A/N: Bau is how dogs’ bark sounds in Italian. Yeah, it’s funny I know, but I’m keeping it because it’s cuter :). Also, please excuse the ridiculous emotional chapter and listen to some angel's voice from heaven while you read. You'll thank me later. 

The dog was staring at him and Jongin was staring at the dog.

He was about to head down to the beach when he had seen the cutest poodle in the entire existence and he just had to stop. When he had walked up to him, the dog had barked joyfully whined and leaped into his arms; Jongin had taken it as a sign from the universe.

His fur was so fluffy, his ears going up and down in synch with his tail every time he scratched his tummy and he found himself cooing at the little creature.

-Bau bau-

The little dog lowered his head to let him scratch under his ears, leaving wet marks under his little tongue as a reward. It was an exact replica of the three he had at home, but on a lighter shade of brown, and this one clearly was born less than a year before, looking at everything around him like it was the first time seeing it.

-Are you lost little one?- he asked and the dog barked happily in response –I’ll take it as a yes-

Carefully placing his hands below his tummy, Jongin took the little poodle in his arms, nuzzling his nose on its furry head.

His dogs had been his best friends all throughout school and still at this time, the only loyal ones. Every time he entered his house in the city, they would come up to him, almost throwing themselves onto his chest to greet him and receive some cuddles.

This tiny one reminded him of the time he had adopted his own: all three running in circles, one after the other in the garden of the original owner. They were jumping and biting lightly each ether’s ears, having fun like real brothers.

-I can’t afford to have any more dogs in my house so I was thinking about letting you adopt them. Which one would you like to take home?-

Little Jongin shook his head frantically, a huge smile on his face.

-I’ll take all three, sir-

Days had gone since he had last met Kyungsoo, days filled with little escapades with Soojung exploring the town he already knew by heart, but that he didn’t mind to share with the smiley girl. The only difference was that now he wasn’t anxious: he knew he wasn’t being forgotten, that they would meet eventually when the caught the right opportunity.

Well, maybe that day was nearer than Jongin expected.

-It looks like you-

Jongin almost jumped off the path, barely balancing the dog in his arms.

-Kyungsoo!- he screamed, while the puppy barked happily –Why do you always have to scare me like this?-

The raven boy broke into a laugh, the sound of his crystalline voice filling the air like droplets. Jongin almost forgot to breathe for a second, mesmerized as he was by his smile. Even though it was not the first time he was looking at it, he always felt like he was admiring something rare, almost too intimate to be seen.

-I’m sorry, I swear I don’t do it on purpose. I was just taking a walk when I saw you with this really cute puppy and I wanted to say hi-

He stepped forward and lowered his hand onto the dog’s head, petting him lightly. The tiny creature happily snorted and tried to turn around in Jongin’s arm to make him scratch his tummy.

-I’ll say it again: he looks like you-

-Ah- Jongin scoffed –May I disagree: I do not look like a lost puppy-

Kyungsoo chuckled and took the dog in his own arms, lulling him slowly.

-You look exactly like a lost puppy: you wander here and there, looking at the landscape before searching for a place to call home but you lost your way long ago-

His eyes marbled darkened for a moment, lowering his gaze onto the little dog in his arms, a sad smile lingering on his face. Jongin tilted his head to better catch his expression and almost didn’t hear them, those whispered words.

-Just like me-

***

The puppy was happily trying to catch the waves, running back and forth because he didn’t want to get his little paws wet. It was a cloudy day; gray shadows were casted by the lonely trees up the road onto the sand. It was one of those days where you wish to stay under the bed covers and just sleep your time away.

Jongin looked up at the sky, absorbing the little sunlight filtering through the clouds and hoping it wouldn’t rain, because he didn’t have an umbrella. The sea before them was an infinite desert of ashes, the foam glass shards.

One could not but feel small, humanity at the mercy of mother nature. He could become a president or a king but he would still be a speck of dust in the vast galaxy. Meaningless.

-It’s beautiful, isn’t it?- murmured Kyungsoo.

Jongin looked at him and then back at the sea.

-I’d say it’s terrifying-

The puppy, tired of playing with the waves trotted back to Kyungsoo and jumped on his lap, curling into a little fluffy ball. The raven boy curled his lips in a mute coo and moved his slender fingers around his nose for him to catch.

-You know, one of the most famous philosophers, Immanuel Kant, said that sublime is the absolute feeling: the fear of the overwhelming and the peculiar pleasure of seeing that overwhelming dominated. We stand before this sea and we fear it but we also find it extremely beautiful. Isn’t this also a form of sublime?-

Jongin took in his words and just nodded, signing him to continue.

