It was a like nightmare when the knife landed on Yesung’s abdomen. Kibum could only stare that time because his body froze in shock. It was like as his mind refused to believe that the man stabbed his brother instead of him. Yesung was protecting him from that bastard. Yesung was the one who got hurt. He.. his little brother was bleeding.. He tried to stop the blood but it kept coming out. The blood… so much blood that it made his stomach churned in disgust. He watched his brother’s eyelids fluttered close in slow motion and he didn’t answer as he shook him. It was a scary sight that he thought he would never recover from the shock

The scene is replaying over and over again as he’s waiting in front of the emergency room. The nurses have been offering him to change clothes since his uniform is soaked in blood. Yesung’s blood. He probably will go insane if the scene pops up again in his mind. He is scared if something bad happens to Yesung. He is scared that he doesn’t have a chance to fix his mistake. He can’t believe that he’s been abandoning his brother for five years just because misunderstanding. If only he had more faith in his brother. If only he tried harder to meet him. If only he didn’t avoid him like a coward. If only…..

The emergency room swings open and a nurse walks out in panic. Kibum’s heart is beating so fast. Does something happen? Is it bad or good thing? Why the nurse looks like that?

“Excuse me, what’s your blood type?” The nurse asks in rush.

“I am… I am O… did something happen to m-my brother?”

“Sir, please follow me. Your brother is losing so much blood now and we need extra blood to keep the surgery going. I need to take some of your blood.”

He immediately follows the nurse to the small room. Take it. Take his blood as much as they want, he doesn’t mind. He will give all the blood in his body as long as they can save his brother. Heck, he will give Yesung his soul if possible. He can’t imagine living a life without Yesung, the past five years were a pure torture for him.

He walks out of the room with a wobbly legs and pale face after he gave his blood. The nurse kindly gives him a glass of warm milk and bread. She tells him to eat so he can gain the energy back. How is it possible to eat when his brother is inside the emergency room, struggling to keep alive. He feels so scared and lost as he sits in front of the ER.

“Kibum? Kibumie!”

He looks up just to see his mother is running towards him with teary eyes. His step father is following behind her. Honestly, he doesn’t remember when he called them but he guesses that he did before just to inform that he’s in hospital with Yesung.

“What.. What happened…? W-why your.. your shirt is soaked in blood… are you okay? You said you are with Yesungie.. where.. where is he? Why are you here?”

The questions flow out from his mother’s mouth but Kibum doesn’t know which one to answer first. He doesn’t have enough sanity to explain the mess. He wants to curl and just sleep, hoping when he wakes up later it’s just a dream.

“Yesungie… inside ER… he got… he got stabbed because… because of me.”Kibum mumbles, he feels like his heart clenches in guilt.

The woman looks confused and scared at the same time. Knowing that the son she’s been wanting to meet for years is inside the ER because he got hurt also how could this event happen… she wants to know.

“How.. How… what…”

“It’s all a lie.” Kibum shakily starts. “The man, that bastard Jaeyong lied to us. Dad never got married again. He… he passed away after we left for Japan. Yesung… Yesung was abused by that man for years. And we… we didn’t try harder… why Mom…”

Kibum starts crying as he finished the explanation. His mother is too shocked to say anything. She looks so lost but in seconds she starts sobbing. His step father looks away as his face contorts in shame. They are such a failure as parents. How could they believe a stranger that they never meet so easily? How could they decided to stop finding Yesung?

“It’s my fault. It’s all my fault. I should haven’t believed that man. I am failure as mother. I didn’t know that my son was suffering. I-I…” His mother drops on her knees and crying in guilt. She keeps chanting the words ‘my fault’ until his step father comforts her.

“We are all at fault here. I will put that man into jail for sure. Let’s pray for Yesung now.” The middle aged man his wife’s back gently. He feels guilty the most since all of this wouldn’t happen if they didn’t move to Japan. He couldn’t change anything now so he will just pray for the best.

The conversation gets interrupted when the ER’s door swings open again. This time a doctor with tired looking face comes out. He is still wearing a surgery mask. The family immediately rush towards him with hopeful eyes.

“Is my brother okay?”

“How is my son?”

The doctor shifts his gaze back and forth between the woman and young man. He takes a deep breath to explain.”We managed to stop the blood loss and performed a surgery for the wound. But Yesung-ssi got cardiac arrest twice during the surgery and it might damage his brain. I am sorry to say this but he is in coma right now.”

