KNOCK 1
 

~ Nobody ever tells me if one day you forget to love yourself, they will love you instead. If I had known then maybe this moment wouldn’t hurt so bad, it wouldn’t hurt to the point that I couldn’t breathe.

I couldn’t even move, I wanted to run away so much but even moving, it had became a problem to me but somehow I force myself and walked my way out of that place, the place where he was going through one of the meaningful event of his life.

It was absurd to me but somehow I managed to find my way back in front of my apartment building with the cake box still tight in my grip. ~

Mark wasn’t sure of his surrounding anymore not until he heard a low growling coming from beside him. 

He turned to take a look at the source just to be greeted with an awkward blonde head who’s smiling sheepishly at him before scolding his tummy under his breath in Mandarin.

Mark wasn’t sure but to witness that cute embarrassment plus hearing his native language, it just makes him smile.

“Hungry?” Mark asked in the same language unconsciously, making the man beside him to grow wide eyes while just nodding dumbly.

He passed over the box that’s tight in his hold, surprising himself and the stranger in the process which caused the other to immediately shake his head lightly, politely rejecting the box.

“It’s fine.” The stranger rejected shyly, clearly feeling embarrassed at the fact that his stupid tummy decided to make noise while he’s busy moving his stuffs and luggage.

“Don’t worry. You will probably enjoy this more than me. Take it.” Mark insisted, putting the box in the awkward stranger’s hand with a smile before walking away.

“Wait!” A voice called out, clearly belonging to the stranger that paused his steps causing him to turned his body and look at the now grinning stranger.

“Thank you, I’m Jackson. You?” The stranger said, introducing himself to Mark who just smiles watching the bright individual.

“Mark and you’re welcome.” Mark said waving before he makes his way to the lift, it's time for him to return back to his cocoon.

When he reaches his apartment, Mark found himself under his blanket on the bed with romantic comedies playing on his television screen; he laughed his heart out at the scenes even if it wasn’t that funny.

At this moment, it was better for him to just laugh and ignored everything, including the fact that his boyfriend got engaged on his birthday.

He tried really hard, really hard to push the pain away but even after three movies, those tears make its way down his cheeks unconsciously.

Mark hates it, no he rather loathe the fact that he was shedding tears for a man that’s been with him for seven years but in secrecy.

Wiping the tears away, he numbed himself like always before curling into a ball under his blanket after closing the television.

It has been seven years and he thought by now, he wouldn’t had any tears left to shed but he was wrong again.

He knows that when he accepted to date him behind closed doors, away from everyone’s eyes that he shouldn’t expect anything from him and he didn’t, he never did to these days but he would had appreciate it if the other would had say something, something to prepare him for the pain that’s coming with that big step in the other’s life.

Mark found himself laughing at the absurdity of everything, it was just as well has telling him to be on standby, in case he got tired of his beautiful fiancé.

He would be lying if he said that he wasn’t miserable being in this relationship but what kept him going was love but now he’s starting to question, the other’s love for him.

If he had actually consider Mark’s feeling, he would told him the truth and not hide it like this, to the point that he had to find out about it through someone else.

Maybe he was the fool after all, he was too busy loving that he failed to see whether it was worth it or not, the love he has for Park Jinyoung all these years.

It didn’t take long for him to slip into state of unconsciousness because right now sleep seems perfect for him, he didn’t had to keep on crying like the pathetic human he is.

+++

“What do you want, Jae?” Jackson sighed as he rubbed his temple, plopping down on his brand new black sofa that’s still wrapped in the plastic.

“Jacks, why did you move out just like that? You didn’t even tell me.” A cold frustrated voice asked, clearly wasn’t amused by Jackson’s decision to move.

“Tell you? You didn’t come back for three days, Im Jaebum. Who should I tell it to? The wall?” Jackson asked in disbelieved, not understanding the man that talking with him even after being together for two years.

“Jacks, don’t start this again. You know I’m busy with work, I was finishing up a dateline.” Jaebum sighed, he really don’t want to start arguing again like always.

