Summary:

Jinri keeps on telling herself to not rush into a mess she doesn't want to be in, but can she really avoid the boy who keeps on reaching out his hand?

Notes:

a little warning though: this chapter might be conversation-heavy (who am i kidding, i think it is)

“Victory for Myungsang! Victory for Myungsang!”

Continuous chants can be heard around the school’s open field. A celebratory event was held right after the match, and everyone was invited. Whether the team lose or win, the event will push through, and since their school’s soccer team won the championship, the mini concert was turned into a celebratory concert where school spirit can really be felt.

It was a really tough game. The score was close until the end, and Jaehwan was the night’s hero. Right before the the end of the game he was able to score the one point they needed in order to win. It was a dramatic win, and Jinri almost cried. What held her tears back was the arm of the guy named Ong Seongwu wrapped around her shoulder tightly as he jumped with joy. Her tears were already on the verge of falling, but then the sudden contact stopped her from screaming and crying her eyes out of glee. Instead of her tear ducts, her heart was triggered and started beating the hell out of her chest.

Seongwu looked at her with so much joy in his face as the crowd cheered around them. All that she was able to do was smile (she tried her best to not make it look awkward) and let out a small hurray and a small clap. Seongwu ended up chuckling, giving her shoulder a gentle squeeze before apologizing. It was really okay, Jinri was okay. Her heart was just trying to get out of her chest and join the group of cheerleaders dancing and jumping around the members of the soccer team.

“Do you want some marshmallows?” Daniel gave Jinri a little nudge as he stood beside her, holding two long sticks on one hand and a pack of marshmallows on the other hand.

Jinri nodded, rubbing her arms to create more heat. It was getting colder, and the clothes she was wearing weren’t thick enough to fight the cold. To think that they were already standing close to the bonfire, it really was a cold night.

“Wait.” Daniel gave her the pack of marshmallows and the sticks before taking off his padded jacket. “Wear this, it’s really warm.” The boy placed the jacket on her shoulders, making sure it was covering her enough. Daniel smiled and took the pack of marshmallows again from her.

Jinri gave Daniel a smile as she wore the jacket properly. “Thanks, Niel.”

“So,” Daniel said, busy looking at the marshmallow he was putting on a stick. “You had a little moment there with Seongwu hyung.”

“You saw that?” Jinri shook her head in amusement, zipping the jacket even more to keep herself warm.

“Who didn’t see that should be your question.” Daniel said with a soft chuckle, handing Jinri the stick with three pieces of marshmallow in it. He then began to make one for his self as Jinri held the stick near the bonfire. “Dongho hyung saw it and was laughing and clapping, Jonghyun hyung did the same, and Minki hyung kept on asking Jonghyun about it. I think even Minhyun saw it, he was smiling really widely as he cheered.”

Jinri just shook her head and kept quiet as she roasted the marshmallow. She doesn’t really know how to respond. Ever since that little moment the two of them had, she can’t really look at Seongwu straight in the eyes. The right word for what she felt at that exact moment was still nowhere to be found, and even until the moment she was stunned.

Her friends’ reaction was the usual: right after Minhyun told Chungha and Jaehwan, the two kept on teasing Jinri until it reached the point when Minhyun had to drag the two away from the bonfire because Jinri was too silent. She wasn’t mad, she was just deep in thoughts.

“You know, when Seongwu hyung offered to be friends with you, he was sincere.” Daniel held his stick of marshmallows near the bonfire, twisting it with his fingers slowly to roast all sides evenly. “I’ve known him for a few months now, and I guess I know him a little better than others do. You know how there’s just people you meet and you know that you’d click? Seongwu hyung’s like that. We just match. And trust me when I tell you that when he said he wants to be friends with you, he’s telling the truth.”

“And why are you telling me all these things?” Jinri held the marshmallow near her lips, blowing air on it to cool it down.

A lot of things were filling Jinri’s mind: a.) Nothing, just because; and b.)I want you guys to be best friends; are the possible reasons that she could think of, and somewhere in the back of her mind, a soft voice whispering‘there’s a possibility of him liking you’ was trying to make its way. But then that’s just wishful thinking, and it would really be weird that out of the blue, Seongwu would suddenly take that kind of interest on her. She discards the thought, trying her very best to look as nonchalant as possible.

