Summary:

Jinri knows that she's too scared of a lot of things, that's why Jaehwan keeps on giving her a nudge. They're young anyways, they have an excuse to do dumb things and commit mistakes every now and then. (or the so called best friend talk between Jinri and Jaehwan)

Notes:

hello guys and so with that i'm back, i'm still alive and kicking.

Thank you to everyone who dropped by and posted a comment from the previous chapter, i really appreciate it!!

hope you can listen to hyukoh's song Love Ya since it's kind of my inspiration for this chapter.
(didn't have time to proofread the last parts of the chapter so if there are mistakes, i'm sorry :c)
xo

--

Don’t be afraid, yeah I will stay
Kick our blanket, make it balloon

There’s a really fine line between dreams and reality-- and sometimes, it’s hard to distinguish what is real from what is not. One can dream of what you badly wanted, but never be able to see it come to life. One can also be in a dream-like situation, and refuse to believe that it may be real because of the fear of waking up to nothingness.

Nothing’s wrong with getting lured into what you’ve been dreaming of. Even if you deny it, almost everyone is fueled by the pursuit of happiness. Every decision made is based on whether it will make one happy or not. It’s similar to a moth getting attracted to the bright and warm flame-- even though one may get burnt, we keep on coming close for we’re all aiming for that short and sweet moment of happiness. Regardless of whether we’d get hurt or not, we gather ample amount of courage just to get a glimpse of nirvana.

Hiding inside, I’ll blow all of my love to your lips
Love this quiet moment 

Never in her wildest dreams has Jinri thought about waking up to this kind of view-- Ong Seongwu, sleeping across her, her green and fluffy blanket wrapped around the boy as he slept soundly. The hood of his hoodie was covering almost half of his head as he hugged Jinri’s seal stuffed toy tightly. Huh. Jinri’s sleepy yet half awake mind thougt. She blinked dreamily as she stared at the boy in front of her. He does look like a seal.

To Jinri, it felt like a movie. Looking at Seongwu like this, as she blinked her eyes dreamily, it felt like her favorite song was actually playing in the background. The sun was shining brightly on Seongwu’s face, making the constellation on his left cheek shine even brighter. His face looked really peaceful, as if he was in a good place in his sleep. It was nowhere near the look she saw on his face in the past weeks: troubled, frustrated and anxious. Oh, how much did Jinri wish that every single day would be like this for Seongwu. She didn’t like seeing his beautiful eyebrows creased.

And you asked, I love you
How much can you love me

Is this even true? Jinri’s sleepy mind kept on repeating as she looked at the boy in front of her. She wanted to touch his face to confirm if it was, indeed, true, but she’s too afraid that she would end this short but sweet moment.

The Jinri from a few months ago cannot even imagine being this close. Just like what she kept on telling herself before all of this happened, she was content with what she had. Admiring Seongwu from afar was more than enough— the butterflies he brought to her stomach whenever she would see his smile from across campus was enough to keep her going for a week, to motivate and inspire her, and to bring her in a good mood. Seongwu was her happy crush— all good, nothing too serious. It was similar to the feeling brought by your high school crush, giddy, overjoyed, but nothing too serious, not much investment on the actual feeling. It was momentary, and it faded.

However, despite the sleepiness continuously tempting her back, Jinri knew that it was time to re-evaluate. After everything that happened, Jinri was not so sure anymore. Were her feelings towards the boy still the same? Was it still momentary? Will the butterflies in her stomach brought by Seongwu’s mesmerizing smile fade after a few hours of being pre-occupied or would it make its way back to her mind for no reason and make her smile like an idiot? Will admiring Seongwu from afar be enough after getting to know more about the boy, now that she was actually able to interact with him, talk to him and see him smile (and be the reason of it at some point)?

Mmm just without a thousand words
And then I’ll say
I love you

“Jin..” Seongwu’s sleepy voice pulled her out of her train of thoughts. He opened his eyes slowly, blinking slowly as he yawned. “What time is it?”

