When Mark wakes up, it’s to the sight of Jaehyun pacing anxiously in front of him, biting his lip in obvious worry.

“Hyung?” He asks drowsily, starting to get up, only to stop short when he realizes there’s a heavy weight on his shoulder. Looking down, he sees Donghyuck snoozing comfortably on his arm, and Mark can’t help the light flush in his cheeks, and the brief stutter of his heart at the sight; but he carefully detaches himself from the younger boy, turning back to his hyung.

“Oh, Mark.” Jaehyun pauses, lip looking bright red and raw from how much he’s probably bitten it, “You’re awake.”

“Yeah.” Mark agrees, managing to get out of his chair, only to balk when he nearly falls over. Luckily, he was holding onto the armrest the entire time, else…well, he’d probably have a concussion, “What happened?”

“Taeyong hyung.” Mark startles at the sound of Jisung’s voice, stomach doing a guilty flip flop when he realizes he didn’t notice three of s sprawled on the couch, in wait, Waiting for Mark, “He went out for a walk.”

“Yeah, so…?” It takes a little while for Mark’s brain to connect and, when it does, he only doesn’t make for the door because he’d actually bowl over. He still lets go of the armrest though, and he yelps as his leg crumples beneath him; it’s only thanks to Jeno’s warm grip that he manages to avoid a nasty fall.

“Oh my god!” He gasps, though he remembers to squeeze Jeno’s shoulder in thanks, “Hyung!”

“Don’t look at me!” Jaehyun protests, “I wasn’t the one who told him to go! I was busy…uh…”

He trails off there, eyeing the threadbare carpet with an indistinctive shrug, before shaking his head.

“Anyway, I was busy.” Is all he eventually says, and Mark confusedly looks at Jeno, then Jaemin and Jisung, but all three of them give him the same blank look, “I just… I wish he’d stop being so incredibly frustrating all the time, and just let me take care of him!”

“Right.” Mark says, wanting the earth to come up and swallow him now. He really loves Taeyong and Jaehyun, but that doesn’t mean he wants to take part in their lovers’ spat or anything. A faint sense of something wells up at the thought, and he decides he doesn’t want to think about it anymore, “Well, did you try calling him?”

“…No, actually.” Jaehyun blinks innocently, and Mark groans.

“Seriously, hyung?” Jisung deadpans, and Mark’s glad he’s not being the obtuse one, for once, “You’ve got to be kidding me.”

Jaemin quirks a tiny smile from the sofa, and Mark hesitantly shoots one back at him. He isn’t sure…he still remembers their talk, the broken looks on their faces as he basically ruined their lives. Mark isn’t sure if it’s okay for him to do things like this, especially when he can still see the expressions haunting him in their eyes. Renjun and Chenle’s absence makes everything feel a lot worse, and Mark wonders if he’ll ever act like a normal person again. If he ever can.

“Okay, I’ve been a little pre-occupied.” Jaehyun defends himself, already taking out his phone, when Johnny comes out of the room to join the blonde.

“What’s up?” He asks, undoubtedly seeing the strain on Jaehyun’s face, and Mark discreetly asks Jeno to let him sit down again. He doesn’t like that he keeps making the boy exert himself.

“Taeyong went out in the middle of the night, without any of us.” Jaehyun stresses, phone laying unopened in his palm, “And I don’t even know where he is! What if he passes out or something, what if someone kidnaps him, he’s a famous idol! And…and—!”

“Whoa, whoa!” Johnny takes Jaehyun by the shoulders, “Calm down!”

“And, uh…it’s technically only 20 minutes to 9?” Jaemin tries meekly, before wilting at the withering glare Jaehyun shoots him.

“Jaehyun.” Johnny says warningly, and the man quells his gaze, looking entirely apologetic now.

“Sorry.” Jaehyun looks like he’s aged ten years, honestly, and the sight of his normally cheerful hyung looking so…so grim is so unsettling that Mark can’t even take his eyes off him, “I’m just… really, really worried.”

