Taeyong knows Jaehyun must be wracked with pain, considering how hard he’s clutching his hand. He can’t help it though, adrenaline still pumping through him, tinged with fear. He can’t believe they just did that. And he’s so incredibly proud of Mark that words can’t describe the feeling.

Taeyong is aware how he could have done more—the details stick out to him, glaringly obvious—but he’s doing his best not to think about that, not to let them get to his head. He knows his overthinking is what caused this entire mess to begin with, but… it’s easier said than done.

“Penny for your thoughts?” Jaehyun asks, deceptively soft, and Taeyong is reminded how his boyfriend nearly pummeled someone today (for him, out of love).

Taeyong shrugs, not wanting to talk about it, “What, are my thoughts only worth a penny now?”

Jaehyun laughs, but it’s kind of hollow, and Taeyong hates that. It’s obvious that the blonde knows he’s deflecting, so Taeyong’s pleasantly surprised when there’s no follow-up from there… though kind of disappointed as well. He’s being ridiculous.

“I’m proud of you.” Jaehyun says eventually, and the words actually bring Taeyong to a halt. He must not have heard right, there’s no way Jaehyun just said that—

“What, for not doing anything?” Taeyong snorts self-deprecatingly out of reflex, “For just standing there and letting him touch me?”

“You stood up for yourself, didn’t you?” Jaehyun asks, “You protected Mark.”

“Honestly, Mark managed just fine on his own.” Taeyong lifts a shoulder, biting his lip; to be honest, Taeyong doesn’t even know why he was there.

“You don’t realize it, but…” Jaehyun drawls out, before he’s grasping Taeyong’s other hand, so that they’re facing each other, “You took the brunt of his attention. If he’d been entirely focused on just Mark, things would’ve been very different.”

There’s a pause, as Taeyong struggles to wrap his head around that.

“You were very brave.” Jaehyun concludes softly, “You acted like a true leader right there, hyung, no matter how you look at it.”

“Really?” Taeyong hates how unsure he sounds, how feeble his voice is; but, this is the one question that’s been haunting him since debut, ever since he found out he was the leader of NCT.

“Definitely.” Assurance leaks into Jaehyun’s tone, and Taeyong is compelled to believe him. Jaehyun wouldn’t lie to him, right?

“Thank you, by the way.” Taeyong wants to wring his hands, but they’re a bit occupied at the moment, so he just worries his lip, “For punching him, even though you didn’t have to. Even though you… you probably shouldn’t have.”

“Hey,” Jaehyun interrupts, serious, “Of course I was going to do that. I made you a promise, hyung, and I fully intended to keep it.”

Emotion chokes Taeyong’s throat, and he shakes his head, pressing closer to Jaehyun, much to the blonde’s surprise. He knows he probably shouldn’t, since they’re not in the private confines of their dorm, but he just… he just needs.

“Hyung.” Jaehyun’s voice is soft, but he drops his chin to Taeyong’s head with a sigh.

“I know.” Taeyong bites out painfully, hating the secrecy, but understanding it all the same, “It’s just… I’m happy for Mark.”

“And yourself?” Jaehyun’s tone brokers no argument, so Taeyong reluctantly nods, “You’re alright, aren’t you?”

“Yeah, I think so.” Taeyong looks up at him—really looks at him, after so long, “Not like my skin’s going to peel off or something, but still a little uncomfortable.”

Jaehyun’s forehead immediately creases in worry, and it makes Taeyong feel terrible for ruining his good mood.

“Let’s just get back to the dorms.” He says, instead of continuing their discussion and probably bursting into tears out of guilt, “The others might have gotten back.”

“I doubt it.” Jaehyun laughs knowingly, though the hardness in his eyes doesn’t die, and Taeyong is struck by how brilliant his smile still is, “But yeah hyung, let’s get back.”

The others are not, in fact, back in the dorms, and Jaehyun takes great pleasure in informing Taeyong that he told you so.