“H-huh?” Jinri was still in a daze, not fully processing whatever the situation is. All that she knew was that Seongwu was right in front of her, and it felt like she was possessed or something similar to that.

While rubbing his left eye and yawning, Seongwu reached for his phone which was placed on the coffee table across the two of them. Jinri had to move her body backwards a little because if she didn’t, Seongwu might accidentally hit her with his shoulder and both of them would end up on the floor. How did she know? Seongwu was as clumsy as hell, and even on a flat surface, there was a 75% possibility of him tripping. He was that clumsy, and Jinri learned of it all the night before. Sh—

“DEAR JESUS GET UP, GET UP!” As if he was electrocuted, Seongwu got up from the couch, where we was previously laying down, struggling so hard to kick away the blanket that was wrapped around his body. “WE’RE GOING TO BE LATE! GET UP! WE CAN’T BE LATE!”

And that was when reality hit her— why Seongwu was sleeping beside her, why she ended up sleeping on the floor on a sitting position, her head close to Seongwu’s, and why her phone was continuously ringing.

What seemed like a dream-like background song was her alarm, and instead of bringing her to this movie-like situation, it was supposed to wake her up.

Jinri’s mind went into a full state of panic as she got up, helping Seongwu out of the cocoon he made with the blanket. From a full state of panic, her mind was slowly going to autopilot, thinking of different ways on how to function decently with very little time.

I CAN’T SCREW THIS UP. Her mind kept on repeating as she hurriedly headed to the the bathroom for a quick shower while Seongwu kept his self busy with their unfinished business.  I CANNOT SCREW THIS UP AND FAIL!!!

But how did things end up this way?

Mid-semester. One of the most dreaded periods besides final wave of hell week at the end of the semester. The specific part of the semester which felt like every single professor in the university have all agreed to make everyone’s life a living hell.

“I’m not really sure about my analysis of this part. You should double check it and how I used the theory.” Jaehwan said, pointing at the specific highlighted parts in their first draft that he was talking about. The deadline for their thesis’ first draft is getting nearer, so their efforts on research and analysis has been doubled. To be the cherry on top of their oh-so-wonderful week, it was their semester’s first midterms so everyone’s a little on the edge, trying to fit all of their school responsibilities on their own plates.

Jinri nodded, adjusting her reading glasses as she scanned the part Jaehwan was talking about. “Alright, I’ll reorganize the structure after going through the whole thing. You should check my part as well, I’m not sure if my analysis is on point or if it’s lacking depth.”

When it came to analysis, Jaehwan does better, and she acknowledges it. On the other hand, Jinri’s analysis were more simple and straightforward, and she knows that she’s not the best in that area. It has always been Jaehwan’s strength. The way his mind works is totally different from Jinri’s, and she has always been amazed at how Jaehwan comes to a resolution. However, his thoughts and writing has always been scattered. That’s where Jinri comes in. She’s the one who polishes Jaehwan’s works and makes them more organized. In a way, both of their strengths and weaknesses complemented each other, and it’s one of the reasons why they still haven’t ended up fighting over their thesis. Most people say that doing your thesis with a friend can either make or break it, and to both of them, it was a piece of cake.

Silence followed after that. Both of them were too busy with their works, the sound of their laptop’s keyboards filled the air. However, Jaehwan’s not the type to keep still. The silence drives him crazy, and his mouth somewhat itches, especially after what he witnessed at the bonfire weeks ago.

“You know, Ji--”

Before Jaehwan could finish his sentence, Jinri cut him halfway. “Stop talking, I’m thinking.” He covered his mouth with her free hand as she scrolled through the file. If Jaehwan was the type who can’t keep his mouth shut, Jinri needed her silence. She gets distracted by the littlest of things that’s why she prefers to work alone. If only she could do her part alone, she would, but she knew she needed Jaehwan’s help so she had no choice.

Jaehwan stayed still and waited for Jinri to remove her hand from covering his mouth. And when she did, that’s when the boy started whining. “Come on, Jin. Let’s take a thirty minute break. We’ve been working on this for more than two hours now, I’m going crazy if this goes on.”

