Everyone tells me funeral helps with the grieving process, but I think those people are full of craps. If anything, they make you more depressed than you already are

  I stare at my brother casket as we gather around the gravesite. A few inches of snow covers the ground around us and I shiver at the cold breeze butting at my skin. Dad blows his nose and I glance over and see Mom crying into the shoulder of his coat. I'm not sure how she even has tears left. 

   I know I'm supposed to feel something. Anything. Relief that Jinyoung opps is out of pain. Anger that he was taken so early than us. Sadness that I'll never hear his laugh or see his smiling face again. 

   Instead I feel only a hollow emptiness inside my chest.  He took part of me with him.  I can already feel the hole he left behind,waiting for something to fill it.But I know no one can ever take the place of my best brother.

  Mom grabs my arm and give it a squeeze. She hold out a tissue but I don't take it. I haven't cry since the night at the hospital. The night he left us.  I know so much emotion is built up inside of me,looking for a chance to escape,but for some reason I won't let it out.  Something wrong with me. 

  Dad wraps an arm across my waist.  I don't move.  My arms are like weights at my side. Lifeless,like Jinyoung.