“Three months ago, you don’t look like this.” Mrs. Han, the guidance counselor of the school, extended her palms to me to show what I look like now.

     “What do you mean? I’ve always been like this.” I said as I fidget on my seat. I hate it when I’m being watched.

      “You drastically lost a lot of weight in a short period of time. It’s not healthy. Even the students come here to talk to me not about themselves but, about you.” She heaved a sigh, obviously uncomfortable with me being uncomfortable.

     The room was packed with school papers, used paper cups, something off with the smell of the room and the air conditioner was making weird noises. It was really distracting and very unsanitary.

     “You can talk to me when you feel comfortable. No pressure, Lee Jieun.” She smiled and I smiled back hoping it didn’t look awkward. Do I want to open up about my life to a stranger? NO.

     “I should head back to class.” I said as I stood up and head to the door quickly. I didn’t bother to listen to her response.

     Three months ago, my world crumbled. Today, just like any other day, I am the talk of the school. I was known as the angel, the perfect girl, but now I am just the skinny girl, the girl with the thigh gap, the girl who has every girl’s dream body.

     I found myself at the rooftop, smelling the breeze as the wind kissed my cheeks. Baby blue and white painted the sky, taking my breath away. I sat on the bench, our bench. I closed my eyes and put my earphones on. The volume was set to highest, wishing it would silent the ugly world outside.

     “Here.”

      Through loud music, I still heard and felt like someone was talking to me. I tilted my head up and saw Haneul standing before me. His damp black hair, sweaty shirt and pale skin brought so much memory. He was my home. He was my everything and I miss everything about him. I just want to hug him and cry and talk about how hard life is without him. But I can’t. And it feels terrible.

      I reached for the banana milk he was giving me and then he sat beside me. There was a space between us and it was just a simple thing but it hurt. It hurts so bad.

     “Drink it. You look sick.” He said without looking at me. He was just staring blankly at the sky.

     “Why?” I asked as I stare at the features of his face. What a view. “Why are you being nice to me… all of a sudden? It’s been months after you dumped me.”

      “We shared memories together. Whether it was good or bad. And I care about you.”

      Those words pinched my heart. Every action he makes make me feel tons of feelings.

     “Are we getting back together?” I asked shamelessly but it came out like a whisper. My heart was beating like crazy, getting heavier as seconds pass by.

     “I’m sorry.”

     What?

      “None of this is your fault so stop punishing yourself by starving.” He paused as he set his eyes from the sky to me. “I am concerned about you. We used to be friends.”

     I clenched my fist as I try to stop the tears from falling. “Bullsh*t. You go building me up just to let me fall apart. What was I to you? Was I just a friend to you?”

     “I’m… sorry.”

     “I held on so much hope, praying you’ll come back but I guess it turned out I was lost in the process.” I buried my face into my hands as my tears fell.

     “Just stop, Jieun. I’m sorry.”

     And just like what he did to me, he disappeared without giving me an acceptable reason.

     And just like what I did to myself, I cried my eyes out.

xxx

     Class was a surreal blur and nothing’s changed with me and Seohyun. We treat each other like strangers. I used to wave at her, talk to her, give her things she wanted, but none of it worked. I guess she made up her mind. I’m dead to her now and I don’t blame her. I stopped trying too, because if that makes her happy, then I'll do it.

     I was headed to the cab I just booked when Jiyong forcefully put his arm on my shoulder causing me to drop my phone.

     “Going home? Let’s eat. My treat.”

     “I told you not to do that!” I protested, forcefully taking his arm off me but it was so heavy and I failed miserably.

     “Hmm, fast food?”

     “I don’t—“

     Without hearing my response, he held my hand and dragged me outside the school.

     We went to Subway and he ordered two huge sandwiches. It was not appealing to me. It looked gross.

     “Eat.” He said with a serious face. I noticed a pimple on his left cheek and a few creases on his forehead.

     “I don’t want to.” I crossed my arms and stare at his dark eyes. They were like galaxy. You could be lost in it.

     “Stop breaking your own heart and get over that lowlife boy! Look at you, you look sick! You look awful! Starving yourself won’t make you win him back. You could die!” He shouted through gritted teeth. It wasn’t a loud shout but the woman behind him was already looking at us while sipping her soda.

