Ever since they were little it was common for Soo Mi and Kibum to go on errands together.

It wasn't different now even though they were grown ups, even though they weren't like their chattering selves from the past.

Kibum, like the gentleman he was, used to carry the plastic bags with groceries from the market for her but this time each one was carrying one and Soo Mi was pouting wondering why he was acting so cold to her.

It probably had to do with his decision from that morning. She did agree with him that they needed to stop but the truth was that she didn't want it at all. They were good together so why not keep having ? Weren't they both single after all? Was it a sin that they were exploring their uality together? Well that she was exploring hers since he seemed to know exactly what he was doing.

She bit her lower lip hoping that he looked at her with desire one more time. She wanted to know how it felt to have with him without feeling any pain or discomfort. She wanted to experience new things, she wanted to try those things her friends sometimes talked about, the ones from the mangas they read. She was sure that if it was with him she wouldn't be afraid to ask and try it. Kibum was after all the person that knew her better in every sense and he would never hurt her.

A group of high school students on their uniform passed by them and both Kibum and Soo Mi watched them pass. They were from the same school they studied.

Soo Mi watched them thinking and then looked at Kibum that didn't slow down like her and was now walking in front of her.

That morning after breakfast she went to visit Jieun and told her about what happened and they talked a lot about their high school days and more importantly Jieun told Soo Mi that she believed that Kibum had a crush on her back then, a crush that ended because she was dating Ilsung.

That made her feel terrible because her actions back then hurt him somehow. Even if he didn't have a crush on her - she find that thought ridiculous - he was still a friend that suffered with her distance. No wonder he never liked Ilsung, no wonder she wasn't in that picture in his bedroom. Her actions made her miss a part of Kibum's life and her heart hurt so much when she realized she had no idea when Kibum decided to go study in London, what he did in that last year of high school.

If she could turn back time she would never have kissed Ilsung, she would never ever have left Kibum’s side. However would he still have gone to England? Would they be only friends now? Would they still have had ?

It was impossible to turn back time and maybe that was for the best. She truly didn't want a present where she didn't have or kissed him.

Soo Mi fastened her pace, pulled the wing of the plastic bag to her wrist, and then placed her hands on his back, before pressing her cheek against it. Kibum froze and turned around startled looking at her confused.

“I'm sorry.” She mumbled taking her hands away from his back.

“It's ok. You can touch me…” He blushed slightly and she smiled finding it adorable “I mean…”

“No I don't mean sorry because of that. I know I can touch you.” Of course she could. He was hers after all, as much as she was his. There was a connection between them that nothing could break.

“Then why are you sorry?”

“Because of what I did to you in high school.”

He frowned slightly and she wondered if he truly didn't know what she was talking about.

“What did you do to me?”

That was a good question.

“I started dating Ilsung. I did the most stupid thing because at the time I truly wanted to know how it felt to date and be loved.”

He made a sound with his tongue and looked at the ground.

“You were loved though.” He mumbled and she nodded her head making him look up again.

“I meant another kind of love.” His expression didn't change. “I started dating that idiot and I distanced myself from everyone but more importantly from you.” She her dry lips “I should have told you too. I should have told you about Ilsung. Jieun told me you found out because you saw us kiss.”

Kibum chuckled “Did you have to tell me though?!”

“Yes!” She grabbed his free hand caressing it and Kibum’s expression changed making her heart beat faster. Couldn't he see that only a touch of her was able to make him desire her?

“We used to tell each other everything. We were always together and there isn't anything about me you don't know. You were even the first one to know when I got my period.”

“Only because you screamed not knowing what it was.”

“I was bleeding! It's not my fault that I freaked out. My grandfather never told me about it.” and her mother was very far away living her life not worried with the changes in her daughter’s life.

Kibum sighed “Luckily I read a lot.”

She laughed with him “Luckily you did. Thank you.” He was the one who went to the store to buy the sanitary pads and two ice creams, only a kid at the time. He was always with her and she never thanked him properly taking it all for granted.

“Thank you Kibum and I’m sorry. I wasn't there when you needed me, when you applied to study in London…”

He grasped her hand and then released her “I accept your apology.”

She pursed her lips and grabbed his sleeve because he started walking again. “So you truly were upset.”

Kibum shrugged his shoulders smiling mysteriously and she bumped her shoulder against his.

“I was sad…” he confessed “I felt left behind and I was…” He seemed to be thinking “Jealous.”

She widened her eyes, her heartbeat increasing. What did he mean jealous?! Isn't that what people in love feel? Did he truly have a crush on her and Jieun was right?!

“Did you have a crush on me back then?”

Kibum froze turning to her and he seemed as worried with his answer as she was.