Taeyong can’t find it in him to even feel the slightest bit offended, and instead takes the opportunity to push the blonde onto the couch and cuddle the life out of him. Mostly for his own sake, more than Jaehyun’s, if he’s being honest. He just… he doesn’t want to think about anything right now. He won’t avoid it anymore but… that doesn’t mean it can’t wait, right?

“Keep it PG.” He deadpans, though, when Jaehyun leers at him, making the vocalist pout, “You dirty-minded boy.”

Jaehyun flushes at that, and Taeyong’s so startled that even his laugh comes out strangled. He didn’t really think that’s what Jaehyun was thinking, but it’s kind of funny. And it’s… it’s nice, being able to joke around like this, after all this time.

“You’re so mean.” Jaehyun pouts up at him, shoving him off his lap, making Taeyong grin wider out of habit, “Ah, I can’t even stay mad at you!”

That sobers Taeyong up quickly, remembering the last time Jaehyun was angry at him—there goes delaying the inevitable—and he hesitates before speaking.

“I’m sorry for all of this.” He apologizes, ducking his head, and looks up to see Jaehyun staring at him in confusion, “Y’know… for keeping you in the dark all the time. It… it wasn’t the smartest choice I made, I know.”

“I’m not going to pretend to understand why you did it.” Jaehyun informs, before leaning forward and pecking his lips, “But I’m just glad you’ve realized it’s not a good idea.”

“I see that.” Taeyong wrings his hands anxiously, trying not to bite at his fingers.

“You know it’s not because you aren’t worth it or whatever, right?” Jaehyun sometimes has the ability to read minds and Taeyong can’t believe he’s forgot, “We’re always strong in numbers, remember that. No matter how strong you are, it doesn’t matter.”

“Aren’t you inspirational.” Taeyong mutters with a weak smile, but Jaehyun’s expression doesn’t give way, “Yeah, don’t worry. I’m… frankly, I’m trying to convince myself of the same thing, so.”

“A work in progress, then.”

“Yeah.” Taeyong sends him a nod, unable to stop the fond smile from spreading across his lips, “I guess you can say that.”

“THE CHILDREN ARE HOME!”

The two of them nearly fall off the sofa in shock at the sudden, booming voice that echoes in the room; it takes Taeyong a couple of seconds to identify Doyoung’s voice but, when he does, can’t help the angry red flush that spreads along his neck.

“Doyoung.” He grits, getting to his feet on autopilot to greet his wayward member, “What have we said about loud voices in the dorms after 6?”

The vocalist freezes, from where he’s standing in a dramatic pose, while the other members file in, smirks decorating each of their faces.

“Uh…” Doyoung looks baffled, though a little pale, “N-Not to use them?”

“And…” Taeyong needs to exhale deeply so that he doesn’t feel like yelling, “And what were you just doing?”

“Hyung!”

“Doyoung.”

The man looks miserable as he ducks his head, “Yelling.”

“Exactly.” Taeyong can’t help the glare that manifests on his face, “So don’t.”

“Right.” Doyoung looks downcast, and now Taeyong feels the guilt begin to set into his stomach, “Sorry, I’m just gonna—”

“Wait.” Taeyong grasps his arm as he’s about to leave, “I’m sorry, I just… something must be wrong with me—”

“Did something happen?” Doyoung inquires, and Taeyong can’t help but tense, making his eyes widen, “Holy crow, something did?”

“Something did what?” Sicheng pokes his head around the corner, blinking inquisitively at the two and Taeyong wants to sink into the ground, “What’s it, hyung?”

Taeyong sighs, reminding himself that he promised Jaehyun to be less secretive about everything. This is the time for him to do it right.

“We… Mark and I talked to their dance instructor today.” He keeps his voice hushed, and quickly digs his nails into Doyoung’s arm to make sure he doesn’t yell, “He was waiting for Mark and Donghyuck at the dorms today.”

“, that’s some A-grade stalking right there.” Doyoung breathes out and, at Taeyong’s glare, quickly backtracks, “I mean, it’s kind of strange? Why was he there? What happened? Are you guys okay?”

