[A/N] HEARD SOME OF YOU FELT UNSATISFIED... AGAIN, I SUGGEST YOU LISTEN TO SPARKS BY COLDPLAY AS YOU READ THIS FOR A BETTER EXPERIENCE.

If anything, it wasn’t an easy decision for Joohyun.

She had been with Seulgi in a relationship for years. She had known her since they were young. She had been there for Seulgi ever since the younger girl had the knowledge to talk, and walk, and eat, and drink.

She was – and still is – the person who had known Seulgi the best. Every move of her body, every beam of her smile, every crease by her eyes, every emotion that the woman had ever felt.

If she sees those, she’ll immediately know it was Seulgi.

Joohyun knew Seulgi like the back of her hand. She was there through all Seulgi’s problems – with family, with friends, with school, even with all the people Seulgi used to date. May it be financially, emotionally; everything.

The helplessness of Seulgi made Joohyun want to protect her every time. She wanted to be there whenever Seulgi was down or distressed. Or even when the girl was happy and hyper.

She wanted to be the person Seulgi will go to first, every time.

Joohyun craved to be the person Seulgi was closest with, to the point that they would share everything; clothes, food, secrets,

Love.

She craved for Seulgi’s love. And she hoped that Seulgi craved her the way she does.

If Joohyun was there from the very start, why can’t she be the person Seulgi grows old with ‘til the end, right?

Now, trying to confess to Seulgi was the hardest thing Joohyun went through.

Seulgi was sixteen that time, and Joohyun was eighteen. They both were at the age their emotions were overpowering and consuming their thoughts. They were at the age where they were helpless, from school works and relationships and other things they now know wouldn’t matter to them.

The older girl somehow found herself growing fonder of Seulgi more than she ever did – and more than friends, at that.

She found herself falling; and she knew that if she lets herself fall, she’ll hit the ground and break herself. Somehow, she felt that Seulgi won’t be there to catch her at the end.

Confessing to Seulgi was one of the hardest decisions she made.

If she confesses, Seulgi might think differently of her. That maybe Joohyun took every vulnerable moments Seulgi was in to comfort her in hopes of making her think she’d be someone better than her previous affiliation, not because she truly cared for her.

If she confesses, Seulgi might avoid her. The girl might think that it was disgusting and taboo, all because they had always treated each other like sisters – like family. And it’s hard to think that falling for someone you only think of as a friend is impossible.

If she confesses, their years of friendship will go to waste. And even if Seulgi would say they could still stay friends, the closeness isn’t the same anymore. Nothing will ever be the same anymore.

Their closeness would fade, and Joohyun will be left regretting even trying to make Seulgi fall for her too.

But if she doesn’t confess, she’ll keep bottling up the emotions she’s trying so hard to keep. She’ll slowly hurt herself seeing Seulgi so happy, but she’s not the reason behind her smile. And what was worse was that she couldn’t even admit she was hurting – she was jealous – of whoever made her so happy.

If she doesn’t confess, she’ll keep all the words she wants to say. All the things she does for Seulgi is merely out of friendly gesture. She wanted to let her know that it was more than that – that she was willing to be the person she shares her pain with, the person who would keep her happy.

If she doesn’t confess, she fears all the words and emotions she bottled up will overflow; that she’ll explode someday and break herself because of it.

So she thought that it would be better to confess instead, because if ever things go wrong and their friendship ends, at least she could say she tried.

At least their friendship didn’t end because of a hatred; it ended because of love – a love that the other person couldn’t take and reciprocate.

And what surprised her when she did confess was the fact that Seulgi didn’t even respond.

The younger girl just cried as she tackled the older girl in an embrace, kissing her every now and then after Joohyun attempts to wipe the tears away.

Seulgi smiled, almost reflecting the same one Joohyun wore.

Because that was the only way Seulgi could admit to her that she loves her, too.

Years of being with Seulgi, she knew that the younger girl can be an airhead at times.

It was what Joohyun think Seulgi was cute. Who wouldn’t love an adorable dork, so pure for the world?

Seulgi can be truly serious and determined at times, but Joohyun thinks Seulgi’s clumsiness and slowness was what made her so lovable. It was another factor why Joohyun wanted to be with Seulgi; it was to help her improve.

And she can say she did help Seulgi improve through the years.

But sometimes, it wasn’t so cute anymore.

Her idiot self was starting to bug Joohyun. Something that she thought would be so cute annoyed her.

She never thought she would, but now she detests it.

If anything, she feels bad about it. Because until now, Seulgi’s so clueless that Joohyun’s starting to get mad at her. And she couldn’t even handle telling her off about it, because all Seulgi wanted was to do the best she could to understand things and do things right.

She never meant to be a bother. Joohyun knows that. Seulgi did nothing wrong, or at least intentionally wrong.

But it’s getting out of hand, and now she can’t even tell her lover to at least try to think first before acting.

Like scaring off an officemate because Seulgi got “a little bit” jealous after seeing Joohyun with him on the way home. Irrational, right? But Joohyun never bothered to explain or tell her who he was, since she thought Seulgi might find her defensive.

And though she knew Seulgi was understanding, she didn’t want to explain. She didn’t find the energy to explain.

She didn’t want to scold Seulgi, too. She never tried.

She knew she should’ve done that, but she didn’t.

Instead, she chose the second option of what used to be her choices.

She picked bottling all up, and not telling Seulgi she was the reason why she was stressed all the time.

Joohyun forced herself to keep all the problems, because she didn’t want Seulgi to worry.

Joohyun wanted Seulgi to think that everything was fine, so that she doesn’t get to be asked a lot. So that she won’t even have to explain anymore, since she felt Seulgi might be an idiot again and never understand her.

And now, the thing that she feared before happened to her.

She broke herself. The emotions she felt and the words left unsaid that she bottled up overflowed, and now she exploded.

She can’t handle anymore.

Her cover is blowing up, when even she starts to yell at her officemates through calls and sleeping the whole day just so Seulgi can’t get to idiotically talk to her during the day – so that she won’t be disturbed when she gets seen drowning in office work at night.

It was the final straw when she knew Seulgi wasted all of her own savings.

They promised to save together for their future, but hearing that she wasted almost half of her own savings made Joohyun want to rip off her hair