Jongin was laying on his bed, a hand over his face to protect him from the harsh sunlight coming from the window. A gentle breeze was flowing inside the room, the curtains dancing at its rhythm and casting soft shadows on the floor. Tiny light spots were scattered all over the ceiling, like a flock of fireflies floating in the space between his dimension and the dream one.

Jongin had been trying to count them for hours, not moving a single muscle even to get food. Chara-san had tried to ask him if there was something wrong but when he had just let out a mere: “I’m fine” she had thought better to leave him alone for some time.

It was just like the game of connect the dots: he had a galaxy of specks he was trying to link in order to find its real shape, but something was missing from the outer frame.

Kyungsoo

Dot number one goes up to number two and then to number three, and three back to one. Numbers are indeed a funny thing.

Finally, Jongin got up from his bed, feeling his sore muscles stretch under the sudden movement, and climbed down the stairs to the kitchen. Chara-san had dozed off in front of the large window, an onion and a little knife in her stained hands. On the stove a little pot was waiting for the other vegetables to create a soup, probably the one his aunt always made when he was not feeling well.

Sheltering his face from the blinding light, he looked at the scenary before him and could not but feel overwhelmed: could something so sad be so serene at the same time? 

He carefully took the knife from her hand, peeled the onion and put it in the water, heating up the stove to make it boil.

Sleepy eyes over the window pane, he looked as the sun melted into the sea in the distance. Clouds morphed into caramel puffs, water into liquid gold, comforting thoughts spinning in his mind. He was somewhere underneath that same sky.

Kyungsoo

He took a light blanket and put it on his aunt’s shoulder, tracing back his steps to the bedroom.

Clothes from the day prior were scattered all over the floor along with notebooks, dance choreographies scribbled upon crumbled sheets of paper, photographs… everything had merged in one giant chaotic mess but he was too much focused elsewhere to pay attention to it.

Mind elevated from the body, Jongin walked aimlessly in circles around his room with nothing really to do.

Dance your problems away; that had always been his solution when feeling stressed. His body was aching for some action, his legs throbbing to leap from the ground, and so he did: carefully placing his bare feet on the free spaces on the floor, he danced with everything he had.

Knotted inside his throat was the feeling he didn’t want to name, the black hole in every person’s heart that wants to be set free and his was menacing to cut his way to the surface. He had always lived with the knowledge of being on the very edge of the ravine, walking on thin ice with his bare skin, but it had always been his body the one threatening to surrender, never his mind, never his fears.

Without music, lulled only by the sound of the night descending, Jongin danced until he couldn’t feel his body anymore, collapsing on the floor with heavy pants and rasps.

Kyungsoo has murdered his best friend.

Chara-san found him on the floor, snoring quietly with his cheek glued to the wooden boards. With a pained smile, she put a blanket on his back and placed the plate full of steaming soup on his bedside table. With all the experience accumulated throughout the years she instantly recognized the symptoms, but she also knew there was no medicine, no cure. The only thing she could do was kiss his nephew goodnight and pray for his happiness like every other night.

-Sweet dreams, Nini-

***

Number two: resignation

It was raining.

Humidity was at its peak, so much that Jongin, who was standing on the front porch, had to wag the dampness out of his hair with a towel. He was looking at the sky, grey and hazy, hands in his pockets, gently tapping with his foot the rhythm of a melody he couldn’t remember the name of.

Everything was unfocused, surrounded by a wet halo. If he extended his hand, he couldn’t see the distance between it and the landscape before him. Was is his thumb bigger or the three smaller? Was he really that far away or had the house up the hill moved from his position?

A thunderbolt broke the sky in shards, lighting up his wet face and his sleepy eyes, but not only that: in front of the house, hidden by a red rain cape, stood a tiny figure. Long black hair, glowing complexion and two lips born to only gift smiles to the world, Soojung waved at him from the distance.

A mute question on . Jongin looked at her with a sigh and ran up to her to open the gate, soaking his clothes and skin with the strangely warm rain. He wanted to let her in, but his body refused to move from the entrance, letting the big water drops to drip down his cheeks, his arms, his legs… once wet one can only let the storm in.

-What do you want?- he asked, his voice cracking midsentence with a cough.

Soojung looked at him with concern flaming in her eyes, but did not voiced her thoughts.

-Aren’t you going to let me in?- she boldly stepped forward, but Jongin didn’t move. She tried again, but he just remained there, a hand on the iron gate and the other shoved in his pocket.

-If you have something to tell me, please hurry up and do so. As you can notice, I’m not feeling very well and I’d rather be sleeping right now- he croaked, not a single trace of malice in his voice. He really was tired: it had been too many sleepless nights since that day and Jongin could feel the drowsiness in his every bone.

Soojung raised her hand toward his cheek but stopped midway, probably sensing that the gesture would have been rejected. Jongin could almost feel the weight of the silence settling between them on his shoulders and honestly, he was at his limit.