“Hyung, that’s too many questions.” Sicheng frowns, properly ambling out into the hall, “Aren’t you going to tell everyone anyway?”

Damn Sicheng for being a cunning angel. Taeyong shuts his eyes, and breathes in. It’s okay, he can talk about it because nothing happened. The others deserve to know because they’re all working so hard for the mess Taeyong made by rushing in himself—they don’t need a repeat of that. And he promised Jaehyun he wouldn’t run away anymore, right?

“Of course he is!” Doyoung rolls his eyes, like the answer’s obvious—and gosh, he has more faith in Taeyong than he does himself.

“Get freshened up.” Taeyong deflects, before sighing, “Besides, you guys need to tell Jaehyun and I about what happened at the meeting too.”

At that, a biting anger swims onto Sicheng’s face—it takes Taeyong by surprise, making his mouth dry—and Doyoung just nods with an unreadable expression. It makes Taeyong’s gut twist: there’s nothing wrong, right? Is management going to ignore them?

“Nothing’s wrong.” It’s like Doyoung can read his mind, Taeyong surmises in silent surprise, “Seriously hyung, sometimes you’re an open book.”

“Right.” He eyes him hesitantly, before giving a short, jerky nod, “Let’s just… uh, go, yeah.”

He turns around, mind swimming in confusion, because how do they know him so well sometimes? He can’t figure out the answer to that just yet, so just grabs Jaehyun by the arm from the couch, much to the blonde’s surprise.

“Eh, hyung?” He sputters as Taeyong begins to drag him away—well, not really, since Taeyong isn’t quite that strong—towards their rooms, “What’re you doing?”

“All of us need to talk, right?” Taeyong mutters, “We should shower first.”

“Together?” Jaehyun grins cheekily, though it quickly dies under Taeyong’s withering glare, “Welp, never mind.”

Taeyong can’t stop the sudden drop in his stomach as he stops, and plays with his fingers nervously.

“Sorry.” He says lowly, and Jaehyun pauses, blinking in surprise, “I didn’t mean to—I mean, if you want—”

“Whoa, hyung, relax!” Jaehyun assures quickly, eyes wide, “It’s okay, I was just kidding! Besides…”

His smile turns shy, and Taeyong can’t help the flush creeping into his cheeks, “You’re… you’re sounding more like yourself again. It’s nice.”

“Oh.” Taeyong says dumbly, and it’s Jaehyun’s turn to be red from neck-up.

“Uh, you can take a shower first hyung!” He yelps, before bolting away, and leaving a bemused rapper behind. Taeyong’s cheeks are still burning, but something much more pleasant flutters in his stomach. Maybe it’s happiness? Strange.

He quickly makes it to the bathroom after beating a sprinting Yuta and a desperate Johnny to it, and quickly strips out of his clothes. As he moves to get into the shower, though, he catches the sight of reflection and, biting his lip, assesses himself.

He looks average, honestly. Brown hair, brown eyes, and a thin, lean body. There isn’t much to see there and, honestly, sometimes he wonders why Jaehyun’s chosen him—Taeyong, the struggling human being. Not Taeyong, the charismatic rapper, not Taeyong, the floundering leader. Just… Taeyong. This isn’t the first time he’s felt so blessed, and he guesses he’ll never stop.

His hands creep up to his jaw automatically, and Taeyong’s mouth dries when he remembers the blistering heat of a palm against his skin, the burning trail along his cheekbone and the scorching pain along his waist. His hair. Everywhere.

Taeyong chokes back a sob, hyperaware of the silence. He can’t be doing this now, not when nothing’s happened. It’s just a few touches and, honestly, there are so many other idols who’ve probably gone through worse. Besides, the man did say he wasn’t… wasn’t interested. It’s okay. Taeyong’s okay.

Except he’s not—and his skin feels so dirty now, his hair feels disgusting—and he needs to… he needs to do something about it, but there’s nothing he can do except get into the shower and let the hot water course down his back, and rub, rub, rub at his skin until it begins to turn pink—before he realizes himself, realizes that tears are streaming down his cheeks, mixing with the shower water.