He takes a deep breath, ruffling his blond hair, and Johnny gives him an awkward shoulder pat. Mark sees Jeno and Jaemin exchange a look, one signaling something that they probably think is going to be a bad idea, and can’t help the worry welling up in him.

“D’you want some of us to go looking for him?” Jeno offers hesitatingly, “We could split up and search.”

“No.” Yuta snaps, and Mark starts, heart nearly beating out of his chest at the suddenness of the man’s entry, “We don’t need any more kids wandering off today. Especially not now.”

“Then what?!” Jaehyun whirls around, yelling at Yuta, and when has that ever happened? “How are we supposed to—”

With ironic timing, the door slams open, and Mark stares as Taeyong stands there, pale and shivering and shaking and looking like he’s seen a ghost. Nothing like how he’s supposed to look, the furthest thing from okay.

“Taeyong.” Jaehyun says stonily, but that resolve quickly dies when they meet each other’s eyes, and Mark guesses Jaehyun must be seeing something they can’t, because his features soften in concern, and he immediately pulls in the shorter man for a hug. It’s supposed to be comforting.

What really throws Mark off is that Taeyong doesn’t hug back, instead hugging himself around the middle. He’s shuddering, though, Mark realizes in muted horror; and none of them have any idea why.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” Jaehyun isn’t looking at any of them, carding his hands through Taeyong’s hair almost protectively, “Come on, hyung, tell me?”

Taeyong stays silent for a brief moment—the most harrowing moment of Mark’s life—before he speaks, so quietly no one can hear.

“What’s that?” Johnny asks worriedly, stooping closer to the two, “You’re gonna have to be louder than that, Tae.”

“H-He was there.” Leaves his mouth in a cracked whisper, and why’s hyung rubbing the inside of his wrist so much? Mark’s heart leaps into his throat at the implication of that sentence, though he isn’t sure who Taeyong’s talking about, “I-In the d-dance room, he was…”

Taeyong shakes his head, pushing away slightly, wide eyes darting around the room, before settling on Mark. Mark just…feels slightly sick, but somehow is prepared for the hug Taeyong launches on him, wrapping his hands around his hyung’s thin, wiry figure and squeezing just slightly even through the exhaustion.

“You’re okay?” Taeyong sounds close to tears, and Mark is slowly getting there, hands into Taeyong’s shirt, “You’re…you’re alright? Nothing happened… nothing happened to you?”

“I’m fine.” Mark rasps out, swallowing to wet his throat just a bit, “Hyung, what’s wrong?”

What’s wrong? Why are you like this? What happened to you, who touched you, who hurt you, who—?

Mark has so many questions, and he is so, so scared. But Mark’s also really bad at helping people, so he doesn’t say anything beyond that, keeping his voice to himself. He doesn’t need to make things any worse than they already are.

Taeyong’s eyes drift shut, and he sags pitifully against Mark’s shoulder.

“Nothing.” He murmurs, and Mark knows it’s a lie, feels a sting in his chest at the thought that Taeyong hyung is lying to him, he said he never would, “I’m fine, I just…”

He bites his lip, as he stands up shakily, crossing the room to hold Jaehyun’s hand, “I need to talk to you.”

“I’ve only been waiting for a couple of years now.” Jaehyun snarks quietly, though it doesn’t have much heat behind it. Mark’s chest is tight with worry, and he finds Donghyuck’s hand to squeeze it lightly, even though he’s asleep. He needs something to hold him down right now, some sense of stability.

The room is entirely too silent for a second, before Yuta shakes his head resolutely.

“No.” He says, stopping the two in their tracks, “We said we’d do everything as a team. You two going off and doing whatever does not help anyone or anything.”

“Well, he’s obviously kind of freaked out!” Jaehyun points out openly, and Mark wonders when everything started to go wrong, “I don’t know Yuta hyung, this just seems like a bad idea.”

“No, it’s fine.” Taeyong folds into himself slightly, eyes shut, “I can…I’ll talk about it.”

“Even in front of the kids?” Johnny presses, and Mark wants to protest, no, because he needs to know what’s happening, needs Taeyong with him to make sure he’s okay because he owes him at least that much, “Are you sure?”