Daniel took a bite of the marshmallow, whining about how hot it was as he chewed. He then shrugged as he was finally able to chew the marshmallow properly, complaining every now and then about how he burnt his tongue. “He gets really quiet when he’s with you.”

Jinri’s expression turned from a nonchalant one into a what-the-hell-are you-talking about kind of face. It is true that Seongwu can get a little quiet around her, but so what? Isn’t that a bad thing? “Uhm..” she bit her lower lip, a little frustrated, as she scratched her head with her free hand. “Kindly elaborate. I don’t really get what you’re saying.”

“When he gets really quiet around someone, it means he’s comfortable.” Daniel said in a matter-of-factly tone, biting on his now cooled marshmallow. “He may seem like a people person, but truth is, he isn’t. He gets uncomfortable around a lot of people, and when that happens, he gets too talkative. So what I’m saying is, if he doesn’t try to make those continuous awkward and ty small talks with you, it means he’s comfortable. And that’s a plus, you know.”

That is a plus, she has to agree to that. All this time she thought she made Seongwu uncomfortable most of the time, but that might be the case before. However, it started getting ‘better’ (based on Daniel’s perspective) after the whole clarification incident. Seongwu probably felt comfortable knowing that a girl who likes him won’t be hitting on him every now and then.

“Niel! Niel!” Before Jinri could even respond, Seongwu’s voice from afar interrupted her. She pressed her lips together, waiting for what is to come as the boy walked towards them, holding a big cup of Gulp he bought from the seven eleven across their university.

Seongwu stood in between Daniel and Jinri when he arrived, giving the girl a small smile before turning to his friend, holding his cup close to Daniel. “Do you want some?”

Daniel nodded before taking a sip from Seongwu’s drink. His expression slowly turned mischievous as he kept on drinking from Seongwu’s cup. The boy was smiling as well, taking his drink away from the younger after a few minutes.

“Don’t drink it all!” Seongwu said with a soft laugh as he held his cup near him.

“How the hell are you able to sneak that in?” Daniel said with a soft chuckle before finishing his remaining marshmallow.

Jinri was nibbling on her marshmallow as she watched the interaction of the two in front of her. Daniel was right, it seems like the two really click even though they just met months ago.

“Wow, I should really try that next time.” Daniel said with a grin, wiggling his brows at the same time. He then looked at Jinri while pointing at Seongwu who was smiling widely. “He was able to sneak the beer in. Look at how this person uses his brain!”

“That’s beer?” Jinri asked with a curious expression, pointing at the big Gulp cup Seongwu was holding with the stick.

Seongwu nodded with a smile, holding the beer close to her. “Do you want some?”

Jinri shook her head, not in the mood to get some alcohol in her system.

“Parties like this are best enjoyed with beer, you know.” Seongwu said with a smile before taking another sip from his drink. “If you see me sleeping in the classrooms, it may be because I am drunk. I do my work better when a little intoxicated.”

Just like Jaehwan, she thought. “Won’t you get in trouble for that though?”

Seongwu shrugged, continuously sipping on his drink. “Been doing it for years, and I haven’t gotten in trouble yet. So I think I’m good. It helps me get through my midterms. It’s hard to think of new things to do for exams. It helps me get more creative.”

Jinri just nodded slowly, not knowing how to respond. She still felt awkward around Seongwu, the scene in the game continuously playing in her head every time her peripheral vision catches Seongwu. Her heart still had that familiar feeling, the butterflies in her stomach making a scene again.

“What’s this for then, hyung?” Daniel asked, grinning cheekily.

Seongwu shrugged, smiling playfully. “Just fun. Since our team won.”

“Don’t get too drunk though, you might really get in trouble this time.”

“I’m Ong Seongwu. I don’t get in trouble.” The boy said with a wide grin, slowly looking at the quiet girl beside him. “Am I right, Jin?”