Muffled sobs obscured by the pattering of water against the tiles, Taeyong cries his heart out.

“We are gathered here today,” Johnny begins solemnly, Taeil rolling his eyes beside him, “To discuss, among ourselves, the results of the conclave which few of our numbers have witnessed, and—”

“Okay.” Taeil interrupts, clearly done with the younger man, and Taeyong is inclined to agree, “We’re just going to talk about the meeting we had, and anything else that might be noteworthy.”

“Aw man.” Yuta complains, a teasing grin on his lips, “I wanted Johnny hyung to finish!”

“Yeah!” Doyoung agrees easily, though there’s an underlying tension in the line of his shoulders that Taeyong just can’t ignore, “You’re so boring, Taeil hyung.”

“Sure.” Taeil rolls his eyes, as Johnny preens—and the gesture is so them that Taeyong can’t help the fond smile etching itself onto his lips, “Anyway, are there any volunteers, or should I just do it?”

“You can do it, hyung.” Sicheng yawns adorably, hair mussy, “I’m tired.”

“We’ll head to bed right after this, and dinner of course.” Taeyong assures him, worry seeping instinctively into his voice, “Just hold on till then, yeah?”

Sicheng just gives him a sad pout, before nodding and slumping over the arm of his couch. Yuta, who’s sitting next to him, coos and pinches his cheek.

“Alright, so.” Taeil starts off, tapping his fingers against his knees, “We went to meet with the management and, initially, they weren’t so keen on the idea.”

“Like it’s that hard to believe.” Johnny scoffs darkly, but quickly shuts his mouth under Taeil’s stare. Taeyong can feel Jaehyun chuckle quietly beside him, vibrations travelling up his arm.

“Anyway, they didn’t really believe us, but we made a strong case.” Taeil smiles serenely, though his eyes are hard and cold—Taeyong suppresses a shiver at the mere sight of them, “Suffice to say, they should not be doubting our words any time soon.”

There’s something that worries Taeyong, though, and he clears his throat meekly to catch Taeil’s attention, “Did they… did they say why they wouldn’t believe us?”

“Uh… no.” Taeil averts his eyes, and Taeyong’s gut sinks.

“It’s because of me, isn’t it.” It’s not even a question, as the words just slip from his lips, and he can’t help the slight hunch to his shoulders at that.

“No way!” Johnny sounds indignant at the very thought of it, which makes Taeyong grin wryly, “Dude, seriously?! That makes zero sense.”

“I’ve gotta agree.” Doyoung says honestly, shrugging, “You’re so adorable all the time that it’d be hard not to believe you.”

Taeyong’s mind blanks out for a moment there, mouth wide and gaping; he hears Doyoung meep! when Jaehyun looks at him, though, so Taeyong quickly squeezes the blonde’s arm to keep him from glaring their vocalist to death.

“I wouldn’t say that.” Is all he manages to say as response, Jaehyun still tense under his arm; he shuffles along the couch a little more, so that he’s almost pressed fully against Jaehyun’s warmth, as an assurance.

“Right.” Yuta looks amused, fingers carding to a droopy Sicheng’s hair, “Anywho, Taeil hyung?”

“Ah, right.” Taeil shakes his head, bashful smile attacking his lips, “So, they said they’ll fire him. We don’t know about blacklisting and stuff yet, but, uh… they said they wouldn’t sue.”

Johnny has a dark frown on his face, “Even though we pressed hard for that.”

“Honestly.” Doyoung agrees, cheery disposition eerily vanishing, “What’s so hard about it? SM’s a huge company, it can’t be that difficult to cover their tracks or whatever.”

“It’s okay.” Taeyong interrupts, making everyone stare at him in obvious surprise. He flushes when he sees Jaehyun looking at him with shock too, and quickly explains, “I… I can’t speak for Mark, of course, but I’m not interested in suing him. I just… I just don’t want to see him again, nor do I want anyone else to have to go through what Mark did.”

Just remembering it is enough to make nausea creep up his throat. Taeyong can’t help but remember and—

No.

