Taeyong didn’t mean to blurt all of that out. He was just tired and afraid, just wanted Jaehyun to stay, please don’t leave, and everything came out, just like that.

And now, Jaehyun’s staring at him with a mixture of fear and aching heartbreak. Two things Taeyong never wants to see. The tension in the room is at the maximum, and Jaehyun’s silence is just making everything worse.

“I’m sorry.” He closes his eyes, trying to quell the nausea struggling to rise up once again, “I just… s-sorry.”

“Will you please just tell me what he said to you?” Jaehyun asks finally, struggling to keep his emotions in check. Taeyong knows it’s a test, his last chance, so he nods.

“I’ll do whatever you want.” He says earnestly, even though the fear sends pangs through his chest.

I’ll do anything, just don’t leave me please.

“Okay…” Jaehyun looks thrown off, but he settles back down next to Taeyong and, oh, he’s been missing that warmth, “Alright.”

It’s not the same, though, and Taeyong can tell. , he’s managed to things up beyond comprehension. Well, Taeyong is a bit of a screw-up himself, isn’t he? It makes sense.

“I…actually went to see him before the thing with Mark’s hip happened.” He says honestly, though one glance at the rest of the occupants of the room makes him falter. Mark, especially, looks pale, mouth parted like he wants to say something, but can’t. Taeyong hasn’t hurt him, has he? God, he hopes not, he wouldn’t be able to live with himself, but who’s he kidding, it’s probably on him.

“Wait, so you knew?” Doyoung asks sharply, and Taeyong quickly shakes his head because no, he doesn’t want them to hate him any more.

“No, it was just a… just a hunch.” He wets his lips eyeing Jaehyun’s hand. He really, really wants to take, it, let it remind him that he’s there, he’s okay, everything’s alright. But that would be a lie, and Taeyong curls his fingers, digging them into his thigh. Nothing is okay.

“I thought he might know something.” He murmurs, drawing his knees closer to himself, “M-Maybe about something that might have been bothering Mark. I had no idea… I had no idea it was actually him.”

He can’t help the involuntary shiver that courses down his spine at the memory of that man, his dark eyes and sneering words.

“He’s… he’s terrifying in ways he shouldn’t be.” Is all Taeyong says, and he really wants Jaehyun to touch him now, stop his trembling hands, but he doesn’t deserve it, “He can twist anything up and make you believe it.”

Except in cases where it’s true.

“He said something to you.” Yuta deduces, correctly, “That’s why you’re like this now.”

“No!” Taeyong rushes to blurt out, especially at the sight of Mark holding Donghyuck’s hand in a death grip, “I’m just… just saying.”

“Did he touch you?” Jaehyun asks, deceptively soft, “Or hurt you in any way? Like he hurt Mark?”

“No!” Taeyong’s eyes widen, and his breath quickens, “Trust me, nothing happened. He just said some really stupid things about Mark, that’s all!”

He still remembers the deceptively gentle caress of his jaw, the feel of fingers burning into his cheek. But he doesn’t bring that up, because it’s stupid.

“Are you sure?” Jaehyun’s looking at him like he knows, and Taeyong can see the fragile string of trust in his eyes, knows one blow could probably break it forever.

“Yes.” He says, but tries to convey that it’s something they can talk about later. He doesn’t know if Jaehyun understands, but the blonde abruptly leans back, leaving Taeyong feeling significantly colder than before.

“Well, that’s a relief.” Taeil says.

“So… what do we do?” Sicheng speaks up for the first time, grim and serious.

Everyone’s looking at Taeyong… again.

“I don’t know.” He settles his eyes on the carpeted floor, feeling entirely inadequate, useless, “I don’t know… what can we do?”

“Bring it up with management?” Taeil offers, “I mean, it sounds like one of the only things we can do.”

“We can’t beat him up, can we?” Doyoung sighs heavily, “That would be so much easier.”

“And if he decides to, I dunno, go out and blab about us being abusive?” Yuta argues, “I don’t know, we can’t handle any scandals.”

