. I’m… I’m scared.”

There, he’s said it. His lips taste bitter, but Taeyong’s being honest, that’s a good thing.

“We shouldn’t have come here, I knew it.” Jaehyun says, whirling around and running a hand through his hair, and Taeyong quickly speaks again before Johnny can agree with him.

“I still want to do this though!” He clarifies, and his hands are shaking, so he puts them back in his pockets. “I’m afraid that… what I’ll hear isn’t what I want. Or that it’ll be too much, or – or too little.”

“That’s normal.” Johnny assures him, placing a hand on his shoulder warmly. “It’s okay to feel that way.”

Taeyong smiles wryly at him, shrugging half-heartedly as Jaehyun lets out a breath.

“I’ll be with you.” Jaehyun promises, giving his hand a quick squeeze. “We’ve both got your back so… don’t worry too much, okay?”

“Okay.” Taeyong says the damning word and, with a trembling hand, rings the doorbell.

It takes four heart stopping moments for the lock of the door to click open, and it swings in, revealing the very man Taeyong’s been dreading seeing again.

“Lee Taeyong.” Kim Yeongsu says, a strange look on his face.

“And Jung Yoonoh, and Seo Youngho.” Johnny cuts in snarkily, making the man shift his gaze to him. Almost unconsciously, Yeongsu’s hand rises to cup his cheek, almost as though remembering the feel of Johnny’s fist against his skin.

Taeyong bites back a dark smile at that.

“Right.” He says stiffly, “What do you need? Taking my job away wasn’t enough for you?”

Johnny and Jaehyun look at Taeyong then, and he realizes it’s time for him to get his answers.

“Actually,” He says, stepping forward minutely, “I have questions.”

A long beat of silence passes, before something almost vicious passes over the man’s face, and he steps aside, mockingly waving his hand inwards. Taeyong feels like he might not be able to breathe, but Jaehyun luckily chooses that moment to grip his hand tightly.

“By all means, come in.” He offers bitingly, and with a quick glance shared between the three of them, they do.

Taeyong doesn’t pay attention to their surroundings, forcing his mind to focus on just one thing; the last thing he needs is for things to go south, not when they’re finally trying to fix everything.

“So, what brings you here?” Yeongsu spreads his arms, palms splayed upward, with a fake grin. Taeyong sees Johnny bristle and Jaehyun’s gaze grow flat from the corner of his eye, but he takes in a deep breath as he crosses his arms.

“It’s a simple question,” Taeyong warns him; though he’s trembling lightly, he downplays it, managing to meet his eyes, “And I want a simple answer, none of the… the extra bits.”

He doesn’t think about said extra bits from before, though Yeongsu’s widening grin tells him he remembers.

“Go ahead then, Your Majesty.” He says mockingly, and Jaehyun actually growls under his breath.

“Why?” Taeyong asks quickly, biting his lip as his eyebrows furrow, “Why did you keep… talking to me, and –and—”

The words quickly die in his throat, because he doesn’t know how to explain any of it without bursting into tears or something equally embarrassing.

“Why did you touch him?” Jaehyun finishes darkly, eyes cold. “You said you weren’t interested, and yet you continued to touch him even after he told you not to.”

“Ah, seriously.” Yeongsu rolls his eyes like this is nothing, like Taeyong’s just overreacting and—well, is he? He can’t be, not with Jaehyun and Johnny getting so worked up over it. “That’s it?”

“That’s not it.” Johnny bites out, making him stiffen. “You made both him and Mark feel like –why?”

“I wasn’t trying to do that!” Yeongsu quickly loses the cocky smile, features contorting into something bordering anger, and it makes Taeyong’s insides grow cold. “I just wanted them to see that they need to work hard for what they want.”

“They already do that!” Jaehyun bristles indignantly, a foreign anger seeping into his tone, and Taeyong lays a warning hand on his arm. “And Mark’s just a kid too!”

“Kid or not, it doesn’t matter!” Yeongu’s finally lost his cool, eyebrows furrowing darkly and Taeyong wants to back away, but the tight grip Jaehyun has on his other hand stops him. He’s here. It’s okay. “Once you up, it’s all over, and there’s no getting that back!”

“What, did that happen to you?” Johnny sneers, eyes calculative.

“Yes.” There’s silence after that and Yeongsu sighs resignedly. “I took my time as a trainee lightly. I was chucked out, and no one wanted to take me in again; which is exactly what I’ve been trying to prevent. Yet, all of you act like I’m the bad guy here.”

“And why did you do that to me?” Taeyong’s voice sounds out strangely, and he hasn’t even realized he’s spoken aloud.

“Oh.” Yeongu’s anger is all but shoved aside as he grins almost sadistically. “That was just amusing, really. You’re basically the prince of SM, but so, so weak… I wondered how you lasted as long as you did, really.”

This has Taeyong’s blood boiling, and he all but rips his hand from Jaehyun’s, curling it into a fist.

“So you played with my feelings, my self-esteem, my self-worth; all because it fascinated you?” Taeyong sees red, unable to wrap his head around the fact that there was nothing really wrong with me, he was just having fun, “You thought it was amusing?”

“Don’t tell me you took me seriously.” Yeongu’s still smiling, and Taeyong’s shaking hard now, with barely restrained fury. “I even told you I wasn’t interested in you, yet you still thought I’d want to you? Well, you clearly don’t have the self-esteem issues you claim to.”

“You touched me.” Taeyong says disbelievingly, and Jaehyun’s turning to him, all worried and fretful at the brittleness of his voice. “Inappropriately, even after I told you not to. And you… you made me feel disgusting for – for— it, I’m done, I'm not doing this.”

He breaks off, suddenly needing to leave, never look at his vile, revolting face again. He can't stomach the thought anymore.

“Let’s go.” He says to Jaehyun and Johnny instead, turning around and striding away. He can see them exchange dubious glances, but they follow him out anyway and his heart swells at the sheer trust they show in him even like this.

“It was nice seeing you again!” He hears the man shout, and Johnny mutters something quietly under his breath in a way that's telling; but, Taeyong’s too slow to stop him from whirling around and decking the man straight in the jaw.

He can't believe it.

“Keep going.” Johnny says quickly, and Taeyong is helpless to deny that, quickly walking out and sprinting down the stairs amidst Jaehyun’s maniacal laughter and Johnny’s whoops.

What’s even happening?

“Are you crazy?” He yells as they dive into their car, Johnny quickly fastening his seatbelt and peeling out of the parking lot.

He breathes heavily, winded from the short sprint as his mind struggles to wrap itself around what just happened. “Are you… are you…?”

“A genius?” Jaehyun’s grinning widely for the first time today, and Taeyong can’t. “Because that’s what I think.”

“Thank you.” Johnny huffs out, a similar, brilliant grin lighting up his face, “Bastard deserved it.”

“Why’d you do that?” Taeyong demands angrily, voice coming out warbled, because what if Johnny gets in trouble? What if he's put on probation, or worse? What if he can't perform anymore? He can’t just go around punching people for no reason. “Knowing all the risks, why—”

“Because he was talking about you and Mark.” Johnny cuts in matter-of-factly. Their eyes meet through the rear-view, “And there’s no way I’m ever letting that happen, not again.”

Taeyong's chest rises and falls rapidly, except he isn't sure if that's because of the running, anymore. And, it’s only when Jaehyun sets a hand on his shoulder, murmuring softly to him, that Taeyong realizes he’s crying. But - but these are good tears, they’re tears of… of relief, of freedom, of finally feeling safe and protected and trusted.

They’re the tears of happiness that he's almost forgotten, and Taeyong doesn’t hold them back.

Not anymore.