this chapter might be a little shorter than usual but i hope it's okay e u e

ALLKPOP DOESN'T EVEN KNOW WHAT NEWSWORTHY IS smh @ akp

“With my award-winning acting, this is the only thing I get?” Jaehwan stared at Jinri with a blank expression on his face before turning his attention to the cup of iced latte in his hands. It was obvious that he looked disappointed; he didn’t even try to hide it.

After submitting their final requirements for the semester, Jaehwan demanded— yes, demanded— that Jinri should buy him something delicious as a thank you for what he did. She didn’t have that much money with her after paying for Seongwoo’s print-out, so she decided to just buy her friend a cup of his favorite iced latte which was sold in school, in a small stall near the soccer field. Even though it doesn’t look as fancy and classy as branded ones, it did taste good.

Jinri sat beside him on the bleachers, holding her cup of iced green tea latte in her hands carefully. It had already been a habit for the three of them to head to the field whenever they were free. At first, Minhyun and Jinri stays there to wait for Jaehwan’s soccer practice to end, but as time passed by, it became their unofficial hang out place. “You’re welcome, Jaehwan.”

“You could’ve just bought me lunch instead of this.” Jaehwan examined his cup first, sniffing the drink (a habit of his) before taking a sip. “Samgyupsal would be enough.”

“As you can see, I don’t have much money with me today. I am still a student who lives off of her parents’ money so this is the only thing I can afford.” I scrunched my nose and stared at the empty field. Stirring her drink with the straw, she glanced at Jaehwan who looked like he was enjoying his drink. “What’s your plan for winter vacation?”

Jaehwan shrugged nonchalantly. “Not really sure. I can’t go home because of winter training, so maybe I’ll look for a part time job so I won’t just bum around in the dorms. You?”

“I’m going back home to Wonju, probably look for a part time job or just binge watch movies at home. You won’t see me for two months, don’t miss me too much.”

“Ew.”

Jinri laughed, shaking her head in amusement. “Oh, right. I saw Seongwoo today.”

Jaehwan looked at her, not even a hint of surprise on his face. “And then?”

She raised an eyebrow as she looked at the boy. “You knew he was there?”

He nodded. “Of course. We were talking before I went out.”

Annoyed with what her friend did, Jinri picked up the crumpled tissue paper from her lap and aimed it at Jaehwan. “Then why the hell did you act as if he isn’t there?! Why didn’t you tell me he was there?”

“What?” Jaehwan sat there comfortably, not even bothered by the continuous balls of crumpled tissue paper thrown at him. He just shrugged. “You didn’t ask me.”

Not satisfied with the answer she received, Jinri took a hold of the decent pile of tissue paper the ahjumma from the coffee stall gave her and threw them at Jaehwan. The latter just stared at her, blinking a few times, waiting for her to finish her little tantrum.

“Are you done?” Jaehwan asked. Jinri glared at him as she looked away, drinking almost half of her latte in one go. “What’s wrong with seeing Seongwoo today? I just gave you a little nudge.”

“Can’t you ing see how I look like right now?”

“You look like yo—”

“I look like , Jaehwan. I’m all sweaty, I look pale and I don’t have any make up on. My face is all swollen because of the ramen I ate last night, and look at my clothes, do I look decent? No! I’m the epitome of disaster!” Jinri let out a sigh before running a hand through her long brown hair. “Why do I always see him on days like this? my life.”

“Do you want to know why I didn’t tell you he was there?” Jinri just stared at Jaehwan. “It’s because I know that if you knew he was there, you won’t go to that specific place, even if you’re running late. Whenever Seongwoo’s around, you chicken out like a little . And now, you’re talking about not being made up? Wouldn’t you like it when he sees you in your most natural state ever?”

“Isn’t it like common sense? What kind of girl would want to see the person she likes on the day she looks like a disaster?!”

Jaehwan let out a frustrated sigh as he looked at his friend. It’s hard to talk some sense into her when she’s not in a good mood, but it wouldn’t hurt to try. “Jinri, for the love of my momma, you are not fat, you are not ugly. Okay, maybe you’re not the pretties girl out there, b—”

She rolled her eyes. “Gee, thanks. Y—”

“Let me finish, you .” Jaehwan narrowed his eyes at her, knocking his fist gently on her head. “Yes, you’re not the prettiest girl out there but you’re not any of those two. Why do you keep on saying that?”

“It’s because it’s true, duh.”

Jaehwan made a face and rolled his eyes. “You don’t, you look like yourself.”

“Yeap, I look like myself, and I do look like trash. I’m fat an—”

“Stop eating in front of a mirror, Jin.”

“And I don’t look pretty. Nothing’s so special about me. Wha— OW!!!! Why the hell would you hit me on the head that hard!” Jinri pouted her lips slightly, rubbing the spot on her head that Jaehwan hit. He did give her a good, hard hit.

“So that you’d get back to your senses. Stop talking about how fat or how you look like , Yoon Jinri.” Jaehwan narrowed his eyes once again at her while taking a sip of his latte.

There are only two reasons for Jaehwan to call Jinri by her full name: it’s either he’s mad, or he’s getting ready for the serious talk. She can tell it was the latter.

“You see, not all guys look at the outside. Som—let me finish. I can already see you protesting even without moving from your seat or saying something. What I’m saying is, you’re not ugly, Jinri. You don’t look like trash, or , or really ugly , or ugly fugly fat duckling, or whatever insult you use to describe yourself.” He looked at her with an expression she rarely saw— the kind of affectionate look he tries to hide with a grimace— as he ruffled her hair gently. “Why are you so harsh on yourself? Is this because of stress?”