Scandals. Like Taeyong’s. But he says nothing, just keeps quiet. Keeps everything to himself, because he doesn’t need to bother everyone with his stupid thoughts.

“Hey, that wasn’t hyung’s fault!” Mark protests hotly, out of the blue, and Taeyong can’t help the tiny bubble of happiness that wells up because Mark’s actually defending him, after everything that’s happened. After everything Taeyong’s done.

“Of course it wasn’t!” Yuta is quick to agree, eyes wide as he glances at Taeyong, “Hyung, I wasn’t talking about you, I swear—!”

“It’s okay.” Taeyong says, rubbing at his head tiredly, the burning need to talk to Jaehyun now suffocating and he can’t take it anymore, “I’m just… could I head to bed? I’m sorry, my head is kind of fuzzy.”

“Yeah, of course.” Taeil nods knowingly, shooting a strange glance at Jaehyun, “Hey, Jaehyun, why don’t you help him there? You look dead on your feet too.”

“What?” Jaehyun looks legitimately puzzled, before his expression clears and he nods, standing up, “Alright. G’night guys.”

Taeyong does the same, managing to walk just fine behind Jaehyun, albeit slower. The blonde doesn’t touch him the entire time, and it makes his chest feel tight, and Taeyong knows he deserves it but he just needs to talk to him. Needs to feel like he’s overthinking things and that everything’s actually okay.

(he knows it’s not though)

“You wanted to talk?” Jaehyun crosses his arms as Taeyong shuts the door behind him, “So. Talk.”

And that makes Taeyong’s shoulder slump in relief, because Jaehyun still understands him, Jaehyun still pays attention to him, he can still see right through him.

“Right.” He says instead of bursting into joyful tears, “Well, um.”

He carefully sits on his bed, watching with sad eyes as Jaehyun takes a seat at the other end. Has it really come to this?

“You… you know when you asked if he hurt me or anything?” Taeyong asks, watching Jaehyun nod. It’s getting harder to breathe, “W-Well, he just… he just touched me a bit? But he, uh, let me go and I don’t know, I’m being stupid—”

“Where did he touch you?” Jaehyun’s eyes grow stony.

“Just… my face.” Taeyong shrugs, painfully breathing out, “And he…”

Tears start to trail from his eyes, and he hates that he’s making such a big deal out of nothing, but he can still feel the man’s burning grip on his wrist, his arms around Taeyong’s frame.

“He c-called me p-pretty.” He stutters out, eyes stinging, “And t-today—”

“Today?” Jaehyun interrupts, and he looks murderous and it kind of scares Taeyong, because he’s never seen him look like that, not ever. Realization dawns on his face, “You saw him today. In the dance room.”

Taeyong nods, throat choked up. He can’t do this, he’s being stupid and overly-sensitive and he needs to stop.

“Hey,” Jaehyun says, and he’s closer now, within hugging distance, but Taeyong hesitates, because Jaehyun probably doesn’t want him to touch him, “Look at me. It’s alright, I’m with you. Did he… did he force you to do something?”

“No way!” Taeyong blurts out, horrified at the thought, “When I asked he said he wasn’t… wasn’t interested in ‘that’ but I… he kept touching my face and hair and it was really sc-scary, I—”

Taeyong abandons his resolve and throws himself into Jaehyun’s form, arms shaking as they circle around the blonde’s back, as he cries into his shoulder.

“I can’t do this anymore.” He sobs tiredly, “I’m tired of this, Jaehyun, I just want this to end—”

“I’m glad you told me this.” Jaehyun hugs him back, hugs Taeyong back, “I know you’re tired—we’re all tired—but you’ve been really strong through this, haven’t you?”

“No.” Taeyong hiccups, unwilling to let go of the only person who can ground him, “I keep… keep on crying all the time, and getting sick, and never know w-what to d-do!”

“Babe, hey, relax.” Jaehyun pulls him closer, tugs his hand through Taeyong’s hair in that familiar, comforting way, not like Kim Yeongsu did, not weird and unpleasant, “I’m right here. Okay? You’ve been so strong for all of us, there’s no reason for you to beat yourself up about this.”

