I was awake, but I didn't had time for breakfast or anything else actually. My sister was awake for one hour already, Hongmin was already there too but he soon moved to the location of the wedding, it was so hot outside I didn't wanted to do anything, my nightmare was running after me, whatever I did, it was behind me, asking me to say the words, to call him. But I had to take care of the flowers first, of the table set, of making sure my grandmother and grandfather were fine, satisfied, both of them all the time. Suddenly it was noon, everyone needed a break but there was no time for that, we had to check the music, the food, the drinks. My sister had to leave to get her make up and hair done in town, so she did, and she came back three hours later, glowing. She was beautiful, and I have the happy task to help her dress up. So we tried our best not to mess anything. When she was finally ready, she looked goergous, she was just perfect.

"Do you want me to help you out with your hair ? She asked.
-Oh I'm fine, Eunae is going to help me.
-Good, now I just have to... rest, and get married.
-I... Don't want to disturb your last minutes of single life.
-Thank you..."

I walked out of the room and tried to help as much as I could until Eunae came back, my cousins were already there, they loved her, she was good with kids, really. She smiled and went straight to my room after saying hello to my entire family, she had spend so much time with us that she was basically like our cousin, even if I considered her a sister.

"Hey girl, she said with a smile, excited ?
-Already tired of all these people being here.
-They're your family, she laughed, but I understand, a wedding is intense. How's your sister ?
-Totally freaked out. How is your family ?
-Fine as always, hey, we don't have that much time ahead of us so let's talk and make up in the same time.
-Yes, sit here on the bed."

We both sat on the bed, it made me remember when we used to get ready for parties, just like my birthday party, the one when I met Bobby for the first time.

"Still with Hanbin ? I asked."

I was dying to ask "how is Bobby ? Did you saw him ? Does Hanbin talks about him ? Does Bobby talks about me ?"

"Of course, I haven't seen him for a few days but I'm used to that now, he is busy but he calls me as often as he can, and this way I have time to study and work so..
-It's for the best, I took a brown eyes shadow, do you have a dress ?
-Of course I have, it's a pretty navy blue dress, with a red belt, and I alsoo have two red chokers, one is for you."

She grabbed something in her backpack and handdle it to me. It was the choker.

"It's beautiful ! Thank you so much !
-Will it go with your dress ?
-Yes, it will look great thank you.. How do you plan on making up ?
-Eye liner.
-Sure, I laughed, red lipstick ?
-Of course, I always wear red lipstick and eye liner to special events, you know that.
- I do indeed. Did... Do the other guys from iKon know about you and Hanbin ?
-Yes, Bobby knows, and... the others guessed or Hanbin told them at some point, it took time, he didn't knew if he could trust me, I wasn't sure if I really wanted that kind of relationship and... Well since he shares the "secret" appartment with Bobby he eventually discovered it, now everyone know, I haven't meet them all yet but... it doesn't scares me anymore.
-Why did it scared you in the first place ? I mean, you're his girlfriend, you shouldn't be scared by his friends opinion.
-That's how things always go in life, weren't you scared when Bobby was here ?
-Yes... I looked at the lipsticks to avoid her eyes, it was scary, I was thinking about what if something goes wrong and the truth appears ? What if my parents are mean to him ? What if they just... make him go away.
-But they didn't.
-No, they didn't, I think they even.. liked him a little, specially now that they know he was lying to help Lucy. That he actually didn't.. You know.
-Yes.
-You made him go away didn't I ? I asked.
-Do you want him back ?
-I don't know, it's all so... weird, and everything is going so fast, I doubt he wants me back in his life anyway, he didn't... stopped me or anything, he just agreed, he didn't called.
-Did you call ? She asked.
-No. Should I have ?
-I don't know Emma. She smiled, today is a beautiful day, a day of celebration, maybe when all of this is over, you'll call him. Just, make sure you don't regret anything.
-Yes.. Do you want some help with your hair ?
-From you ? No thank you, she laughed, I remember exactly how it ended last time you touched my hair !
-It wasn't my fault, I laughed."