Jinri just shrugged since she didn’t know how to respond. Pep talks from Jaehwan really do kind of wake her up since he rarely does it, and when he does, he’s awfully honest. He’d tell you if you looked like garbage; he once told Jinri that she looked like a walking embodiment of death when she went to school looking like a kicked puppy (she watched the final episode of Goblin that night, and she cried her eyes out). So hearing from him that she doesn’t look like a disaster is comforting in a way.

“Did you talk to him?”

Jinri stared at her cup, chewing on her lower lip gently. “.. I did.”

Jaehwan slowly smiled as he wrapped an arm around her shoulders. “Way to go, buddy!” he patted her arm gently. “What did you say? What did he say?”

Even though a little hesitant at first, Jinri told him the exact sequence of events. From how she knew that it was Seongwoo up until how she paid for his work.

“And..?”

“And then he went outside, I paid for my work and left.” Jinri just shrugged and took a sip of her latte. She did feel a little uncomfortable since Jaehwan isn’t saying anything but she tried to ignore it.

Jaehwan let out a sigh, running his fingers through his hair roughly. He then nodded slowly and raised both his hands, as if he was resigning. “Okay, okay. Better than nothing. So proud of you, so proud.”

“Can you please sound like you’re really proud of me for this little progress that I made?”

Jaehwan stayed silent and chose not to answer. While tapping his foot a little impatiently on the bleachers, he stared at the empty soccer field in front of them as he thought of what to say. Instead of a calm reply, Jaehwan kind of exploded.

“Why the hell can’t you talk to him like a normal person would??! How hard is it to just say, ‘hi, I’m Jinri’?! Seriously, watching you chicken out like that is getting a little frustrating! Who knows, maybe you guys could hit it off and turn into som—”

“Jaehwan, stop.”

“No, Jinri. Listen to me. Stop being a co—”

“No, Jaehwan. Listen to me.” Jinri ran a hand through her hair before letting out a sigh. Even without looking directly at her friend, she knew that he was about to protest. She held her hand right in front of his face, trying to stop him from speaking. “Look, this might sound cringe-worthy and cheesy, but we both know that this is true.” She narrowed her eyes at Jaehwan, as if sending him a warning to fight any urge to cringe or laugh. “I know you just want what’s best for me,” Even with the warning, Jinri saw Jaehwan cringe. “But you know I can’t do that.”

Jaehwan stared at her with an expression screaming ‘what the are you talking about’.

“You won’t understand. Jaeh—”

“Then make me, because honestly? Everything that you’re saying right now isn’t making sense to me.”

“Jaehwan.. I..” How to make Jaehwan understand.. well that’s a challenge. Jinri fumbled with her fingers as she thought of the best possible way to explain it. “Dude, do you know the feeling of wanting something so much? Say, a pair of shoes you still can’t buy at the moment since you’re broke as . No matter how much you want it, you can’t buy it yet.”

“Uh-huh. Listening.”

“You know you want that pair of shoes so much. Everyday, you’d drop by the store to look at it and check if it’s still there. You’ll always think about how it feels like when you finally bought the shoes and actually wear them. Then that day would come, you’d be able to buy those pair of shoes. However, it isn’t the same. You weren’t as happy and excited as you were when you were only thinking about having it. It’ll feel weird, and you’re starting to think that maybe it was a mistake. Maybe looking at it was enough, that maybe, it just wasn’t the right fit, or it just wasn’t meant to be.”

Jinri scrunched her nose, holding onto her cup tightly. She glanced at Jaehwan, who is staring at the field, looking like he was deep in thought.

“The same goes with Seongwoo. I like him a lot, I really do. He’s a dream, and dreams are supposed to be good, right?” She bit her lower lip, tapping her fingers nervously on her lap. “What if he’s so different that I’d actually start to hate everything about him? I want to look back into these years and see Seongwoo in the same way— the guys who can make me smile whenever I thought of him, the person who can make my heart flutter so much it would feel like it’s going to jump out from my chest, the person who makes me feel excited to go to school because I know that there’s an eight percent chance for me to see him. For me, he’s the perfect guy in my dreams. . . and I’m too scared to find out that he’s actually nothing like that.”

The two remained silent for a few minutes. Jinri felt a little down after her little speech since she finally got to admit not only to herself that she is a coward. She’s too scared to do anything which can bring her closer to Seongwoo.

“Jinri, you’re thinking too much.”

“I’m not, it’s j—”

“Yes you are, you’re overthinking again.”

“I’m not ove—”

“Yes, you are. Why are you scared? It’s because you’ve already formed different scenarios in your head based on things that didn’t actually happen. Nothing has happened yet. You don’t even know what kind of person Seongwoo is. Why are you already thinking of the end when it hasn’t even started yet?”

Not being able to come up with a decent answer, Jinri pressed her lips into a thin line. If you come to think of it, Jaehwan does have a point, however, it wasn’t enough to change her mind. 

Jaehwan placed a hand on her shoulder, giving her a gentle pat. “Think about what I said, Jin. Just don’t think too much.”

“.. alright.” Jinri looked at him, and the boy smiled at her as he wrapped an arm around her shoulders, pulling her close to him.

“Come here. I’ll give you a hug,” Jaehwan hugged her tightly, patting her back gently. These kinds of moments are rare, but it didn’t feel awkward. Every once in a while, Jaehwan actually seems like a decent friend. “We should do what normal people do sometimes even though you’re dying to do so much more to me right now.”

Yeap, Jinri just took back what she said.