“Jieun ah, are you sure that you still want to stay?” Jonghoon worriedly asks on that one Friday night. It’s already close to 10pm and the ever-workaholic singer-songwriter has still the energy to be working.

“Yeps, I’m sure,” she answers, reassuring him with a smile. “You can leave, it’s already late anyway. I just need to have a look at this song.”

As soon as her colleague left, she heaves a sigh. ‘There is still a lot that needs to be done,’ Lee Jieun thought to herself. Even though her upcoming album is only going to be released in around two months’ time and even though they have finished recording more than half of the tracks for the album, she could still feel the pressure. She wants to make sure that everything is up to her expectations. It has to be a good album. She does not want her credibility as an artist (and as a producer) to falter, especially after the Zeze controversy.

She is currently going through this one particular song – meant to be a continuation of her previous song, 23. It sounded good so far, definitely a high contender to be her title track… but there was something missing. The lyrics are one of her finest, the melody is proven to be catchy but…

‘If only Kiha is here,’ she silently thought. ‘He would’ve known what was missing.’

At this point, she just wants to grab her phone and tells him that she needs his help, tells him that she misses him and tells him that she still loves him and that they should just get back together. But she couldn’t. It wouldn’t solve the problem in the long run and it wouldn’t be fair to both him and her.

A part of her wonders what would happen if she had just accepted his proposal on the first place. Would that change things around? Would they still be together? Even though that was not the reason for their breakup (“We’ve both grown apart, babe,” Kiha said 4 months after the proposal), deep down, she could tell that it plays a huge role in the deterioration of it all.

She could not blame him for breaking up with her. He waited for so long for her to be ready to settle down. But she’s just not ready. Not yet. Sure, she knew for certain that he is the one and had imagined a marriage and building a wonderful future with him – but she still has a lot more to give with her career. Right now, they just want different things in life - he wants marriage; she wants to prioritize her career as much as she can while she is still young.

At least, they ended it on a good note. That’s what she told herself every day. At least, during most of their times together, it was a bliss and that they shared many sweet memories together – he really was a good boyfriend… probably even a perfect one. Never once had he made her feel small or unwise or doubt herself despite him being 11 years older than her. Never once had he made her doubt his feelings for her. He brought out the best in her by just being him and that’s why she really loves him.

“That means that I love you,” she tearfully sang ‘Through the night’ to herself. That was one of the earlier songs she completed writing for this upcoming album and it was one of the few songs that she wrote with ease. It all came from the bottom of her heart. That’s how much she loves him, the man whom she could no longer call hers.

“Maybe I should just call it a night.’ She realises she has not been making much progress in perfecting this song.

*

As much as she wants to just call it a night and finally gives herself a rest, the thought about the song still lingers around her head.

She switches on the TV, maybe that would get her in the mood to relax. The only problem is that there seems to be nothing that piques her interest. She involuntarily presses the ‘+’ button on her remote as she flips from channel to channel. She is almost on the point of just giving up and planning to head to her bedroom. That is the case until she stumbles upon a rerun of Infinite Challenge.

It is not just a random Infinite Challenge episode, it is one of the episodes from two years ago: when she participated to join for the Music Festival. The one that she is watching now at this moment is when Myungsoo sunbae told everyone during the group meeting that ‘Leon’ should be EDM-fied. She remembers the struggle to smile when her vision for the song was not being appreciated. She remembers the struggle to feel positive after they forced her to sing the ‘sunglass’ part in the EDM style. She remembers feeling uncomfortable and humiliated.

“I respect your passion for the song. Every song has its own flow and colour… Not something to cut and paste whatever,” she hears G-Dragon expressing his view about the EDM arrangement. She had always been a fan of him along with Big Bang even before she debuted as a singer. The fact that he stated that made her respect him even more as a musician. He was also one of the only people who voted for Leon to remain as how she wants it to be. He understood her music when most of the others didn’t.

Suddenly, an idea pops into her head. It’s perfect that she could not believe that she did not think about it earlier. She knows just what needs to be done.