Jin. Jinri felt her heart leap. He just called me by my nickname. She felt funny— it was as if she was back to her high school self, getting hyped and smiling over a trivial thing the guy she likes does. But this time, it wasn’t just about the beautiful and playful smile the boy beside her was sporting. She can’t help but consider that what Daniel told her a while ago was indeed, true.

Acting as if her heart wasn’t trying to make a scene inside her chest, she fixed the zipper of the jacket she was wearing even though it didn’t need fixing.  “I’m hoping you won’t because at the moment, Niel and I are accomplices to the possible crime.”

Seongwu let out a soft laugh, nodding slowly. “I won’t get you in trouble.” He then took his free hand out of his pocket then ruffled Jinri’s hair with it.

Jinri felt her cheeks heat up. Her mind was slowly going into a state of panic. What do I do? What do I say? Should I say something? Or just act nonchalantly? If she was talking out loud, it would have been her version of word vomit.

“Eh, hyung. Don’t ruin her hair.” Daniel said with a laugh before fixing Jinri’s hair.

Jinri felt thankful towards Daniel. She knew that the boy was just trying to lighten the mood after seeing the girl get all panicky on the inside. But then, it was still too early to tell.

“You should be telling us, not just her.” Daniel then patted her head before placing his hand back inside his pocket. “Don’t get the three of us in trouble, so don’t drink too much.”

Seongwu just nodded with a playful smile, glancing at Jinri.

Jinri felt weird. Seongwu was the one drinking, but it felt as if she was the one who’s drunk. Her mind stopped functioning ever since Seongwu touched her cheek this afternoon.

“I’ll just get some drinks, and by drinks I was referring to the lemonade stall in the parking lot.” Jinri felt as if she was stabbed in the back. After Daniel saved her from the awkwardness Seongwu’s drunk affectionateness brought, he’s going to leave her here alone with the boy.

He looked at Jinri then at Seongwu. “Do you guys want anything? Food? Non-alcoholic drinks?” He said with a playful smile as he looked at Seongwu. The boy let out a soft chuckle before shaking his head

Jinri tried her best to send signals to Daniel, her eyes screaming, don’t leave me here. However, her signals were blocked by Daniel’s ringing phone.

Daniel patted Jinri and Seongwu’s shoulder before walking away from the two, answering his phone.

Despite the loud cheers of the people around them, there was silence. It wasn’t the kind of silence which made people feel uncomfortable, it was the kind everyone needed after talking for so long. Comforting, relaxing. Just the right amount to let your mind breathe.

Even though it did not feel uncomfortable (yet), Jinri didn’t want this moment to last. She knew that the more time she spent with Seongwu alone, there are more chances of her making a fool of herself once again. Seongwu just stared at the bonfire while continuously drinking his beer, and Jinri kept on fidgeting on her hoodie’s zipper. When will my good friends arrive? She thought to herself as she shut her eyes close. What kind of blackhole did Minhyun bring the two in. She wasn’t mad, and was badly hoping that the three would magically appear in front of her.

What kind of excuse would seem believable? Should she pretend that someone texted or called her and asked her to go somewhere else? No, that’s such a textbook excuse, and besides, Daniel was already able to use it a while ago. Should she pretend that she’s going to the restroom and just stay there until the end of the night? Possible, but she knew she can come up with a better excuse. Or.. should she just get honest with Seongwu and tell him that it feels awkward to have him around? No, that would make her seem like an , and between the two of them, Seongwu was the one who is supposed to feel that way.

“What are you thinking?” Seongwu’s voice pulled Jinri out of her train of thoughts. He wasn’t looking at her; he was still staring at the bonfire with a blank expression on his face.

Jinri turned her head to look at the boy, blinking her eyes rapidly as she tried to come up with a decent answer. “..Jaehwan?” Of all people, why say his name, idiot.

Seongwu’s blank expression finally turned into a slightly cheerful one. “Why Jaehwan?”

Jinri scratched her head, a little taken aback with the boy’s response. “Uhm..” she scratched her head as her momentarily dysfunctional brain tried its best to produce an answer. “I’m just wondering where Minhyun dragged him and Chungha. It’s been long since they left to God knows where.”

