Stiff as a soldier, I leaned against the wall, fiddling with my fingers, staring at the ground shamefully. My body was cluttered up with guilt. The events that occurred tonight were unreal. I couldn’t fathom what Doojoon could be going through right now. Waiting for almost half an hour, my eyes were still fixed on the corner wishing Hana could come back and that she explained the situation to Doojoon straightforward. I was quite aware that my friendship with him now is wrecked and he may never forgive me.

The click of heels instantly knocked me out of my thoughts. Hana appeared looking a jumbled mess. Her hair was wild along with her eyes looking swollen and puffy. “Hana,” I called and strode towards her but she took a step back.

Biting her bottom lip she spoke, “Doojoon and I… are over.” Her tone was hushed and her expression was disappointed. “Yoseob, w-why d-did you br-break up with m-me?”

The question struck me, but the answer still lied in. Now, it was my turn to rationalize to her. “I, honestly, don’t know. I thought I needed a break, I thought that we weren’t getting anywhere anymore,” I admitted. Her eyes still refused to meet mine. Without warning, I grabbed her cheeks with both my hands and tilted her head up and locked my eyes with hers. “I was wrong, completely wrong. Two and a half months without you, it left me miserable. I couldn’t sleep or eat. My heart was numb and my spirit was lifeless. I didn’t smile, or laugh no matter how hard I tried I couldn’t fully let you go. You’re unforgettable.”

Still speechless, she studied me and continued to bite her lip. Her hands reached for mine, which were still on her cheeks, and pulled them down, squeezing them. “Yoseob… you have to understand that I was just as depressed as you were. You… you shattered my heart. You left me; you hurt me. For two months I was damaged as well, crying, and shutting out the rest of the world. The happiness was drained from my life.” She paused, biting her bottom lip once again. She started her next sentence slowly, “But then, Doojoon came along. I was just as stunned as anyone else when he asked me to be his girlfriend. Although, I knew I was making the right choice when I said yes to him.  Doojoon… I don’t know how, but he made me so ecstatic when we were together. He pushed all the disappointment in me away and brought in… love.”

I tore away from her gaze at her mention of the word ‘love’. Still, the thought of her and Doojoon made me feel entirely dejected. She chuckled lightly, “Cheesy as it sounds, it’s true. However, after what happened tonight, I couldn’t come through to him. It’s my fault he’s this way. I broke his heart… as well as my own.”

A tear slimmed down her face. I wiped it away with my thumb and she sniffled. I pulled her to my chest and embraced her as she continued to cry. “Shh, Hana,” I cooed.

“Y-Yoseob, I think… I think it’s too late …for you, for us,” Hana muttered into my shirt

I felt tears of my own approaching; putting all the effort I could to hold them in. Hana, pulling out of my grasp, picked up her purse and pulled out her keys. “I’ll be back,” she mumbled and hurried in her apartment.

Taking a glimpse of it from the doorway, it shocked me how everything was still there. Her walls were still light beige, her cream-colored couch still stood against the walls under a galore of pictures which still hung in the same places. It all brought back so many memories. I smiled, amazed.

Appearing suddenly from the hallway, Hana strolled out carrying a stuffed box in one hand along with the ‘Be Mine’ bear I presented her when I confessed in the other. The box overflowed with sweater arms and stuffed animals hanging out and the ‘Be Mine’ bear still stayed an excelling white. Even after two years, the bear was still twice her size.

She set the bear down next to her and handed the box to me. “Here… it’s your stuff,” she uttered, still avoiding eye contact.

Overlooking the loaded box, it felt like a drive down memory lane. Every stuffed animal, jewelry, note, and keepsake I gave Hana was piled up in here along with many pictures we took and a few of my clothes I left from the nights I’ve spent. I was amazed how she had kept it all. Our matching binis and glasses stuck out, but her Hello Kitty muffs caught my eye the most. I blinked at them, confused.

She loved these; she’d wear them no matter what. Why would she give these back?

“Hana… you really don’t have to give all of this back,” I mentioned, taking a couple things out that I knew she adored.

“Yes I do, I mean, you’d want all that stuff back, I don’t need them, really,” she explained.

I sighed, “Well then, at least keep these,” I suggested, handing her the ear muffs, she snatched them the second I held them out. I chuckled at her cute reaction. “Also, keep the bear. I want you to remember me. I know how much you loved it and hug it when I wasn’t there. You even named it Seobbie Jr., remember?” I reminisced.

