do you know what it feels like?

 

having to always be cautious and afraid of everyone around you?

when just a little bit of kindness is shown,

you start to get so afraid,

so lost.

 

it . it really does.

because you're not used to receiving all this love and care.

because you were taught to give and give,

but never to receive.

 

because from this harsh harsh world,

you learnt that showing such kindess,

meant that they wanted something from you.

 

because every single person who has ever showed you such kindness,

ended up breaking your heart and taking away a part of you,

until you had nothing left.

 

and so, when a kind-hearted soul does walk by

and shows you a little samaritan kindness, you doubt.

because you're afraid,

that the moment you receive it, it'll disappear.

 

you become so scared of being used to this kindness

because you don't want to end up being left alone 

and broken-hearted once more.

 

you're so afraid to trust 

because that has gotten you no where. 

you're so afraid to fall 

because you doubt if there'll be anyone at the bottom to catch you.

 

you know that even if history were to repeat itself, you'd survive

because that's all you've ever done.

survive.

you know you will.

but why risk it?

 

and it's getting so tiring to have to pick up all

those broken pieces again and again and again.

you're so sick of having to feel this way 

and you just want to walk away.

you don't want to do this anymore.

but you can't. 

 

because you're just so afraid.