Jinri stared at Jaehwan with a blank expression. Before the two started their thesis, Jaehwan had come to an agreement with Jinri: whenever the two are working on their thesis, Jinri is responsible for making Jaehwan focus. The boy knew how much of a procrastinator he is, and now that he’s not working on it alone, he was being considerate.

She let out a sigh before nodding, she was feeling a little burnt out as well. Her eyes started hurting and her mind was slowly getting dysfunctional due to information overload. Reaching for the menu, she ordered for a glass of coffee milkshake, asking Jaehwan as well if he wanted anything. The boy just shook his head.

Jaehwan let out a small hurray, before saving his work and opening The Sims on his laptop. Yes, Jaehwan is a big The Sims fan. It is one of the things that Jinri and him agree on. “I’m dying to ask you a question, though.”

With a curious look on her face, Jinri rested her head on the desk, looking at the boy beside her. It kind of made her curious and nervous at the same time. “..what?”

“I didn’t want to pry, but I--”

“Really? You didn’t want to pry? Are you ing real, Jaehwan?” Jinri said with a small laugh.

Jaehwan rolled his eyes before covering Jinri’s face with his palm. “What I meant is that, I didn’t want to make you awkward and conscious but I’ve noticed that Seongwu’s around more often, and that you guys seem to closer.”

If she was going to fool herself, then maybe she would have said no. But then, what Jaehwan said was the truth. Seongwu was around more often. For some reason, he started eating lunch with them (not only him, but Daniel also became an addition to their usual lunch squad). In addition to that, being partners in their media studies class was not much of help. Since midterms were coming, more activities and seatworks came their way, and most were supposed to be done in pairs. So even if she likes it or not, she had to spend time with Seongwu. She wasn’t sure whether that brought them closer together, but Seongwu seemed more at ease whenever he was around her.

Jinri let out a deep sigh as she sat up, running her fingers through her hair. “To be honest..” she started, staring blankly at the blinking line on her laptop. “I’m not really sure about how I should feel about that.”

Jaehwan tried his best to focus his attention on his laptop. He was busy renovating his sim’s room anyways. And besides, he knew Jinri would feel awkward to talk if he kept all of his attention on her, especially when she’s talking about Seongwu. He knew her that well. “Mm?” He tried his best to sound nonchalant. “Why’s that?”

“I never saw myself in this situation, you know. I told you, admiring him from afar was more than enough.”

No matter how much she tried to make herself believe that admiring Seongwu from afar was enough, she knew that convincing herself would require at least 250% of her effort and will power. She’s already been this far, and no matter how the rational side of her brain keep on telling her to stop, turning on that red light to make her reconsider things, the sly thing inside of her called emotion keeps on getting ahead of her head. She was sure that at the moment, she was acting with the aid of her emotions, not her mind.

This time, Jaehwan looked at her. He wanted to look at her in the eyes in order to know what’s really going on inside her head. Even though Jinri likes to think that she does so well at keeping a poker face, to Jaehwan, she is an open book. Even the littlest movement of her eyes tells something, and knowing her for years and being with her almost 17 hours a day helped a lot. “What’s stopping you?”

Not knowing what to say, Jinri just shrugged. “I don’t know.”

“You don’t know or you don’t want me to know?” And as always, Jaehwan hit the right spot.

The truth is, she does know the reason why. She knows why there’s always that red light inside her head, but she’s just too shy to let anyone know. Even to herself, she was too afraid to admit it. But maybe, it really is the time to do so. “Jaehwan..” she let out a soft sigh, closing her laptop before taking a sip of her milkshake. Okay, here goes nothing. “I’m scared.” It was more like a whisper.

There, she admitted it. Finally. Not only to herself, but to one of the people she trusts the most. Yes, she was scared. She was scared of the possibilities, of whatever may happen if she had the courage to take that leap. Ong Seongwu was just supposed to be this good memory, and getting closer to him makes him more real than he already is. Jinri’s beginning to see more of him, she’s getting to know him more, he’s becoming more human inside her head.