She smiled, staring at her feet and grasped the bear. “Good, I didn’t want to give these back anyways,” she stated, “They’re too cute to give back.”

“Keep them, trust me, they’ll be no use to me,” I joked earning chuckle from Hana. It was nice to know that we were still alright and at least could be friends. Although I want her to be mine again, I’ll just have to carry on in this status with her. As long as I can see a cheerful smile emit from her, I’ll be fine.

Walking toward the door, I stopped at the door frame and turned to her. “So I guess this is goodbye?” I asked, forlornly, hoping she’d bring the ‘ being friends’ topic up.

“Of course not,” she affirmed, “We should continue as friends.”

Yes~

I nodded with a smile. “This… was honestly the best relationship I’ve ever been in,” I admitted, my cheeks turning a slight pink.

“Me too,” she agreed, “It was great while it lasted.” Reaching behind her neck, she took off the necklace containing our couple ring and deposited it in the filled box I was carrying. Getting on her tippy-toes she planted a small kiss on my cheek, making me flush even more.

“You’re a great guy, Yoseob. Any girl would be lucky to have you,” she disclosed, “Take care of yourself.”

“I will,” I answered confidently.

“I think this is just what we needed, a closure,” Hana remarked.

I nodded agreeing, “G-Goodbye Hana.”

Now, I know what I need to do.

~~~~

The previous night was a lengthy one, yet the next morning came in a flash. Walking to the park, my hands still stayed crammed in my sweatshirt pocket as the morning air eased around me. Since it rained almost the entire week, it wasn’t as packed, just a few old couples and morning walkers. I called Doojoon earlier, although he didn’t answer, I left a message telling him to meet me here: the place where he asked me if he could confess to Hana. Hopefully, he would come, I needed to talk to him badly and apologize for what happened. I’d at least owed him that.

Seeing he was not there when I approached the site, I sat on the bench tapping my feet and scanned the park to see if he has arrived yet, that’s if he chooses to. I checked my watch for the umpteenth time this morning: 12:30.

Please show up

As if on cue, a tall figure in a coat emerged from the nearby sidewalk and made their way towards me. Relief swept through me and I gulped as I went over my apology to him in my head.

You can do this Yoseob

Wordlessly, he sat next to me biting his lip. “I got your message... I’m here,” he announced, keeping away from my gaze. “What do you need to tell me?”

Taking a heavy sigh, I started my apology leisurely, “Doojoon… you’re my friend and you know that neither me nor Hana want to hurt you or see you in that sort of condition. I-I’m sorry. I’m sorry that I lied to you about my feelings for Hana and for kissing her when I knew well she was yours. Yes, I actually do still love her, a lot actually, but you see her heart’s moved on… to you, Doojoon. Seeing you guys together, I couldn’t help but to be jealous. But Hana, she doesn’t want me anymore Doojoon, she loves you. That’s why I called you here, to tell you to take her back. I rather her be with you, be happy with you. I figured I’m going to be disappointed either way, so it’s better for her to be happy when I’m not, than to be upset. So… take her back Doojoon, she deserves to be loved.”

"I don't know," Doojoon said uneasily. 

"Please, Doojoon, please take her back, I know how much you love her. Think of her," I begged, trying to be as persuasive as I could possibly be.  

"But you also love her, maybe even more than I," he remarked.

I shook my head, "I have no part of her heart anymore, no matter how hard I try, she'll never come back to me. She’s made up her mind and her decision is final. So please, take her back. Hold her and whatever happens, don't let her go. Make her as blissful as can be, and console her when she’s down." 

I tried all I could to convince him… even a little aegyo. I could tell he's still debating whether or not he should in his head by his weary eyebrows. I would’ve gone down in my knees, although he made his choice before I could.

"Okay..." he finally agreed. My eyes widened and a feeling of triumph came by.

At last, I got through to him

"Thank you, Doojoon. Thank you, really.”

He nodded, "Anytime, if it’s for Hana. For her, I’d do anything. To me, she’s special and you’re right, she deserves to be loved. And about the conflict between the two of us,” he added, “I forgive you, Yoseob, no hard feelings." He held out his hand and I gladly shook it, contented as the dispute was now over between me and him. My life was now together, although I still couldn’t get my mind of Hana.

She will behappy; I’ll make sure of it myself. I-I love her…