“I think Jeno, Jaemin and Jisung should probably head home?” Yuta offers, wincing slightly at the glare Jisung levels at him, “Don’t get me wrong! I think you guys already have a lot to process and stuff, that’s all.”

And that’s when Mark understands what he means, and dread pools into his gut. Just because he’s managed to say it once doesn’t make it any easier. And it’s not like Mark even said half of it in the first place.

Donghyuck shifts, hand tightening around Mark’s, before his eyes flutter open.

“What—?” He starts to mumble, but Mark gives him a warning squeeze.

“Not now.” He mutters under his breath, and Donghyuck seems to understand, because his sharp eyes flit over to the main spectacle of the room. The warmth of his hand, though, never leaves and that makes Mark feel a bit better.

“Hyung has a point.” Jaemin admits, looking specifically at Jeno, “Admit it, you need a break.”

“Maybe.” The boy breathes out, before saying more resolutely, “Yeah. As long as Jisung’s…?”

“Fine, whatever.” Jisung says sarcastically, already standing up, “And I suppose one-way sharing isn’t a big deal?”

“We’ll talk to you again after!” Taeyong blurts, even though he looks like he’s going to crumble on the spot, “Just for now, please?”

Jisung looks like he’s going to retort, but one glance at Taeyong’s desperate eyes makes him look away, shrugging his shoulders.

“Fine, let’s go.” He says, and Jeno looks up at them before scrambling to his feet, Jaemin following them through the open door. There’s no good bye, nothing, only the soft click of the door behind them.

Mark exhales shakily, gripping Donghyuck’s hand tighter. They’ll need to sit down and talk, all of them, but they’ll only be able to after this.

“Well.” Jaehyun says, tucking his hands into his pockets, “We should probably gather everyone up and sit down.”

Mark curls into himself, slightly, in a terrible habit, but Donghyuck just wraps an arm around him, holding him closer. Mark wonders, not for the first time, how he’s managed to find people who care about him so much, even when he doesn’t deserve it.

“Hey,” Donghyuck whispers, voice laden heavily with sleep, as the others start to run around, “You’ll be alright. I’m here for you.”

Mark knows, and he’s so, so grateful for everything.

Eventually, everyone congregates in the living room, and it’s only a matter of minutes before all eyes are expectantly on Mark. He shifts uncomfortably, throat closing up at the thought of having to actually talk this time.

“Come on.” Donghyuck reassures him, though it does hardly anything to help, “You’ve got this.”

The two of them are in their original spots. Taeyong, Jaehyun and Yuta have hogged up the couch for a brief two seconds, before scooting a bit to accommodate Sicheng. Doyoung, Johnny and Taeil are on the smaller couch, and look just as unsettled as Mark feels. And, maybe that’s supposed to make him feel better, but it only serves to worsen his mood.

“Okay, we’re going to need to get through a lot today.” Taeil starts, since no one else seems inclined to, “So we should probably, y’know, start talking?”

Taeyong looks uncomfortably stiff next to Jaehyun, even as the blonde keeps rubbing soothing circles onto his hand, and Mark can’t help but wonder why. Not for long, though, because he quickly realizes that everyone’s staring at him, again. Waiting for him to speak. Right.

“Well.” He says hesitantly, not exactly sure how to explain how much he’s screwed up for the past couple of months, “Uh, it wasn’t bullying or anything that anyone might have told you. Honestly, um, no one really knows the entire story? Like, not even Taeyong hyung or Johnny hyung and, uh, that’s mainly my fault—”

“Mark.” Donghyuck addresses him informally once again, and Mark feels a tiny bit better, “Relax.”

“Right.” He sees Yuta trying to smile at him encouragingly, Sicheng giving him an awkward thumbs up, “Well, uh, I guess it started when Chenle started to mess up during our dance practice? And, well, our instructor was pretty mad obviously, and Chenle didn’t really get what he was saying since, y’know, language barriers and all.”

Incomprehension fills most of their faces, but no one interrupts him, which Mark takes as a sign to plow ahead.