The boy nodded slowly, looking at her as his lips slowly turned into a soft smile. She just looked at Seongwu, and he just looked back at her with that beautiful smile which made her heart nervous.

In order to break the silence which brought butterflies to her stomach, she decided that she has to take action. She knew that her cheeks are going to turn red anytime soon. Not knowing what to say, Jinri just blurted out the first sentence that came to mind. “How are you doing, Seongwu?” Good job, Jinri. She felt like giving herself a facepalm.

Seongwu looked a little surprised with her question, breaking the eye contact between them. “Wow,” he said, scratching his head slightly.

Because of Seongwu’s reaction, she felt nervous. What on earth came to her to say such weird nonsense?

“I’m s—”

“It’s been long since someone asked me that, and I think I really needed that.” After drinking the remainder of his drink, he then proceeded to eating the leftover ice inside his cup. “Everything’s ed up, but I’m trying to be okay.”

Jinri nodded slowly before giving Seongwu’s shoulder a gentle pat. At that moment, all the awkwardness Jinri felt a few moments ago slowly started fading. It seemed like he badly needed someone who would listen, and maybe, she can be that person at that exact moment. “If you need to let it all out, I’m here to listen.”

Seongwu let out a soft chuckle, the kind you do when you want to make things lighter but not really mean it. “I don’t want to burden you with the details of my ed up life.”

“You can just talk to me about anything. I’ve been told that I’m a good listener.” Of all the things she thought she was good at, Jinri was sure that she is a good listener. But she knew that when all the talking is done, she wouldn’t know how to respond. She might be a good listener, but she at comforting people.

“Really, anything?”

“Yes.” Jinri nodded firmly. “Anything, Seongwu.”

“I have a question.”

“Go on.”

Seongwu heaved a breath before looking at the girl with a serious expression on his face. “Why is six afraid of seven?”

“..why?” Jinri didn’t know how to react.

Seongwu slowly grinned. “Because seven eight nine. Get it?” The boy started to laugh softly at his own joke, glancing at Jinri from time to time to check her reaction.

To be honest, she didn’t find it funny. At first, she didn’t really get it. But the way Seongwu smiled and laughed was enough to make her let out a soft chuckle out of amusement. If Jaehwan was the one who made that joke, she might have kicked him on the sheen for being too corny. But it was Seongwu-- everything about the boy is different. Every single thing he does is enough to make Jinri’s lips curve into a smile.

“To be honest, I want to punch you in the arm because of that joke.” Jinri told Seongwu, playfully nudging him on the arm.

“I know, I know. Worst joke of the century if you ask me.” The boy nodded, the smile never leaving his lips. “I panicked, and that was the first thing that came to mind. But seriously, I do have a question.”

Jinri nodded slowly. “Go, shoot.”

Seongwu was silent for a few seconds, staring at the bonfire while holding onto his cup tightly. It was as if he was contemplating whether to tell Jinri or not, and that he was looking for the right words to complete his sentence. “When you broke up with Sanggyun, did you look back? Did you want him back?”

There was this question again. If she can make a list of how many times she’s been asked this question and get a penny from it, she might be able to buy at least one cup of the coffee they love in school. Having Seongwu ask her the question made her a little uneasy, for she doesn’t know his initial intentions for doing so. Was it still because of what Sanggyun did to him? Is it because of some other reasons her mind forbids her to think? Or about something she haven’t even thought of?

“First, I want to correct one part of the story. I did not break up with him, he was the one who ended things with me.” As she said those words, she was rolling the  marshmallow’s stick between her fingers. To her, it felt weird that she was talking to the boy she likes at the present about the boy from her past. But since he asked, she knew she had to clarify things first before answering him directly.

“Oh.” Seongwu pressed his lips together into a thin line, nodding his head slowly. “Everyone thought it was the other way around.”

Everyone? “With everyone, you meant yourself, and who else?”

“Well, the ones who witnessed the punching incident from last year.”

It did make sense. With how Sanggyun acted, it might have seemed like that. “It can be interpreted that way, I can’t blame you.” She nodded slowly. “And to answer your question, yes. I did look back. I wanted him back. At first. But as weeks passed by, I stopped hoping and wishing that things went back to where they were before he left. Before I knew it, I was okay.”

