Attention : i only put ‘tired and hatred’ in here.
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Let me tell you that......
Receiving love doesn’t mean you have it ,
Covering time doesn’t mean it passes ,
Breathing doesn’t mean you live !!

Iam locking myself in room. i don’t want see the sun, the sky or the stars. I don’t need it ! iam only laying in bed while stare the ceiling. My life to be worse everyday. Its like no tomorrow for me. only me, my gloomy and my boring day.

“eoni... eoni” i heard dahyun knock my door.
I unlocked door lazily, “why?”
“food for you, don’t skip your meals again or your parents will kill me” dahyun handed food for me then she back to her room happily. she doesn’t stop sing ‘knock knock’, the childish song that she feel like it. surely she is falling in love now. she and me live in dorm as our hometown is so far from campus.

I put the food in desk. My heavy breath let it out, i see someone’s photo. I take it.
“STOP SMILE AT ME !!!”  i scream at the photo.
The photo still smile at me, “YAH !! ARE YOU TEASING ME, NOW?? STOP PLAY WITH ME!!”  i throw the photo in the floor. Like my heart, the frame is broken into pieces.

“eoni....” dahyun enter my room.
“she tease me a lot... i hate her” i cry. Dahyun only hug me.

Don’t tell me that....
The sun will rise tomorrow because it will be darker morning than a night with you, 
The ground hardens after rain because it will be a relief that is more frustrating than our worries.
There will springtime again because there is no change for me, the blossom day never come again.

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After a week i live in hell, i walk to campus without propose, direction and dream. In the gate, i see someone smile at me, someone who always smile in my frame. Not only Her smile is medicine but also her smile is poison for me.
“anyeong nayeonie...” she smile. she let me to linked my hand in her arm as usual.
“jungie, how was your days without me?” i asked out of blue.
She laugh, “YAH ! your confident increased twice~ aigoo one week in hometown changed you a lot”
Even she can’t detect my lies (i said back to hometown before), she never try to find me and she never miss me. its so hard to pretend that iam ok with her ignorant.

We are passing ballet room, she stopped after her eyes found beautiful girl “is she...?
“who?”
“nayeonie, she is owner of dog that i found yesterday. Woww. The world isn’t wide at all” she smirk.
She take my hand out from her arm, “please take care my cats after you finish class. wish me luck”
She didn’t give me time to protest. She run to ballet room. she has good conversation with a ballerina. 

As usual, she leave me for another girl. As always, she will ignore me for closer with another girls. She fallin love again, she will break up again, she will held my hand again and she will leave me again. this is our stupid game, you are gamer one and iam the stupid one. 

The evening come, i took some pill as i have allergy toward cats. i give meals for jungyeon’s cats. the cats are eating food silently, like puppy like owner. I smile in split time as jungyeon always serious when eat. 

i see DVD collection and read VOD’s history. Seems jungyeon’s taste never change. I open my phone, seems iam the one who changed a lot. my playlist is filled of jungyeon’s favourite songs. My list note is filled by jungyeon’s favourite movie, hobby and habbit. 

I laugh when i see stack of bill. Jeongi is liking to save karaoke’s bill as we can get free room/discount if we get 10 bill. I still remember clearly that i hate singing before met jungyeon. jungyeon never forced me to sing with her in karaoke but i always want to stay with her. so, i tried to like it. yeah i try to be the person that jungyeon’s ideal type. I try to be person that jungyeon likes but iam not, i can’t and i never can.

The cats sniff in my foot. i put chain in their neck. I bring them to walk around in park. although i don’t too like cats but i started to like them. Wish jungyeon do the same to try love me a bit. I always trust on the time can change a feeling.

I sit in the grass as the cats run surrounding me happily. i take some picture the cats. i want send it to jungyeon but it’s useless. I see jungyeon in other side with a ballerina. They are laughing and smiling each other. 

Jengyeon~ah, is she the girl you’re dreamed of? Well i guess it pointless now. iam not your ideal girl. After forcing myself to act, to love and to show my afttetion, now iam realize that iam not her. iam not even myself anymore and surely i can guees that iam becoming someone