“Well, anyway, he was asked to stay back that day. And I figured that I should too, since I’m the leader of Dream and all. So I did, and…” Mark shrugs, feeling increasingly more self-conscious, “He got yelled at. A lot. And then he left and I still stayed back and—”

He closes his eyes.

“You think you’re being chivalrous or something? You have no right.” The man bears down on Mark, and he flinches back. He doesn’t know why, he’s always been pretty cool to be around, but right now there’s something so stifling about his posture that Mark can’t… Mark can’t help but be afraid.

“It’s not about that.” Mark protests anyway, even though he knows it’s probably a bad idea, “He’s new to the language and everything, he just doesn’t understand what you’re saying! It’s not fair to him at all!”

“Do I look like I have the time for sympathy?” Instructor Kim hisses, “That doesn’t matter to me, the results do! Speaking of which, you’re doing abominably as well!”

“What?” Mark flounders; he doesn’t understand, “But I’ve been doing everything right and—”

“Is that even how you dance?” He laughs mockingly, and Mark feels like he can’t breathe, “, how did they even cast you?”

“I…” Mark says, but he doesn’t know what more he can add, what he could possibly say to something like that, “You’ve never said anything before…”

“Well, I thought you had the potential, that you had a chance but, I guess,” The man shakes his head, before saying those damning words, the words that haunt Mark forever, “You didn’t deserve to debut.”

Didn’t deserve.

Mark opens his eyes, and shakes his head.

“Well, he yelled at me a lot too.” He confesses wearily, trying to shove that scene to the back of his mind, trying to push it away and never let it come back, “Apparently, I wasn’t as good at dancing as I thought, or something. He… basically told me I was a waste of space a-and—”

He can’t hold back the tears anymore, and they cloud his eyes, slipping over his cheeks and dropping off his chin. He can feel Donghyuck next to him, a calm presence, but the stiffness in the boy’s muscles doesn’t escape Mark’s notice either. Well, he keeps messing up, doesn’t he?

“Hey.” Johnny says as comfortingly as he can from the opposite side of the room, as Mark tries to wipe his cheeks, “You’ve got this.”

Huh. Everyone keeps saying that to him, but Mark can’t really sympathize.

“B-Basically, he s-said a lot of things.” Mark sniffles, not answering Johnny’s silent question, “And it… it didn’t stop after that, every time we had practice, he’d just yell at me all the time, and I…”

He fists his hands into his pants, entirely aware of Donghyuck’s wide gaze on him, “I guess I got used to it.”

“Wait.” Donghyuck breathes out shakily, “No, don’t tell me…”

His hand leaves Mark’s and Mark feels so cold without it, but more importantly is Donghyuck disgusted with him? Disappointed?

“Every time?” He clarifies, meeting Mark’s eyes, “He said these kinds of things to you all the time?”

“Yeah.” Mark confesses, breath pulled from his lungs forcefully, and he sees Donghyuck’s eyes burn, “B-But, it’s alright—”

“I will go find that bastard and tear him apart.” Yuta snarls uncharacteristically, and it’s only really his grip on Sicheng that seems to be stopping him from doing just that.

“I’m inclined to agree.” Doyoung says seriously, but his eyes dart over to Mark anyway, “But there’s something else, isn’t there?”

“Is it your leg?” Jaehyun blurts out, and Mark shakily nods, because they’re all really smart and of course he can’t keep anything a secret from them.

“.” Doyoung swears, and Taeyong doesn’t even bother to correct him, which should send alarms blaring through Mark’s head. The thing is, though, that Mark’s already got multiple noises in his head so one more doesn’t make a huge difference or anything.

“Could you... possibly show us?” Taeil ventures quietly, and he sounds so gentle and caring that Mark can’t help but prop his leg up and nod.

“I, uh…” He clears his throat, as he rolls up his pant, “I kind of caused it in the first place and he just made it a little worse? But it’s mostly my fault so—”

He breaks off at the sound of the stifling silence, feels his chest compress into a tiny box at the sight of their pale, withdrawn faces. Tears are already trailing down Taeyong’s cheek and Mark is honestly so worried, he wants to wipe them away but he can’t exactly get up.