Ong Seongwu is a dream, a beautiful one indeed. And she doesn’t want to ruin it.

But now, she wasn’t so sure of it anymore.

“Nothing’s happened yet, but you’re already scared of the consequences.” And there it goes again, the phrase that she’s been trying to avoid. Jaehwan never fails to reinforce these kinds of things in order to make Jinri realize what she has been missing from forming a big great wall in front of her, stopping her from doing things that she should be doing. At some point, Jaehwan felt like a dad, pushing her little girl out in the world to explore. He doesn’t even understand where this fear comes from.

Yes, Jinri is scared. Call it overthinking, or just planning ahead, but she was too scared to get hurt. This version of Seongwu is more able to hurt her, than the image of his she made inside her head. It couldn’t get any real than that.

“I don’t want to ruin it.” It was more of a whisper.

“Ruin what? You guys aren’t even dating yet.” Jaehwan shrugged nonchalantly, his eyes totally focused on the sim that he’s been playing.

“I don’t want to date him.” Lies.

“Lies.” Again, Jaehwan is her conscience. It’s like he’s the voice at the back of her head.

“It’s true.”

“It’s true.” Jaehwan mocked her before rolling his eyes.

“Why won’t you believe me?” She doesn’t even believe herself anymore.

“Because I’m your best friend, and I know that deep inside, you want him to like you back.”

“No.” Okay, Jinri. Fool yourself. “I’m okay with liking him from afar.”

“Bull.”

“Don’t curse.”

“Oh you, stop bullting me. You’re just too scared of the possibilities, you’re scared of it getting real, too real that you might get hurt.” Everything Jaehwan said hit the spot, every single word was right. He does know her too well, she was getting scared that she is too much of an open book to this person in front of her.

She let out a sigh, nodding slowly, admitting her defeat. “That’s the point.” There’s no use in trying to deny, she’s talking to Kim Jaehwan for crying out loud. When Jaehwan knows he’s right, it’s because he is right.

“ the point.” And Jaehwan looked like he regretted every single second of him saying those three words.

“That sounded wrong.” Jinri tried her best to stop herself from laughing, but no. It really sounded too wrong to even ignore it. She burst out into a laughing fit, Jaehwan laughing along with her.

“Okay, point taken. But what I was trying to say is that, girl, stop being scared. There’s a lot of things that you could’ve done but instead, you’re too okay,” Jaehwan even gestured quotation marks to make a point, which he succeded in doing so— “of being on the side, watching from afar, see I’m even using your words. So, go out there and spread your wings, do stuff you never knew you could, but please be responsible. We’re young anyways, we have an excuse for doing dumb stuff every now and then.”

Jinri brought her hands together into a praying position before nodding. “Amen to that, brother.”

With that, she earned a meeting with Jaehwan’s palm once again. Instead of giving out a violent reaction, she just laughed and waited for the boy to be over with it. She deserved it anyways.

“What time are you leaving anyways?” Jaehwan asked as he shut down his laptop.

Jinri took a look at her wristwatch as she ate the whipped cream on top of her glass of milkshake. “If he won’t be late, he’s supposed to be here any minute.”

And with the word he, she is referring to Ong Seongwu. Yes, you got that right. She is meeting Seongwu right after her small thesis session with Jaehwan. Since they work as a pair for their media studies class, they needed to work on a paper together— an analysis of a movie they were tasked to watch. And due to their busy schedule, they had no choice but to pull an all nighter in order to finish the said requirement. Besides, it didn’t seem that hard anyways. It was just a reaction paper, with a theory backing it up. That is just a piece of cake.

“Good.” Jaehwan said, placing his laptop inside his bag. “I need to leave anyways. I’m supposed to meet someone I met on Bumble.” He said with a grin.

Jinri raised a brow, stopping halfway from drinking her milkshake. “What the hell is Bumble?”