-We can only find completeness in the unconditional feeling of freedom, that’s what he said. One of my old friends loved to recite random things he had learned in class and this is the one that stuck with me the most-

Jongin’s ears perked up: there was something in those words that just screamed “Pay close attention” to him. Kyungsoo was finally revealing something about his past and he was hungry for information.

-This old friend liked philosophy?- he timidly asked.

Kyungsoo nodded, his hair flopping in front of his eyes, concealing his face.

-Yeah, it was one of his elective classes, but he didn’t love it. He liked a little bit of everything: sometimes he recited poems, sometimes physics notions. One never could know what to expect from him-

Jongin had always been very attentive when it came to reading people’s emotions and thoughts, but despite years of practice, Kyungsoo was an unreadable blank canvas. His voice was filled with melancholia and fondness, but there was no trace of that in his eyes and that, Jongin thought, was very unusual.

-You two were close, weren’t you?- he asked, more a statement than a question.

-Well, we…-

But he never got the chance to finish what he wanted to say: Jongin felt something grabbing him by the collar of his shirt and jerked forward with a scream, interrupting Kyungsoo and almost rolling down the sand dune.

Towering him, a smiling Soojung was looking at him with glinting eyes in a flowy pink dress. From below, with her hair his hair pulled up in an elaborate hairstyle and her face brightened by the soft make up, she looked like a sky goddess, but Jongin threw that thought to the side once the memories of their previous encounter crept into his mind.

-Soojung, what are you doing here?- he coughed.

-What do you think I am doing? I was walking home when I saw you and I thought we could hang out for the rest of the day- she lowered her gaze onto Kyungsoo, suddenly darkening –Only if you’re free, I mean-

Jongin could have sworn he was seeing sparks flying in the air between the two.

Kyungsoo had straightened himself up, his muscles tensed and his expression blank, somewhat annoyed. For a split second he opened his mouth, perhaps to say something, but he immediately closed it, pressing his lips together in a thin line. Jongin had never seen him like this; that was a day full of firsts.

Realizing that he still had to answer Soojung’s question, he turned back to her.

-Me and Kyungsoo were actually talking about some stuff and…-

-Don’t be ridiculous- she interrupted him, a stiff expression distorting her face –Kyungsoo-ssi doesn’t talk, does he?-

Kyungsoo looked at her with his big eyes, flaming with what looked like pure hatred, but didn’t say anything. He remained caged in his silent space, miles away from her.

-That’s what I thought. Let’s go Jongin-

She took him by an arm and lifted him by force, dragging him away without another word. Jongin was to shocked to do anything, nor to stop what was happening; he saw at Kyungsoo, who had finally stood up, becoming smaller and smaller as they walked away, the puppy between his legs barking loudly. He was looking at him, two black irises full of what he could only describe as misery.

“Don’t leave me here”

But he’d already had.

He suddenly remembered why he had been pushing people aside all those years: they were inside the magical circle, they were the ones who could afford being cruel and not think about the consequences, the ones who could go on with life even after something tragic happened, the kids who could laugh and run after one another.

He didn’t belong to them, he was outside the circle and had no intention nor means to enter.

But suddenly, another category of people had appeared; a circle is two-dimensional while people have three, depth being the most important one. Kyungsoo was placidly floating above the curved line, on top of their heads. Even if he wanted to stretch his hand out to him, his feet were anchored to the ground and there was no certainty of reaching him.

What sense of freedom was there in being up there? Jongin wanted to know, he too wanted to stretch his wings in the clear sky, above the dense smoke, the hatred, the cruelness.

With an abrupt movement he shook off the girl from his arm and stopped her from walking even further away.

-What are you doing?- he asked.

She huffed at him and tried a tentative smile.

-I was going to show this really cute place to eat where we could go, or we could go shopping in the town’s center or we could…-

-Soojung, I’m asking you what are you doing?- he repeated, this time in a more serious tone.

-I’m not doing anything-

From those words, from the fact that she was avoiding his eyes, from the way she was clutching the hem of her dress it came a realization: in front of him there was not a young woman, there was a little kid. She had probably lived her entire life not only inside the magical circle, but in the center of it, showered with love and kisses, never having to face rejection.

Princess of her own land, she was now scared to deal with the reality of things and lose her crown, but Jongin had no intention of sugarcoating the bullet aimed at her palace.

