The first time hakyeon realized his feelings for taekwoon was when they were both teenagers, fifteen years old was an young age to fall in love but love isn't what you choose to happen, it can happen anywhere and anytime, and you have no control over that.

It happens out of nowhere and hits you hardly.

Every day without the love of your loved one is like a day in hell, you wish to die rather than to be alive and watch your one not wanting you the way you want them.

 

The cruel fate brought it to hakyeon at the age of fifteen, the one-sided love hit hakyeon's innocent soul with full force.

 

The day hakyeon figured out his feelings was no different day from the others, nothing special happened on that fateful day, just like any other day hakyeon was hanging out with his bestfriend.

His feelings were there, hakyeon knew he really cared for taekwoon so much, but he didn't know it was love untill a simple event pushed him into finding out the information.

 

Like the best buddies they were, they were sitting across eachother and each in their own world, daydreaming.

 

Hakyeon was busy looking and observing taekwoon's movements but the other boy was ogling over the girl who was passing by them.

 

"she's got great ies."

 

Taekwoon commented as his eyes were glued to the girl's upper body and hakyeon turned to look at the girl with a frown on his face. 

 

Hakyeon's face grimaced as he looked at obviously big s of the girl, he was never interested in ies, specially not big ones.

"they're ugly."

Hakyeon said as he grabbed his juice to take a sip, already getting bored of looking at the girl.

 

"I wish I could touch them, I bet they're the softest thing in world."

Taekwoon said, his gaze now focused on the girl's booty which was as big as his ies.

 

Hakyeon sighed in annoyance. 

There was nothing good about ies,  he didn't want to touch them either.

Honest to be said, hakyeon thought of taekwoon's broad shoulders more attractive than a girl's big ies.

He'd rather touch taekwoon's bare shoulders than touching an ugly set of ies. 

 

Hakyeon shook his head at the stupid idea.

 

"I wish I had ies too."

Hakyeon said suddenly, not giving much thought to his words, they just blurted out, out of honesty. 

 

"why?"

Taekwoon asked as he was now looking at hakyeon since the girl was already out of their sight.

 

"Because you like them." 

Hakyeon answered, shocking both taekwoon and himself. 

He immediately put his hand on his mouth, but he couldn't bring it back, he said them and taekwoon obviously heard him, because hakyeon could see the shock expression on his bestfriend's face.

 

"you've gone mad hakyeonnie."

 

Taekwoon said, shaking his head and focusing back on eating his sandwich. 

 

 

 

That day hakyeon realized he would do anything, literally anything , for taekwoon to want him.

He wanted to be taekwoon's wanted person. 

 

But Why would he want taekwoon to want him?

The answer was simple:

Because he wanted taekwoon too.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

________________

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"I wont come back tonight hakyeon ah...don't wait for me."

 

Hakyeon heard taekwoon yelling from their livving room, informing he wouldn't be home today too.

Minutes later hakyeon heard the door opening and closing.

 

Hakyeon sighed, already feeling the tears gathering in his eyes.

It wasn't easy to watch taekwoon leave him alone in the cold lonely nights, but what else was he expecting?

Of course taekwoon would prefer to spend the nights in the arms of his girlfriend rather than hakyeon's arms, even though hakyeon was more than willing to offer taekwoon what his girlfriend was givving him, taekwoon preferred her over hakyeon. 

 

Only if taekwoon let hakyeon, he would shower taekwoon with love, he'd give all his heart and body to taekwoon. 

Only if taekwoon let him.

 

But taekwoon wasn't and would never let hakyeon give him love.

Hakyeon knew that for sure that taekwoon was straight and he would never love him back, no matter how deep his feelings were, the feelings would only hurt him in the end.

Hurt was all he would get from this love.

 

 

 

 

Love can be so sweet and enjoyable sometimes, it can give colors to your life, it can give motivation,  reasons to go on, it makes you want to be perfect for your one, love can make your life lively.

 

But it can also hurt you more than anything in the world, when you try to be perfect while you know you can never be, it makes you feel useless, .

The feeling of not being wanted can be the most hurtful feeling in the world.

 

One-sided love is the worst thing that can happen to one, you want him/her so bad, but you know you can't have them, you want to get their love but no matter how hard you try you know the result will always stay the same.

You can never have them.

 

Just like the start, stopping your love isn't easy either, you can't decide when to stop, you don't even know how to stop.

Love comes suddenly and tortures you everyday, and all you can do is to bear with it.

 

 

 

That was all Hakyeon was doing since he realized his feelings for taekwoon. 

Bearing. 

 

Actually it wasn't this hard at start, because hakyeon knew no matter where taekwoon went all day long or what he did during it with his girlfriend, he would always come back to hakyeon's arms, to his bestfriend, at nights hakyeon was the one who hugged taekwoon to sleep.

