-----------------------------

Sojung began to change.

Slowly but clearly, she withdrew herself from everyone around her. The only time she would talk was when she was talked to or when she had to carry out her duties as a member and leader. If one were to name what was closest to her now, perhaps it would be the blade.

The blade which she manages to hid so well and took care of, as if her entire life depended on it. The blade which she used to hurt and comfort herself whenever she read the malicious comments on the internet. Or whenever she would do a vlive with the members and the viewers would look for another member whenever she's the one holding the phone. Of course, she would always just laugh it out. 

"You're talentless"

"Useless"

"You just got in for your looks, nothing else. But even then, you're nothing compared to the other members"

"How can someone like you be the leader?"

"Everything would be perfect without you"

The truth is, it hurt her. A lot. Perhaps way more than anyone else could realise.

As time flew by, she stopped wearing sleeveless and short-sleeved tops. Be it at practice, at a performance or appearance under the scorching heat - she would always wear something long-sleeved. At one point they were told that their next few outfits would all be short-sleeved. Because of that she stopped cutting. However, it didn't last long as she found a new place to cut freely without anyone noticing. Her hips.

No one knew what was happening inside her mind. They only noticed that she was changing but blamed it on the stress of being a celebrity. No one knew that she would be awake each night in tears struggling to fight off the thoughts in her mind.

She thought about the members, her parents, her fans and people she would see in the streets. She worried about anything and anyone that it could just be said that she worried for the entire world. She felt useless not being able to help people in poverty, kids who were abandoned and whatnot. None of those were her fault, yet she cried for them. But that's Kim Sojung, the one that worries about anyone, because she was that nice. Yet she didn't think of it that way. On top of that, she would also deal with the criticisms made by haters. Most of all, criticisms made by herself.

Every night she would fall asleep crying with nothing but the blade in her hand and her thoughts by her side. Yet she never cried loudly, in fear of having Yerin hear.

She hoped for it to all stop. The pain she felt. The thoughts that consumed her. The voice in her head constantly criticising her. She didn't want any of it anymore. She just wanted it to all stop.

Then one day, it did.

She no longer stopped herself from crying loudly. There was no need to. She no longer felt the need to cry because of how much pain she was in. 

She felt no pain. 

Only tears would come out of her precious eyes whenever she read comments from haters yet would also give a tiny smile, as if the haters were complimenting her. She became so used to the criticisms from haters and herself that it no longer hurt. She stopped trying to push away the voice in her head. She came to believe them, perhaps.

She no longer felt saddened and couldn't care any less. She forgot what it's like to be happy and how to smile sincerely.

The only time she felt something was when she would bring a blade upon her delicate skin. Even then, one cut wasn't enough.

She was numb.

---------------------------

"She didn't care about herself anymore,

 But she cared about others.

She would go out of her way to save someone,

Even though she knew she couldn't save herself.

That was the only humanity she had left in herself,

Other than that she was numb"

- KG