“I let him push me around.” Taeyong’s voice thins as he burrows his head into Jaehyun’s neck, “I let him… let Mark down and—”

“Okay, while I never approved of you going off on your own to confront him,” Jaehyun interrupts, “I know for a fact that you didn’t let Mark down. Didn’t let any of us down, alright?”

“No.” Taeyong voice shakes as he tries to shake it off, “I let him—”

“No more of that.” Jaehyun interrupts, pulling back, and Taeyong watches with wide eyes, arms still held out, “You’ve done the best you can.”

And then he’s swooping in, lips pressing sweetly against Taeyong’s and oh, how long has it been since they’ve done this? And Taeyong just curls his arms around Jaehyun’s neck instead, trying to forget, forget, forget.

“You’re mine, and I’m yours, right?” Jaehyun whispers, breath hot against the lobe of Taeyong’s ear, “That means he won’t… no, can’t touch you. And if he even tries, I will end him.”

“Y-You can’t promise that.” Taeyong says, and he hates how weak he’s being, how dependent, “W-What could you possibly d-do?”

“There are some things better left unknown.” Jaehyun says, eyes warm, but still tired, “Besides, I’d much rather kiss you right now.”

“That isn’t going to erase anything, though.” Taeyong says desperately, unwilling to believe this is real, that Jaehyun doesn’t hate him, “I still… I still betrayed your trust and made Mark feel like he couldn’t confide in me and—”

“You did nothing like that. You might have kept me out of the loop for a frustratingly long time, but you never betrayed anyone.” Jaehyun says firmly, pecking Taeyong’s cheek a couple of times, “You did whatever you could, whatever was within your power.”

“But it wasn’t enough.” Taeyong says quietly.

“It was enough from you,” Jaehyun vows, eyes dark, “But now? Now, you have us: all of us. And we’ll figure things out, I promise. We’ll fix everything.”

And Taeyong knows, he knows, that the world isn’t so simple, that life isn’t so benevolent, but he gives in under Jaehyun’s touch, letting his walls crumble down. Letting himself believe that maybe, just maybe, everything’s going to be okay.

Another kiss seals the deal.

Taeyong wakes up, the next morning, tangled in a familiar warmth, feeling the best he has in possibly days. A quick glance to his left confirms the identity of his human pillow, and Taeyong can’t help the tiny smile that etches its way onto his lips at the sight of Jaehyun’s tranquil features.

All of yesterday just seems so impossible to him, because he’s been wanting for so long. And now that Jaehyun… now that Jaehyun finds him worthwhile again, a strange spark of happiness keeps flitting about in his chest. He knows, of course, that everything hasn’t been fixed. That Jaehyun won’t be able to fully trust Taeyong for a while.

(but it’s a start because maybe he has hope yet)

His head still aches, but it feels much better than before, and for that, Taeyong’s immensely grateful. Jaehyun stirs almost immediately after Taeyong fully sits up, features scrunching up sleepily.

“Go back to sleep.” Taeyong reassures as gently as he can, “You need some rest.”

“Huh?” Jaehyun turns over, stuffing his head into the pillow, “You should too.”

“I need to talk to the others.” Taeyong thinks, before offering, “I’ll come right back afterwards.”

“Fine.” Jaehyun huffs poutily, and Taeyong can’t help the soft giggle that escapes him, as he leans down to peck his lips lightly, “O-kay, now go. And come back quickly.”

“Alright.” Taeyong his hair gently, before detangling himself from Jaehyun and the blankets, “Good night.”

“Hm, yeah.” Jaehyun agrees tiredly, before he’s back to sleep, breaths escaping him in short puffs. Taeyong smiles at that, even as he stumbles out of bed, out of the warmth and into the cold. He thinks, again, that he missed this, missed Jaehyun. And, he decides, once more, staring at his hands for the briefest moment, it’s mostly because of him that their relationship took such a huge blow anyway.