-Just a minute ago you interrupted me and my friend talking and dragged me here with no reason, you call this doing nothing?- he gulped down the nervousness that kept on building in his throat, forcing his breaths to slow down. –Not only that, but you kissed me without consent and just ran away. Don’t you think you owe me an explanation and Kyungsoo an apology?-

Soojung kept on trying to make herself smaller and smaller, but there was no place to hide. Jongin wanted answers and he wasn’t going home empty-handed.

It had been people like her that had triggered everything from the start, kings and queens looking at him from their pedestals and trying to draw him into their sickening games when all he wanted to do was to look at sea.

-I… I’m sorry. There, are you happy? I wasn’t thinking when I did what I did, I just wanted an opportunity and when I saw a breach I thought It could be my time to act. If I made you uncomfortable I’ll try to go slow from now on-

And there he had it, the reason behind his isolation from humanity.

She wasn’t seeing him, there was no Jongin in front of her in that moment, there was only the “Kim Jongin who loves me because I also do”. It was the distorted image she had created of him so that she couldn’t get hurt, because kids are scared of cuts and bruises but adults are scared of getting torn in the spirit.

Don’t, hush, be quiet.

Talk and they’ll never leave you alone.

Stay silent and they won’t hurt you anymore.

But he wanted his wings.

-Soojung- he murmured, closing the gap between them.

 –Soojung I don’t love you-

***

Once there had been a scientist who had divided rage in two stages.

Number one: the protest.

-Oh, so you want to tell me you only spent your evenings with me because you thought I was an okay person? Who are you kidding, Jongin. I’ve been in love with you since we were kids; we’ve talked about everything, the way we felt, our memories, and you said you like listening to my stories, but suddenly it all means nothing?

Is it because of him? Because of that gloomy little boy who never talks? I’m sure he said all kinds of stuff about me, but you can’t believe him Jongin, you can’t-

The mighty little princess tries to protect her castle form the gunfire, but there is no prince in a shiny armor that will come help her.

-Soojung, Kyungsoo never talked about you, this is just the way I feel. I accepted your feelings but I’m sorry, I’m not going to say I like you back just because you want me to-

The girl’s face was now a dangerous shade of red, her eyebrow furrowed in an expression Jongin could only find pitiful. When reality knocks on your door you can only let her in; if you try and resist, it will brutally tear your walls down.

Jongin knew because he had been tempered by grief and wounds, but for Soojung it was only the first sip.

-Oh, I know exactly how you feel. In case you hadn’t noticed, you’re an open book for me Jongin. I’ve spent years trying to decipher you and I know I can make you happy.-

The dancer was starting to get irritated. An open book? All those chaotic emotions twirling inside of him, the ones he couldn’t even name nor keep under control, were clear to her?

Even he didn’t know what could make him happy. Somehow happiness was one of the big mysteries he couldn’t grasp the answer of and he doubted he ever would. Bliss, joy, love… he had never learnt to recognize those emotions before and was just now starting to, so how could she know?

-Do you really think you know me so well? We never talked up until last week, are you sure you know me for who I am? I think you got me entirely wrong. I’m not you prince charming Soojung, and I don’t want to be it.-

-He is the one that planted this absurd idea in your head, isn’t he? Listen to me Jongin, that boy is not who you think he is. I know things…-

Ugly regret formed on her face, striking her features like a lightning as she bit her tongue to prevent words from spilling out of , but Jongin was now a swollen river. All the bottled up emotions were flowing over the banks, flooding his incandescent spirit.

-You know what, Soojung?-

The young woman looked at him, a heated battle inside her eyes, then opened .

Never in his life Jongin regretted a choice more than that.

Words left her lips and Jongin surely heard them, but their meaning didn’t quite hit until Soojung finally left him alone, her figure disappearing from his view behind the faraway buildings.

And when it did, Jongin collapsed on his knees, rapidly taking his inhaler from his pockets. Two shots in a row were needed to calm his beating heart, but there was no medicine that could reconstruct a broken soul.

-Jongin, Kyungsoo has murdered his best friend-

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

*Coughing her life out* Was it too soon? I wanted to put some content for the plot there before Christmas break so I can focus on my exams a little bit more, but between the digestive process and Kaisoo the latter always wins. (My professor is going to kill me)

I know this is a little bit rushed, but I rewrote this chapter so many times that by now I can quote it word for word so I just decided to post it and let it free from my computer. I promise everything will make sense at the end (Well.... maybe, I am not that good at making sense). I hope you enjoyed it anyway and if you take time to leave some comments, feedback always helps a ton ^__^