I made a startling discovery this morning. The wind had a bit of a chill to it, we’ve yet to feel the friendliness of spring’s welcoming arms, but bundle up in our coats and hats we were quite comfortable.

I never thought this day would come in my life, But I have no choice to leave the place I was born, where I have a beautiful memory of growing, but I’m leaving Japan for good and hoping of a good life in korea, the land of my ancestors.

“Welcome everyone for a bonvoyage in Pacific beauty, we will be starting in few minutes, and our beauty lady will reach busan by 23-April 2017, the approximate time will be 82 hours, please enjoy your stay with us, Thank you”

We were in the poop deck railing and gazing at the Pacific Beauty’s monstrous wake.  The distance between japan and the beauty started to grew more .

This ticket for this cruise was given as a Farwell gift from my  neighbor, The old lady was able to provide me only the 3rd class passengers in general room, I was overwhelmed by her love I know buying these tickets is not easy for her, even when I rejected she insisted me to have the tickets as it was a gift for little Daniel, we promised to visit each other but I know that will never happen, will a long hug, a kiss in Daniel cheeks, with teary eye’s we both bid over last goodbye, hoping to see once again.

 I can see the over joy  flooding over in Daniel’s eye, the horn sound of the cruise made him frightened but his happiness was back when the soft wind started to play with his hair, being young and mother of an illegitimate child was so hard for me and my son, I hope this new country will be more welcoming than was my former one

I was walking in the direction where the steward pointed, daniel was amazed looking at the birds that were flying around,  and the huge sea before, I always want my son to be happy like this and I will do anything to make him happy, A smile curled on my lips looking at his innocent face, the face that makes me remember the one whom I forgotten, I lifted my legs to move forward but it was frozen, I was not able to move, my heart started thumping fast when I saw the face I have forgotten already .

“shin hye”

I received a shocked yong hwa looking at me, the man I thought I would never see again was waving waving to me.  He quickly made his way to me and to my great astonishment threw his arms around me.

I was quiet embarrassed, especially as he then proceeded threw introduce his companion and fiancé , Kathy stone. We chatted casually for few minutes- I explained I and Daniel  are on the way to Busan while yong hwa allowed that he and his American fiancé are to be married on in Busan.

I must confess that I was quiet ill prepared for such a meeting. It has brought up a host of feeling I thought I had buried years ago.  I must try to put yong hwa out of my mind- he does not know and has quite obviously moved on with his life.

Kathi seemed most at ease with the splendor of this majestic ship.  She of course, offers all of the class and breeding that I never could. But as I wished them well and took Daniel’s hand to return below decks, I saw something in her eyes that betrayed her pleasant demeanor when she looked at my son-did she suspect? I must endeavor to keep a low profile for the rest of the voyage..

This is certainly turning into a memorable cruise,Thi afternoon after our luncheon meal in the 3rd class dining salon, a steward delivered a note to me. I recognized the handwriting in the not immediately - it was from yong hwa.

He asked that I meet him in the library on C Deck. I settled Daniel in for his afternoon nap, under the watch of Mrs. Kim, my widowed roommate, and made my way up the 2nd class stairs to the library.

I nearly turned around out of fear at the library entrance, but after some minutes of mental debate I decided to go ahead with our meeting, Yong Hwa was seated in one of the comfortable mahogany chairs when I entered. I looked for his fiancé, but saw that h was alone.

Yong hwa stood up and greeted me, we made a quiet talk, he invited me to join him for a tea at the palm court, I was a bit taken aback by this-surely he would want to spend his time with Kathie, wouldn’t he?

He assured me that she already made plans with some women they had met at dinner the previous evening. Over tea yong hwa related how he had entered the family business after university. Having spent the past few years at the Japan office, he would soon be managing their bureau in Busan after their nuptials. He also spoke how he had met Kathie at a goof friend’s wedding just a few months earlier.

Finally, we made our way to the boat deck outside the 2nd class stairs and he asked me the question I had dreading-why I left Oxford so suddenly, without warning, and telling him in the note I had left him, not to follow ? .

I couldn’t bring myself to tell him the truth, Instead, I said that mother had taken ill unexpectedly and I was needed at home to care for her. Then he asked about Daniel’s father-where was he?   I further lied I was on my way to meet him in Busan.

I’m not sure if he believed me, but what else I can say? During our courtship at Oxford I had never spoken to Yong hwa about how my mother has been a favorite servant for the Sato’s. nor had I related how, when Mr. Sato recognized my love of books and thirst for knowledge, he has so graciously arranged for my attendance at the finest school in Tokyo and then for my studies at oxford. So, although yong hwa knew I had arrived from Japan, he was unaware that I was the daughter of servant women.

We parted with a warm embrace that lasted than I felt comfortable with – I broke away and hastily departed. I couldn’t stay any longer. My feeling for yong hwa was startling to resurface, and I couldn’t allow it. I’ve been guilty of fooling myself once, but I couldn’t let it happen again.

The Cathie in an ill-bred witch! I do not think I have ever been so humiliated in my life. I should have known better and trusted my instincts, but I allowed myself to instead believe in the better of her. Now I had paid the price.

I had settled Daniel into his bed for the night. During the day I had loaned a book of the Brothers Grimm storied from the library – Daniel especially enjoyed the tale of Hansel and Gretel – and my son had drifted off to a peaceful slumber. I needed some air to clean my head of the confusion of my meeting with yonh hwa earlier the day. Mrs. Kim , bless her heart, urged me to take to the deck and promised to look  after Daniel.

Kathie had to have been waiting for me, but she made it seem like a chance meeting in the 2nd class Stairway. I should have suspected an ambush, but I am ever the optimist, Kathie greeted me as though I was an old friend and insisted we use out running into each other as a chance to get to know one another better.

She escorted me to the reception room below the Grand Staircase – a steward questioned me upon my entrance, but Kathie shooed him away, allowing that I was her guest. The staircase was still crowded with patrons leaving from their evening meal.. The sheer grandeur dresses and the men in their evening best was overwhelming, and I was very aware of my simple attire set me apart.

Kathie had been telling me of how she had sailed to Japan as a celebration for her graduation from Smith College. She’s been in Japan a little more than a month when she had met yong hwa at a mutual friend’s wedding. It was love at first sight and theirs had been a whirlwind courtship, she said. I have to admit, she was very convincing when she spoke of her love for him, but believing her only drew me deeper into her trap.

She excused herself to go to the washroom, before she disappeared out the door, I saw her from across the room speaking to a pair of stewards. Shortly thereafter, they approached me. One of them spoke quite loudly and haughtily, not sure how you strayed in here, Ma’am, but your presence in unwelcome”. We’ll you back to 3rd class.

I tried to protest that I was waiting for Kathie, but then I realized that she had set me up for this. “Of Course”, “I answered, “I wouldn’t want to contaminate in the 1st class.”  The stewards saw me to the 2nd class enclosed promenade and bid me good night, It was all I could to contain my tears. But then I heard Kathie’s voice from behind me. “I hope you have learned your lesson, Miss. Park Shin Hye,” she said. 3rd class citizens have no place among the 1st class. Yong hwa is mine –stay away from him, or you and your bastard child will eternally regret it.”

Before I could respond she added, “oh yes- I know that yong hwa has yet to discern – you’ve been wise to keep it from him. I suggest you hold your secret close or there will be consequences.” Then Kathie turned and walked off. A raging torment had welled up from inside me, I was about to track her down to give her a good scolding when a steward appro