He manages his way to the bathroom just fine, brushing his teeth in record time and, after a brief hesitation, showering quickly as well. His skin feels really gritty, especially after yesterday, and he does need to take care of his appearance. Even though it apparently doesn’t matter.

“It doesn’t matter how pretty you are…”

Taeyong freezes, hand on the doorknob, before he pushes the door open anyway. He needs to focus, get his head in the game. There’s no use wondering about things that don’t matter. Things that he shouldn’t overthink.

No one’s in the kitchen when he enters, so he supposes everyone’s asleep. Well, it wouldn’t make much of a difference, but he really does want to know what they’ve decided. He just… he just wants to get things over with. Doesn’t want to keep doing everything with that man’s shadow looming over him. More importantly, he wants Mark to be able to breathe easy, smile like he used to.

“Oh, you’re up hyung!” Taeyong nearly drops his cup at Doyoung’s sudden presence, but calms himself down just enough to place it down on the sink with trembling fingers.

“Yeah.” Taeyong says quietly, hip slant against the counter-top so that he can properly watch as Doyoung shuffles around the kitchen for his own cup of tea. Or coffee. Doyoung usually prefers coffee anyway, “Good morning.”

Doyoung just hums in agreement, leaning against the counter as the coffee machine whirs to life.

“So, did you enjoy last night?” He says it deceptively calmly, and it makes Taeyong flush from his roots to the tip of his ears.

“Doyoung!” He definitely does not squeak, hands covering his face as though it might shield him from the blasphemous things being spewed out by his friend, “What that really necessary?”

“I think so.” Doyoung grins, before it softens, grows smaller, “I knew you’d probably ask about yesterday, so I wanted to keep our conversation pleasant for as long as I could.”

“Doyoung…” Taeyong bites his lip, unable to refute.

“You were going to, weren’t you?” Doyoung sighs, collecting his cup from a cupboard and pouring the contents of the machine into it, “I knew it.”

Taeyong shrugs uncomfortably, gut sinking at the thought that even his friends think he has a disappointing attitude. He doesn’t want to be this way, but he can’t stop, and the thought that he can’t be better than this physically pains him. He’s never good enough, these days.

“I’m just… worried.” He decides to say, not wanting to draw too much attention to himself, “He hurt Mark so much and I… I can’t sit back and do nothing, but I don’t exactly see a way out.”

“Play a prank so horrible he decides to quit on his own?” Doyoung offers, but his joking smile dims under Taeyong’s stare, “Okay, I’ll be serious. We’re thinking of going to management to lodge a complaint. I mean, it’s the most practical thing to do.”

“Yeah, that’s true.” Taeyong nods, lips pressed tight together, “I don’t know if they’ll accept it though.”

“They’ll have to.” Doyoung sports a dark expression, which sends involuntary shivers down Taeyong’s spine.

Before he can actually tell Doyoung to tone it down, Johnny pads into the kitchen tiredly, making a beeline for the coffee machine.

“Rough night, hyung?” Doyoung asks sympathetically, and Johnny just shakes his head at him.

“Shut up.” He jokes, before his smile evaporates, gaze landing on Taeyong, “Bro, you’re going to have to contact our manager. Probably tell Mark to do the same for his. Did Doyoung tell you about that?”

“Yeah.” Taeyong nods, a bit self-conscious; he doesn’t like that all of them lose their peppy moods at the mere sight of him, but it’s becoming a regular occurrence around the dorm, “And I was also thinking that Mark should probably head back to the Dream dorms.”

He did think about it, actually. All of last night, even as Jaehyun carded his hands through Taeyong’s hair, cupping his cheek and nuzzling into him like it’d been years (mainly because that’s how it felt, all Taeyong’s fault). Mark is like the pillar of Dream, and everyone can see that. It wouldn’t be the same without him, and Taeyong doesn’t want to keep him here just for his own selfish purposes.

“What?” Doyoung clearly doesn’t follow, “Why?”

“Agreed.” Johnny takes a quick sip from Doyoung’s cup, “He just got here: why do we need to move him again?”