He looks up, and everyone’s staring at him with varying degrees of concern flickering over their features. His mouth dries.

“I told myself I wouldn’t push.” Yuta says lowly, and Taeyong curls his fingers into his thigh to ground himself, “But could you please just tell us about what he did? I know you said, last time, that he talked crap about Mark but, really, hyung, we’re not… we’re not so far out of the loop.”

“I…” Taeyong can’t speak, breaths escaping almost forcefully from his lungs, “I just…”

He tenses up at the feel of fingers pressing into his palm, relaxing when he recognizes that it’s Jaehyun who’s tangling their fingers together, pressing closer. Jaehyun brushes a hand at the nape of Taeyong’s neck and, when he looks up at him, gives him an obvious look. And Taeyong knows it’s about time he talks to them, that he’s promised and he can’t go back on his word lest everyone distrust him again but—

“You’re alright.” Jaehyun whispers to him, and Taeyong shuts his eyes, willing the burning in the pit of his stomach to go away, “I’m here with you, hyung. No one’s leaving.”

It figures that Jaehyun has always managed to hit the mark.

“The first time I met with Kim Yeongsu,” Taeyong begins, apprehension washing over him because this is it, he’s actually going to tell them about all his shortcomings, “I was angry. I wanted to figure out what was going on, why Mark fainted that day we had an interview. At the time, I… really only knew that Yeongsu yelled at him and he started overworking because of it.”

“I thought that,” Taeyong swallows, palms beginning to sweat—but Jaehyun doesn’t pull away, and Taeyong doesn’t deserve him, “I thought maybe I could talk to him, reason it out. That maybe, he just didn’t realize what he was doing, that he didn’t mean to hurt Mark, but…”

His mouth curls downward against his will, and he has to take a deep breath.

“He didn’t care. In fact, he… he said he hadn’t done enough. Said it was… it was for the best. And then, he—” It’s stiflingly silent, now, and Taeyong has to break off his sentence, forcefully swallowing down the bile creeping up his throat, “He turned it on me. Said I didn’t know any better than the younger members and that—”

“Hey.” Doyoung speaks softly as Taeyong cuts himself off again, “You don’t have to tell us if you don’t want to.”

Taeyong can see the dark undercurrent of anger in his jaw, though; he knows it’s not directed at him, but he just needs to get this off his shoulders, dust away and never look back at it again.

“He said it didn’t matter how pretty I was.” Taeyong spits the words out—shivers as he remembers the first touch—and bites his lip as Jaehyun’s grip on his hand tightens, “He… he…”

“Did he touch you?” Johnny inquires, rage beginning to flicker across his expression, and Taeyong gives a hesitant nod that makes him swear and Taeil go white.

“He said he wasn’t interested in that when I told him not to.” He admits softly, and Taeil slumps forward in the tiniest bit of relief, “But every time I saw him after that, he… he just kept pushing and I—”

He gasps out, tears stinging his vision as he directs his eyes downward, “I w-was weak. I let him toy with me and agreed with everything he said and—”

“Hyung.” Arms are wrapping around him, and Sicheng’s murmuring gently into his ear, rubbing his back comfortingly, “It’s okay. You’re not weak.”

“Definitely.” Yuta’s voice chimes in, as he comes to settle on the floor by the couch, hands pressing onto Taeyong’s knees, “You’re the strongest person I know, really!”

“I have to ask, though…” Taeil seems hesitant, “What exactly did he say to you?”

“Does it matter?” Doyoung’s voice is sharp, and Taeyong flinches—immediately cursing himself for the automatic response, “He shouldn’t have even touched hyung in the first place!”

“Agreed.” Johnny adds in his own two cents, voice dripping with venom, “, I should’ve punched him harder.”

“It matters because Taeyong hyung’s well-being is more important than whatever vengeance you guys want!” Jaehyun snaps from beside him, frustration leaking through his tone.