“No matter how many times I see it, it doesn’t get any less horrifying.” Johnny says honestly, drawing in a shaky breath, “That man honestly deserves death.”

“There’s nothing we can do, though.” Taeyong’s the one who says that, and Mark turns to face him with wide eyes. He’s shaking, glassy eyes fixed on his hands, “There’s nothing we can do about it, because who’s going to believe us?”

“Are you kidding me?” Donghyuck snaps out, and Mark quickly finds his hand again, trying to calm him down, “Look at what he’s done to Mark! How could you say that?!”

“It’s the truth though.” Taeyong sounds pained, and Mark’s heart sounds suspiciously in his ears. He sounds as though… “He’s made that perfectly clear.”

He’s rubbing at his arms again, expression going increasingly vacant, and Mark has a startling moment of clarity.

“You went to him.” He doesn’t realize the voice speaking dimly into the room, “You… you talked to him.”

He should feel happy, shouldn’t he? That his hyung cares enough about him, enough about Mark, to go to such lengths for him. But then, why does he feel so… unsure? Weird? Like… like something’s not right. Like something’s inherently wrong.

“Yeah.” Taeyong admits quietly, drawing into himself. Jaehyun just watches, which feels so, so wrong, “Tried to punch him and everything, but…”

He chuckles lowly, “He has interesting ways of distracting people.”

His fingers are digging into his arms and Mark’s mouth dries because what does that mean?

“What did he say to you?” Johnny demands, obviously having the same idea, “Taeyong.”

“N-Nothing particularly important.” He’s tapping his fingers against his knee, now, an honest quirk if Mark’s ever seen one, “J-Just, uh… I don’t really know how we can help Mark.”

“Taeyong.” Taeil speaks, “We need to know these things, please.”

“Whatever.” Jaehyun says shortly, and oh, Mark’s gut feeling isn’t wrong, “He’s never going to tell us, is he?”

“Jaehyun…” Taeyong’s voice sounds pitifully small, even in the silence. Donghyuck’s watching the exchange with wide incredulous eyes, while the rest of them watch in knowing solemnity.

“No.” Jaehyun stands up, “I want to help you. We want to help you. Why is that so hard to get, why can’t you ever tell me anything?”

“I…” Taeyong swallows, gaze growing increasingly distant, just like his voice.

“Exactly.” Jaehyun sighs, raking his hand through his hair exasperatedly, “You don’t even have a reason for not talking to us! It just sounds like you don’t trust me and, frankly, I’m tired of it—”

“I’m s-scared.” Taeyong’s shaking now, head in his hands, and Mark feels sick, “I’m scared, okay?! Everything’s just going out of control and I… I can’t help anyone!”

Jaehyun stares dumbly, as Taeyong looks up, eyes glittering with tears, knees coming up to his chest in the most defensive position Mark’s ever seen.

“I’m the leader, Jaehyun.” He continues and, for some reason, the words sound really familiar to Mark, “I’m supposed to be able to take care of everyone but I can’t and I don’t know how.”

Mark realizes, grimly, that he finally understands why it sounds so familiar.

“Just because you’re the leader, it doesn’t mean you can compromise on yourself!” Jaehyun argues, though his voice has lost its heat.

“Well, maybe I do need to do that.” Taeyong says shortly, eyes slipping shut, “Because there are some things that I’ve caused that I need to fix and I know it better than anyone else.”

Those are the words Mark hears in his head, every time he looks in the mirror. Those are the words Mark hears, in a horrific mime of himself, everywhere he goes.

Inescapable, and haunting.

I'm probably not going to be updating next Monday since I'm actually travelling, for Uni; so, I might take a little while to get settled in and hopefully make some friends! That is, if I actually get out of my dungeon^^; I'm really invested in this fic right now, so you guys don't have to worry about me abandoning it or anything!

Thank you guys for your love and support! It makes me happy to see/read/hear about your thoughts and get your valuable feedback :)