For a couple of days, Kyungsoo didn’t show up at the beach. They hadn’t exchanged phone numbers, nor they had given each other appointments, but it seemed like somehow, when Jongin was in need of him or vice versa they would always find themselves there, but this time it didn’t happened. Jongin told himself no to be, but he was worried.

He got out with Soojung again, going with her at the market to shop for groceries. She made him taste the best peaches he had ever eaten and he had listened to her talking about funny stories of her childhood. She surely had a happy life heading up to that day, filled with lots of friends and smiley people.

Jongin found it funny how he could be hanging around with someone inside the magical circle and not be annoyed like all the other times, but it happened. He just had to listen and keep his mouth shut and she did all the bonding work alone. It was a selfish act, really, but he felt he could be a little selfish that time, after everything that had happened.

He looked up the hill every morning, peaking at the windows to see if any of them was open and if somebody was inside, maybe a young someone with dark hair and eyes that looked like stars. But he didn’t get lucky.

How had he become such a holic? He didn’t know. He had gotten so used to push people away that he hadn’t even realized when someone had crept into his personal space, enchanting him with his beautiful heart-shaped smile and his earnest character.

It was a weird warm feeling, but he liked it. His heart felt less heavy in his chest and his lungs were getting better and better, so much he had started noticing how much more he was breathing in between minutes. It was liberating.

A week passed and Kyungsoo was nowhere to be found. At night Jongin could see little lights behind the curtains of his house, but that was the only sign that someone was living there.

With nothing really important to do, he started sleeping in for the most part of his days, going out right before dinner to witness the stars coming out and the rising of the moon, sometimes practicing his dancing routines, sometimes just looking at the sky, sighing.

That morning however, he woke up at the sound of seagulls outside his window. One of them had alighted behind his window pane and was calling for his companion. Jongin looked at the bird and smiled: how he had missed running after them on the shore when he was a kid.

He remembered those days, when everything was just a game and mornings were there for him to have fun with her aunt, just like afternoons were for gardening and dancing and evenings to read books together.

It was a weird time to be awake, at least for him, so he climbed down from his bed and walked towards the kitchen, but some voices stopped him before entering: Chara-san was talking with someone whose voice was very familiar.

-Don’t you think you are exaggerating? - said his aunt in a very tired voice. She must had been talking for quite some time.

-I’m only telling you what my daughter said. He never had talked back when she had greeted him and never smiled, but some nights ago she saw them at the beach and they seemed very close. Now, I don’t know anything about your nephew, but the Do’s son is someone to be avoided-

Jongin’s heart sank in his chest. He had finally recognized the voice: it was Soojung’s mother. Why was she saying those things about Kyungsoo? They hadn’t done anything wrong, he was comforting him like a true friend should do, where was the mistake in that? Millions of questions were spinning in his brain and he had to fight in a cough not to be heard.

-You’ve already said that, but I don’t think there is anything to be discussing about. They became friends and were at the beach together. Where is the problem?- his aunt sounded annoyed, something that Jongin had never heard before.

-That is one strange thing, but it’s not that. Haven’t you heard what everybody is saying? The true reason behind their transfer?-

The true reason

The true reason...

Jongin wanted to know, but not like this.

He barged into the room, not even sparing a glance to Soojung’s mother and took a carton of milk from the fridge. His aunt got up faster than a lightning and excused herself from the other woman.

-Nini, you’re up early. Do you want me to make you breakfast?-

Jongin looked at Chara-san and nodded, faking a half asleep gaze. Mr. Jung got that as a sign to go, so she got up and walked to the door, mouthing a faint and indignant goodbye, slamming the door behind her.

Jongin stared at the chair were the woman was sitting, hiding his mouth behind his hand.

The true reason

“I feel sick”

He was back. He stretched his hands up to the surface but he only sank further away from it. He was drowning in silence, not a word spoken, not a bubble floating.

Water in his mouth, water in his lungs. Everything was suffocating, everything was rotting away like his thoughts.

This time he didn’t let himself fall, he tried to fight back and move, but his body was not his anymore, it belonged to the sea. He was no more Jongin, he was just another creature nature had created and casted away, to then claim like the cruel mother she was.

He wanted to be alive.