“The kids need him.” Taeyong says. He wants to add, just like I need you guys, but that would be stupid and probably unappreciated, so it’s best Taeyong keeps that to himself, “You saw them yesterday. They looked like death incarnate, and it’s not healthy for them.”

“You’re one to talk.” Doyoung counters, eyes narrowed, but at Taeyong’s instinctive flinch, softens his glare, “But yeah, I kind of get it. I think Renjun and Chenle basically broke down, and Jeno was well on his way.”

“Jisung and Jaemin too.” Taeyong reminds them, picking at the loose strings of his pajamas, “Jisung’s the youngest and Renjun... he’s always been pretty sensitive. They’re all kids.”

“I see your point.” Johnny says finally, only to balk. Taeyong follows his line of sight to Mark, who’s limped into the kitchen, rubbing at his eyes sleepily.

“You’re walking?!” He nearly screeches, previous conversation forgotten, because Mark is hurt, he shouldn’t be standing like this, “How are you walking?”

“I dunno, it feels a little better, dude.” Mark yawns informally, before he realizes exactly who he’s talking to, and his cheeks color, “A-Ah, hyung, I’m sorry, I didn’t realize.”

“It’s okay.” Taeyong shrugs nonchalantly. It feels wrong to expect Mark to actually respect him, after everything that’s happened. He’s like the brother Taeyong’s never had, and he’s told him that so many times before, but this is how he takes care of him? It’s despicable, honestly, and Taeyong can’t fault him in any way.

“You’re waiting for it, I suppose? The inevitable end?”

“Uh, hyung?” Mark is saying, and Doyoung and Johnny are eyeing him worriedly.

“Yeah?” Taeyong decides to act as casual about it as he can, be strong (for once), “What’s up?”

“Could I talk to you?” Mark’s features shift almost imperceptibly, “Alone, preferably? Sorry hyungs!”

Taeyong can’t help the tiny quirk of his mouth at that, even as his heart hurts at the thought of what Mark might say. It makes sense that Mark still manages to be really polite and respectful to his hyungs, even at a time like this. Not like Taeyong, who constantly forgets where he is, and where his thoughts are going.

“Sure.” He agrees, instead of delving into a panic attack on the spot, and waves at Doyoung—waves, he could hit himself—and Johnny before following Mark into the room that he and Donghyuck share. The brunette’s already awake, and he side-eyes Taeyong, before sighing noisily through his nose.

“Fine, I’m leaving.” He grumbles, huffing away to the door, “But you owe me for this, Lee Minhyung.”

“Thanks, Donghyuck.” Mark smiles cutely at the younger boy, but Taeyong’s heart doesn’t warm like it should. Because Mark’s smile is wavering, and is that hurt in his eyes? Taeyong just feels confused, and slightly worried.

“You two… aren’t fighting, right?” He asks, just to make sure. He remembers Jaehyun’s tense mouth, tight shoulders, and dissolves the thought. It’s not the time.

“What?” Mark looks honestly baffled, and it’s really adorable, “No, I—”

He catches himself, mouth parting in a soft oh, as his eyes scrunch up in pain.

“I n-need to sit down.” He gasps out, collapsing onto the bed, “, I should’ve known I wouldn’t be able to walk so long.”

“You should’ve.” Taeyong agrees, because he wants to see his dongsaeng take better care of himself, doesn’t want to see him hurt anymore. He wants to put a hand on Mark’s shoulder, maybe take a closer look at the bruise, convince him to see a doctor about it, but he holds his concern back. Mark doesn’t need him.

“So, what did you want to talk about?” He decides to ask instead.

At that, Mark’s pleasant features abruptly twist into a frown, and Taeyong has a really, really bad feeling about this.

What is it?

Update!!! I'm trying to get adjusted to Uni right now, so updates might be sporadic, but they will definitely still come! I'm not giving up on this fic any time soon, rest assured. Thanks for sticking with me so far! It makes me super happy to see you guys showing your support :)