A/N: I highly recommend listening to Unfamiliar reading this chapter :))

Sunday morning. The sun was shining, its light glowing through the little pearls of dew left on the leaves and the grass; early birds were singing, waking up their chicks and getting ready to spread their wings in search for food; Jongin was still in his bed, wrapped up in his thin covers and snoring soundly.

One could have thought that was a whole lot of noise, but the scenery was calm, everything was actually silent. Moment frozen in time just so that the kid with the bear pajama could sleep a little bit longer. If mother nature truly doesn’t love us humans, then it must have had a soft spot for Jongin only. Maybe because she knew what was about to happen, maybe because she felt sorry.

Or maybe because there just wasn’t a mother nature looking after him, it was how the things were supposed to go. Fate, destiny…. One could always believe, but it is just like the believer sending his prayer to the sky. It’s a one-sided love that you have to believe it’s requited all by yourself, making it one-sided again.

When Jongin opened his eyes he thought it was already lunch time, when in fact it was only nine a.m. He stretched his arms, groaning in the cool air and jumped out of bed with a smile already hanging on his face.

You see, a smile if analyzed it’s only a curve, one that we have learned to trust and love. From the same analysis we can deduce that a frown is also a curve, one not really that different from the first one, and yet it has a completely different meaning. We living beings are one very bizarre category.

The young man made his way to the kitchen with his eyes still puffy from sleep, opening the fridge and taking a carton of milk without even noticing someone was staring at him from behind the table.

“I like your pajama. I have the same kind with penguins all over it”

Jongin almost choked himself with the milk, staring at Kyungsoo with the widest pair of eyes he could stretch. He lightly hit his chest a couple of times to make sure he could open his mouth and then pointed at the raven boy with a mocking angry face.

“The other day you told me you weren’t a ninja. I made you swear it”

Kyungsoo smiled, a tiny glimpse of his sharp teeth sowing between his lips. Another curve.

“What if I lied? Plus, the face you make it’s way too amusing for me to stop” he stood up and went in for a ruffle at Jongin’s hair “It’s the highlight of my day”

The dancer’s heart skipped a beat. It was true that since their first date Kyungsoo had become somewhat more open with him, a little more prone to the touch and easier on the tongue, but that didn’t mean Jongin was ready for all of that.

He lost the use of his mouth every time something unexpected like that happened; how was he going to survive if ever they held hands again? Or if they hugged? Simple answer: he wasn’t. On the other hand, he had never felt so loved in his entire life: for every little problem he had there was a hand stretched towards him ready to help, a kind word to lift him up and a pair of starry eyes beaming at him. If he started thinking about it, a warm feeling would spread in his chest, making him giddy and way too easy on the giggles.

“By the way” he murmured, still lost in the marvel that was Kyungsoo’s face early in the morning “Why are you here? Not that I mind, but…”

“I’m not here to steal the silverware, if that’s what you were thinking” came the reply with a bright chuckle “I was walking Mohohan and it became a sort of habit to pass in front of your house: this morning that rascal picket up your scent and broke into your garden where I met your aunt in the garden and she invited me in. I think she’s gone to the town now, but she made me the sweetest tea in existence”

Jongin’s ears were combusting. Chara-san had met Kyungsoo, and even worse! She had made him her special honey and myrtle tea… That old lady must have been the one to teach Kyungsoo how to master the art of sneakiness. What had they talked about? Had they made a good impression on each other?

They were the two people he cared more about in the world and the thought that they could not get along suddenly terrified him, but watching Kyungsoo content expression as he sipped the tea somewhat calmed him down. It must have gone well, he thought.

He took the chair in front of him and sat down, enjoying the sound of Mohohan in the garden running after the pigeons and rolling in the dirt of the flowers. They would have to bathe him later, but for now it was a heartwarming scene. With enough imagination he could make himself believe this could be him in the future: his loved one sitting in front of him sipping a hot drink while sneaking glance at him and smiling over the rim of the cup, his cute puppy (he was thinking maybe two or three… or ten) playing in the garden and him just taking everything in like it was the most normal of the things.

He would have liked that.

He was so lost in his fantasy that when he finally lowered his gaze and met a pair of bigger ones at half a centimeter from his face he almost yelped backwards.

“Soo?”

The raven boy tilted his head to the side and grinned, pleased by his reaction.

“What were you thinking about?”

Jongin could help but feel the blood rushing to his cheeks, refusing to talk.

“It was nothing”

“I smell a lie”

Without even realizing it, they were both laughing, eyes locked on each other like it was an ordinary antic of them. What to say when your words are jammed in your throat? What to do when your hands won’t move?