“A dating app.” Jaehwan said nonchalantly as he began to type on his phone.

“Like tinder?”

“Yeah, but more decent. Like if on tinder people say, hi wanna make out? On Bumble, people say, hey do you want to go out for coffee and then let’s see where it takes us.” Jaehwan showed a screenshot of his convo with a girl named Roa, and it was indeed, true. “See, a little bit decent.”

“Please don’t tell me more about your life, I beg you.”

“Hey, I don’t hook up with girls there. I just go out on dates, experimenting, you know.” Jaehwan shrugged before placing his phone on the desk.

Jinri nodded, kinda convinced. “So where are you taking this girl you’re meeting?”

“Dinner, she said she wanted pizza and she wants to prove that pineapples don’t go well with pizza, and you know me. I want to make a point. Pineapples and pizza go really well together.” Jinri nodded, totally agreeing to that. “And then after that a movie, I guess.”

“Wow,” Jinri couldn’t help but clap. “You’re all grown up now. Even with all the thesis and stuff you still have time to date.”

Jaehwan smiled a proud smile. “I know, I know. You’re going to be the best man on my wedding, but not with this girl because she doesn’t like pineapples on pizza.”

“Alright, I’ll keep my best man outfit at the back of my closet since she’s not the one.” Jinri said with a grin before using her straw to eat the whipped cream on top of her milkshake.

“Speaking of the devil, he’s here.” Jaehwan’s eyes slowly shifted to the window. “Oh, with a big puppy following him.”

Confused, Jinri raised a brow as she shifted her gaze from her amused friend to the window. There she saw Seongwu, talking to Daniel as the they walked towards the cafe entrance. He was laughing heartily, amused at what the other was talking about. Daniel was animatedly telling a story to Seongwu, using his whole body to retell the story.

Jinri watched Seongwu the whole time. The boy looked beautiful whenever he laughs and smiles. She liked seeing him like this, and no matter how hard she tried to stop herself from entertaining this thought, she wished, even the tiniest bit in her, that one day, she can be the reason behind those beautiful smiles she liked.

“Oh wow, love struck.” Jaehwan waved his hand in front of Jinri’s face, trying to get the attention of his friend who totally zoned out.

Jinri blinked and cleared before slapping Jaehwan’s hand away. “Shut up.” She tried to fix her hair and act as if nothing happened, and this just made the boy shake his head while whispering to his self the things you do for love.

The bell on the door rang the moment Daniel pushed the door open with his whole body, holding his skateboard with one hand. Seongwu followed, fixing the strap of the duffel bag hanging on his left shoulder while holding the strap of his camera hanging around his neck. The two scanned the place, looking for Jinri.

Jinri raised her hand and waved, immediately catching Daniel’s attention. The boy smiled as soon as he saw Jinri and waved back. The way he looked at Jinri made it seem like he has a tail wagging excitedly behind him. Huh, he does look like a big puppy. Jinri smiled back, a little amused and amazed at the fact that Jaehwan was right. Daniel is a big puppy.

“Oh look, the man of your dreams.” Jaehwan whispered to Jinri before letting out a soft laugh. His gaze was shifting from the two men walking towards their table and the girl beside him whose cheeks were slowly turning red.

Jinri couldn’t help but blush, and hitting the boy beside her would make it more obvious. Besides, the were getting closer, there’s no use in making a fuss out of blushing. She just wanted to thank the orange tint of the lights used in the pub which helps her hide her blushing cheeks.

“Hey, guys.” Seongwu said with a smile, waving at Jinri and Jaehwan as he headed towards the empty spot beside Jaehwan since it’s the closest to him. He looked at Jinri and smiled, bowing slightly before taking a seat.

“What’s up, Jaehwan, Jinri!” Daniel greeted them with a wide smile as well, giving Jaehwan a high five before looking at Jinri, offering his hand for a high five as well.  Jinri smiled back and high-fived Daniel before the boy took the seat beside her.

“What were you guys up to?” Jaehwan asked as he looked at the two guys who were settling down on their seats.

