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Your eyes shot open and your chest rose and fell with great desperation. The world has called you awake and this time you were thankful for it. Your fingers trailed down from your eyes to your cheeks tracing the fresh tracks made by your tears.

“Nightmare?” Jihoon asked, drawing you from your thoughts.

You shook your head clear of all images, took a deep breath, and got out of bed. The nightmares are back and more vivid than ever. The fight for sanity is on again.

“You should stop skipping breakfast,” Jihoon faintly whispered but his words were blurred as you ignored your empty table.

“Stop making me worry and just bring an umbrella all the time,” Jihoon faintly whispered again but his words were lost as you walked under the gray clouds that filled the sky.

“Go home without me,” Jihoon faintly whispered for the last time but his words dissolved away as you stared at the ticking clock.

His words have always been short and simple and at times they seemed cold. However, his intentions behind them have always been good: he did not want you to skip a meal knowing your day is always packed. He wanted you to be prepared at all times because he hated seeing you sick and suffering. He tells you to go home without him and rest early because waiting for him will take time.

You knew that, at the very least. You knew that and yet…

It was a single dream, one that you haven’t had for so long, yet it was enough to fill your mind with his image from that day: his eyes that could look at nothing but the ground below, his lower lip that won’t stop quivering despite him biting them countless times, his voice that trembled helplessly though he tried hard to calm himself, and his hands that were void of everything he held close to him, of everything he held dear to him.

Without you knowing, the words he chose with care and love became painful for him to say. He believed that he wasn’t good enough. He believed you deserved better than what he could offer.

But in the end, you knew it was you who was never contented – you who wanted more – when he gave you the best he could at the time.

And now this is your reality, the reality you’ve chosen and now regret: hearing the words he used to say, and seeing him only in your sleep and in your nightmares the day you let him walk away.