Whenever taekwoon was hurt hakyeon was there, offering his shoulder to taekwoon to cry on and his arms for taekwoon to get comfort. 

 

Hakyeon knew he would have him at the end of day.

 

 

But things didn't stay that way, with passing days, taekwoon was getting away from hakyeon, hakyeon was loosing his love. 

And it was starting to get hurtful.

 

 

 

 

 

 

_________________

 

 

 

 

 

 

"I love you taekwoon." 

 

Hakyeon said.

His hands under the table were clunched into fists, his nails almost breaking his skin, but that wasn't enough to ease hakyeon's anxiety.

 

It wasn't easy to confess, hakyeon knew he had no chance, taekwoon had a ing girlfriend for god's sake, but hakyeon also didn't have any other choices.

It was getting so hard for him to keep his love for himself, to watch taekwoon love another, to witness taekwoon going to her everyday.

It wasn't easy to cry himself to sleep everyday.

It wasn't easy to want to die everyday.

 

With tiniest little bits of hopes, hakyeon finally decided to confess his feelings to taekwoon and now here he was, regretting everything.

 

Biting his lip hardly, hakyeon waited for taekwoon's answers.

 

"I love you too."

 

Taekwoon said, chuckling awkardly.

He had no idea what hakyeon was trying to say.

 

Hakyeon clenched his shirt between his hands, trying to control the tears from slipping down.

Taekwoon couldn't even imagine he loved him.

His love was like an impossible thing for taekwoon and it hurt like a .

Hakyeon wished he were home now ,he wanted to curl himself under hot water and cry himself to death.

He wanted to disappear from this cruel world. 

 

"I love you."

 

Hakyeon said again and taekwoon's eyes were immediately getting as wide as bowls .

 

"what do you mean hakyeon?  I have a girlfriend you know."

 

Taekwoon said, feeling kinda disgusted by knowing he was wanted by a man, and sadly hakyeon could read all his best friend s feeling from his face.

 

 

Hakyeon looked at taekwoon with sad eyes, his whole face screaming hurt.

 

Hakyeon wasn't an idiot, he could read taekwoon like an open book and he knew taekwoon was getting angry, he wasn't sure about the reasons of his anger but hakyeon knew he had to stop right there or else he'd lose whatever he already had with taekwoon.

 

 

"let's just forget whatever I said today,  ok?"

 

Hakyeon said, his voice so low, showing how hurt he was.

 

Taekwoon wasn't an idiot either, just like hakyeon, he could read hakyeon's feelings as well and he knew hakyeon was hurt badly.

Taekwoon felt bad for causing hakyeon such a Hurt, but he didn't have any other choices, he wasn't gay for god's sake.

He always knew he had a special kind of realationship with hakyeon, but this wasn't it, they couldn't be a couple.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

____________________

 

 

 

 

 

"this is my love taekwoonnie...this necklace contains all of my love to you, it was always around my neck and near my heart, so it has all of my feelings." 

 

Hakyeon said, as he showed the necklace to taekwoon. 

That was a necklace that taekwoon gave him when they were in highschool and since then hakyeon never took it off of his neck.

That necklace meant a life to hakyeon, it was so precious to him because it was taekwoon that gave it to him.

Hakyeon liked to call it his love necklace and say it keeps his undying love for taekwoon in it. 

 

 

"so if you give it up, you'll stop loving me?"

Taekwoon said, getting slightly sad at the idea of hakyeon not loving him anymore .

 

"yeah, I'd stop loving you when I give it up."

Hakyeon said and taekwoon pouted sadly.

 

"but can you ever give it up? Can you ever stop loving me? We're bestfriends."

Taekwoon said and hakyeon smiled at him, and taekwoon akways thought hakyeon's smiles were one of his charmings. 

 

"the moment I give up on this love necklace, is the momemt my heart does no longer beat."

 

Hakyeon said, his smile turning sad.

 

 

Hakyeon was sure of what he just said.

Even though his love was hurtful and he would never get anything other than hurt from it, hakyeon knew he couldn't stop it.

He loved taekwoon so much that he could even die for him, not an expression but literally die for him.

His love was the strongest .

 

 

 

 

 

 

___________________

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"thank you Hakyeon ah."

Taekwoon said as he grabbed the gift box from his bestfriend's delicate hands. 

Hyuna who was beside his now husband , thanked his husband's bestfriend as well.

 

"anything for my taekwoonnie...i wish you a long and happy marriage. "

Hakyeon said, smiling bitterly as he congratulated his best for his marrige.

 

He was now an expert in hiding his hurt, in keeping the tears in and not showing any sign of sadness,  he had done it for long enough that he was a pro now.

His heart would be shattering in piesce but you can see a smile on his face.

Hakyeon was now good in hiding his hurt.

His heart was so heavy, there was a lump in his throat, he was officially loosing his love after all.