“I helped Seongwu hyung with his Photography class. I was his model.” Daniel said with a smile.

“Mm. I was experimenting with movement, and so I had Daniel skateboard for me.” Seongwu said with a smile.

“Wow, you should teach me how to use a skateboard sometime soon, Niel.” Jaehwan said while fixing his things, looking like he’s getting ready to go. “And so since you guys are here now, I’m going to go. Take care of my friend over here, she’s too clumsy for her own good.”

“Don’t worry, Jaehwan.” Daniel said with a grin, putting his arm loosely around Jinri’s shoulders, patting her arm gently. “She’s safe with us.” The boy looked at Jinri with a smile, wiggling his brows.

Jinri raised a brow as she looked at the pink-haired boy in the eyes. Amused, she shook her head and pinched Daniel’s cheeks so hard, making the boy whine in pain as he let the girl go.

Seongwu laughed softly, shaking his head as well as he watched Daniel rub his cheeks. “That’s why I kept on telling you to stop being touchy with people, Niel.”

“Jinri and I are friends,” Daniel said, his lips slightly jutting out into a small pout. “Aren’t we, Jin?”

“Yes, but my personal space please.” Jinri created a small circle beside her with her hand, representing her personal bubble.

“See? This is the real Jinri, Niel.” Jaehwan said as he stood up, wearing his backpack strap. “Violent, snobbish. Unlike the cute one you kept on talking about. Everytime you say she’s cute, I’m like, are you sure you’re talking about the right Jinri?”

“Why? I think she’s cute.” Daniel said, shrugging slightly as he patted his cheeks.

I’m not cute, Jinri thought to herself as she started fixing her things as well. It was getting late as well, and if they didn’t get going, they probably wouldn’t finish their reaction paper in time, and that is a big no no.

“And this is why people say you’re flirty, Niel.” Seongwu stood up as well, fixing his bag straps on his shoulder.

“Hey, I’m not trying to flirt with everyone. Do you want me to prove it?”

“Try me, then.” Seongwu said with a grin, obviously teasing Daniel.

“You know that freshman who sits beside me in our Media Studies class, right? I thought she was just friendly and polite since I’m a sunbae, but then I always see her at my DJ gigs? And after working on this paper yesterday she kept on texting me? And I just don’t know why?” Daniel was animatedly telling his story, even using his hands to gesture some parts of the story.

Jaehwan and Seongwu both looked a little confused as the they stared at Daniel.

“And at what point were you trying to tell us that you’re not flirty? Because there’s no trace of it in there, bro.” Jaehwan said, an eyebrow raised.

“Totally not proving it, man.” Seongwu said, shaking his head as he crossed his arms across his chest before looking at Jinri as if he’s waiting for a supporting statement from her.

Oh , be cool girl, she thought to herself as she cleared . She had to come up with a witty answer in a span of one second, and thank heavens her brain was kinda cooperating. “Nuh-uh. Not today, Niel. Totally not helping.”

Jinri wasn’t sure if she saw it right, but Seongwu’s lips slowly turned into a small smile before he diverted his gaze towards Daniel, who looked like he was defeated since his arguments didn’t support his claim.

“Anyways, I’m out my bros. And you, Jinri. Be normal.” He looked at his friend and gave her a meaning look, to which Jinri just rolled her eyes. Chuckling softly, Jaehwan started walking away while waving. “See you around.”

“Hey Jae, don’t forget about our gig this weekend!” Seongwu said, half-shouting.

Huh. Jinri thought to herself. Looks like Jaehwan will be requiring me to watch them again.

“Got you fam!” Jaehwan did one final wave before walking out of the door.

“Anyways, back to my point, I’m not a total flirt. Nope, nope. No no.” Daniel said, continuously shaking his head as the three went out of the pub as well.

Looks like this will be a long walk home.

--

and so that was just a teaser lol
working on the next chapter xo

and so for a little game, can you guys try to guess what happened and why the two ended up that way (refer to the first part of the chapter) <3