Jinyoung oppa notebook sitting on the bed where I left it earlier. I need to read his words. They'll comfort me. Hell make this all go away. I sniff, take a deep breath and read. 

DEAR EUNHA, 

       ITS BEEN A HARD DAY. NOT GONNA LIE. IM USUALLY PRETTY UPBEAT, BUT FOR SOME REASON, TODAY IS A DOWN DAY.YOU KNEW SOMETHING WAS WRONG WHEN YO CAME VISIT EARLIER, BUT YOU KNOW HOW I AM. I PRETEND I'M FINE, EVEN IF YOU KNOW I'M NOT. I CAN'T HELP BUT THINK SOMETIMES, WHY DID THIS HAPPEN TO ME? WHY WAS I THE ONE WHO GET SICK? I KNOW EVERYTHING HAPPEN FOR A REASON, BUT IT HARD TO THINK OF WHAT THE REASON IS. 

      I KNOW I'M GOING TO BE OKAY. I'M NOT AFRAID OF DYING. IN FACT, I'M EXCITED FOR THE NEW ADVENTURE. ONE THAT WONT INVOLVE NEEDLES OR CHEMICALS,PAIN AND WEAKNESS. I'LL BE WHOLE AGAIN. MYSELF. ITS KIND OFCYNICAL TO WANT TO DIE, BUT I DON'T HAVE ANYTHIG LEFT TO DO HERE. BESIDE SUFFER. 

     THE ONLY THING IN THIS WORLD I'LL MISS YOU. PLEASE TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF AND MOVE ON WHEN I'M GONR. DON'T STAY IN THE PAST, BUT DONT FORGET ME. 

    LOVE, JINYOUNG

     Tears stream down my cheeks as a familiar image flashes through my mind of Jinyoung oppa hooked up to all those machine. His word ring inside my head. He didn't want to die but was okay with it. Even he was gone there's so much I haven't experienced yet. So many things I want to do. 

  A knock on French door makes me jump. I'm afraid to open it. I'm sure i