We kept preparing ourselves, I let my hair down for once, added just one little hair clip with a white pearl on it. The choker, the dress, the heels, everything looked fine, Eunae too, her dress was longer than mine, it was a strapless dress, with a big red belt, it fit her perfectly. We went down together, went in the same car, and waited for my sister there, sitting in the front with my family.
Hongmin was there too, waiting for his bride, his cheeks were red, from the sun or anxiety, and suddenly, holding my father's arm, Lucy appeared, her cheeks were red too, she was smiling at dad, at her husband to be, and when she finally took place next to him, we could all see how great they were together, and how this wedding was meant to be. We watched them tell their vows, kiss, and watched them have their first dance as a married couple.

At some point Eunae left me to go to the bathroom, and I enjoyed that moment of loneliness to go outside, the wedding was under a tent, and it was really warm inside of it. So I went out, in the field actually and walked a few meters before I took my cellphone. Should I call ? Should I tell him I miss ? That were the thoughts in my head at that moment, so I looked at his number, and finally called. One ring, two, four, and I hear a little music behind me, probably coming from the tent, I listen to it, thinking maybe it would help me found the words I needed to tell. The music was louder and I turned around to see what they were doing in that tent. But it wasn't the tent, it was a cellphone, someone's cellphone was ringing as I was calling that cellphone.

"Oh..."

That were my first words as I discovered the person that was standing behind me. It made him smile, somehow, everything I could have said at that moment would have made him smile. I smiled too, because I was happy to see him, because I was able to see what I had missed all the times before, how handsome he was, how nice he was, how he understood me, how I understood him, how we could be together, as a couple. I looked at his eyes, so dark, usually, but with the light they didn't seemed black, but more brownish, more like chocolate. I wanted to move but I didn't wanted the magic of the moment to disappear, I wanted to say something, but in the same time, I just wanted to stare at him like that for an hour or two, to just enjoy his presence, and all it could possibly mean. There were so many options, good and bad options. I decided to stand there, but he didn't, he walked towards me, and suddenly he was in front of me, his face close to mine, so close I could feel his breath, so close I could see every little details of his face, the circles under his eyes, the little scar above brow, the sweat on his temples, and when he smiled I could look at his little teeths, so I put my hand on his cheek, I wanted to kiss him, but I wanted to talk too.

"You're here, I said, how... did you ? Why did you?
-Eunae told me you would be here today, I.. wasn't sure if I should come, you didn't called me, and you ended it... I didn't knew if you would want to see me but I wanted to see you, I couldn't just.. wait you know, I knew you were here, in a pretty dress, watching your sister getting married, alone, I guessed I was happy to know you invited Eunae and not some dude...
-You were happy ?
-Yes.. I figured, if... if you didn't invited a boy, perhaps that meant you would still take me back..
-You want me to take you back ? I asked.
-In... Somehow... Yes, but... I want to change a few things about.. how we were, to... I want us to be different.
-How much ? I... Can't promise you anything, I just... I want to..
-I don't want this to be... about , I thought I wanted but my feelings changed, I can't have a relationship like that, I mean, we were.... becoming friends, perhaps if it had been all cold and...harsh, but. It wasn't like that with you, you were spending the night, I made you breakfast, you didn't wanted me to hook up with girls, I didn't wanted you to fac your troubles alone... I got attached to you, I started to care for you and, that kind of things... I'm not, used to feeling them, I thought it was a bad thing, I wanted to ended but you did it first and.. I realized I didn't wanted to end this, I wanted to take it to the next level, I wanted us to be more. And I still want us to be more, I want to.. try to be your boyfriend, and, I'm not perfect, I'm not available all the time, most of the time .. I can be tough sometimes, but... I want you, I do and.. That's why I'm asking you this question, would you take me back ? Please ? As your boyfriend."

I didn't knew what to say, I knew what my answer was but, how could I say it ? The words weren't coming, my mouth was dry, my eyes full of tears I had choked for the past few weeks, my heart was druming against my chest, a million of questions were flying inside my head, and at some point, I shut them down, I got on my tiptoe and kissed him. I kissed the men, the guy, I had met drunk at my birthday that year, even at that time, I didn't knew who he would be to me, boyfriend ? Love ? Nothing at all ?
I didn't knew for years, I dated Jiwon for years, I started to date Bobby the famous singer, four years after my sister's wedding, three years after the birth of her first child. Three years after that, after the media made us go threw hell, I had managed to keep my identity a secret, and it's in secret, without photographs, with our family's only and closest friend and their children, that we got married.

The end.