     With teary eyes, I answered, “You don’t know what’s going through my head. It’s not because I don’t want to, it’s because I can’t! So stop judging me and telling me what to feel. And stop talking about him like you know him.”

     His expression softened as I wiped my cheeks with the back of my hand. “I’m sorry. I was just worried about you. You’re… destroying yourself.”

     I didn’t respond and I looked away. It was always like this when I’m with him. We always fight because of Haneul and I am so tired of it. I am so tired of it all.

     “I just want you to forget about him. It hurts me every time I see you like this. How about ten dates?”

     I looked at him, confused and still trying to recover from my sudden breakdown.

     “Ten dates with me to forget him. That’s it. No more, no less. Call?”

     It was so bizarre. One second, he’s serious and then all of a sudden he’s like this? How can he possibly change from serious to cheeky playboy? But, ten dates?

     “Hold on.” I said as I fished my phone inside my bag. My mom was calling but she hung up before I can answer.

     “Go home after school.” That what’s she said in the voicemail.  She never calls me. It must be something urgent. Ugh, I hate my life.

     “I’m going home. My mom will surely kill me if I don’t. Bye.”

     “Wait!”

xxx

     I came home feeling exhausted and clammy. The thought of ten dates with Jiyong was still on my mind and I hate it because it seems like I'm going to use him to forget Haneul.
     “Anybody home?” I called but there was no answer. I head to the kitchen to get a glass of cold water and I found a note pinned on the fridge.

     “Somebody sent me pictures of you hanging out with CEO Kwon’s son and everybody knows he’s being set up with CEO Kim’s daughter. Get your sh*t together and get the hell away from that boy! You're ruining my reputation.”

     I crumpled the note and tossed it in the bin. Oh, great. Another set of pictures of me doing normal things were sent to my mom. When will everything get better? 

     I was scrolling through my phone with the blanket wrapped around me, Facebook notified me of last year’s memories. It was a picture of me and Seohyun having a picnic. It was sunny but it wasn’t that hot. We packed a lot of food, her mother helped us prepare. We played Frisbee and went thrift shopping after. We were smiling in the photo. I missed us. How I wish we could turn back time and make everything better.

Tears wet my pillow and my heart felt like escaping my rib cage. I lost my best friend. And it was all because of me.

     I woke up early and got ready for school. I don’t want to see my mom. I don’t want to be here ASAP.

     I went to school but it was empty. I walked through the gloomy hallway, touching lockers as I pass through them. Silence can be so beautiful.

     “B*tch, come here!” Someone yelled and dragged my hair down.

     “Let go of me!” I screamed as I try to remove her hand. And then she pushed me so hard I banged onto the metal lockers.

     “Chaerin? What’s wrong with you?” I yelped, as I try to stand up. I haven’t eaten anything for the past three days and now I feel so weak and fragile.

     “Can you just… Stop being so pathetic? You have everyone admiring you, So, why cling to Jiyong?” She said and b*tchiness was written all over her face.

     “I don’t! Don’t be delusional, Chaerin.” I said, barely standing up.

     “He looked tired. You exhaust him! Just because you we’re dumped, doesn’t mean you can cling to him. Oh God, you’re such a drama queen.”

     “Why did you say I was dumped?” I was alarmed when she said I was dumped. Was she watching me the whole time? Was it the reason why she rolled her eyes at me when we first met? Is she the one sending pictures to my mom? Questions flooded my mind and I panicked.

     “It doesn’t matter. But, know this. We were so happy when you were not in the picture. You ruined us. Because of you, Jiyong and Seungri are in an awkward situation. They used to be best friends but now they barely talk to each other. He spends too much time with you when he should be spending it with us. You’re a snake. Stop controlling people and get the hell away from us!” She glared at me with her piercing cat eyes. But behind her strong façade, was a hurting heart. I saw her feelings. She liked him before I even met him and I understand the pain of not being loved back. It destroys you.

     She left me and I stood there looking miserable. It was another eye-opener. I ruin everything. Should I just disappear?

im sorry for the short and late update bc i forgot my password

hehehe but still please read this chapter

and tell me your thoughts in the comments section below ^_~

i love you all pls dont hate me ;__;