-I’m here to apologize. I know what I said was inconsiderate and that I was probably being delusional, but I couldn’t help myself: I had always admired you from afar, so much that, when we really met, my head got for granted that you were going to like me back, just like in fairytales. But it was just that: a fantasy, one that I really regret.- her hands were shaking so hard, her eyes tightly shut to keep inside the tears –I hope you can forget the ugly things I said, I…I didn’t…-

Her words got swallowed by the fat tears rolling down her face. In that moment, Jongin felt like he was finally in the presence of a human: not a goddess, not inside the circle anymore, just a girl crying because of her broken heart.

Never had normality felt so secure.

He lightly patted her head, the now completely wet hair.

-It’s okay-

Kyungsoo was looking at the sea below his feet, tiny droplets leaping from his toes into the void. Funny how it only took one little jump to fall precisely on the sharp rock at the base of the hill. And still, let it be appalling, the storm in front of his eyes was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen.

The puppy was waiting for him right at the house entrance, his little paws glued to the glass surface and his tail wagging happily. Kyungsoo was still searching for the real owner, but nobody seemed be to searching for him, so he had just given up.

“He needs a name” he thought “Something cute, but I guess I’ll have to wait for Jongin to choose”

Yeah, Jongin…

Thinking about people was complicated, just as much as not thinking about them. Kyungsoo knew that humanity had been designed to be unfairly treated, but that was just ridiculous.

A drop of water fell right under his right eye, warm and clear.

Another day, he decided.

He finally stood up, completely soaked from head to toe, and walked to the house, closing the door behind him and accepting the puppy’s welcome home kisses. Hugging the tiny dog to his chest, he began his search for the hairdryer, leaving wet footprints all over the floor. He knew his mother would have him killed for that later, but he had stopped caring a long time ago.

The problem was that there would be a later, one that he was tired of waiting for.

He found the hairdryer in his bedroom, cramped between his desk and the wardrobe, but forcing it out would have meant moving the furniture and he surely wasn’t up for the fight. He let his body fall hard on his mattress, welcoming the icy feeling of being completely wet with no socks. He didn’t even need to open his eyes to know where the frame was, always on his nightstand, so he just blindly reached out for it and hugged it tightly to his chest.

“Welcome back” he would have said.

He would have handed him a towel and made fun of his sloppy hair, setting the kitchen on fire trying to cook a hot soup for him. He would have forced him to take a steaming bath because he could get sick and then would have fed him like a toddler just to see him smile. He would have made him feel damn loved, closing him in one of his famous bear hugs and laugh realizing he’d be left with a wet shirt.

He would have done so many things that where now impossible, because there had been only one Park Chanyeol and miracles don’t happen twice.

So he whispered to an empty room, pretending that someone would hear him, like every other day.

-I’m at home-

Jongin looked at the raven boy, standing right in front of him.

The sun had set long ago, leaving only the descending moon to light up the beach, suffusing everything in its cold white light. The sand under his feet almost looked like glass powder, cutting his skin with every step he took towards Kyungsoo, as if it was a message from the universe.

He had only wanted to take a stroll on the beach this time, alone with his thoughts, but life wasn’t going to get easy for him just now. Kyungsoo was just on the verge of taking out the boat, blue finger over the dark wood, but had stopped mid-motion to look at him, expression full of wonder.

Black feathers were growing out of his back, bloody trails around the shoulder blades. Jongin had wanted his wings, but now that he was seeing Kyungsoo’s ones he was terrified. Was that the price for leaving the circle?

But then again, in the raven boys’ eyes there was nothing but a soft glisten, fading away the ominous aura around his body, and Jongin could just loose himself into them for what felt like hours. There was a secret deeply buried in them, something imprinted like a photograph that had changed everything.

He had him right in front of his eyes, wasn’t that what he had longed for?

Jongin wanted to know, desperately so, but right when he was about to ask, Kyungsoo smiled at him, melting the words on the tip of his tongue.

-Hey-

Another day, Jongin thought, he could wait one more day.

-I was not lying to you, my mother said those exact words: he killed his best friend. She didn’t want to explain more than that, but it was clear that she knew what happened. I didn’t want to pressure her because she looked so sad when she finally talked to me about it, but I think at least you deserve the truth.-

-That maybe what you heard, even if it’s highly improbable, but that doesn’t give you the right to be this cruel to him-

-Well, for starters, he’s very weird; he’s never talk to me even to answer my questions, never even looked at me and then my mother said he was a really bad person so I just… either way I’m just warning you: he’s not who you think he is-

-No one is what we think they are; this is just how humans work Soojung. He’s one of the nicest person I’ve ever met, intelligent and also quite funny. I refuse to believe otherwise-

-…

Do whatever you want Jongin, but I’m not going to just stand here and watch you hurt yourself. Why are you so interested in him anyway?-

-I… I like him. He’s a great friend.-

-A great friend…?-

-Yes-

-You’re a Goddamn liar Kim Jongin-

____________________________________________________________

Merry Christmas guys! Ah~ I hope all of you will be spending these days with your family and loves ones. 

I'll soon go to the mountain so this will be my Christmas gift before I'll loose all access to wi-fi and my computer, but I'll be fine..............*heavy beathing*. 

Anyway, hope you'll enjoy, leave lots of comments 'cause you know I love them and cheers. ^__^