“Wan…”

Jongin entered the room and was welcomed by a smile from Seungwan, who was lying on the bed. She had woken up earlier when a nurse was checking on her and the same nurse told Jongin about her being conscious.

“Jongin… Where’s Chanyeol?” she asked with a weak voice, almost whispering.

Of course she would search for Chanyeol first. “He’s out to get some air, he said” Jongin answered.

“What time is it?”

“12.30 am”

“And you let him go outside? With the freezing temperature?” her expression changed into a worried one. “Jongin why—“

“Wan, I’ve told him everything” Jongin cut her.

Seungwan was about to question about what Jongin meant by that sentence of his but her brain cells worked faster to send an impulse to widen her eyes as a response. She stared at him for a while with this hurting look on her face.

“You—you look so terrible” Seungwan’s lower lip trembled. “I—Is your nose broken…?”

“No” Jongin shook his head, walking closer to her bed. “They’re just fissured. I got 7 stitches on my forehead, though”

She took a look on his sterile dressing wrapped forehead. “It’s going to leave a scar”

“I know”

Her gaze moved down to her thighs as her lip continued shivering. Her eyes slowly became glassy and this time she didn’t try to hold it in. Tears freely found their way out from her eyelids and fell onto her lap one by one.

Jongin noticed this but stayed silent. He felt so sorry to the lady, as for not obeying her warning, and for her miserable relationship with her boyfriend. Jongin didn’t realize that he was only thinking about her feelings but not his. He was only thinking about her pain but not his. He was only thinking about solutions to her problems but not his. He was only thinking about Seungwan and somehow forgot everything about himself along the way.

Jongin was hurting, he knew it. He hurt himself by loving his best friend’s girlfriend too much even though he knew he had no chance at all. He acknowledged that his own heart was in agony but Seungwan was the only reason he needed to ignore his own suffering. It was as if Seungwan was The Sun and he was The Earth that orbited around her. Everything he did was solely dedicated to her.

“I’m sorry”

He blinked at her apology. “What?” he whimpered, not sure of what he heard.

“Jongin, I’m sorry. For everything” she wiped her eyes with the back of her hand. “For involving you in this stupid secret I keep from Chanyeol. I’m sorry you have to lie to your own best friend all this time. I’m sorry you have to hate someone you’ve never even met before. I’m sorry for these wounds of yours, I should’ve been the one getting them…” she hiccupped.

“Wan—hey, don’t cry” Jongin lifted his hand and began patting her back. She was really thin, and he felt so bad touching her. It was as if she was going to break into a thousand pieces if he didn’t do it gently. Being with Chanyeol must’ve been really stressful for her.

“I’m—I’m such a bad person…” tears made their way out of her pretty eyes. Seungwan bit her lower lip to strain it from quivering, fingers curled into fists. “I’m sorry, Jongin… I really am sorry…”

“Hey, hey” he slipped his palm between her thigh and her IV attached hand and undid her fist. “Hey, don’t cry… You’re not a bad person, Wan…” he intertwined their fingers together, careful not to poke the IV infusion. Jongin honestly thought that Seungwan was wrong by keeping a secret from her boyfriend, but that wasn’t enough to be a reason to call her a bad person.

Seungwan didn’t lift her head to meet Jongin’s piercing gaze. “Chanyeol must’ve hated me so much… I’m a bad person, Jongin… I—I—“

“Shh” Jongin used his free hand to lift her chin up and get rid of the hair strands covering her face. Then he softly brushed his thumb against Seungwan’s teary eyes to wipe the liquid away. “Chanyeol doesn’t hate you. In fact, he… he kinda hates himself right now”

Seungwan didn’t respond when he made a move by caressing her jaw line with his thumb. She was busy processing Jongin’s words in her brain. Which was also the reason she didn’t notice the closing proximity between his face and hers.

Jongin was never a man without control of himself. So when he realized that he was unconsciously leaning in, he quickly pulled away and planted a chaste kiss on her head instead. No, he would never step out of his boundaries. At least not when Seungwan was messy like this.

“You may do bad things, but you’re still the kindest person I’ve ever met, Wan” he looked straight into her orbs, smiling. “Chanyeol hates himself because he finally knew that he was the one cheating but he accused you of it. He doesn’t hate you, he could never”

She could feel the familiar burning sensation in her eyes. “Then… then why did he run away? Why didn’t he want to meet me?”

“He has his own reason, Wan. He needs to calm himself. Trust me”

His grip towards her fingers tightened when he said so. Jongin only wanted for Seungwan’s tears to stop. He only wanted to draw a positive curve on those lips of hers he admired. He only wanted her to be happy, even though it meant he had to sacrifice his own.

It wasn’t that Seungwan was his first love or something, no. Jongin had previous girlfriends, who turned into exes due to their incapability of enduring his overbearing self. He was never a romantic man, but when he loved someone, he didn’t hesitate to give his all. And somehow that behavior of his scared the girls who weren’t ready for long- term commitment away.

And about Seungwan… Jongin often cursed at himself, why did he fall for someone he couldn’t ever reach? Loving her was a mistak