I woke up the next morning with a heavy heart. I had no motivation to go to school. I didn't want to see Chaeyoung nor did I want to see Jungkook. Everything was a mess. 

Today wasn't going to be easy, but then again, when was it ever easy? Today's just a little more tougher than other days; and I have to get through it. I need to. Taking a final look in the mirror, I began my journey to school.

I met Chaeyoung and Jisoo on the way to school as I always do. I was a little anxious that they might notice my eyes which were still a little sore but thank god, they didn't. School went on as per normal. I thanked god because there was no Chemistry class today, because honestly, I don't think I can stand being in his presence. My feelings were still in a disarray and knowing that he's in the same class as me wasn't going to help.

After school, I waited for Jisoo and Chaeyoung by the school's entrance. They had History together as their last period and from what I heard, Mr Jung usually releases his students late. I guess I had waited a long time for them because I didn't even realise when they were right beside me. (I daydream alot, and that was just one of them)

"Hello? Calling Ahn Hye In back to earth?" Chaeyoung waved her hands in front of me.

I blinked. "Oh, you're here already."

"Is something wrong? You spaced out quite a lot today," Jisoo asked.

The past me would've freaked out and stuttered her answer out, but I've changed a lot the past few years. I calmly replied her and smiled. "Nope, I'm fine. Just a little sleepy."

As we walked home from school, Chaeyoung told us about her true feelings for Jungkook. I panicked a little when she started to talk about him out of the blue, but I managed to calm myself.

"You know, about Jungkook... It's really just an infatuation. I think I may like him later on, but I don't think I'll ever love him. Is this too confusing or you guys understand what I'm trying to say?"

I shook my head. "Nope, I understand. It's okay, Chaeyoung. We respect your decision not to confess. If you're sure it'll go away, then we believe you." My words and thoughts contradict each other but I can't tell them about it. I was scared. Scared of how they would react. I was scared they'd say I wasn't a great friend. I was scared they wouldn't want to be friends with me anymore. I was scared of being alone. 

I let out a sigh of relief as I entered my room. I let the mask I had on break into pieces. Concealing your true feelings was hard but I've been doing this for the past few years. I guess you could say I was used to it. I was used to not telling anyone about the problems and troubles I was facing. Not my friends or even my family. My trust in humans broke long ago. I believe in keeping it to myself. Besides, if I tell anyone about it, I was afraid that I was only going to trouble them. They didn't need anymore problems to solve when they already have a long list of their own.

I lied on my bed, my mind running with thoughts. How can I forget Jungkook? Should I tell Chaeyoung and Jisoo? Will they still be friends with me? Was I going to be alone? Again? 

My body was distressed and my mind was tired from thinking so much, it was a no wonder I had unknowingly fell asleep, only to be woken up by my mother when she realised I had not come down for dinner. I sighed at my incomplete pile of homework in front of me. It was going to be another long night.

I dreaded the next morning to come because I realised that I had Chemistry the next day. It's weird because I know I have an infatuation for Jungkook, but I didn't want to see him. When a person likes someone, it's normal for them to anticipate the next time he/she sees them. But I don't. It's probably because you're guilty, Hye In. I sighed. I'm sighing too often lately. This is going to become a bad habit. But what can I do? How can I forget someone I like easily? Is there a guide for it? A guide to help forget someone in the shortest period of time, especially for dummies. That'll be helpful.

At least class isn't going to be held in the lab, because then I won't have to sit next to him, I thought.

Wrong. I read the paper stuck on the door of my Chemistry class in dismay. I didn't seem to understand the words in front of me so I read it over and over again. Why the hell is class going to be in the lab? Mr Lee didn't tell us anything about doing an experiment! Or was it going to be like a surprise quiz but just in the form of an experiment? 

I cursed mentally. Luck definitely wasn't on my side. I trudged to the lab, cursing Lady Luck on my way there.

"I know many of you are surprised that class is being held here but many other Chemistry teachers thought that learning Chemistry in a lab than to a class is more efficient. As future chemists, we should spend most of our time in the lab, even if we're not experimenting. This is so that you guys will be familiar with the lab and won't panic when you're doing your experiment for your SATs. We wouldn't want another occasion of a student almost blowing the school up just because she nearly put in the wrong chemical. Right, enough with all that talk. Open your book to page 16."

"Psst," Jungkook nudged and whispered to me, "The girl sounds like you."

I scoffed. "It's not. I just moved to Seoul this year. It definitely wasn't me."

Jungkook let out a small laugh and refocused back on the lesson. If I said my heart was beating wildly, it was an understatement. It was more of a heart b-b-beat because I don't think my heart could even function and pump blood normally. God, Jungkook, just what are you doing to me?

HAHAHA I'm probably the lamest writer out there because heart b-b-beat??? Like seriously??? I'm so done @ myself. (I'm actually lowkey proud about this HAHAH do you guys geddit? it b-b-beats because Hye In's heart can't beat properly = can't function = can't pump blood normally. yes?? no?? ok i'm sorry) 

I've also realised that some words seem to be missing from the previous chapters?? (I've already edited it) I don't know if it's the website itself but i'm definitely sure I typed all the words in. Do tell me if you notice any words missing all right!

PS: i also realised that I unknowingly named the chapters in a weird pattern. I don't know how to explain it but I started off with 'I Peed My Pants' then Overthinking then I'm Not Dead Yet then Just An Infatuation then todays' Heart B-b-beat. It's funny then sad then sad then funny again then - well you get it. i'm sorry to those who are reading this. i'm just very fascinated by it. HAHAH

Anywyas, I hope you guys like this chapter :)

Stay gold, my readers.

xx lily