Taeyong grows cold, and he holds tighter onto Sicheng with one arm, the other gripping Jaehyun’s hand. They’re arguing, and it’s all his fault. They’re angry, and it’s all his fault. Taeyong should’ve kept his mouth shut. He shouldn’t have brought it up, should’ve just shrugged it off when they asked. He shouldn’t have given in to the weaker part of him that just wanted to tell them, ease the burden.

He regre—

“Calm down, guys.” Taeil cuts through sharply, “This isn’t helping. We can’t beat up the rotten bag, since it’ll do us more harm than good, but we can help Taeyong hyung… so that’s what we’ll do. Leave it up to management to deal with him.”

“Huh.” Yuta says, after a moment of silence, “I’ve never heard you cuss before, Taeil hyung.”

Taeil sputters at that, and Taeyong can’t help the tiny sliver of relief that slithers through him at the tired chuckles that sound out through the room. Taeil’s always been good at fixing things.

Sicheng draws away from Taeyong, giving him a cute eye smile, before sprawling over the couch, much to Yuta’s chagrin.

“Move!” He whines, pouting as Sicheng giggles at him, “How could my own son betray me?!”

“He’s not your son.” Johnny rolls his eyes, a faint smile forming, “He’s Taeyong’s.”

“Huh?” Taeyong lets out quietly, though no one hears… save for an amused Jaehyun.

“Wait, so Taeyong has three kids now?” Doyoung says, confused, and Taeil looks exasperated, “Wait, Win, who’s the father?”

“What.” Taeyong mutters, a little louder, but everyone’s too wrapped up in their conversation.

“How could you ask him that?!” Yuta gasps dramatically, “Win’s my son—just mine! Taeyong and Jaehyun have Mark and Donghyuck anyway, they can’t get all the kids!”

“WHAT.” This time, it’s Jaehyun who squawks, and Taeyong temporarily blanks out, “WHAT THE ACTUAL —”

“Okay, moving on!” Taeil says quickly, probably to save Yuta and Doyoung’s dramatically paling faces, “We’ve got to talk guys, please.”

“You’re right.” Johnny acquiesces, though he nods in Yuta’s direction, “But I want to hear more about this later.”

“Yas!” Yuta actually says, giving a thumbs-up that makes Taeyong equal parts annoyed and amused. But not for long, since he knows they want to hear everything. And he promised. He hates himself for that moment of weakness, really, but there’s nothing he can do.

“Can we let hyung speak?” Jaehyun says tiredly, and Taeyong only notices he’s draped his arm resignedly over the line of his shoulders, seeming to have gotten over his surprise.

“Right.”

“He…” Taeyong doesn’t want to tell them. He doesn’t want to tell them what’s been haunting his mind for so long, doesn’t want them to laugh at him or… or worse. He can’t live through them leaving him, not wanting to see him again, but Mark’s words from before come back.

We don’t lie to each other… right?

He clenches his fists.

“He did keep talking about Mark.” He says first, wanting them to understand, “I wasn’t lying, I swear. Just… he just said he didn’t trust me, that’s why I had to go to him for answers.”

It’s silent, as Taeyong uncurls his fists and stares at the flat of palm—remembering how useless he was in this—and gives a small, sad smile, “He… wasn’t wrong, I guess. I wasn’t really a… a trustworthy person, wasn’t a good leader so it made sense—”

“Did he say that?” Yuta demands, interrupting him, which makes Taeyong’s eyes widen. Jaehyun’s arm is significantly more tense around him, “Did that piece of filth tell you that?”

“I mean—” Taeyong cuts off, grinning wryly even as his vision begins to swim, “He didn’t have to, anyway.”

“Hyung—” Doyoung tries, but Taeyong can’t hold it back.

“I didn’t accept it at first.” He snaps, “It’s always been on my mind, Doyoung. I didn’t care that he said that—though it did… it did hurt that someone else noticed, but—

“I only really believed him when I found Mark that day in the practice room,” Taeyong grips his knees, trying to keep himself from actually crying, trying to keep the tears at bay, “I-I still remember what he said th-that day.”

“Hyung,” Jaehyun’s voice is soft, just like his embrace, “You don’t have to.”

