Kwon Jiyong’s POV

     I quickly crank the engine of my car when she called me. She was crying. She needs me. 

     When I got there she was gone. I asked the store owner and she said she left a few minutes ago. I ran and ran and ran until I can no longer breathe. And then there she was, looking miserable. She can barely stand. 

     “How can I love you when I can’t even love myself?” She asked. 

     It was a question that doesn’t really need an answer. I thought about this question when she asked me about it. It was when everything was revealed—her relationship with Haneul and when I accidentally confessed my feelings to her.

     I dissected that question. I tried to analyze the tone of her voice, the look on her face that day, but I realized that it doesn’t really need an answer. She’s broken, she hates herself more than anyone else. She thinks she doesn't deserve to be loved.

     I didn’t respond. I just stared at her eyes. Her eyes are merely slit but I can still see her beautiful eyes. Those hazelnut eyes that remind me of dusk. The eyes that calms me when I’m struggling in my own storm. Her eyes are so beautiful you could be lost in it. But those eyes cried for the wrong person, for the wrong reasons.

     She says she’s a mess. I want to be her mess. All of it. I want her chaos, her battles, her pain. I want to be with her.

      She’s everything. She’s everywhere.

     Dusk reminds me of her. The beautiful sky reminds me of her calmness; even a cigarette reminds me of her because I’m addicted to her. The oxygen reminds me of her. I can’t live without her. That’s how affected I am. She’s in my head. She’s in my heart. She drives me crazy but in a good way.

     It’s not because of her physical appearance, but it’s because she’s true to herself. And I love that. I love everything about her.

     We’re staring at each other. She’s suffered so much. Rather than happy and good feelings, she felt more sad and painful ones.

     My mouth is on hers and we started kissing. Our tears cascading on our cheeks.

     It was sad.

     It was painful.

     But it was beautiful.

     We’re both breathless when we part. My hands never left her cheek. She kissed my palm and she couldn’t stop crying.

     She’s shaking her head, “I shouldn’t have let you. I’m sorry.”

     “No, Jieun. I shouldn’t have kissed you.”

     Lie.

     We both know we’re lying. We both know how we waited for this. We both know we’re in love with each other.

     “I love you so much it ing hurts.” I said between my sobs.

     Because for the first time in my life, I found a girl that I trust. A girl that made me realize that love can be ugly. Love can come in any form. It’s not always pretty. You’re going to be lost along the way and that’s okay because we know that when it’s the right person, then you’ll be able to find your way back to each other.

     I trail my hands on her hands and laced my fingers with hers when I realized she’s bleeding.

     “Your wrist is bleeding!”

i'm really sorry for the super late update

i'm going to update this story every other day

bc im now free as a bird

thank you

ily all

<3