First and foremost, I want to say a HUGE SORRY because I haven't updated in AGES. I've been sooooo busy to the point I've almost forgotten I'm writing this TT Once again, I'm sO sorrY!!! 

As the seasons changed, more leaves fell, as so did my attraction towards Jeon Jungkook. I didn't realise I was falling deeper into a hole that I've unknowingly dug; but by the time I've realised my mistake and wanted to climb out of the hole, I was already in too deep. I was so deep in that nobody could even hear me calling out for help. I tried climbing out but only ended up bruising myself in the process. I was alone in the dark and cold hole. The only thing I could hear were the whispers of the devils, blaming me for my own stupid mistake, blaming me because I couldn't control my own mind. I should've never wondered about love. I shouldn't even have had the littlest tinge of curiosity to know what love is. As said, 'Curiosity kills the cat'. I'm certainly not a cat, but it definitely, almost, killed me.

Chaeyoung ended up not confessing to Jungkook.

Jisoo choked on her food and slammed her spoon on the table. "What did you just say?!"

"I'm not going to confess. I've been thinking the past few nights... I don't feel like there's a need to. Plus, chances of Jungkook asking me out after my confession is similar to a negative 9999 percent, so why should I?"

I furrowed my eyebrows. "But didn't you say you love him a few weeks back? What changed your mind?"

"That's the thing... I think you guys misunderstood. I was just too into the moment of fangirling over him that day that I just momentarily spit out those words. I'm sure all this is just an infatuation and it will go away soon," Chaeyoung said firmly.

Both Jisoo and I knew she was firm about her decision. It was obvious that she spent a lot of time thinking about it because Chaeyoung isn't the kind to be very decisive. The three of us continued eating, making small jokes here and there in hopes of lifting up the mood.

I knew I had no more reason to be curious of Jungkook anymore, but I can't help but notice him everywhere I go. I couldn't think straight as I walked to Chemistry class. Chaeyoung's voice kept ringing in my head and I had no idea why.

"I'm sure all this is just an infatuation and it will go away soon."

I sighed and walked to my side of the table. We were going to conduct our first experiment of the year, so the class today is held in the lab. Unfortunately, as much as I preferred to work alone, we had to work with a partner our teacher chose for us. I don't know whether I should consider this lucky (or not), but I was paired with Jungkook much to my disbelief. 

"Alright class. I've already drilled you guys about everything you should need to know yesterday. You can start now." 

I let out a deep breath and looked to my left. "You ready?" Jungkook asked, as he passed me a pair of lab goggles.

I nodded.

Let's just say it turned out better than I had expected despite me not reading the steps half of the time and almost unknowingly tried to explode the school. Jungkook was observant enough to realise I had almost put in the wrong chemical at the last minute. 

"Do you hate school and the people here so much that you almost blew the whole school up?" Jungkook chuckled. 

Me being me, I sarcastically said, "Don't you hate school too? I mean, I would definitely love to blow the school up if I had the chance to."

He just laughed. 

Jungkook's laugh kept popping up in my head - when I was walking home, when I was doing my homework, when I was eating dinner, when I was desperately trying to sleep. I kept yelling in my mind, "Why, why, why? I don't understand! Why does he keep appearing in my mind?" I threw my pillow and it hit my 'Wall of Memories', a place where I put photos of moments that I love.

I cursed at myself for throwing my pillow because I had to stand up and go get my pillow which was way far out of grasp. As I grabbed my pillow, I came to face a picture of Jisoo, Chaeyoung and I. We were eating ice cream after a test in which all of us failed miserably. As a reward for even attempting the test, we bought ourselves ice cream. 

I smiled. We were happy because we got to know all of us faired badly. I glanced at Chaeyoung and all of a sudden, I remembered her words from earlier on.

"I'm sure all this is just an infatuation and it will go away soon."

And then it clicked. I had an infatuation with Jungkook. I finally realised what it was. Why I was feeling as such. Why he kept appearing in my mind. I crouched down and grabbed my hair. What have I done? I'm useless. I'm not trustable. What kind of a friend am I? Why did you have to end up liking the same person as your friend? Why, Hye In, why? 

I lied on my bed as I let my tears run down. Hye In, you're just over reacting, over thinking. I'm sure Chaeyoung wouldn't mind. She did say it will go away soon. But... how would I know? How would I know if what Chaeyoung said is true? Is she sure that it will go away? Are you certain, Hye In, that she only has an infatuation? What if she really likes him? What would you do? 

I didn't know I could make such a huge mistake. I am a horrible and terrible person. Why, Hye In? Why can't you goddamn control your damn heart? Your damn feelings? Not only are you worthless, you can't be trusted. Why are you like this Hye In? You should just go and kill yourself, you imbecile. I cried silently that night, as I let my walls crash down. The darkness consumed me yet again. When will I ever not be able to let the dark seep in and control my mind? That night, I didn't see a single star that lit up the unillimuinated, cold sky.

And tadaa!!! BAck with a chapter! I wrote all this down in a rush so I'm really sorry about the errors/grammars/mistakes! I'll update tomorrow as well, so do anticipate it :)

Stay gold, my readers.

xx lily