“I do.” Taeyong’s voice cracks, even as he buries his head into the crook of Jaehyun’s arm, “I don’t want to be an idol anymore. That’s what he said.”

“No.” Taeil breathes out, and Sicheng looks visibly distraught, eyes wide and teary, “No, he couldn’t have…”

“He did. And what kind of… what kind of leader does that, huh?” Taeyong starts shaking, anger coursing through him, “It was my fault, alright?! I should’ve been there, I should’ve been able to protect him, he should’ve never felt that way!”

“Do any of you know how that feels?!” He finally yells out, ripping away from Jaehyun, clutching at himself as his vision blurs, breaths starting to gasp, “H-How i-it f-feels to j-just be a… a f-f-failure.”

“Taeyong, stop.” Taeil’s voice sounds distant, and it’s like Taeyong’s swimming and oh no, not again, “Taeyong!”

“Breathe.” Johnny’s voice sounds from somewhere else, and Taeyong tries, he tries so hard to focus, follow their breathing, counts, yes, anything to stop this, mind spinning, dizzy head, stuttering breaths—

“Taeyong hyung,” Sicheng speaks up after Taeyong starts to breathe normally again, lungs gratefully pulling in air, “Hyung, you’re not a failure.”

“He’s right.” Jaehyun runs a hand gently through Taeyong’s hair, and he holds back a wince, smothering it down because this is Jaehyun, he’s safe, everything’s alright and he’s done it again, “You’re wonderful.”

Taeyong doesn’t want to speak right now. He doesn’t want to look at anyone, doesn’t want to see the pity or the hate in their eyes. But he forces himself to look up anyway, and bites back a sob at what he does see.

Acceptance. Determination. Love.

“Why…” It doesn’t come out of his own volition, but Jaehyun hears it anyway, tightening his grip.

“Now I really wish I punched him harder.” Johnny frowns, coming over to lay a palm over Taeyong’s forehead, large and warm, “Damn it.”

“Why would he do that though?” Taeil questions anxiously, “Why Taeyong?”

“I’ve been asking myself that every day.” Jaehyun vibrates in place, as Taeyong presses his head into his shoulder, “It doesn’t make any sense. Did he do anything to you, hyung?”

“Ah, no.” Johnny sounds confused and, more importantly, like he isn’t lying, “He didn’t really say much of anything. That might have been because I just punched him, called him a piece of , and left.”

Taeyong snorts despite himself.

“Really.” Doyoung sounds judgmental.

“Shut it.” Johnny says half-heartedly, before he removes his hand and paces around for a bit instead.

“Taeyong.” He looks up when he hears Taeil’s voice, and sees the brunette staring at him with fire in his eyes, “Everyone loves you. You know that, right?”

Taeyong doesn’t want to say no, so he just gives a hesitant half-nod.

“No.” Yuta says firmly, “We do love you. There’s no doubt or anything about it. You’re the best leader we could ever ask for!”

Sicheng gives a nod, from where he’s playing with his hyung’s hair, while Johnny gives Taeyong a tight smile.

“All we want,” Jaehyun says softly, pressing his cheek against the crown of Taeyong’s head, “is for you to share with us. The happiness, the burdens, the tears… everything.”

“But—”

“We talked about this, didn’t we?” Taeil interrupts, and he’s right, “We’re a family, Tae. We don’t hide from each other, we share.”

“Huh.” Taeyong says. His throat’s too tight to say much else.

“We’ve got this.” Jaehyun adds, “That Instructor is going down, and we’re all going to see to that. Right?”

Taeyong looks around, sees everyone’s beaming, hopeful faces, and thinks that maybe there’s a ring of truth to this, maybe he doesn’t have to shoulder everything on his own. He… he doesn’t entirely get it, but he trusts them. He trusts them beyond belief, trusts them with more than his life. And if they say this is what he has to do, then…

Taeyong nods, and smiles, soft and unsure but, more importantly—hopeful.

woo I updated on time! The fic's gonna end pretty soon -- just 3 more chapters to go!