He wanted to save himself, but he didn’t know how. He was powerless.

And then a light shone in his darkness, little more than a glimmer, right in front of his face. Squinting his eyes, he realized it was somehow attached to his neck, like a necklace. Darkness draped him like an involucre but from outside came the light of the sun and the little shell was capturing it in a million different shades inside its spirals.

Suddenly it wasn’t freezing anymore, it was warm, almost like a blanket and Jongin woke up in his bed, still clutching his necklace.

He looked at it and found his face mysteriously wet: long tear’s streaks marked now his cheeks, briny and tepid.

He missed him.

Everything was so new to him, the feeling of yearning for someone and the melancholy, and his heart wasn’t prepared. Frail like a newborn, it was trying to readapt in a chest suddenly too big for just one, but none had taught him how.

He looked at the night outside his window and quietly dried his tears.

The day after he woke up in a daze. Things were suddenly out of focus, too distant for him to reach them. He had greeted his aunt and he was sure she had replied something, but the words hadn’t reached him.

Soojung showed up at their house asking if he wanted to go on a stroll with her on the shore, helping her collect the garbage the waves had brought in and he just nodded, not even properly registering her presence. She talked as always about a million things, jumping around from how excited she was when telling about his new discoveries around the town and Jongin lost himself between her words, leaving his mind wander.

He didn’t even realize he wasn’t standing anymore and was now sitting next to Soojung on the stones of the path to the shore. How had he arrived there was a mystery.

-Jongin?-

He finally heard her voice, clear for the first time that day.

-Yes?-

Soojung was looking into the distance, her hair caught up in the light breeze of the day creating a halo around her face, brightening her features. The sun was setting into the water, lighting up her body with a warm orange light, painting her lips red. She was indeed a beautiful girl.

-Have you ever fallen in love?-

Jongin blinked a few times, opened his mouth… and he closed it. Had he ever? If he thought about love, nothing came to his mind. He’d had friends, but they had come and gone, never leaving a trace; he had his parents but he knew his love for them was not like all the other families’. It had to do more with blood than real affection, he felt like he had to love them, so it didn’t count; he had Kyungsoo… but he was a dangerous territory to dive in. Chara-san was the only person in his life he could proudly say he loved, but it was another kind of emotion.

-I don’t think so- he replied at last, not looking at her but feeling her eyes gazing up at him.

-I have one more story for you today Jongin, will you listen to me?-

-I always do-

-There is this girl, she’s the protagonist of our story. She thinks she has fallen in love, she knows that since she was a little kid and was still too shy to talk to him, but she’s afraid, because for once things are going almost too well. Life is cruel and she can’t believe it is finally making her a favor, so she bites back the words she wants to say and just waits. She knows she shouldn’t be doing this, that her time is limited, but she just lacks the courage. What do you think she should do?-

Jongin stared at her in disbelief, a long moment of silence settling between them. What was she...?

All of his thoughts were suddenly interrupted by a pair of thin lips upon his, noses pressed together and eyes closed. Not his though, his eyes were wide open and his mouth remained frozen shut.

Wrong.

Soojung finally got up, her face flushed but a wide smile on it.

Wrong.

-I’ll see you tomorrow-

Wrong.

Wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong  wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong.

Everything felt wrong.

He brushed his mouth with his hands but it was not enough. He tried cleaning it with his sleeve but there was nothing to actually scrape away.

The first cough came like a whisper.

The earth started spinning under his feet. He wanted to get up and run but he didn’t trust his body to do so.

The second cough came like a thunder.

He bended over his stomach, hands on his throat, trying to get some air into his lungs but he only felt them burning more and more.

How could everything be so broken?

Spiraling further down, Jongin felt on the verge of collapsing just like the first time. There would have been red lights again and medical masks, tubes inside his body and blood dripping on the floor. He wasn’t ready for that.

He didn’t want to be ready.

-Jongin?-

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This was meant to be up two days ago, but this girl totally forgot it was Mama day and spent all her evening in front of the computer screen instead of writing. I think I never felt so proud! :)

Talking about the story, I'm not sure I'm giving hints the right way though, I might be doing this mystery story the wrong way (-- -- ;). I'll try to improve in the next chapters ^__^