“Busy? I’m busy too, Jae but I didn’t forsake us for my work but you, it’s a whole another story and I’m already tired talking about it. Bye.” Jackson said straight out before hanging up on the other, he needed some space away from Jaebum or he will just lose it one day.

If he had a choice, a way to fix things between them then Jackson would have stay put and fix everything for the sake of their relationship because he love that man even if Jaebum might seem to be too chic and cold in other’s eyes.

In his eyes, the older was perfect the way he is and even knowing of how much of a workaholic he was, Jackson wasn’t scared to give their love a chance but now after two years, he seems to became more of a hassle and a burden to the other because apparently he took away too much time for even a simple lunch date.

Taking in a deep breath, he got up after putting on some good jamming music and start working on furnishing and decorating his new apartment, he don’t want to start spacing out and think about his love life again.

Hours passed by and it was already dinner time but Jackson was happy, he got mostly done with just some organizing left.

With the thought of going out to buy dinner and some groceries, he quickly hopped into the shower before making his way to the nearby shopping mall.

When he finally returns back to his apartment with his needed items, he was greeted with two guys squabbling in front of the door facing his apartment with a cake box.

“Hyung, do you think this is a good idea? I don’t think he will be in the mood after what happened.” The taller one asked, looking at the other with worried eyes which clearly caught Jackson’s attention.

“He needs us, Yug. You know how he always act nonchalant about that idiot, I’m sure he’s gonna act all fine but I know he need us, at least to just accompany him.” The shorter one convinced, sighing before the taller one nodded, by now already pressing the doorbell while Jackson ended up there, unconsciously listening in on them while his key still waiting to be put into his own door keyhole.

The moment the door opens, Jackson almost immediately turned away to hide his face because it was that guy from the lobby earlier, the same one that gave him the coffee cake.

“Happy Birthday, Mark hyung.” The two guys greeted happily with the cake which caused the surprised older to smile before muttering a ‘thank you’, excitedly inviting his juniors in but he didn’t fail to notice the figure standing in front of him, in front of the apartment facing him to be accurate.

Jackson wasn’t sure why he ended up frozen there instead of just running into his apartment, he stupidly turned to check but just to see a curious pair of eyes looking at him before a small smile appears.

The usually fast thinking president ended up dumbly returning the smile before zooming into his apartment, like a high school girl hiding from her crush.

Mark chuckled lightly at the weird individual before closing his door, making his way over to the younger ones who seems to have prepare a feast for him with pizza, fried chicken and cola involved.

“Do you like what you see, hyung?” The shorter one teased causing Mark to nod before pulling his two lovely juniors and best friends into a group hug; they always know how to make him feel better.

“Thank you, Youngjae, Yugyeom. You guys are awesome.” Mark said sincerely, smiling at the two lovely figures that always got his back no matter what.

“It’s no big deal, hyung. You are like a real big brother to us, we love you.” Yugyeom said, touching Mark’s heart while Youngjae smiled wide before teasing their smallest for being cheesy.

Laughing and chatting, the trio settled down to enjoy their food until Yugyeom started nudging Youngjae which Mark clearly noticed.

“What do you wanna ask me, Yug?” Mark asked calmly, looking at the surprised younger who seems to be hesitating so Youngjae voiced it out instead.

“We are worried, hyung. You know about what happened earlier, I feel like I shouldn’t just attack you with the news like that.” Youngjae said, the atmosphere immediately changed as Mark only smiled softly before shaking his head.

“Don’t blame yourself, Young. If you didn’t tell me, I wouldn’t know and you know how I hate people not being honest with me. I don’t mind the pain if that’s the truth and I appreciate you both for that.” Mark said, assuring Youngjae that he did the right thing because if he had waited to hear from Jinyoung, it wouldn’t happen.

“Are you still gonna be with him, hyung? He has hurt you so much, you clearly deserve better.” Yugyeom voiced out, he might be the youngest one but he seen enough to know if the person is good for Mark.

“I know, Yug. I will figure something out, don’t worry.” Mark assured with a smile but that just annoyed the youngest even more, he doesn’t like seeing how the oldest always put on that fake smile.