No one says anything. They just stare at the doctor in disbelief. Kibum thinks the doctor just misdiagnosed his brother for sure. Why is he in coma? They successfully did the surgery, right? So what went wrong? Cardiac arrest? He heard those words before, it  means his brother’s heart stopped two times? What.. why….

“Coma? He is in coma?” Kibum whispers. “When… when is he going to wake up?”

“I am sorry. We aren’t sure when he will wake up. We did our best. For now he will be moved to patient room on third floor. We will do check up everyday to monitor his development. Just pray for the best.”

The doctor nods his head with a sad smile on his face then excuses himself. Kibum is still processing the news while his mother is already sobbing in his father’s arms. It feels so unreal. Yesung was okay this afternoon. They just talked. But now the doctor said that he is in coma? What a joke. He starts laughing and laughing until he can’t breathe. He is sure he is crazy now. The news really destroys the last sanity he has.

Is this a punishment? Is it a revenge from Yesung because they didn’t try harder for him? How can he fix his mistake when Yesung doesn’t even give him a chance for him? So this is what Yesung feels when Kibum keeps avoiding him. Ha, Life is fair because it’s unfair to everyone.

**

Two days have passed but Yesung doesn’t wake up yet. He looks so calm as if he’s just sleeping. Kibum is still waiting patiently for his brother. He stays in hospital just to accompany his brother. He doesn’t go to school. He doesn’t want to go anywhere until Yesung wakes up. He will wait for him no matter how long. Just like when Yesung was waiting for him.

“I will wait for you until you are not busy. I’ve been waiting you for 5 years, so I don’t mind waiting longer.”

He couldn’t help but smile when he remembers how determined Yesung was to talk to him. He’s right, he’s also been waiting for 5 years so of course he doesn’t mind waiting longer. He is still regretting the fact that he avoided Yesung before. It was because he is afraid to get hurt. He thought Yesung was already happy with the new family and forgot him. Every day Kibum is always wondering if Yesung still remembers him. Their last meeting wasn’t happy because his own selfish act. To think that all of this just a big misunderstanding really angers him. He is angry at him self. He is angry at his insecure mind. Yesung promised that he will always love Kibum no matter what but his insecure self always thinks otherwise. He is afraid to get hurt but he doesn’t think about Yesung’s perspective. Heck, he was ignoring Yesung everytime he wanted to talk. He didn’t give his brother a chance to tell his side of story. He was just a coward who play victim. He is supposed to be the older one but he is acting like dumb kid. He is stupid brother. He doesn’t deserve Yesung, really.

He explains everything to his mother and all he got was a slap on his face. His mother is angry because Kibum hides the fact that Yesung went to the same school with him. Kibum thinks he deserves the slap. Yes, he is just a selfish bastard who doesn’t think about others, just think about his insecure self.

“Kibum?”

The familiar voice snaps him out of his thought. He twists his head to the side to see Siwon is standing beside him with sympathetic look. He smiles a little when his eyes meet the concerned eyes of his best friend.

“Hi Siwon.. how are you?”

“That’s supposed to be my question. You don’t look good, man.” Siwon pats Kibum’s shoulder. “You don’t need to worry about the festival preparation. I will take over your duty since I am a capable president of student council.”

Kibum chuckles at his best friend’s words. It seems like Siwon wants to lighten up his mood. It works though. He actually feels bad that he leaves the others to take care of upcoming festival for their school. He is still an active vice president of student council yet he has been skipping school. He doesn’t mind if they fire him. He just wants to stay beside Yesung.

“It’s been a while since I see Yesung.” Siwon shifts his gaze at the young man who looks very calm like he is sleeping on the bed.  “Usually, he will scold me for flirting too much with him. He is fun to tease.”

“Yeah…” Kibum caresses Yesung’s hand gently.

“It’s weird to see him in this condition. He is usually very lively. It’s weird to think about everything he has been through. He is still so young to experience those things.” Tears are falling out of Siwon’s eyes.

Kibum stares at his best friend. It’s first time that he sees his best friend crying.“You must be really close to Yesung.”

“I do? I don’t know. We don’t know each other for long time but I know that Yesung is really nice kid. He cares about people around him. It’s just heartbreaking that bad things happen to such a good kid like him.”

“It’s all my fault. If only I gave hi