Just as Jongin was praying Kyungsoo had some kind of mind reading powers along with the ninja skills, the raven boy stood up, carefully placing the teacup in the sink and offered him a hand.

“Do you want to take a walk? It’s sunny outside”

Jongin blinked twice, turned his head to the window and his mouth opened in an ‘o’ shape. It was indeed sunny outside, so much he could barely see a thing. So sunny it hurt.

He took Kyungsoo’s hand and walked right inside that light. It was warm.

***

The stars were shining bright above their heads, tiny holes in the firmament. Kyungsoo was laying on his back, his head resting on Jongin’s lap and his eyes half closed. The dancer was now sure the angels had trapped an entire galaxy in them.

“Are you tired?” he asked.

Kyungsoo shifter and turned to face Jongin’s stomach, hands under his temple and legs curled up like a little kid.

“I am an insomniac Jongin, I’m always tired. While your body recovers at night mine never does until it collapses”

The dancer lowered his gaze into his neck, tracking the faint blue veins that mapped his skin; it was like a mottled flower. How many nights had he laid motionless in his bed, listening to the sound of his body crashing on the concrete, bones crashing and blood spilling again and again?

How was that a weight humans were supposed to carry?

His hands grazed upon Kyungsoo’s shoulder, hidden under a shirt too big for his body and a skin too thin for his spirit. A delicate soul which had been forced to grow strong.

“I’ll help you rest” he whispered, giving him a light poke on the cheek “I’ll be so boring you won’t have a choice but to fall asleep”

Kyungsoo opened his eyes and hid a chuckle in his hands.

“Oh yeah? Do you really think you’re that good?”

“Try me. I can give you a four hours lecture on Latin’s grammar rules and then we’ll see who’s sleeping. Or I could show the real life movie about the formation of rocks my professor made in high school. The kid next to me had to plug my nose because I was snoring too loud”

Kyungsoo tried to bite back a laugh, but his trembling smile gave in and he had to sit up straight not to choke. Sniggling against the dancer's neck to hide his flushed face, he whispered:

“Don’t you dare get all adorable and funny on me”

Jongin smirked blazingly, narrowing his eyes in two chocolate crescents.

“What if I do?”

***

There is a moment in our life when we see the stars aligning in a sole path and we stop sinking in this infinite vastness to follow it. We can choose a destination; we can choose an aim.

That’s called pivot point.

Chanyeol had told him being born was the first one, falling in love was the second, dying was the third.

When Kyungsoo leaned forward and pressed his lips on Jongin’s, gently cupping his face inside his hands, he knew that was the first step towards his long-lost happiness. His second pivot point.

On the other side, Jongin’s mind went in overdrive, leaving for the first time all his thoughts behind in silence, indulging in the warmth of the kiss. There was no hurry, there was no rush; for once in a lifetime they had all the time they wanted, a happiness endlessly stretching itself over the watch hands.

“A pivot point is when the sorrow of the universe comes to a stop and you are given the ability to choose. Isn’t it wonderful Soo?”

***

Giving voice to the desire rapidly growing in his stomach, Jongin took the raven boy by the nape and kissed the corners of his mouth, slipping his tongue past the soft lips, searching for the words never spoken and those three special ones he desperately wanted to hear. But when they finally parted, slightly out of breath, he knew that wasn’t the moment.

In front of his eyes there was a young man with red swollen lips, messy hair and eyes like supernovae, but looking past that he found a kid locked inside a cage, eyelids closed.

Not being able to stay still he left a light peck on his forehead.

“You” he whispered with the brightest smile he could manage “You are breathtaking” He was dying inside.

And then kissed him again.

And again.

And again.

Mouth curled upon Kyungsoo’s, Jongin realized he really could get used to that.

***

Kyungsoo had been standing in front of his doorstep for several minutes, staring at the handle with vacant eyes before snapping out of it. He had thought he’d lost the concept of torpor, not touching his mattress in months and not closing his eyes for more than the split second of a blink.

“We weren’t made to be born in this world”

Those words he had engraved in his mind, a memento of what he had lost and what was better left in the past, but maybe it was not what Chanyeol had meant; it was not about finding himself a place to belong to, but making what he already had his.

Happiness is such a fragile thing that he had learned to never touch, afraid of breaking it. Taking risks had been Chanyeol’s forte, not his, but as much as he wanted to pretend, he had left him to grow strong alone.

He finally took the door’s handle and entered the house shuffling his steps up to his room. Never touched alcohol in his life, Kyungsoo felt drunk and feverish. Naming it joy would have been a mistake, naming it love a misunderstanding.