“No, don't be silly!” He laughed it off. “You were my best friend. Only mine…and then, then you belonged to someone else, another guy.”

That sounded a lot like a confession even though he just said it wasn't a crush and Soo Mi touched her chest. She had that weird desire again, the same one she felt in London. She wanted to be embraced by him not as a friend but as someone even more special.

“Yours…” She mumbled and he seemed embarrassed now realizing the words he used.

“Yes my friend.“ Kibum cleared his throat and started walking a bit too fast now and she ran after him, her braids hitting her back.

“I know I didn't spend much time with you back then but I never stopped caring for you.”

“I know.” he answered slowing down so that she could walk by his side.

“And I truly only started dating Ilsung because he confessed to me and I was single since birth and he was so popular that I was astonished. I mean I'm not the most feminine woman out there.”

Kibum held in a giggle and she kept talking.

“So a cool guy was there confessing to me and suddenly he leaned down to kiss me.”

“Wait he kissed you that day?” Kibum seemed upset now and Soo Mi was sure that he probably would have punched him back then if he knew.

“He did and I was so overwhelmed that I said yes immediately. It was my first kiss after all.”

“Not really.” Kibum sighed and she blushed knowing exactly what he meant, that innocent kiss they shared when they were 14. “That though! No wonder he wanted to have with you so fast.”

“He was truly an ” She agreed “And I was an idiot for not seeing it earlier.”

“Did you love him?” Kibum asked glancing at her seeming very interested in her answer.

Soo Mi played with one of her braids thinking. How does it feel to be in love? That was the reason she accepted dating Ilsung. She truly wanted to know how it felt. She loved her parents, her grandfather and Kibum. Those were the people that she could for sure say that she loved very very much.

However Kibum wasn't her family and what she felt for him was way different from what she felt for her family and other friends. He made her heart race a lot lately. He only needed to look at her for her insides to burn, he only needed to smile for her to feel her heart melt. And the previous night and at the one in London something magical happened. There was a thirst for him, a need for his kisses and his touch that she never had with anyone before.

Was it attraction? ual desire? A big need to feel loved, to be kissed and embraced?

“No I don't think I ever loved him.” She seemed to think better “No, I'm sure I didn't love him but I cared for him.”

Kibum didn't say anything, instead he raised his hand to pat her head like he always did before. His eyes crossed with hers and he hesitated and took his hand away. Instead he snatched the plastic bag from her hand and carried both making her giggle happily beside him.

Gentleman Kibum was back.

“Let's have a dinner party tonight before I leave for London.”

“Yes!”

Kim Kibum

Soo Mi accompanied Kibum until the bus stop where he would catch the bus back to the airport. He said goodbye to his grandmother and her grandfather at their houses and was going to do the same to Soo Mi when she told him that she was going with him until the bus stop. He didn't mind and actually felt better with that change of plans. Maybe it was selfish but he wanted to be alone with her for a little longer. Their walk to the bus stop was the slowest ever and even though they didn't talk much he enjoyed it.

Once the bus arrived and while everyone was entering it he turned to her for a last goodbye. They didn't have much time but it was better that way because there wouldn't be many words to exchange and the goodbye would be more spontaneous.

“When will you come back now?” She asked covering her eyes from the sun.

“I don't know.”

“Will you stay in London after you finish studying?” She bit her lower lip worried that he might say yes and Kibum chuckled.

“No way! I'll be back to South Korea as soon as it ends. I want to live in Seoul. That's my dream. A big bakery in Seoul.”

She smiled brightly at him her eyes disappearing into thin lines like he loved “And my dream is to eat your cakes there for free until the end of my life.”

He pinched her cheek muttering an aigo, his heart bursting with tenderness. That was also part of his dream.

Kibum grabbed the handle of his bag. It was time to go.

Soo Mi’s smile faded quickly and he saw her eyes sparkle. Before she cried, before he lost control he needed to leave.

“Be happy!” She said trying to print cheerfulness into her words “Take care of yourself!”

Before he could answer she leaned forward standing on the tip of her toes and kissed his cheek.

It was a sweet gesture and similar to the kiss they shared at the airport before, however it didn't feel enough for Kibum. Once she moved back the heels of her feet touching the ground he leaned forward and kissed her lips softly and yet longing.

Soo Mi widened her eyes looking at him surprised.

Usually he would pat her head but he couldn't anymore. She was no longer a little girl now, she was a woman and in part it was his fault. Well he also felt like he truly became a man when he realized he had a crush on her. Maybe it was supposed to be like that all along.

“Be happy too. Don't hesitate to do anything that makes you happy!”

He turned around pulling the bag with him inside the bus and Soo Mi followed him outside, while he walked inside it.