It took a few minutes before Seongwu nodded and let out a soft sigh. “I guess it’s normal then.”

“I think it is. So don’t worry about it.” Jinri tried her best to give the boy the warmest smile she could, but it was hard. She felt slightly hurt knowing that Seongwu still thinks of Heehyun every now and then, but she can’t blame him. They were together, and it seemed like he was so invested in the relationship. What keeps her mind busy at the moment was thinking of different possible reasons for Seongwu to break their relationship off. “Do you miss her?”

“A lot.” Seongwu let out a loud sigh as he ran his free hand through his hair, frustration evident in him. “But I don’t want to go through the same again. Even if she kept on coming back and kept on asking for another chance, I would always say no.” He might have said that he would say no, but it looked like his mind was in the middle of a storm. He looked troubled, confused and frustrated. “I know I broke up with her for a reason, but then there’s always this kind of thought at the end of the night: what if I get back together with her like she wanted to? Would everything be better?”

Don’t. Please don’t, Jinri wanted to say, but she had to be the rational one. Seongwu was drunk, emotional and vulnerable, and she was in her right mind. She should be in her right mind. But she knew she had to ask him something, and she couldn’t stop herself from doing so. “Would it be worth it though?”

And if he did say yes, Jinri knew that her heart would break into pieces.

That was when she began to assess herself and how she felt towards the boy. Was she in love? She was not sure, however, she knew that it would pain her to watch him with Heehyun again, knowing that she was able to get this close to the boy she used to watch from afar and that there might be the slightest possibility of things going to that direction.

But then, there’s always this thought inside her head, the brake to all the green lights inside her mind: don’t rush and dive into a mess you know you wouldn’t want to be in.

She wasn’t drunk, but she felt as emotional and vulnerable as the boy at the same time.

“You’re messed up, and I’m the only one who can keep up with all the baggage you have.” Seongwu said in a way that it seemed like he was reciting a passage from a really boring book while staring at the bonfire. “No one’s going to love you and care for you as much as I do."

Jinri was dumbfounded with what she just heard. She didn’t know what to say, even if she knew she had to respond. For a few seconds, all that she was able to do was stare at the boy before she was able to come up with the will to speak. “W-what?”

“Whenever we fought, she used to tell me that.” Seongwu said, his voice soft as if he was whispering. “At first, I didn’t want to believe Dongho, and I don’t want to think that way but it did seem like he was right. Heehyun’s a psychology major, and she’s been manipulating me, using all the she learned just so she could make me do whatever she wanted. It was as if I was her very own guinea pig. psychology.” He let out a really bitter laugh, looking really frustrated at his self. Even the memory of it disgusted him, and how the boy was able to take all of that during the time he spent with Heehyun, Jinri wanted to know. “Every time I tried to break up with her, she feeds me with thoughts leading to that. Some kind of conditioning, I think. And I was too dumb to believe her, but too scared to be left alone.”

Behind all those beautiful smiles and music-like laughter, beyond all those beautiful and colorful pieces of art Seongwu created all around the campus, he was this broken, his life was filled sadness. The sadness in his eyes was now more evident than ever, and it was probably the reason why his smiles never seemed to reach his eyes and never seemed that real for smiling was too much of a privilege for him.

The puzzle pieces of Ong Seongwu were now slowly getting into place, and the Seongwu that she knew before: the pretty boy everybody loved, the boy who seemed like sunshine to everyone he knew, the boy who brought smiles to people’s faces was now gone and replaced by this emotional, vulnerable, and real Seongwu. The Seongwu who needed his own sunshine, who needed someone to bring back the smiles to his lips, and someone who would love him as much as he would love. Whether she would be all of these to him, she didn’t know, and she doesn’t want to think about it at that moment.

“You’re not dumb, Seongwu. You loved her, and you thought she wouldn’t do anything to hurt you. It isn’t your fault.” She knew she had to reassure him that he’s done the right thing. No one deserves to be in that kind of relationship, and she felt proud that Seongwu managed to be brave enough and leave. “I’m re--”

Jinri stopped halfway after feeling Seongwu slowly rest his head on her shoulder. She was frozen on her spot, and she couldn’t even turn her head to look.