“You always said that, you always assured us but at the end, the one getting hurt is you. Do you know how annoying it’s for us?” Yugyeom muttered, upset as he got up and walk away from the two older ones, entering the tiny balcony beside Mark’s living room.

The oldest ones exchanged looks before Youngjae sighed, he knows that the whole thing has been picking on Yugyeom’s nerves since he told him during lunch and seeing Mark’s lack of reaction towards this whole mess just didn’t help.

“He must be really angry, huh? He never walks away from me like that.” Mark commented, knowing that Yugyeom meant well, his reaction was just too calm that’s it’s annoying to the ones that care about him.
Youngjae can’t really say anything; he was caught in between at understanding Mark’s position but totally relating to Yugyeom’s words too.

“I know, I should be angry, shout at him, punch him or something but do you think it will change anything? I got into this without expecting anything so I shouldn’t be expecting anything even if he treated me like this.” Mark sighed which caused Youngjae to nod before squeezing his shoulder.

“I understand hyung. I really do but I think it’s also time for you to think about yourself. We don’t want you to continue being hidden, loving in secrecy while being labeled as his best friend in public’s eyes any longer. It hurts us and I know its worst for you.” Youngjae advised, knowing it’s no use rubbing salt to Mark’s wounds and instead let him pick that choice while putting in their opinion on it.

“Thanks, Young. I will make that decision this time, I just need some time to weight this all in.” Mark thanked sincerely before hugging the younger again, he needed that assuring hug.

“What should we do about that sulky over there?” Mark asked after they pulled away before their eyes look over at Yugyeom who still standing over at the balcony, deep in his own thoughts.

“Actually, he has been wanting to game with you…” Youngjae said, trailing off but Mark instantly understood, he knows how to cheer up their youngest.

The oldest quickly excused himself before approaching the quiet Yugyeom who just ignored him upon hearing the older walked into the balcony.

“Hey Yug, I know you mean well and this time, I promise you that I will do something so please forgive your silly hyung, please?” Mark pleads, not forgetting his puppy eyes that Yugyeom loves which of course instantly melt the younger.

“Fine, you always have to use that against me. I hate you.” Yugyeom grumbled like a child but accepted the older hug nonetheless with a grin.

“You want to game with me? I have been itching to play.” Mark suddenly asked when they are making their way back to Youngjae.

“But I thought he asked you to get rid of your console?” Yugyeom asked surprise which only cause Mark to smile cheekily before disappearing into his room.

It’s true that his boyfriend asked him to get rid of that console, apparently he was too old to be wasting his time on gaming but for Mark who constantly surrounded by work at home due to his job as an author, it was the only outlet for him to relieve his stress after Yugyeom introduced it to him about a year ago.

“You think I would throw it away? I only got to play it for a month, why would I waste it? So are you ready to game?” Mark said, smirking as he set up the still sparkling looking console making the duo smile.

“It seems like our Mark hyung can be quite a rebel if he wants to be, scary.” Youngjae commented, laughing with Yugyeom has they carried food and drinks over to the coffee table, setting up for their epic gaming session.

“You wouldn’t want to deal with this side of Mark Tuan, it’s too unpredictable.” Mark added in laughing but he knows that this side would be out soon to play with Park Jinyoung.

Mark was happy, truly happy that he's having fun on his birthday instead of just being stuck watching movies and eating cup ramen for dinner like he planned before the duo came.

He wasn’t spending it with his love but at least he was surrounded by his loved ones and it was enough for him to know that he meant so much to them, he didn’t need anything more.

It was about eleven, an hour before midnight that they deem it was time to stop since Youngjae has work and Yugyeom has classes tomorrow so they started to clean up before the duo make a move since they are sharing an apartment.

Worrying about Youngjae handling the sleepy giant alone, Mark accompany them to the car park and sent them off with a half asleep Yugyeom shouting ‘I love you’ before Youngjae drive off with a loud chuckle from Mark’s flushed face at the randomness.

Smiling, the author makes his way upstairs back again to only hear a loud thud and squeak coming from the opposite apartment as he was about to unlock his apartment.