She watched him until he placed his bag over his seat and sat by the window.

Kibum didn't move his eyes away from her and Soo Mi raised her hand to the window placing it against the cold glass.

Kibum did the same, matching his fingers with hers and she giggled like a little girl her eyes filling with tears even though she was smiling.

He swallowed hard knowing that what he was feeling wasn't what a friend should be feeling. He never lied to her in his whole life even if the truth could hurt her. And yet the previous day he lied. He did have a crush on her in the past. He does have a crush on her in the present.

He didn't intend to come back to South Korea soon, at least not to see her. It was better that way, better that there was a world between them keeping them apart physically until he got over her for real and they could get back to being only friends.

The bus started moving and Soo Mi walked beside it her hand being separated by his when the bus pulled away. She waved at him and Kibum turned his head to look at her until he wasn't able anymore.

His first love stayed behind.

 

2 Years Later

 

Nae Soo Mi

 

“It was awesome right?” Hyun Soo asked kissing Soo Mi’s lips before moving from over her and Soo Mi took a deep breath and stared at the ceiling. He giggled beside her “Soo Mi you have no idea how y you are.”

He was right. She had no idea how y she was because she was sure she wasn't y at all. She didn't feel that y when she had with him. It was all so…plain. It wasn't bad, not at all, after Ha Joon - her date on that awkward dinner with Kibum - that was terrible in bed, Hyun Soo was actually good. However there was something missing. Her heart didn't accelerate, the pleasure was incomplete. Soo Mi knew what was missing. It was the same thing that missed in both her relationships and probably would miss in the others that would follow.

They weren't Kibum.

She tried. She searched for the connection she felt in bed and outside of it with him in other men and failed to find it.

Sometimes Soo Mi wondered if Kibum felt the same. If he also felt empty after a night of , after a date, after a confession of love. If he had the same problem with Airi and that was why he broke up with her after four months dating. It was actually the longest relationship he ever had with a girl, he said to her proudly after they broke up. They usually didn't last more than three months. It was quite sad in Soo Mi’s point of view and yet he didn't seem to mind.

Hyun Soo sat up on the bed and leaned in kissing Soo Mi that kissed him back out of habit.

“I have to go to work. You should go too before your grandfather calls you searching for you.”

“Ok. I will.”

He stood up from the bed of his small apartment and she sat up too covering herself with the sheets playing with the curly tips of her hair watching him get ready for work.

He wasn't a bad guy, not at all, and sometimes she felt guilty for not loving him, for not cherishing him like she should. Worse, she was going to break up with him in a few days. She decided it already and that was probably the last time they had .

Soo Mi rarely had a life plan and yet she had one now. She was moving to Seoul to follow her dream, the one she shared with Kibum on the day she saw him for the last time. He did get back to South Korea the year before but she didn't see him because his grandma went to see him in Seoul instead. They spent a week there together and Soo Mi died everyday wondering if he was avoiding her. They did talk a lot through sns, more than they did before so that left her satisfied.

After Kibum left she started saving money to make the dream come true. She started working at a hair salon due to her passion with hairstyling that caught the attention of the lady in charge of it. However Soo Mi barely touched the hair of the clients. She would clean the salon, wash the clients’ hair, swipe the hair away from the floor and do all kinds of errands. It wasn't a dream job and adding with some other part time she did, she arrived home exhausted everyday. However after two years she had enough money to move to Seoul.

As soon as Kibum was back to South Korea - his grandmother went to see his new apartment in Seoul - he started working at a bakery also saving money for his dream. She was now going to meet him there and help him to follow his dream, be by his side like she was all her life, compensate him for that awful year in high school.

Kibum didn't tell her off when she told him what was her plan, on contraire he said she would truly have more chances to be happy if she moved to Seoul. They could always visit the grandparents every month together - she liked that idea - and he would help her settle in.

He was the one who rented an apartment for her and everything was ready for her departure. The only thing left was to break up with her boyfriend. She didn't intend to come back ever again, only if Kibum did come back.

Maybe it wasn't a great plan but there wasn't anything else Soo Mi wanted more than take care of Kibum; than be with him.

 

Kim Kibum

 

Kibum walked down the street his eyes on stores’ windows. Back in Daegu there were never so many stores like that, filled with pastries with beautiful cakes. He could spend a whole afternoon walking around filling his eyes with colorful cakes and his mind with ideas that sometimes he would put in action as soon as he arrived home.

That afternoon was his day off from the bakery he worked at. He wasn't allowed to be creative there and had to follow the recipes given to him but it was ok for now. He was only making money and his time to shine would come, he was sure of it.