They had been there and they had kissed, nothing more. Except that was a lie and now he wanted more. He wanted a reassurance he wasn’t dreaming and that he wasn’t the only half of the coin feeling like gelatin.

High on hormones and memories of Jongin’s lips, Kyungsoo fell on his bed, making the springs of the mattress creak. With a practice gesture, he took the framed pictures from the nightstand and lifted it above his face: it was a photograph of him and Chanyeol all dressed up as Hogwarts’ students waiting for the midnight release of the last book. It had been one of the happiest night of their lives, eating way too many sandwiches and almost falling asleep on the boardwalk.

“Channie, he said I’m breathtaking.” He whispered to the photo, seeking an answer that would never come.

It hadn’t been the singular words, not how they had been combined into that nevertheless beautiful phrase, but the care out in choosing them: the asthmatic Jongin who gets his breath taken away by him, something that he cherished so much as his life depended on it.

In his head siren alarms were going off like a plane raid and he didn’t care. In that moment, he was okay with being vulnerable and bare in front of someone.

It was something he had promised never to do after Chanyeol, because whichever part of him he had placed in his hands, had perished with him that day on the roof. There was only a little Kyungsoo left to share and he didn’t know if Jongin was the best bet, but maybe for once he could risk it.

“Chanyeol, what should I do?”

***

“Conoscerai un grande dolore e nel dolore sarai felice”

“Translation please?”
Chanyeol was laying onto the couch, head on Kyungsoo’s lap and hands tangled in his ivory hair. It was one of those when time doesn’t feel like passing, it just stretches itself like a lazy cat over the evening.

Kyungsoo could almost feel Chanyeol’s parents piercing his skin form the kitchen, judgmental eyes scanning their every action to catch them red-handed, but the tall boy simply continued to smile.

“It means: you’ll know a great sorrow and in that sorrow you’ll be happy. It’s Dostoevsky”

“I deeply apologize for my ignorance, but that didn’t sound like Russian”

Chanyeol grimed and blew a lock of auburn hair away from his eyes.

“It wasn’t, it was Italian. Everything sounds more romantic in a foreign language, but Italian sounds particularly like music when you speak”

“I guess. What does it mean?”

“My quote? I have no idea; I just like to remember things, you are the one who gives them meaning. I store information like a computer but if there’s anything more to those words, it’s beyond my reach. You however, even if you are terrible at studying, are extremely smart”

“Is this the compliment-Kyungsoo day? Do you have to ask me for something?”

“Just listen: without you poems are just stains of ink on a blank page, nothing more. So you tell me Soo, what did that mean?”

Kyungsoo remembered all their days together, each and every detail, but somehow his answer he couldn’t recall.

***

Jongin waited until Kyungsoo was out of sight, disappeared over the beach's outskirts, then raised his hands up to his mouth and collapsed on his knees. Down, down without grace, like a sack of meat.

This is how you take me…?

His limbs were trembling under the pressure, one cough after the other like a waterfall until there was no air to expel from his body anymore. Blood came to his lips and colored the sand crimson and black while he tried to get up and reach the inhaler, but there was no strength left to use.

And the pain. The pain was deafening.

His ears were ringing, his mouth was bleeding, his lungs were dying. And yet he wanted to smile.

This is how you take me.

He closed his eyes and felt the sand mixing with his hair, entering his clothes and his shoes, mixing with the scent of the sea in his nose. He had fallen. But he couldn’t have, he was just about to go home and tell Chara-san about everything, the kisses and the laughs, about how much he was in love and how he was feeling drunk and happy.

Happiness has indeed a price, has it not? But it wasn’t fair.

Am I dying?

I don’t want to.

Idon’twanttoidon’twanttoIdon’twanttoidon’twanttoIdon’twanttoidon’twanttoIdon’twanttoidon’twanttoIdon’twanttoidon’twanttoIdon’twanttoidon’twanttoIdon’twanttoidon’twanttoIdon’twanttoidon’twantto...

I don’t.

I-

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

If you were wondering, yes I am completely biased on my language, not sorry  :))  I'm sorry however for the long pause, I used to write everyday but in these months I'm focusing on my maturity test and it's being a on my writing (TT^TT)

And of course after a long absence I'd write something sad and angsty, of course. Apparently I can't write anything else...

I'm planning to end this story soon (maybe, I'm still deciding on that) so I just want to thank who stuck with this for this long and don't be afraid to leave comments, I love seeing what you think of what I write *Sends a thousand hugs*^__^