“Get me out of here, please.” It was the last thing that Seongwu was able to say before Jinri felt all of his weight shift and fall towards her.

It was a relief that Jinri was able to manage and balance herself and Seongwu before they both fell on the ground. Seongwu was heavy, and how she was able to hold all that weight to stop them from falling was probably because of the adrenaline.

As she tried to wake Seongwu up, she felt a cold gaze pierce through her. A few meters away from her was Heehyun, looking at her and at Seongwu. Her gaze was cold, and it sent chills to her. Jinri cleared before looking away, trying her very best to avoid the girl’s gaze. She was still processing all of the things Seongwu said, but the feeling of wanting to hate the doll-like girl a few meters away from her was slowly creeping in.

“What do we have here, my f-- oh dear lord is he dead?” Jaehwan’s giddy voice quickly turned into a panicked one, quickly checking on the passed out boy in Jinri’s arms. “I know you like him, Jin, but you didn’t have to kill him!”

“What the , Jaehwan. Just help me, please? He’s heavy.” Jinri’s attention were now shifted to her friends suddenly appearing out of nowhere. “He’s probably sleeping since he had too much to drink. Are you drunk as well, Jaehwan?”

“I had some, but I’m not as drunk as your man, excuse me.” Jaehwan said, carefully shifting Seongwu’s body, placing the boy’s arm around his shoulder.

“You should’ve br-- oh my god.” Chungha almost panicked, but kept herself calm. Instead, she pulled Minhyun closer and urged the boy to help Jinri and Jaehwan in carrying the passed out Seongwu.

“There, there. Slowly.” Minhyun said as he tried to get Seongwu to stand straight. “We need to get home, buddy.”

The four decided to bring Seongwu home, for he was too drunk to function. They all met Daniel halfway and he offered to carry Seongwu on his back all the way outside the university. The guards gave them weird looks, but Minhyun was able to save all of them from possible sanctions by saying that Seongwu was sick. It was also a good thing that Seongwu wasn’t the kind of drunk who is noisy and keeps on drawing attention to the self. He was just sleeping soundly on Daniel’s back.

Minhyun and Jaehwan went back to the dorms after hailing a cab for Chungha and making sure that Jinri would get home safely. Daniel offered to share a cab with Jinri, since they lived in the same building and would just bring Seongwu to his apartment instead. He knew that Seongwu would have a really bad hangover in the next day, and since the boy lives alone, it would be better to have someone with him to take care of him when the hangover strikes.

Daniel took the seat in front, while Jinri and Seongwu sat in the back. She doesn’t know how Seongwu ended up laying his head on her lap and holding her hand as he slept, but it brought butterflies to her stomach. It felt weird-- good weird.

However, all good things come to an end, they say.

“Heehyun..” Seongwu mumbled in his sleep, giving Jinri’s hand a squeeze.

Jinri tried her best to keep a straight face. She felt Daniel gaze through the rearview mirror, and the boy looked apologetic, as if he was the one at fault. Awkward silence filled the cab ride home after that, even until they reached Daniel’s room. It was even more awkward than seeing her ex-boyfriend’s friend playing with his cats.

“I was sincere when I said I was happy that you guys are becoming friends, Jinri.” Daniel was the first one to break the silence between the two. He fixed the blanket on Seongwu, making sure it covered him enough so he won’t get cold. He then looked at Jinri, giving her a look that she hasn’t seen before. He looked serious and worried. “I want you to be careful though, I don’t want you to get hurt in the end.”

Notes:

okay, yes i am still alive. and i am back. work has been eating me alive and finally, i managed to finish this chapter.

ps, we're slowly getting there. the progress between the the characters (not just jinri and seongwu, but the over-all character line) might be slow because i want things to flow naturally and not seem forced (and i am hoping that they don't seem forced)

when will the next chapter be up? i'm still not sure. but i'll try my best to write when the inspiration comes because i also don't want to leave this story hanging.

leave a comment, an upvote or something. i am hoping that someone will still read this after almost half a year of not updating.

xo