Remembering the familiar face earlier, he started to wonder if the individual was alright so he ended up doing something out of his norm again, Mark Tuan rings the doorbell.

It took a while before the door open to reveal a distress figure with a cut on his elbow, looking at Mark in surprise upon realizing who’s at the door.

“Hey, it’s everything alright? I heard a loud thud earlier.” Mark asked awkwardly, wondering why the other was staring at him weirdly, not even moving for a bit.

“Yes, I was just arranging stuff on some top shelves but I ended up falling off the ladder, it’s a bit shaky and unstable.” Jackson said in one go after snapping out from his immobilized state, it makes him wonder why this stranger has this effect on him.

“Do you want me to help? I’m lighter so probably it’s easier for me to manage that old ladder.” Mark offered, surprising himself since there wasn’t really a need for him to get involved.

Jackson was lost at the offer but accepted the help anyway before he invited Mark in and show the way to his bedroom where the shelves are.

Mark make sure to treat the cut first when he noticed the opened first aid kit seating on the bed, much to Jackson’s surprise before he climbed up to arrange based on Jackson’s guidance while the wowed president hold onto the ladder to keep it stable.

When they are finally done, Jackson was quick to help Mark down the ladder before throwing his body on to the bed; he was finally done with the apartment.

Mark could only stare awkwardly at the man on the bed for a while before his eyes roamed around the bedroom to take in the design; it was simple, clean but cozy.

Jackson quickly snapped out of his bliss when he saw the individual awkwardly standing at the corner of his bed.

“Hey, thanks for the help. You wanna a drink?” Jackson thanked as he sat up before asked the other to join him for a drink on the couch which earned him a nod.

When he returned back to the couch with a soda that Mark politely accepted, Jackson ended up plopping himself down beside the quiet other who’s sipping on the drink.

“How did you know it’s old, the ladder I meant?” Jackson said, striking up a conversation to kill the awkwardness in the air surrounding them.

“You borrowed it from the landlady, right?” Mark asked back again just to earn a nod from his new neighbor which caused him to smile

“It was already weird when I used it four years ago, I didn’t expect her to change it especially seeing how stingy she is.” Mark commented, chuckling causing Jackson to smile before nodding his head in understanding, the landlady does seems to be on the particular end when it comes to money.

“Your Korean is good; I assumed that you have been staying here for a quite a bit too.” Mark remarked, upon noticing how they had been talking in full Korean this whole time, which is very different from their first encounter earlier.

“It has been a little over two years.” Jackson answered causing the other to nod before the conversation had a tiny pause.

“What about you?” Jackson asked, trying to continue the conversation and feeding his curiosity at the same time.

“It has been about eight years for me.” Mark answered, reflecting upon the things he went through in the eight years he was in a foreign country, from college to working life to his love life. 

Jackson nodded, smiling as he finally understand why the other had almost of a Korean vibe to him, if he didn’t hear the other in Mandarin before, Jackson would hundred percent believes that he is a Korean rather than a Chinese.

Things slowly turn quiet and awkward again, both didn’t know what else to say before Jackson decided to just go with it, the thing that has been bugging him since he overheard the duo from earlier.

“It is your birthday, today right? Why did you give me your cake?” Jackson asked, knowing that it might sound like his probing but he really was just too curious about things.

“Like I said, you probably enjoy it more. Did you like it?” Mark answered before changing the topic, obviously not wanting to return to that topic.

“Right, it was delicious. Thanks again and happy birthday even though it’s almost midnight.” Jackson said, understanding that he should drop the topic before he look at the clock. 

“Thanks, it’s the thoughts that count. I better get going, good night.” Mark said with a small sincere smile as he got up and walk towards the door.

You too, good night.”  Jackson said as he walked the other out before watching his new neighbour enter his own apartment after a small wave.

Hello Influffies! Did you guys miss me? Lol, just kidding. I'm finally back after a long break and rest, hope you guys will anticipate this story too.

I put a lot of thoughts in this plot since I was in a huge block but hope it excite you guys and don't forget to comment below so I know :)

Until next chapter, take care and stay healthy ~

InfinitelyCassie <3