Kibum walked slower admiring the small cookies and pastries on the window and then accelerated since the rest of the street only had clothing stores.

However he stepped a few steps away, his eyes on a beautiful yellow sweater that seemed to glitter with the sun.

That was the kind of thing that would make Soo Mi’s eyes shine as brightly as that piece of clothing. In his memory of the day he said goodbye to her she shined as much as it did.

Kibum stood there looking at it imagining Soo Mi wearing and it made him smile.

Pabo! He was a complete pabo thinking about her like that, as if she was his girlfriend, as if he was a pabo in love wanting to buy her a gift, because he wanted very badly.

Next week she will arrive in Seoul, he will be going to pick her up and she already had a room to stay not that far away from his.

It was true that he had a hard time finding one as cheap as that one so close to his place but after living in the house beside hers for years he couldn't dare to let her live far away from him in such a big city. It was Soo Mi after all, his Soo Mi.

If only he wasn’t sharing his apartment with someone else. He shook his head. No it was better that he was. No temptation. He could never live under the same roof as her.

Kibum entered the store and looked around searching for the same sweater that was in the window. He quickly spotted it and walked in the direction of the rack.

There was nothing wrong in giving her a welcome to Seoul gift. It was something normal and he shouldn't feel guilty about it.

He checked the price tag and frowned. It was expensive, too expensive and a small blow to his planned expenses for the week. He ran his hand down the sleeve of the sweater and thought about Soo Mi wearing it. She would look like the sun if he gave her that and it would perfectly fit her free spirit.

“The things I do for you…” he mumbled to himself before he searched for her size.

He took the sweater from the rack and walked to the counter to pay.

Kibum was counting the days to meet her again even though he did his best to avoid her ever since he said goodbye to her before leaving to London.

He did his best to not think about Soo Mi and what they both did together. For a while it seemed to work. He started dating Airi which did go well for four months before both decided to part ways since they didn't develop any feelings for each other. He had a few more relationships that didn't last long after that and the night he shared with Soo Mi still haunted him.

Kibum asked the employee of the store to wrap up the sweater as a gift and then waited to pay. While he waited his eyes wandered around the store. There was a section with feminine underwear and his eyes settled on a simple and yet cute pink lingerie set that was on display on a mannequin. It was the kind of thing Soo Mi would wear also and worse, the kind of thing he wanted to see her wear. Kibum quickly looked away feeling his cheeks very red to the point he wished the lady at the store wouldn't notice.

 

 

Nae Soo Mi

 

 

Soo Mi stepped out from the bus and pulled her bag with her carefully down the street in the direction of the entrance of the bus station. Kibum was probably late and that was why he wasn't there waiting for her.

She wasn't wrong because soon she saw him waving, running in her direction.

He stopped to catch his breath and then smiled at her in such a way that it made her smile.

“Welcome to Seoul.”

She was only there a couple of times for school trips and to catch the plane to London and now she was there to make it her home.

Soo Mi released her bag and wrapped her arms around Kibum’s chest giving him a warm hug. He didn't pull her away, but didn't hug her back so she stepped back looking at him.

Their faces were so close and she noticed how his eyes descended to her lips. The same thought that crossed her mind crossed his for sure. They could kiss. A short kiss wouldn't be the end of the world right?!

Soo Mi parted her lips and it was as if he woke up from a daze and pushed her away from him.

She was going to ask if something was wrong when she heard the heels of a woman hitting the floor before she reached them.

She was breathing hard and brushed a strand of black black hair away from her face.

“Kibum I told you to come earlier. I barely could keep up with you.” She then turned to Soo Mi and smiled warmly at her.

“Oh Hello! I'm so excited to meet you. I’m Hyo Jung.”

She was tall and beautiful and so sophisticated, with a beautiful tailored blue coat and black pants, that Soo Mi felt bad wearing her black hoodie, blue shorts and sneakers. By Hyo Jung’s side she looked like a little girl and yet she was sure they were around the same age.

Soo Mi turned her inquisitive eyes to Kibum and he smiled weakly at her.

“You didn't tell her about me?” Hyo Jung asked pouting her red lips cutely and Soo Mi frowned a little uncomfortable because that was the kind of awkward and forced aegyo Kibum hated the most.

“I didn't have a chance but...Soo Mi, this is my girlfriend, Hyo Jung.”

She knew it even before he said it. She knew it ever since he didn't hug her back or kiss and maybe unconsciously she thought about that possibility, about having to share Kibum with someone else. Even though she hated it she was going to try and accept that woman.

After all she wasn't going to give up on her dream to be beside him just because of that woman!

Even living with a troubled heart she would never leave his side.

And the Seoul days as adults start ~

 

I'm sure the next chapter will have a ....>.<