Junyoung!

Ugh! Why are you so beautiful! All those selcas of you! They stir up my heart! OTL I wish I really did know you. I would be so lucky to have you as a friend. I know someone who's friends with Kevin. They were best friends in Australia. She talks about you guys a lot on her blog. I assume you guys are all close. ^^ She's really lucky.

Maybe it was a sign that we're not meant to be. Aha, what am I saying? There wasn't even a chance, right?

My friends are rooting for me and Matt. Matt has been really weird to me lately. He's paying more attention to me. I don't mind the attention, but, it just gets me curious, you know? We had so many moments, it's scary. I don't want to assume things again...

Anyways, your birthday! It's coming up! I want to celebrate it with you, but I can't...Because we don't know each other...I sound really desperate, huh?

I wonder if I ever had ADD or ADHD...It's not a joke, but, really. I always act like I do...Maybe it's just my personality? Haha...Strange...

Oh, I cut my bangs today. I made them straight across my forehead. After that, I was called ugly by my mother. Thank you. She told me that this hairstyle is ugly, and that both my family in Japan and the Philippines hate this hairstyle. Okay then...I guess I'll just push the bangs to the side? It was always like that though...Sorry for being ugly to others.

My mother told me how no one will ever tell me the truth besides her. She said everyone will lie that I'm cute or beautiful. So, everything's a lie? Am I really ugly? Here...Let me attach a photo...Will you judge me? Aha...You probably judge me everytime you receive these messages...

Because my life is a whole lie.

Anyway, here's my picture. Ugly, no? ...I guess I'm not your ideal type in any way...Haha...

Nana just tried to cheer me up...

She did but...

I'm crying myself to sleep tonight.

Goodnight.