Taekwoon was now hyuna's husband and hakyeon officially lost him.

And it hurt like a , more than anything else could do.

 

"no, don't open it now, keep for after your wedding party."

 

Hakyeon said when he saw taekwoon was about to open his gift.

Taekwoon chuckled but obbeyed anyways as he put the box aside to open it later.

"ok, whatever you say."

 

Taekwoon said and hakyeon only smiled. 

Somehow hakyeon felt good for taekwoon, his love was happy ,hakyeon could see it in his face that he was happy with hyuna.

Hakyeon wished the bests for taekwoon, he wished for taekwoon to be always be happy.

He wasn't selfish, he really wanted taekwoon to be happy.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

______________

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Rubbing the sleepness out of his eyes, taekwoon yawned lazily.

He had such a hot night with hyuna yesterday and he overslept last night, the night was full of activities and taekwoon was really tired when he slept .

It resulted in him waking uo late, but that was fine, since he was going to spend the day with hyuna after all.

 

 

 

His wife was in shower, it really felt nice to say the word wife, taekwoon was so happy.

 

He decided to spend his time opening up his wedding gifts while hyuna was showering.

Taekwoon's eyes landed on hakyeon's gift which was wrapped up in a nice purple colored box, that was his favorite color and taekwoon smiled knowing hakyeon purposely used purple because he knew taekwoon liked it.

 

Taekwoon opened up and looked inside, but the smile fell off of his face when he saw the gift.

It was hakyeon's love necklace .

 

'the moment I give up on this love necklace, is the momemt my heart does no longer beat.'

 

Taekwoon remembered hakyeon's words and his heart was suddenly beating crazily in panick. 

 

Without giving a about anything else, taekwoon grabbed his car keys and decided to drive to hakyeon's apartment. 

The apartment that they bought togheter but taekwoon moved out later to move in with hyuna.

 

 

Taekwoon was driving at a crazy pace, he didn't wait for the elevator, he ran to the stairs and climed them fast to reach the apartment. 

He knew the password, it was taekwoon's birthday date, they used it because hakyeon insisted they should use it.

Taekwoon entered the password and rushed inside the home, searching every corner to find hakyeon.

 

He looked everywhere untill he found hakyeon.

In the bathroom, laying a bath of cold and red water.

His body lifeless, his pretty eyes closed and his gorgeous tan skin already pale.

Taekwoon saw the bloody wrist, dangling from the edge of tub.

 

"Hakyeon ? Hakyeon ah?"

Taekwoon called his bestfriend's name.

But he got no answers. 

"Hakyeon ah...please...you always answer me no matter what...please answer me once again ."

Taekwoon begged as he fell to his feet, kneeling beside the tub which had hakyeon's dead body in it.

 

 

"I'll make it alright...please wake up hakyeon ah..."

Taekwoon begged.

His face was stroaked with tears, sobs were getting out of his throat, but hakyeon was motionless and still.

 

"you always answer..."

Taekwoon said, clunching to his heart and sobbing hardly.

 

He approached the tube and hugged hakyeon's body, hakyeon's water soaked clothes were cold, he must have been in here since last night.

His precious hakyeon was suffering lonely here while he was with hyuna having fun.

His hakyeon was dying here and taekwoon did nothing.

He lost hakyeon and now there was no going back.

How hard it must have been on hakyeon that he decided to kill himself ?

Why didn't taekwoon notice it?

 

he already knew about hakyeon's feelings toward him, but he never thought it would be this severe, he thought they only were weak attachments.

But they were the strongest love .

 

 

 

 

 

 

Taekwoon found a piece of paper and assumed it must be from hakyeon. 

 

' to my dear love taekwoon

Taekwoonnie...I'm sorry you have to find me in such a horrible state, forgive me for doing this to you, but I didn't have any other choices, I had give up on my love for you, and as you know my heart doesn't beat when my love for you is gone. 

I'm sorry and pleae be happy, it's not your fault, I myself chose it so don't blame yourself. 

Forget about me and start a happy life with your wife

 

From you best friend forever ❤'

 

 

Taekwoon read the words with tears streaming down his face.

Hakyeon died because he couldn't stop loving him, taekwoon felt awful for ignoring hakyeon's feelings when he was alive.

Even when hakyeon was dying he put taekwoon's feelings first, he was worried about taekwoon getting hurt when he finds his dead body.

Hakyeon's love was heavenly. 

 

And what did taekwoon do in return? He ignored hakyeon's deepest feeling of love and called it a simple attachment. 

 

 

Hakyeon was breaking last night when taekwoon was ing hyuna.

While taekwoon was drown in pleasure hakyeon was getting drown in hurt.

 

Hakyeon was dying when taekwoon was pleasuring his useless body.

 

Taekwoon sobbed, chocking on his tears when he realized hakyeon was gone now.

 

Forever.